Quote from Forum Archives on July 27, 2005, 8:08 am

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"Be A Cheerful Giver"

 

 

A mother wanted to teach her daughter a moral lesson. She gave the
little girl a quarter and a dollar for church.

 

"Put whichever one you want in the collection plate and keep the other
for yourself," she told the girl.

 

When they were coming out of the church, the mother asked her daughter
which amount she had given.

 

"Well," said the little girl, "I was going to give the dollar, but just
before the collection the man in the pulpit said that we should all be
cheerful givers .
I knew I'd be a lot more cheerful if I gave the quarter, so I did.

 

 

"Going to Heaven?"

 

 

A pastor put together what he thought was a great sermon on heaven.  As
part of the theme, the pastor would occasionally shout, "Do you want to
go to heaven?" After awhile, the worshipers started getting into the
theme and nod their head in agreement.  To punctuate his sermon he would
occasionally shout, "Do you want to go to heaven? The congregation
eventually started responding with a resounding, "yes" in unison.

 

As the sermon continued, the preacher noticed one little old lady near
the front was sitting still and not responding. Several more times he
shouted, "Do you want to go to heaven?" Everyone else responded
excitedly, "yes."

 

After the sermon the preacher thought maybe he should talk to the lady
about her lack of enthusiasm.  As she came by to shake his hand on her
way out the door the preacher said, "I couldn't help but notice you
didn't say 'yes' when I asked everyone if they wanted to go to heaven.
Is there a problem?" The lady said, "No, as excited as you were getting
I was just afraid you were getting a bus load together to go today."

 

 

"New At The Pearly Gates"

 

 

A man arrives at the Pearly Gates and finds that
St. Peter is not there, but a computer terminal is
sitting next to the arch.

 

He walks up to it and sees "Welcome to www.Heaven.com
enter your User ID and Password to continue." He
doesn't have either, but underneath the fields is a small
line reading: "Forgot your ID or Password? Click Here."
So he does.

 

Up pops a screen which reads, "Please enter at least
two of the following, and your password and ID will
be e-mailed to you." The fields include "Name," "Date
of birth," "Date of death," and "Favorite Food."

 

The man enters his name and date of birth, and clicks
"Submit."

 

Up pops another screen which reads, "We are sorry,
we did not find a match in our database. Would you
like to register?" So the man clicks the button marked
"Yes."

 

A long and detailed form appears on the screen, and
the man spends some time filling it out. Then he clicks
the "Submit" button.

 

Now he is faced with a screen reading, "We are sorry,
this service is temporarily unavailable; please try again
later." There is a button marked "Back." He clicks it.

 

A new page appears. It reads, "Welcome to www.Purgatory.com
Please enter your User ID and Password to continue..."

 

 

Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara

 

 

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