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BRINGING YOU UP TO DATE IN NICOLE GRACE

#1 · June 24, 2004, 4:12 pm

Quote from Forum Archives on June 24, 2004, 4:12 pm
Posted by: lifeunlimited <lifeunlimited@...>
Dear Friends, Family, and In-Pact Intercessors:

We had intended to include a report on Nicole Grace in our regular monthly "Hope4Kyiv" letter being sent today or tomorrow, but that would have made a far too long letter.

So, we're passing the following encouraging news to you, as well as wonderful comments from others who have written, and also some specific requests.

We've been getting daily reports from Jim and Deanna as well as daily letters from folks like you, reminding us of the astounding reality of having thousands of people around the world praying.

FYI, Jim and Deanna have been so amazed at the letters of encouragement and common experience they have received, that they're keeping everything on file, and also trying to figure out a way to make them available to you and others via the internet. If this does happen, we'll automatically put you on the receiving list. So many people have written from so many places and from so many backgrounds that Jim and Deanna want to share the blessing.

ALSO! We will be adding another special album called "Victorious Heart" to our photo website where you will find new pictures of her, pictures of big brother Michael, big sister JoyLinn, Mon and Dad, AND the dental team who has made such a big hit. We won't have a picture of "Dr. Anya" until next week, but we took pictures today of everyone else. We'll add her picture/s next week.

Current Status:

God has been faithful and gracious to answer the prayers of His people. Nicole Grace continues to improve in amazing ways these past two or three days since our last letter. Her food intake via IV is continuing to increase, her weight is going up by ounces, her breathing is stabilizing, her heart condition is being controlled pretty well, and there is a possibility that she might be transferred to a hospital nearer home within a week or two if she continues gaining ground.

This does NOT preclude that her genetic problems have changed or that she is still not in critical and life-threatening condition ---- she still is. But, wonderful improvements have taken place, and we know they are the direct results of prayer.

Here are some excerpts of letters from Jim and Deanna the past three days:

+ Tuesday night, late in St. Louis: Take time to read Jim's deep insights. This is a profound letter we dare not edit down too much. God certainly speaks in the dark hours. Not much change in Nicole today - seems a little "too quiet" to me today. not very responsive. but still doing well on the new heart medication, still doing okay re: the liver, still "tolerating" MOST of her feedings, and still a LONG way to go - and no idea where we might be going. Actually, it is a very good thing that she is as stable today as yesterday, in light of the change from a stronger "crisis" medication to milder maintenance type meds. Also, her platelets have remained level since her last blood transfusion which was last Friday. She is also having "messy" diapers which, contrary to the nose's opinion, is a very good thing as well.

Dee and I got to hold her again today (there's just nothing better.) Also, Deanna didn't have to use the wheelchair once today - she is getting much stronger each day and is looking forward to being strong enough to take the stairs and get some real exercise instead of riding the elevator.

My family (Mom and Dad and niece Jennifer) came over today - as did a pastor and church member from back home. Thank you again to all of you.

Besides praying for a continued miracle and complete healing for Nicole, please take time to pray for Evan Wells - a 3 ½ week old preemie who is in the bed beside Nicole. Evan was born with a congenital heart problem and is awaiting a heart transplant. They recently started a new medication that either began or enhanced a kidney problem. As a result, his kidneys have stopped functioning and he has not urinated since Sunday evening. They have stopped the medication and will go ahead with
dialysis probably tomorrow in hopes of relieving the fluid and getting his kidneys to regain function. If they do not resume functioning, he will be taken off the transplant waiting list because his chances or survival will be greatly diminished. He is much smaller than the size of babies that usually receive dialysis, so even that is going to be tricky. Anyway, we told his grandparents (parents are students and were in class all day) that we would add him to the prayer list and so we ask that you pray for him as well.

I mentioned to someone recently that I missed being a pastor. I miss ministering to others. I miss preaching. More than one person via e-mail has suggested that I just let it fly right here. So here goes.

If I had been in my home church the Sunday after Nicole was born, we were going to continue a "topical" study we started several weeks ago. In every person's life, there are decisions - big and small - that wind up becoming very significant. Sometimes you see them coming. Who do I marry? Where do I go to school? What am I going to be when I grow up? Other times, they are seemingly insignificant decisions that God chooses to use to make a tremendous difference in your world and often in the
world around you.

I call those decisions "Destiny Points" because they have the potential power to shape the future.

When we ignore God in our decision making, we'll just kind of keep swimming along like most of Christianity in complete oblivion to what God wants, desires, and wants to GIVE. When we know His will and refuse or neglect or deny it, He often must bring judgment.

But when we seek God's heart and will and follow Him, He can use ANY decision to change our destiny. to cause us to break through to our promise. That's why it's so important that each decision be according to His will, because then He can use those decisions - ANY of those decisions - to change the future - to move us into our destiny.

If I'd been in my home church, I'd have preached about the "destiny point" of the woman who approached Jesus in a crowd. (The whole story is in Mark 5:21-43 if you want to read it for yourself.) It's actually a bit of a comical story. Jesus is working His way through a large crowd, on His way to heal a small child. A woman in the crowd, who had suffered for 12 years with bleeding, who had been to every doctor in the land and only gotten worse, decides that if she could just touch the hem of Jesus' clothes, she could be healed. And so, she does just that.

