To properly evaluate the place of good works in the Christian life, we must understand that grace maintains the value of God’s children apart from any merit of their own; but we must also understand that God uses our obedience to promote our good and His glory. By our accomplishments, God works His holy purposes in our lives, provides us with many temporal blessings and, most of all, fulfills our Spirit-instilled longing to honor God with all our heart, soul, mind, and might (cf. Deut. 6:5; Matt. 22:37). While we must be careful not to define blessing only in terms of material possessions or earthly ease, we must also embrace the promise that God “rewards those who earnestly seek Him” (Heb. 11:6).
Bryan Chapell

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Bathroom Break Tuesday

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#1 · September 19, 2005, 10:47 am

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"Bathroom Break"
 
 
On the first day of school, about mid-morning, the kindergarten
teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers."
 
A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?"
 
 
Silent Descent
 
Teddy came thundering down the stairs, much to his father's annoyance. "Teddy," he called, "how many more times have I got to tell you to come downstairs quietly? Now, go back upstairs and come down like a civilized human being."
 
There was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room. "That's better," said his father, "now in future will you always come down stairs like that."
 
"Suits me," said Teddy. "I slid down the railing."
 
 

      "How to Drive your Wife Crazy"
 
                 
 
      Start asking her questions about cooking,
      cleaning and laundry. Say, "I think its time I
      learn to take care of myself. You know, just
      in case".
 
      Volunteer to cook for her. Make sure it's
      real greasy. Use every pot and pan in the
      house, and be sure you spill and/or drop
      some of everything everywhere.
 
      While brushing your teeth, flick the tooth-
      brush first at the sink and then at the mirror.
 
      Never ask her to get you something from
      the kitchen when she's in the kitchen. Let her
      spend a good 30 minutes in there and when
      she reaches the sofa with a sigh of relief say,
      "Will you PLEASE do me a big favor and get
      me a pop; my feet are just killing me today."
 
      Be sure to load up all your pockets with
      tissues before you drop them in the washing
      basket.
 
      Leave yourself a trail of clothing, towels,
      dishes, and everything else you put your hands
      on. This will ensure you never lose your way.
 
      Wait until she's overwhelmed with work and
      lean in close and say, "Did you see how dusty
      the leaves on your house plants are?"
 
      Put on a TV program and them pretend to
      keep falling asleep. Wake up each time she
      tries to change the channel and say, "Dang , you
      know how much I looked forward to watching
      this. Don't be so selfish."
 
      Wait until she is totally engrossed in a movie
      then tell her something is bugging you and you
      really need to talk about it. Be sure it's as stupid,
      boring, and long winded as you can make it.
 
      Wait until she's finally lost a few pounds on that
      diet. Start having uncontrollable urges for her
      favorite sin foods. When she repeatedly declines,
      stick it in her face anyway and say, "Oh stop it! A
      little bit isn't going to hurt you."
 
      Continue until all weight is regained. Then ask,
      "Hey, you've been on that diet a long time now,
      how much have you lost?"
 
      Keep calling her at work to find out what time
      she plans to get home and what she plans to
      make for dinner. Make sure you're just not in the
      mood for whatever she's making.
 
      When the opportunity arises, be sure to cut
      the grass in your brand new white tennis shoes.
 
      Tell her something for the first time, and act
      shocked that she didn't know about it. Pout
      and exclaim, "And you have the nerve to say I
      never listen to YOU."
 
      When ogling a woman say, "Sure she's
      gorgeous, but remember she's young. I remem-
      ber when you looked good too."
 
      On the odd occasion you actually clean up a
      disgusting mess you made, use the best towels
      in the house.
 
      Wait until the night before you go on vacation
      and say, "Hon, you know the underwear and
      socks you packed for me? Well the elastic is
      shot and I need new ones."
 
      As your stomach grows, just wear your pants
      lower and flop it over the waistband. Then
      brag that unlike your wife, you still wear the
      same size you did when you got married.
      Services are pending.
 
 
Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
 
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