After the fall into sin, people remained image-bearers, but Adam’s disobedience brought fundamental changes to our ability to reflect God’s image. The direction of the human heart became oriented not toward God but toward self. In the garden, man began repeating a mantra that will persist until Jesus returns. Adam said, “I want.” “I want glory for myself rather than giving all glory to God.” “I love my own desire rather than loving God.” This came to be known as covetousness, lust, or idolatry.
Edward Welch

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Christmas Jokes Friday

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#1 · December 23, 2005, 2:09 pm

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

 
From Our House to Yours we wish you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Remember the Reason for The Season
We will be taking a break now and will return in the new year with Clean Hewmor.
 
 
 
"Christmas Jokes"
 
What kind of music do elves like best?
"Wrap" music!
 
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
 
What kind of bread do elves make sandwiches with?
Why, shortbread of course!
 
What kind of money do elves use?
Jingle bills!
 
Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?
Because he had low "elf" esteem!
 
How long should an elf's legs be?
Just long enough to reach the ground!
 
What did the elf say was the first step in using a Christmas computer?
"First, YULE LOGon"!
 
Why did the elf put his bed into the fireplace?
He wanted to sleep like a log!
 
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
 
Who sings "Blue Christmas" and makes toy guitars?
Elfis!
 
Who lives at the North Pole, makes toys and rides around in a pumpkin?
Cinder-"elf"-a!
 
One elf said to another elf, "We had Grandma for Christmas dinner".
And the other elf said, "Really? We had turkey!"
 
Why do elves scratch themselves?
Because they're the only ones who know where its itchy!
 
How do elves greet each other?
"Small world, isn't it?"
 
Santa rides in a sleigh. What do elves ride in?
Mini vans!
 
What do you call an elf who tells silly jokes?
A real Christmas Card!
 
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
 
Why did the elves spell Christmas N-O-E?
Because Santa had said, "No L!"
 
Why did the elves ask the turkey to join the band?
Because he had the drum sticks!
 
If athletes get athlete's foot, what do elves get?
Mistle-toes!
 
What's another name for Santa's helpers?
Subordinate clauses!
 
Where do you find elves?
Depends where you left them!
 
 
"Psychiatric Christmas"
 
     
 
Do YOU have any of these symptoms?
 
PARANOID:
Santa Claus Is Coming to Get Me!
 
SCHIZOPHRENIA:
Did you Hear What I Heard?
 
MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER:
We Three Queens Disoriented Are
 
DEMENTIA:
I Think I'll Be Home for Christmas
 
NARCISSISTIC:
Hark the Herald Angels Sing about Me
 
MANIC:
Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and
Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks
and Tree and Fire Hydrants and...
 
PERSONALITY DISORDER:
You Better Watch Out, Or I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna
Pout, and I May tell you Why.
 
DEPRESSION:
Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All is Flat, All is Lonely.
 
OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, JingleBell,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell,
Jingle Bell Rock, jingle Bell ,Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle  Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell,
Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Jingle Bell Rock... (Better start again.)
 
PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY:
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas...If You feel
like it, but if you don't then that's ok too because it doesn't
matter how I feel its what ever makes you feel good that counts...
 
BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER:
Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire 
( Now speaking as one who doesn't like cold,  I don't
think that is so crazy)
 
 
"Recipe for Christmas Joy"
     
        
 
1/2 cup Hugs
4 teaspoons Kisses
4 cups Love
1 cup Special Holiday Cheer
1/2 cup Peace on Earth
3 teaspoons Christmas Spirits
2 cups Goodwill Toward Man
1 Sprig of Mistletoe
1 medium-size bag of Christmas Snowflakes
and Christmas Angles
 
Mix hugs, kisses, smiles and love until consistent. Blend in holiday
cheer, peace on earth, Christmas spirits and good will toward men.
 
Use the mixture to fill a large, warm heart, where it can be stored for
a lifetime, * it never goes bad *. Serve as desired under mistletoe,
sprinkled liberally with special Christmas snowflakes. It is especially
good when accompanied by Christmas Carols and family get togethers.
Serve to one and all.
 
 
From Our Home to Yours
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Dave and Barbara
 
 
 

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