Quote from Forum Archives on June 17, 2004, 3:05 pm

Posted by: Bigguyhereagain <Bigguyhereagain@...>

We are dedicating this paper to Father's Day. We want to wish each Father, Grandfather and Step-Father a Happy Father's Day.
Dave and Barbara

 

What Makes A Dad

 

 

God took the strength of a mountain,
The majesty of a tree,
The warmth of a summer sun,
The calm of a quiet sea,
The generous soul of nature,
The comforting arm of night,
The wisdom of the ages,
The power of the eagle's flight,
The joy of a morning in spring,
The faith of a mustard seed,
The patience of eternity,
The depth of a family need,
Then God combined these qualities, When there was nothing more to add, He knew His masterpiece was complete, And so, He called it ... Dad

 

 

Proud Dad

 

 

Ever since I became a father in 1958, I've heard a lot about what fathers are doing wrong and very little about what they are doing right. So, I want to share some light on the matter.

 

Over the last many years, I've learned a lot from  building relationships with different dads. They include working dads, stay-at-home dads, divorced dads, step-dads, dads of children with special needs, and dads from every income level, race, and religion.

 

Despite our differences, we all have one thing in common - a deep desire to be the best fathers we can possibly be for our children. My friendship with these fathers has led me to discover some truths about fatherhood I'd like to share with you, truths that dispel some of the myths many people have about men as fathers:

 

Truth No. 1: There are more good fathers than bad ones. I've classified father in three categories. First, the father who doesn't care, mostly the so-called dead-beat dads. Second, the father who thinks he is a good father, the emotionally distant dad. Lastly, the father who wants to learn how to become a good father. These fathers represent the moral majority and far outnumber the other two.

 

Truth No. 2: Fathers are in touch with their feelings. Most fathers do have heartfelt feelings for their children. They just have a hard time expressing it. When given the chance most fathers will come out of their shell and show their nurturing and tender side. Today, I see more fathers hugging and kissing their children in public. I've also witnessed fathers crying in front of other fathers as well as consoling each other.

 

Truth No. 3: Fathers are more involved in their children's lives, especially during the early years. Today, more fathers are not only attending Lamaze classes, but also expectant dad classes. There has also been an increase in the number of dads who have decided to be the primary care taker for their children. More fathers are also involved in their children's elementary school.

 

Truth No 4: Divorced dads make great fathers. Divorced dads have been unjustly portrayed because of a few dead-beat dads. As one divorced dad said, "When I tell somebody I'm a divorced dad, they automatically assume that I, the father, was responsible for breaking up the family. That I don't want anything to do with my kids. That I don't want to pay child support. And that is not true."

 

Truth No 5: Fathers will accept advice. What fathers don't like is to be talked to or at. The most successful method I've found in getting dads to accept advice has been in round table sessions with other fathers. An interactive forum provides dads with a comfortable setting that creates opportunities for them to learn from each other.

 

Truth No 6: Fathers want to learn how to be better fathers. In my work with expectant parents I have seen an increasing number of new fathers enrolling in Lamaze classes and workshops for expectant dads. They attend these classes and workshops because they want to learn how to become better fathers for their children.

 

Truth No 7: Fathers know best. The most valuable resource fathers have is each other. I've read over 50 books on parenting and fathering, but much of what I've learned about fatherhood did not come from these books, but from other dads.

 

Truth No. 8: Fathers will read books. It's not that men won't read books. It's just that they can't read books that are not made available for them. Walk into any book store and you will find that the parenting section is inundated with books for mothers. And many of the book for fathers aren't visible or have very little shelf life.

 

Truth No. 9: Fathers can be trusted to care for children. Proof of this comes from the stay-at-home dad population. Many of these dads chose to become the stay-at-home parent for the same reasons mothers have - because they love their children. In doing so, they have shown that fathers are just as capable as mothers of nurturing and caring for their children.

 

Truth No. 10: Fathers have great respect for their wives. This is especially true of fathers who have witnessed the births of their children. One father said this about his experience: "I never realized all the emotional and physical challenges my wife had to undertake these past nine months in order to give birth to our child. I don't know if I could have ever done what she did." Another father said, "After the birth I took everything my wife did for granted, until I stayed home for a few days to give her some time off."

 

Just as our forefathers held their truths to be self-evident in the Declaration of Independence, so should we these truths about men as fathers. To do otherwise would do a great injustice to fatherhood - not to mention our children.

 

 

Going For Broke En Route to Soccer Practice
 

Like most dads, I have the opportunity to wear many hats.

 

Chauffeur.

 

Doorman for the cats.

 

Head Dumb Guy when I am asked homework questions such as, "Dad, what is 1.5 divided by .178826?"