A woman - an UNCLEAN woman - secretly brushed up against the hem of Jesus' robe in the hopes of healing. Jesus stops (and the whole crowd stops with Him) and says, "Who touched Me?" It's a ludicrous question and the disciples tell Him so. Jesus has been jostled by dozens of people and yet something is different about this one. Jesus declares that "Power came from Him." And so, the woman - who was completely healed - fesses up.

A few moments later, to shorten the story too much, Jesus continues on His way to heal the small child, only to find out that she has died. No problem for Jesus; He raises the little girl from the dead. The little girl was also 12 years old. Especially in Mark, when there are "coincidences" like that (the number 12) he is trying to make a point. to tell us something.

It's a great story - but one that has always raised A LOT of questions in my mind. Dozens of people are jostling against Jesus. All of them, more than likely, had needs just as real as the woman's. So, why was only she healed? How did she know she would be healed? What is the connection Mark is making between the sick woman and dead girl?

In answer to one of those questions, I've always believed that the main difference in the woman's life was that she approached Jesus with desperate intention. She wasn't just "jostling against Jesus" the way millions of "Christians" do every day as they rush through a quiet time because they have to do it, or as they go to church because they "should", or as they, in innumerable ways, treat the holy with neglect or nonchalance.

This afternoon, while wandering through the Garden at the hospital, God revealed something else to me. something deceptively simple. The woman's situation and the dead girl's situation were actually the same. In God's vocabulary, there is no such word as "difficult."

In other words, raising the dead is no different, no more "difficult" for God than healing a bleeding woman or creating a brand new sunrise. In Mark, both girls were in desperate, impossible, difficult, shameful, sad, etc. situations. Both had suffered for quite some time. Both were individuals desperate for a touch from Jesus. And then it hit me.

The fact the woman was healed and the dead girl was raised is undeniable and incredible. But . . . neither HAD to happen. Not everyone that "jostled" Jesus felt His touch and His power. Not every dead person was raised from the dead. Not every little girl prayed for by thousands across the world is necessarily going to be healed. But NONE OF IT can happen apart from the touch of Christ.

Deanna and I went to a "Parents Prayer Service" tonight and prayed for those who left requests in the chapel. We prayed for 4 children who had died since the requests had been left. It was a stark reminder that not all prayers are answered in the way we want them to be.

One of the things that others seem most effected by is our refusal to be angry and bitter, to demand an answer. I have to admit that, on a certain level, its quite selfish. It's okay for us to be angry (David expressed his anger plenty of times in the Psalms.) It's okay for us to ask, "Why?" It's okay for us to express every emotion of grief and pain and surprise and dread - and hope and faith and. But, we must not allow the normal, "negative" emotions to deteriorate into bitterness. When we do that, we begin to believe lies about God (He must not love us. He must not be good; a good God wouldn't allow this to happen. He's not being faithful because He's not answering our prayer - the way we want Him to).

If we believe lies about God, we sin, and we drive away the only resource that has what we need at this moment. Nicole cannot be healed apart from the touch of Christ. So, why would I sin by cursing at Him . . . by believing lies about Him? If she dies, WE can not be healed apart from the touch of Christ. Why short-circuit that? Why negate that?

We - and apparently THOUSANDS of you - approach God on a daily basis with "desperate intention" for the life, well-being, and fruitfulness of our Victorious Heart . . . not because we know God will heal (though we certainly hope He will and believe, without a doubt that He can). We approach God with "desperate intention" because His touch is the ONLY thing that can make a difference no matter what the "outcome." His touch is the only thing that will bring us through this "Destiny Point."

Indeed, this is a "Destiny Point" for us. If we respond to the God we have known for decades, to the God whose love can not be questioned, He WILL give us the resources to break through to our promise (whatever that may be.) If we turn our backs on Him, what is left? As I said, on a certain level, it's actually a bit of a selfish choice. However, it's also a choice based on decades of trying - and most often failing - to live by my sign-off (WWJ).

Walk WITH Jesus,

Jim and Deanna

+ Wednesday night in St. Louis: Not really much change today. Nicole remains stable as in the past few days. She is going up on her feedings - all the way to ½ an ounce when we left. The plan was to increase her 5 ml (30 ml = 1 ounce) every other feeding. She is also down on her oxygen via the CPAP. She's currently between 25 and 30% oxygenated through the c-pap. Once she remains stable on 21% which is room air, she'll move to nasal prongs. They are hoping to switch her to that tomorrow or the next day. Once she stays stable on the nasal prongs, they will try to bottle feed her.

We forgot to mention yesterday, that in contrast to last Thursday/Friday when she went into decline and they thought she would not leave the hospital, now they are saying there is a definite possibility that we will be able to bring her home as she continues to improve. It is still not a certainty or guarantee in the physician's book, but the Great Physician has already spoken concerning that. We just have to wait and see what He has said.

Today, they had to give her some more platelets - but other than that there has been no change. Her "conjugated" liver billirubin (something like that. spelled it wrong) counts are still elevated. They are hoping that the more she can feed on breast milk, the lower those counts will drop. This can be fatal as well if not gotten under control, so continue to pray specifically for that as well as for her platelet problem to straighten out.

