Quote from Forum Archives on December 22, 2005, 4:17 pm

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"Christmas Fruitcake Recipe"
 

Ingredients:

 

4 Oz. Fruit Bits
1 Railroad Tie
Wood Saw
Large Rubber Mallet
Safety Goggles

 

Directions:

 

WEAR YOUR SAFETY GOGGLES.
(Children: Get help from an adult!)

 

Cut a one-foot section from the middle of your railroad tie. The resulting block of wood should be the size and shape of a loaf of bread.

 

Then, take some fruit bits and pound them into the block with your rubber mallet.

 

Spread the colors around, or you might wind up with an ugly fruitcake. Don't be afraid to throw some elbow grease into that mallet! Good fruit bits should be much harder than the railroad tie, so you can't break anything.

 

For best result, you should pre-treat the fruit bits by setting them on top of your garage for a year (or by micro waving them on HIGH for 30 minutes).

 

Finally, cover it tightly in plastic wrap, and give your loved ones the timeless and enduring gift of fruitcake!

 

"A Christmas Divorce"

 

 

A man in  Phoenix calls his son in New York a week before  Christmas and says, "I hate to ruin your holiday season, but I have to tell  you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is  enough.

 

"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son asks.

 

We  can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're  sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your  sister in Chicago and tell her."

 

Frantic, the  son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting  divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls Phoenix immediately, and  screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing  until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there  tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing." and hangs  up.

 

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay" he  says, "they're coming for Christmas and paying their own  way."

"Tips For A Debt-Free Holiday"

 

    

 

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the
     state,
consumers were worried, for their debt was so great.

 

The shoppers, they lie tense in their beds,
as visions of credit cards danced through their heads.

 

They bought goodies and gifts without any plan,
now they lie wakeful, wondering how things got so
     out of hand.

 

With no money to spare, and presents under the tree,
all they can think of is 'Oh, woe is me!'

 

Then comes the thought as they lie wide-eyed
     nervous...
'I should have taken the advice of the Consumer
     Credit Counseling Service.'

 

They told me to budget. They suggested I save.
Instead I just spent and continually gave.

 

I gave them my Visa, Master Card, my American
     Express.
Oh, why did I go to such an excess?

 

They said, 'Set a spending limit.' for each person I
     knew,
and when using credit cards, 'Use just a few.'

 

They wanted me to shop while rested, and do at a
     leisurely pace,
But I waited 'til the last minute. It seemed like a race.

 

They said 'Exchange names between family and
     friends.
Start new traditions so excessive gift giving ends.'

 

They suggested I make gifts rather than buy.
Now I'm in debt. I just want to cry.

 

A lesson can be learned from the tale told here.
Start saving and plan early for next year!
From Doc's Daily Chucklem

 

 

Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara

 

 

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