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Big Holes Thursday

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#1 · November 10, 2005, 4:56 pm

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"Big Holes"
 
 
Tiger Woods was having a cocktail with Stevie Wonder after having heard
him play at a country club where a golf tournament was in progress.
 
Woods inquired of Wonder, "How is your singing career going?"
Stevie Wonder replied: "Not too bad! How's the golf?"
 
Woods replies: "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but
I think I've got that right now."
 
Stevie Wonder says: "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I
need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time
I play, it seems to be all right.
 
Tiger Woods, incredulous, asks, "You play golf?"
 
Stevie Wonder proudly responds "Oh, yes, I've been playing for years."
 
Tiger says: "But, you're blind. How can you play golf if you're blind?"
 
Wonder replies: "I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway
and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball
towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves
to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball
towards his voice."
 
"But, how do you putt?", asks Tiger.
 
"Well," says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole
and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball
towards his voice."
 
Woods then asks: "What's your handicap?"
Stevie says, "Well, I'm a scratch golfer."
 
Woods, incredulous, remarks to Stevie: "We've got to play a round
sometime."
 
Wonder answers, "Well, most people don't take me seriously, so I only
play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole."
 
Woods thinks about it for a second and says, "OK, that's a bit steep
but I'm game for that, when would you like to play?"
 
Stevie smiles and says,
"Pick any night next week."
 
 
"Religious Objects"
 
 
A teacher asked her students what religious objects they had in their
homes.
 
One boy answered, "We have a picture of a woman with a halo holding a
baby and every day my mother kneels in front of it."
 
The next little boy said, "We have a brass statue of a man seated
with crossed legs and a Chinese face, and every day my parents burn
an incense stick before it."
 
Then a third boy piped up, "In the bathroom we have a flat, square
box with numbers on it. Every day my mother stands on it first thing
in the morning and screams 'OH MY GOD!!!'"
 
 
"Oooops"
 
 
Minister at a funeral service,
"Friends, let us say goodbye to our beloved, departed friend.
 Let us remember that here lies only the shell--the nut has gone!"
 
 
Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
 

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