On a "lighter" note they moved her into a crib-type of bed.

Evan had procedures today to start him on dialysis, in hopes of "jump-starting" his kidneys again. Continue to lift him and his family up in prayer.

With the blessings and okay from his primary nurse, we decided that tomorrow (Thursday) we are going to make a quick trip home to surprise the other kids with a trip to Bonkers. Thursdays are "family day" and we haven't had too much opportunity for that lately. We (especially Mom) miss them a lot, and even though they are coming down on Sunday to spend the night with us, we decided that was too long to wait. Plus, we want them to know that they are special and important enough for us to
make a special trip up to see them. So pray for our safety, etc. while we make that quick trip (and of course we'll miss Nicole tomorrow like we miss the others every other day). Due to the long day, there's a good chance we won't send an update tomorrow unless something significant happens.

We greatly appreciate your letters, cards, e-mails, phone calls, and mostly your prayers. Please do not stop praying for Nicole until God's final word is revealed by her complete healing here on earth or in His presence.

WWJ,

Jim

P.S. We're working on a way for everyone to read the "cross-posts" and replies. We have received e-mail from all over the world that is incredibly encouraging and wonderful. And since so many seem blessed by what's going on, we thought we would give the opportunity for those who wish to read as much as they wish. We'll let you know the details soon.

+ Thursday 9:00 am in St. Louis: Big day ahead... Deanna and I are headed home to "visit" the other kids.

Meanwhile, they will be trying Nicole for a 3 hour period on the smaller nasal prongs today. They are also removing all of her IV lines. AND... the "main" doctor (or at least the one we talk with most often) indicated that if she continues the steady improvement, we COULD transfer her to hospital closer to home as soon as next week!

FORWARD this to others along the chain as I am writing from the hospital's computers and only remember a few e-mail addresses.

Please pray that she continue to improve... that her billi counts (liver) continue ot fall... that her platelets remain up... that she continue to tolerate her feedings (she's moving up to 30 ml today) that she "tolerate" the nasal prongs... that she no need any further medicine via IV... and, perhaps, most importantly, that she not develop an infection (a significant risk when removing IV lines that have been in as long as hers...)

Specific Prayer Requests:

+ That Jim and Deanna will have safe travels today as they go home to visit with Michael and JoyLinn and take them to "BONKERS" (not Drive them Bonkers!) and then back to St. Louis.

+ That the belli rubin count continues dropping and the platelets in her blood stay up.

+ That her body will increase its acceptance of Deanna's milk as it's given via IV, and that her weight will increase. That she will soon be able to bottle feed and then breast feed.

+ That her liver condition will continue to improve, and that her heart defects will completely heal (the valves will take normal shape and function properly, and the holes between chambers will completely fill in.

+ That all traces of Mosaic Trisomy 18 will be removed from her body; that God will supernaturally reveal Himself to all involved by removing the third 18th Chromosome from every cell in her body (no human being can do that; this has to be a God thing). We don't know if it's ever been done before, but God can surely do it. Why not ask for the impossible???

+ That the evidence of her improvements will be so overwhelming that all who attend her will have to give glory to God, and that all will come to know Christ as personal Savior, Redeemer, and Healer.

+ That the overwhelming prayer covering will continue from around the world.

+ That God will keep us asking for the ultimate with child-like faith. That we will be courageous enough to ask for impossible things (from man's viewpoint) even when logic and reason deny them.

+ That Jim's and Deanna's financial needs will be fully covered.

+ That friends and family who can will continue calling, writing, and visiting, bringing them support and encouragement. That Jim's church will serve them faithfully, and will grow deeper in Christ, and will increasingly become a church that reaches out to the hurting and needy from hearts that have been broken and molded from this experience.

+ For us that God will continue sustaining us, revealing His purposes and timing in all of this. That He will continue using this experience through our lives here to impact the people around us. Our security ladies at our apartment building, the "babushka's" from whom we buy fruits and vegetables, our colleagues, our church, . . . that Nicole's story and also our testimony and demeanor of faith will bear witness to an ever-faithful God, an all-compassionate Christ, and ever-true promises of God's Word.

More Comments from folks like you:

Thank you for your prayer support. Now, if you have time, . . . .

Here are some recent letters we've received that have been great encouragement to our family. Jim and Deanna have received many more. It's important that you understand just how incredibly special these notes are. For those who are able to identify through your own life's experiences, we are especially grateful that you are willing to share your own journeys . . . such as these below.

-----------------------

+ This Very Special letter is from Ben, a young man from one of Bob's former pastorates, and also a fellow university student with Deanna: Don't be surprised at this email as I know you have probably heard from many these past weeks. Actually it is difficult to write in this manner as I have been personally in the same boat as Deanna and her husband.

Kayla and I were married for nine years when we had our third child - a daughter. There was 6 years between our two boys and only a year between our youngest son and our new daughter. . . From the beginning she had unnatural colic and was soon on heavy doses of medicine for severe reflux. After a few months, we noticed her motor skills were not normal and seemed to not develop. This began a long period of fighting with a triangle of doctors and insurance and the church. To be short, our daughter had both a severe, yet correctable gastric problem and also a severe brain disorder, unnoticed until further testing was performed. We watched for 8 months as she (Kaylan Noelle) got worse until the day she passed at 11 and 1/2 months old.