 

And, one of my favorite Dad duties: Bathroom Light and Toilet Attendant for our son. (You'll meet our son later. Around the house, and even out in public, we just call him The Boy.)

 

Just the other day, I was unwittingly forced into another common dad position: Chief Executive Officer in Charge of Family Financial Affairs. In my role as CEOCFFA, I was rushed into a purchase without really having any time to give it much thought, or to get a consult -- much less an approval -- from Mrs. P.

 

When the Pre-Purchase Ambush occurred it took me by surprise. The road between our house and the soccer practice field is 1.5 miles long. It takes about 5 minutes to drive from Point A (the warmth and security of our home) to Point B (the searing heat of our second home, the soccer practice field).

 

Nine times out of 10, it is an uneventful, boring journey, but one that must be made several times a week.

 

On this particular afternoon drive, the first practice session of the brand new, just-like-last-year soccer season, one of the kids suddenly piped up from the backseat.

 

"Dad, I need new soccer shoes."

 

"Right now?" I asked. "Why didn't I find out about this sooner?"

 

"I've been telling you about it for six months."

 

"What's wrong with the ones you have?" I asked her.

 

"They're too small."

 

"Oh yeah, why's that?"

 

"Because I have to bend my big toes under to get them in all the way, and I'm getting really bad cramps in the middle of the night."

 

I suppose that being 11, her feet would be prone to grow. I just wish they wouldn't do it on the way to soccer practice.

 

As if a discussion about one pair of growing feet weren't enough, we were suddenly talking about two pair, as our younger daughter chimed in.

 

"Dad, I need new soccer shoes, too."

 

I sighed heavily in the general direction of my daughters so that they might know I wasn't real happy about these sneak-attack tactics.

 

"I suppose you're going to tell me your feet are growing, too?" I said to our 9-year-old. "How dare they!"

 

"No. But there is a hole in one of them."

 

"A hole in your foot? You don't need shoes, you need a doctor."

 

"No dad, there's a hole in one of my soccer shoes."

 

"Don't think of it as a hole, think of it as ventilation."

 

I pulled into the sporting goods store and reached for the checkbook. There was no way I was getting out of this. The girls were mounting a concerted shoe-buying battle against me and I didn't need night-vision glasses to see it coming.

 

"Are you sure you have to have them today?" I asked our younger daughter.

 

"Water comes in through the hole. My sock gets soggy."

 

"When I was your age," I told her, "I used to play football barefoot in the street, running routes around broken Pepsi bottles. We didn't need shoes back then."

 

"But Dad ..."

 

It was the old, "But, Dad" line. The one they use when they're on the verge of getting what they want and they know it.

 

"Fine, fine, fine," I said.

 

Another heavy sigh.

 

It suddenly dawned on me that I had lost another financial battle. They would get their new shoes. But before I forked over the money, the girls were going to have to feel major guilt about it. Between the two of them, we tried on every shoe in the store. We headed to the cash register and I whipped out the checkbook.

 

"Oh, Dad! We're going to use a bigger ball this year, so I need a new ball today, too."

 

Another heavy sigh. And a brief piercing glance -- "The Hairy Eyeball," we call it -- just so my youngest wouldn't dare think of asking for anything else. I glanced at her big sister, giving her the same look. She was holding a new set of shin guards, trying to put them back on the shelf before The Hairy Eyeball descended upon her.

 

"The dog ate my old shin guards and it's illegal to play or practice without shin guards. If I go to practice without these today I'll get sent to the juvenile correction center."

 

"Where'd you learn sarcasm like that?" I shot back.

 

She gave ME The Hairy Eyeball.

 

"Duh!?" she said.

 

Two pairs of shoes, a new ball, new shin guards.

 

"What's the damage?" I asked the sales clerk who would be relieving me of a substantial chunk of change.

 

"Dad, we need new water bottles!" the younger one yelled suddenly.

 

Another heavy sigh. Not from me, but from the salesman who was either apparently anxious to leave on his lunch break or was listening to the same story for probably the 33rd time since he had clocked in two hours earlier.

 

"In the interest of time," I told the salesman, "just give me one of everything."

 

"That'll be $85.63," he said.

 

"$85.63???" I asked.

 

The salesman shook his head to confirm the total.

 

"I've stayed in hotels for less and gotten a lot more out of it -- plus I always get a chocolate candy on my pillow in the morning. I'm giving you $85.63 and I get two pairs of shoes that won't even fit the feet they're being bought for in six months, a new ball that will probably be lost more often than it is kicked around, and a new after-dinner snack for the dog. And people wonder why parenting is so hard these days."

 

"If it makes you feel any better," the salesman said, reaching into his pocket, "I'll throw in this complementary chocolate Tootsie Roll."

 

 

Happy Father's Day
Dave and Barbara

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