Father's Day Edition
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
Father's Day is June 18th this year. Don't forget to take time for your Father's this year and let them know how special they are.
We wish all the Father's a very Happy Father's Day.
Dave and Barbara
And a female angel nearby said, "What kind of father is that? If You're going to make children so close to the ground, why have You put fathers up so high? He won't be able to shoot marbles without kneeling, tuck a child in bed without bending, or even kiss a child without a lot of stooping."
And God smiled and said, "Yes, but if I make him child-size, whom would children have to look up to?"
And when God made a father's hands, they were large and sinewy.
And the angel shook her head sadly and said, "Do You know what You're doing?" Large hands are clumsy. They can't manage diaper pins, small buttons, rubber bands on ponytails or even remove splinters caused
by baseball bats."
And God smiled and said, "I know, but they're large enough to hold everything a small boy empties from his pockets at the end of a day ... yet small enough to cup a child's face in his hands."
And then God molded long slim legs and broad shoulders.
And the angel nearby had a heart attack. "Boy, this is the end of the week, all right," she clucked, " Do You realize You just made a father without a lap? How is he going to pull a child close to him without the kid falling between his legs?"
And God smiled and said, "A mother needs a lap. A father needs strong shoulders to pull a sled, balance a boy on a bicycle, or hold a sleepy head on the way home from the circus."
God was in the middle of creating two of the largest feet anyone had ever seen when the angel could contain herself no longer. "That's not fair. Do You honestly think those large boats are going to dig out of bed early in the morning when the baby cries? Or walk through a small birthday party without crushing at least three of the guests?"
And God smiled and said. "They'll work. You'll see. They'll support a small child who wants to 'ride a horse to Banbury Cross,' or scare off mice at the summer cabin, or display shoes that will be a challenge to fill."
God worked throughout the night, giving the father few words, but a firm, authoritative voice; eyes that saw everything, but remained calm and tolerant.
Finally, almost as an afterthought, He added tears. Then He turned to the Angel and said, "Now are you satisfied that he can love as much as a mother?"
The angel shuteth up.
Erma Bombeck
1) Letters
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on
The Reply:(to the above)
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Dad
2) One evening a little girl and her parents were sitting around the table eating supper. The little girl said, "Daddy, you're the boss, aren't you?" Her Daddy smiled, pleased, and said yes. The little girl continued "That's because Mummy put you in charge, right?"
3) Today nearly 100 years have elapsed since the first father's Day was celebrated. Fathers of 1900 didn't have it nearly as good as fathers of today; but they did have a few advantages: In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English. Today, fathers pray their children will speak English.
4)"Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity. Think about your father: He doesn't know where anything is. You ask him to do something, he messes it up and your mother sends you: "Go down and see what your father's doing before he blows up the house." He's a genius at work because he doesn't want to do it, and he knows someone will be coming soon to stop him." -- Bill Cosby
5) It is a wise father that knows his own child. - William Shakespeare
6) A company held a contest for kids with the theme: "The nicest thing My Father Ever Did For Me." One kid answered "He married my mother."
7) Did You Know?
There are more collect calls on Father's Day than any other day of the year.
An estimated $1 billion is spent each year in the United States for Father's Day gifts, but Dad is still paying the bill when it comes to telephone calls from the kids.
8) New and Improved
The little girl was sitting in her father's lap as he read her a goodnight story. From time to time, she would take her eye's off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. By and by she was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.
Finally she spoke, "daddy, did God make you?"
"Yes, sweetheart" he answered, "God made me a long time ago."
"Oh she said," then "daddy, did God make me too?"
"Yes, indeed honey" he assured her. "God made you just a little while ago."
"Oh" she said. Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it now isn't he?"
9) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
10) Dadisms
"Youre going to sit there until you eat your dinner. I dont care if you sit there all night."
"Delayed obedience is disobedience. "
"When I say no, I mean no. Why? Because, thats why."
"If you dont stop crying, Ill give you something to cry about."
"Two wrongs do not make a right."
"As long as you tried your hardest, that's all that matters."
"Im spanking you because I love you. This hurts me a lot more than it hurts you."
"If I didn't hear it, you didn't say it! "
"Shape up or ship out."
"Thats so funny? Wipe that smile off your face."
"Well do it the right way. My way."
"Don't ask me, ask your mother."
"This is your last warning. "
"Four things come not back: time past, the spoken word, the sped arrow and a missed opportunity. "
"You'll realize the value of money once you start earning. "
"Son, don't ever get married. And tell that to your kids."
"Enough is enough! "
"Do what I say, not what I do."
"When I was your age.... "
Clean-Hewmor is only as good as the humor YOU contribute. Please take a few moments to send something funny so we can all get a good laugh! -- To unsubscribe, send ANY message to: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org To subscribe, send ANY message to: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org>