I wish I could say that the Lord was there for us at the time but in truth, the church left us empty and without our needs met. We were alone when we gave Kaylan to the surgeon with the church 30 minutes away. It was hard not to equate God with his church at that time. It was then that I left the ministry and pretty much gave up on the Lord as well and replaced him with anger and bitterness.

It will have been 7 years this November since she passed, and I have learned many beautiful, yet painful truths. God is good all the time. He has proved that time and time over and again. He repaired the ache of our hearts and allow us to minister to those who struggle with faith in the dark hours. The Lord has also given us a tremendous passion for the life that we have and for those whose lives he has entrusted us with.

I also know that he cares for the child whom he has taken home. I have also learned that my faith was miniscule to that where he desired me to be. It is not the work itself but rather the process of this life that pleases God. Our hearts are glad that we were blessed with our daughter and she continues to bless us as we share that God's grace is sufficient in every hour - that He hears our heart's cry and ministers to us. He turns sorrow into joy as we can stand along side of those in trials with a new and deeper perspective. Even the sound of a baby crying is musical to me now.

The most difficult thing, however, is that my understanding cannot comprehend the ways of the Lord, but faith alone can take me beyond my situation to a place where God's heart is known. I trust him. He cares for us in ways I never knew.

The years were tough on our marriage as we tried to handle it all in our own strength. It almost ruined us. Yet again, God has more than restored us. He reestablished us in a deeper, more real way that only God can do. The scripture admonition of Proverbs 3 to "trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding..." has become a daily journey in his Grace, mercy and enduring love.

We are praying for Nicole as well as all of you also. May God supply the needs of your heart. May the Lord of Peace comfort you. May he draw the broken hearts into his presence. Hold fast to the truth that the enemies of God will seek to weaken and destroy and place in question. O, Lord, reach from heaven and touch your people.

The Lord, he is good and his mercy endures forever.

Our prayers are with you,

Ben (and Kayla)

---------------------

+ This letter is from a businessman/missionary who makes frequent trips to Ukraine. It was during one of those trips that we met and have become good friends.

Brother Bob,

I have been watching and carefully praying for your situation with your granddaughter Nicole Grace. I have a group on www.baptistboard.com praying for Nicole.

Debbie and I had two premees, one three weeks early with jaundice issues and one six weeks early with Highland membrane issues. We understand what is being experienced by your children. One point in your favor ... premee boys are weaker than girls. Nicole will have a better chance simply because she is a little gal.

Please continue to know our prayerful support.

Yours In Christ's Service,

Bob . . .

-------------------------------

+ This letter is from a "Shoulder To Shoulder" subscriber and some good friends who are music evangelists. If anyone can identify with Jim and Deanna, this family can. They have three great kids, the youngest of which is Preston. She is writing in response to last week's "Shoulder To Shoulder" letter on learning to ask, no matter what. "We have not because we ask not."

Thanks - I needed to hear about "asking" again. Appreciate the great
reminder!

We continue to pray for you all and Nicole. I remember Greg telling me about the first night Preston was in NICU. I, like Deanna, had a C-section in Kirksville and Preston was flown to Columbia. So - I was alone while Greg went to Columbia - like Jim. Greg told me that at one time, there were 7 doctors around Preston. He was told he could stay as long as he could stand it. He told me that all he could pray was "Lord, I believe, help my unbelief." Preston was a full-term baby.

. . . Shortly after Preston was born - he started to "grunt" and the nursery RN alerted the doctors about it - come to find out that grunting is a sign of distress. What had happened was what they call Persistent Fetal Circulation Syndrome. When a baby is born, a valve to the lungs is closed so they can breathe air instead of fluid. His valve didn't shut and he had fluid in his lungs and was getting pneumonia on top of it. We almost lost him before the helicopter came.

Well - the doctors finally put him on a jet ventilator - gave him 400 breathes a minute - he was on that for 6 days. The last resort was a heart/lung machine - and he probably wouldn't have made it. Like Nicole, he was sedated so he wouldn't fight the ventilator or the IV's. The only part of him we could touch was his behind. We couldn't pat him or touch other places - just hold our hand on his behind. The nurses told us that if we touched him and patted him - he would want to respond, but couldn't and he would go into distress.

We finally got to hold Preston when he was 10 days old. I nursed him for the first time when he was 11 days old. . . .

Like you - we had thousands of people praying - and God heard their cry. God in His sovereignty spared Preston and healed him. He suffers from no complication. It is hard to understand the sovereignty of God sometimes - why He spares one child, yet takes another. I grapple with that alot.

The night Preston improved significantly he was under the care of Linda . . . - his night nurse. Linda is a Christian - and the next morning when Greg went to check on Pres - she told him how much he had improved and then explained that when she comes on duty, she prays over each baby in her care - and Preston was the ONLY one in her care that night. WOW. I still get teary-eyed just thinking about it.

. . . I don't know if any of this helps - but like you said - we have to ask - it is part of who God made us to be.

We are praying for you - and waiting on God. What a huge impact you and your family are having on many, many people. We are praying for God to get the glory and for lives to be changed through this whole thing.

Give Jim and Deanna our love and let them know we are praying.

