A New Twist on Rednecks Wednesday

#1 · August 3, 2005, 2:14 pm

Quote from Forum Archives on August 3, 2005, 2:14 pm
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
"LONG LIVE REDNECKS"

I have enjoyed the redneck jokes for years. It's time to take a reflective look at the core beliefs of a culture that values home, family, country and God. If I had to stand before a dozen terrorists who threaten my life, I'd choose a half dozen or so rednecks to back me up. Tire irons, squirrel guns and grit -- that's what rednecks are made of. I hope I am one o f those. If you feel the same, pass this on to your redneck friends. Ya'll know who ya' are...

       You might be a redneck if: It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, "One nation, under God."

       You might be a redneck if: You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public

places.

       You might be a redneck if: You still say "Christmas" instead of "W inter Festival."

       You might be a redneck if: You bow your head when someone prays.

       You might be a redneck if: You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.

       You might be a redneck if: You treat Viet Nam vets with great respect, and always have.

       You might be a redneck if: You've never burned an American flag.

       You might be a redneck if: You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.

       You might be a redneck if: You respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same.

       You might be a redneck if: You'd give your last dollar to a friend.

       If you got this email from me, it is because I believe that you, like me, have just enough Red Neck in you to have the same beliefs as those talked about in this email. At least I hope so.....

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Redneck Medical Terms"

Benign......................What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria...................Back door to cafeteria.
Barium.....................What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean Section....A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan..................Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize................Made eye contact with her.
Colic.......................A sheep dog.
Coma.......................A punctuation mark.
D&C........................Where Washington is.
Dilate......................To live long.
Enema.....................Not a friend.
Fester.....................Quicker than someone else.
Fibula......................A small lie.
G.I.Series................World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail..................What you hang your coat on.
Impotent.................Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain..............Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff.........A Doctor's cane.
Morbid....................A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates..................Cheaper than day rates.
Node.......................I knew it.
Outpatient.............A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear...............A fatherhood test.
Pelvis......................Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative.......A letter carrier.
Recovery Room......Place to do upholstery.
Rectum..................Damn near killed him.
Secretion...............Hiding something
Seizure...................Roman emperor.
Tablet....................A small table.
Terminal Illness......Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor....................More than one.
Urine.....................Opposite of mine.
Varicose.................Near by/close by.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Mary"

Mary was having a tough day
and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self-pitying. She moaned to her Mom and brother, "Nobody loves me. The
whole world hates me!"

Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked
up at her and passed on this encouraging
word: "That's not true, Mary. Lots of people
don't even know you." And besides God Loves Everyone,so he loves YOU!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara

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Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"LONG LIVE REDNECKS"

I have enjoyed the redneck jokes for years. It's time to take a reflective look at the core beliefs of a culture that values home, family, country and God. If I had to stand before a dozen terrorists who threaten my life, I'd choose a half dozen or so rednecks to back me up. Tire irons, squirrel guns and grit -- that's what rednecks are made of. I hope I am one o f those. If you feel the same, pass this on to your redneck friends. Ya'll know who ya' are...

       You might be a redneck if: It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, "One nation, under God."

       You might be a redneck if: You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public

places.

       You might be a redneck if: You still say "Christmas" instead of "W inter Festival."

       You might be a redneck if: You bow your head when someone prays.

       You might be a redneck if: You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.

       You might be a redneck if: You treat Viet Nam vets with great respect, and always have.

       You might be a redneck if: You've never burned an American flag.

       You might be a redneck if: You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.

       You might be a redneck if: You respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same.

       You might be a redneck if: You'd give your last dollar to a friend.

       If you got this email from me, it is because I believe that you, like me, have just enough Red Neck in you to have the same beliefs as those talked about in this email. At least I hope so.....

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Redneck Medical Terms"

Benign......................What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria...................Back door to cafeteria.
Barium.....................What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean Section....A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan..................Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize................Made eye contact with her.
Colic.......................A sheep dog.
Coma.......................A punctuation mark.
D&C........................Where Washington is.
Dilate......................To live long.
Enema.....................Not a friend.
Fester.....................Quicker than someone else.
Fibula......................A small lie.
G.I.Series................World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail..................What you hang your coat on.
Impotent.................Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain..............Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff.........A Doctor's cane.
Morbid....................A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates..................Cheaper than day rates.
Node.......................I knew it.
Outpatient.............A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear...............A fatherhood test.
Pelvis......................Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative.......A letter carrier.
Recovery Room......Place to do upholstery.
Rectum..................Damn near killed him.
Secretion...............Hiding something
Seizure...................Roman emperor.
Tablet....................A small table.
Terminal Illness......Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor....................More than one.
Urine.....................Opposite of mine.
Varicose.................Near by/close by.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Mary"

Mary was having a tough day
and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self-pitying. She moaned to her Mom and brother, "Nobody loves me. The
whole world hates me!"

Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked
up at her and passed on this encouraging
word: "That's not true, Mary. Lots of people
don't even know you." And besides God Loves Everyone,so he loves YOU!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara

Necessary Legal Information

We do not mail clean-hewmor unsolicited. If you are receiving this newsletter from us it's because you have subscribed to this mailing list. If you receive this newsletter and are not a subscriber then someone, other than us, has forwarded it to you.

Normal Subscribe: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org
Normal Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org

Web Subscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-subscribe@welovegod.org
Web Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-unsubscribe@welovegod.org

Email Group Owner: clean-hewmor-owner@welovegod.org

  Clean-Hewmor is only as good as the humor YOU contribute.  Please take  a few moments to send something funny so we can all get a good laugh!  --  To unsubscribe, send ANY message to: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org  To subscribe, send ANY message to: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org>