Jamie

----------------------------

Bob Tolliver
IBC - Hope4Kyiv
lifeunlimited@pobox.com
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Posted by: lifeunlimited <lifeunlimited@...>

Dear Friends, Family, and In-Pact Intercessors:

We had intended to include a report on Nicole Grace in our regular monthly "Hope4Kyiv" letter being sent today or tomorrow, but that would have made a far too long letter.

So, we're passing the following encouraging news to you, as well as wonderful comments from others who have written, and also some specific requests.

We've been getting daily reports from Jim and Deanna as well as daily letters from folks like you, reminding us of the astounding reality of having thousands of people around the world praying.

FYI, Jim and Deanna have been so amazed at the letters of encouragement and common experience they have received, that they're keeping everything on file, and also trying to figure out a way to make them available to you and others via the internet. If this does happen, we'll automatically put you on the receiving list. So many people have written from so many places and from so many backgrounds that Jim and Deanna want to share the blessing.

ALSO! We will be adding another special album called "Victorious Heart" to our photo website where you will find new pictures of her, pictures of big brother Michael, big sister JoyLinn, Mon and Dad, AND the dental team who has made such a big hit. We won't have a picture of "Dr. Anya" until next week, but we took pictures today of everyone else. We'll add her picture/s next week.

Current Status:

God has been faithful and gracious to answer the prayers of His people. Nicole Grace continues to improve in amazing ways these past two or three days since our last letter. Her food intake via IV is continuing to increase, her weight is going up by ounces, her breathing is stabilizing, her heart condition is being controlled pretty well, and there is a possibility that she might be transferred to a hospital nearer home within a week or two if she continues gaining ground.

This does NOT preclude that her genetic problems have changed or that she is still not in critical and life-threatening condition ---- she still is. But, wonderful improvements have taken place, and we know they are the direct results of prayer.

Here are some excerpts of letters from Jim and Deanna the past three days:

+ Tuesday night, late in St. Louis: Take time to read Jim's deep insights. This is a profound letter we dare not edit down too much. God certainly speaks in the dark hours. Not much change in Nicole today - seems a little "too quiet" to me today. not very responsive. but still doing well on the new heart medication, still doing okay re: the liver, still "tolerating" MOST of her feedings, and still a LONG way to go - and no idea where we might be going. Actually, it is a very good thing that she is as stable today as yesterday, in light of the change from a stronger "crisis" medication to milder maintenance type meds. Also, her platelets have remained level since her last blood transfusion which was last Friday. She is also having "messy" diapers which, contrary to the nose's opinion, is a very good thing as well.

Dee and I got to hold her again today (there's just nothing better.) Also, Deanna didn't have to use the wheelchair once today - she is getting much stronger each day and is looking forward to being strong enough to take the stairs and get some real exercise instead of riding the elevator.

My family (Mom and Dad and niece Jennifer) came over today - as did a pastor and church member from back home. Thank you again to all of you.

Besides praying for a continued miracle and complete healing for Nicole, please take time to pray for Evan Wells - a 3 ½ week old preemie who is in the bed beside Nicole. Evan was born with a congenital heart problem and is awaiting a heart transplant. They recently started a new medication that either began or enhanced a kidney problem. As a result, his kidneys have stopped functioning and he has not urinated since Sunday evening. They have stopped the medication and will go ahead with
dialysis probably tomorrow in hopes of relieving the fluid and getting his kidneys to regain function. If they do not resume functioning, he will be taken off the transplant waiting list because his chances or survival will be greatly diminished. He is much smaller than the size of babies that usually receive dialysis, so even that is going to be tricky. Anyway, we told his grandparents (parents are students and were in class all day) that we would add him to the prayer list and so we ask that you pray for him as well.

I mentioned to someone recently that I missed being a pastor. I miss ministering to others. I miss preaching. More than one person via e-mail has suggested that I just let it fly right here. So here goes.

If I had been in my home church the Sunday after Nicole was born, we were going to continue a "topical" study we started several weeks ago. In every person's life, there are decisions - big and small - that wind up becoming very significant. Sometimes you see them coming. Who do I marry? Where do I go to school? What am I going to be when I grow up? Other times, they are seemingly insignificant decisions that God chooses to use to make a tremendous difference in your world and often in the
world around you.

I call those decisions "Destiny Points" because they have the potential power to shape the future.

When we ignore God in our decision making, we'll just kind of keep swimming along like most of Christianity in complete oblivion to what God wants, desires, and wants to GIVE. When we know His will and refuse or neglect or deny it, He often must bring judgment.

But when we seek God's heart and will and follow Him, He can use ANY decision to change our destiny. to cause us to break through to our promise. That's why it's so important that each decision be according to His will, because then He can use those decisions - ANY of those decisions - to change the future - to move us into our destiny.

If I'd been in my home church, I'd have preached about the "destiny point" of the woman who approached Jesus in a crowd. (The whole story is in Mark 5:21-43 if you want to read it for yourself.) It's actually a bit of a comical story. Jesus is working His way through a large crowd, on His way to heal a small child. A woman in the crowd, who had suffered for 12 years with bleeding, who had been to every doctor in the land and only gotten worse, decides that if she could just touch the hem of Jesus' clothes, she could be healed. And so, she does just that.

A woman - an UNCLEAN woman - secretly brushed up against the hem of Jesus' robe in the hopes of healing. Jesus stops (and the whole crowd stops with Him) and says, "Who touched Me?" It's a ludicrous question and the disciples tell Him so. Jesus has been jostled by dozens of people and yet something is different about this one. Jesus declares that "Power came from Him." And so, the woman - who was completely healed - fesses up.

A few moments later, to shorten the story too much, Jesus continues on His way to heal the small child, only to find out that she has died. No problem for Jesus; He raises the little girl from the dead. The little girl was also 12 years old. Especially in Mark, when there are "coincidences" like that (the number 12) he is trying to make a point. to tell us something.

It's a great story - but one that has always raised A LOT of questions in my mind. Dozens of people are jostling against Jesus. All of them, more than likely, had needs just as real as the woman's. So, why was only she healed? How did she know she would be healed? What is the connection Mark is making between the sick woman and dead girl?

In answer to one of those questions, I've always believed that the main difference in the woman's life was that she approached Jesus with desperate intention. She wasn't just "jostling against Jesus" the way millions of "Christians" do every day as they rush through a quiet time because they have to do it, or as they go to church because they "should", or as they, in innumerable ways, treat the holy with neglect or nonchalance.

This afternoon, while wandering through the Garden at the hospital, God revealed something else to me. something deceptively simple. The woman's situation and the dead girl's situation were actually the same. In God's vocabulary, there is no such word as "difficult."

In other words, raising the dead is no different, no more "difficult" for God than healing a bleeding woman or creating a brand new sunrise. In Mark, both girls were in desperate, impossible, difficult, shameful, sad, etc. situations. Both had suffered for quite some time. Both were individuals desperate for a touch from Jesus. And then it hit me.

The fact the woman was healed and the dead girl was raised is undeniable and incredible. But . . . neither HAD to happen. Not everyone that "jostled" Jesus felt His touch and His power. Not every dead person was raised from the dead. Not every little girl prayed for by thousands across the world is necessarily going to be healed. But NONE OF IT can happen apart from the touch of Christ.

Deanna and I went to a "Parents Prayer Service" tonight and prayed for those who left requests in the chapel. We prayed for 4 children who had died since the requests had been left. It was a stark reminder that not all prayers are answered in the way we want them to be.

One of the things that others seem most effected by is our refusal to be angry and bitter, to demand an answer. I have to admit that, on a certain level, its quite selfish. It's okay for us to be angry (David expressed his anger plenty of times in the Psalms.) It's okay for us to ask, "Why?" It's okay for us to express every emotion of grief and pain and surprise and dread - and hope and faith and. But, we must not allow the normal, "negative" emotions to deteriorate into bitterness. When we do that, we begin to believe lies about God (He must not love us. He must not be good; a good God wouldn't allow this to happen. He's not being faithful because He's not answering our prayer - the way we want Him to).

If we believe lies about God, we sin, and we drive away the only resource that has what we need at this moment. Nicole cannot be healed apart from the touch of Christ. So, why would I sin by cursing at Him . . . by believing lies about Him? If she dies, WE can not be healed apart from the touch of Christ. Why short-circuit that? Why negate that?

We - and apparently THOUSANDS of you - approach God on a daily basis with "desperate intention" for the life, well-being, and fruitfulness of our Victorious Heart . . . not because we know God will heal (though we certainly hope He will and believe, without a doubt that He can). We approach God with "desperate intention" because His touch is the ONLY thing that can make a difference no matter what the "outcome." His touch is the only thing that will bring us through this "Destiny Point."

Indeed, this is a "Destiny Point" for us. If we respond to the God we have known for decades, to the God whose love can not be questioned, He WILL give us the resources to break through to our promise (whatever that may be.) If we turn our backs on Him, what is left? As I said, on a certain level, it's actually a bit of a selfish choice. However, it's also a choice based on decades of trying - and most often failing - to live by my sign-off (WWJ).

Walk WITH Jesus,

Jim and Deanna

+ Wednesday night in St. Louis: Not really much change today. Nicole remains stable as in the past few days. She is going up on her feedings - all the way to ½ an ounce when we left. The plan was to increase her 5 ml (30 ml = 1 ounce) every other feeding. She is also down on her oxygen via the CPAP. She's currently between 25 and 30% oxygenated through the c-pap. Once she remains stable on 21% which is room air, she'll move to nasal prongs. They are hoping to switch her to that tomorrow or the next day. Once she stays stable on the nasal prongs, they will try to bottle feed her.

We forgot to mention yesterday, that in contrast to last Thursday/Friday when she went into decline and they thought she would not leave the hospital, now they are saying there is a definite possibility that we will be able to bring her home as she continues to improve. It is still not a certainty or guarantee in the physician's book, but the Great Physician has already spoken concerning that. We just have to wait and see what He has said.

Today, they had to give her some more platelets - but other than that there has been no change. Her "conjugated" liver billirubin (something like that. spelled it wrong) counts are still elevated. They are hoping that the more she can feed on breast milk, the lower those counts will drop. This can be fatal as well if not gotten under control, so continue to pray specifically for that as well as for her platelet problem to straighten out.

On a "lighter" note they moved her into a crib-type of bed.

Evan had procedures today to start him on dialysis, in hopes of "jump-starting" his kidneys again. Continue to lift him and his family up in prayer.

With the blessings and okay from his primary nurse, we decided that tomorrow (Thursday) we are going to make a quick trip home to surprise the other kids with a trip to Bonkers. Thursdays are "family day" and we haven't had too much opportunity for that lately. We (especially Mom) miss them a lot, and even though they are coming down on Sunday to spend the night with us, we decided that was too long to wait. Plus, we want them to know that they are special and important enough for us to
make a special trip up to see them. So pray for our safety, etc. while we make that quick trip (and of course we'll miss Nicole tomorrow like we miss the others every other day). Due to the long day, there's a good chance we won't send an update tomorrow unless something significant happens.

We greatly appreciate your letters, cards, e-mails, phone calls, and mostly your prayers. Please do not stop praying for Nicole until God's final word is revealed by her complete healing here on earth or in His presence.

WWJ,

Jim

P.S. We're working on a way for everyone to read the "cross-posts" and replies. We have received e-mail from all over the world that is incredibly encouraging and wonderful. And since so many seem blessed by what's going on, we thought we would give the opportunity for those who wish to read as much as they wish. We'll let you know the details soon.

+ Thursday 9:00 am in St. Louis: Big day ahead... Deanna and I are headed home to "visit" the other kids.

Meanwhile, they will be trying Nicole for a 3 hour period on the smaller nasal prongs today. They are also removing all of her IV lines. AND... the "main" doctor (or at least the one we talk with most often) indicated that if she continues the steady improvement, we COULD transfer her to hospital closer to home as soon as next week!

FORWARD this to others along the chain as I am writing from the hospital's computers and only remember a few e-mail addresses.

Please pray that she continue to improve... that her billi counts (liver) continue ot fall... that her platelets remain up... that she continue to tolerate her feedings (she's moving up to 30 ml today) that she "tolerate" the nasal prongs... that she no need any further medicine via IV... and, perhaps, most importantly, that she not develop an infection (a significant risk when removing IV lines that have been in as long as hers...)

Specific Prayer Requests:

+ That Jim and Deanna will have safe travels today as they go home to visit with Michael and JoyLinn and take them to "BONKERS" (not Drive them Bonkers!) and then back to St. Louis.

+ That the belli rubin count continues dropping and the platelets in her blood stay up.

+ That her body will increase its acceptance of Deanna's milk as it's given via IV, and that her weight will increase. That she will soon be able to bottle feed and then breast feed.

+ That her liver condition will continue to improve, and that her heart defects will completely heal (the valves will take normal shape and function properly, and the holes between chambers will completely fill in.

+ That all traces of Mosaic Trisomy 18 will be removed from her body; that God will supernaturally reveal Himself to all involved by removing the third 18th Chromosome from every cell in her body (no human being can do that; this has to be a God thing). We don't know if it's ever been done before, but God can surely do it. Why not ask for the impossible???

+ That the evidence of her improvements will be so overwhelming that all who attend her will have to give glory to God, and that all will come to know Christ as personal Savior, Redeemer, and Healer.

+ That the overwhelming prayer covering will continue from around the world.

+ That God will keep us asking for the ultimate with child-like faith. That we will be courageous enough to ask for impossible things (from man's viewpoint) even when logic and reason deny them.

+ That Jim's and Deanna's financial needs will be fully covered.

+ That friends and family who can will continue calling, writing, and visiting, bringing them support and encouragement. That Jim's church will serve them faithfully, and will grow deeper in Christ, and will increasingly become a church that reaches out to the hurting and needy from hearts that have been broken and molded from this experience.

+ For us that God will continue sustaining us, revealing His purposes and timing in all of this. That He will continue using this experience through our lives here to impact the people around us. Our security ladies at our apartment building, the "babushka's" from whom we buy fruits and vegetables, our colleagues, our church, . . . that Nicole's story and also our testimony and demeanor of faith will bear witness to an ever-faithful God, an all-compassionate Christ, and ever-true promises of God's Word.

More Comments from folks like you:

Thank you for your prayer support. Now, if you have time, . . . .

Here are some recent letters we've received that have been great encouragement to our family. Jim and Deanna have received many more. It's important that you understand just how incredibly special these notes are. For those who are able to identify through your own life's experiences, we are especially grateful that you are willing to share your own journeys . . . such as these below.

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+ This Very Special letter is from Ben, a young man from one of Bob's former pastorates, and also a fellow university student with Deanna: Don't be surprised at this email as I know you have probably heard from many these past weeks. Actually it is difficult to write in this manner as I have been personally in the same boat as Deanna and her husband.

Kayla and I were married for nine years when we had our third child - a daughter. There was 6 years between our two boys and only a year between our youngest son and our new daughter. . . From the beginning she had unnatural colic and was soon on heavy doses of medicine for severe reflux. After a few months, we noticed her motor skills were not normal and seemed to not develop. This began a long period of fighting with a triangle of doctors and insurance and the church. To be short, our daughter had both a severe, yet correctable gastric problem and also a severe brain disorder, unnoticed until further testing was performed. We watched for 8 months as she (Kaylan Noelle) got worse until the day she passed at 11 and 1/2 months old.

I wish I could say that the Lord was there for us at the time but in truth, the church left us empty and without our needs met. We were alone when we gave Kaylan to the surgeon with the church 30 minutes away. It was hard not to equate God with his church at that time. It was then that I left the ministry and pretty much gave up on the Lord as well and replaced him with anger and bitterness.

It will have been 7 years this November since she passed, and I have learned many beautiful, yet painful truths. God is good all the time. He has proved that time and time over and again. He repaired the ache of our hearts and allow us to minister to those who struggle with faith in the dark hours. The Lord has also given us a tremendous passion for the life that we have and for those whose lives he has entrusted us with.

I also know that he cares for the child whom he has taken home. I have also learned that my faith was miniscule to that where he desired me to be. It is not the work itself but rather the process of this life that pleases God. Our hearts are glad that we were blessed with our daughter and she continues to bless us as we share that God's grace is sufficient in every hour - that He hears our heart's cry and ministers to us. He turns sorrow into joy as we can stand along side of those in trials with a new and deeper perspective. Even the sound of a baby crying is musical to me now.

The most difficult thing, however, is that my understanding cannot comprehend the ways of the Lord, but faith alone can take me beyond my situation to a place where God's heart is known. I trust him. He cares for us in ways I never knew.

The years were tough on our marriage as we tried to handle it all in our own strength. It almost ruined us. Yet again, God has more than restored us. He reestablished us in a deeper, more real way that only God can do. The scripture admonition of Proverbs 3 to "trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding..." has become a daily journey in his Grace, mercy and enduring love.

We are praying for Nicole as well as all of you also. May God supply the needs of your heart. May the Lord of Peace comfort you. May he draw the broken hearts into his presence. Hold fast to the truth that the enemies of God will seek to weaken and destroy and place in question. O, Lord, reach from heaven and touch your people.

The Lord, he is good and his mercy endures forever.

Our prayers are with you,

Ben (and Kayla)

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+ This letter is from a businessman/missionary who makes frequent trips to Ukraine. It was during one of those trips that we met and have become good friends.

Brother Bob,

I have been watching and carefully praying for your situation with your granddaughter Nicole Grace. I have a group on http://www.baptistboard.com praying for Nicole.

Debbie and I had two premees, one three weeks early with jaundice issues and one six weeks early with Highland membrane issues. We understand what is being experienced by your children. One point in your favor ... premee boys are weaker than girls. Nicole will have a better chance simply because she is a little gal.

Please continue to know our prayerful support.

Yours In Christ's Service,

Bob . . .

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+ This letter is from a "Shoulder To Shoulder" subscriber and some good friends who are music evangelists. If anyone can identify with Jim and Deanna, this family can. They have three great kids, the youngest of which is Preston. She is writing in response to last week's "Shoulder To Shoulder" letter on learning to ask, no matter what. "We have not because we ask not."

Thanks - I needed to hear about "asking" again. Appreciate the great
reminder!

We continue to pray for you all and Nicole. I remember Greg telling me about the first night Preston was in NICU. I, like Deanna, had a C-section in Kirksville and Preston was flown to Columbia. So - I was alone while Greg went to Columbia - like Jim. Greg told me that at one time, there were 7 doctors around Preston. He was told he could stay as long as he could stand it. He told me that all he could pray was "Lord, I believe, help my unbelief." Preston was a full-term baby.

. . . Shortly after Preston was born - he started to "grunt" and the nursery RN alerted the doctors about it - come to find out that grunting is a sign of distress. What had happened was what they call Persistent Fetal Circulation Syndrome. When a baby is born, a valve to the lungs is closed so they can breathe air instead of fluid. His valve didn't shut and he had fluid in his lungs and was getting pneumonia on top of it. We almost lost him before the helicopter came.

Well - the doctors finally put him on a jet ventilator - gave him 400 breathes a minute - he was on that for 6 days. The last resort was a heart/lung machine - and he probably wouldn't have made it. Like Nicole, he was sedated so he wouldn't fight the ventilator or the IV's. The only part of him we could touch was his behind. We couldn't pat him or touch other places - just hold our hand on his behind. The nurses told us that if we touched him and patted him - he would want to respond, but couldn't and he would go into distress.

We finally got to hold Preston when he was 10 days old. I nursed him for the first time when he was 11 days old. . . .

Like you - we had thousands of people praying - and God heard their cry. God in His sovereignty spared Preston and healed him. He suffers from no complication. It is hard to understand the sovereignty of God sometimes - why He spares one child, yet takes another. I grapple with that alot.

The night Preston improved significantly he was under the care of Linda . . . - his night nurse. Linda is a Christian - and the next morning when Greg went to check on Pres - she told him how much he had improved and then explained that when she comes on duty, she prays over each baby in her care - and Preston was the ONLY one in her care that night. WOW. I still get teary-eyed just thinking about it.

. . . I don't know if any of this helps - but like you said - we have to ask - it is part of who God made us to be.

We are praying for you - and waiting on God. What a huge impact you and your family are having on many, many people. We are praying for God to get the glory and for lives to be changed through this whole thing.

Give Jim and Deanna our love and let them know we are praying.

Jamie

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Bob Tolliver
IBC - Hope4Kyiv
lifeunlimited@pobox.com
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