Doc's Daily Chuckle 4/10/15
Posted by: pkaine <pkaine@...>
DOC'S DAILY CHUCKLE
Always Clean Chuckles
Laughter is the Best Medicine!
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Sorry this is late. This has been a busy week.
Doc
Today's Chuckles
1. Nature in Suburbia
2. Hay
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Nature in Suburbia
God to St. Francis: Frank , ... You know all about
gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down
there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions,
violets, milkweeds and stuff I started eons ago? I had
a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow
in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with
abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms
attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds.
I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But,
all I see are these green rectangles.
St. Francis:
It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites.
They started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to
great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass..
God: Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colorful. It
doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs
and sod worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these
Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?
St. Francis: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains
to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by
fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops
up in the lawn.
God: The spring rains and warm weather probably make
grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites
happy.
St. Francis: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a
little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.
God: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?
St. Francis: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up
and put it in bags.
God: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell
it?
St. Francis: No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to
throw it away.
God: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass
so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off
and pay to throw it away?
St. Francis: Yes, Sir.
God: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer
when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That
surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.
St. Francis: You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When
the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and
pay more money to water it, so they can continue to mow
it and pay to get rid of it.
God: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees.
That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself.
The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and
shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the
ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the
soil and protect the trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle
of life.
St. Francis: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites
have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they
rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled
away.
God: No!? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots
in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?
St. Francis: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and
buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and
spread it around in place of the leaves.
God: And where do they get this mulch?
St. Francis: They cut down trees and grind them up to make
the mulch.
God: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St.
Catherine, you're in charge of the arts.. What movie have
you scheduled for us tonight?
St. Catherine: 'Dumb and Dumber', Lord. It's a story about.....
God: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from
St. Francis.
- from Anna Ruth
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The secret to permanently breaking any bad habit is to
love something greater than the habit. - Bryant McGill
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Hay
As long as there have been farmers, there has been the
dilemma of whether to be in church on Sunday or to make
hay while the sun shines.
Like the farmer who spent Sunday morning trying to get
]hay in ahead of the rain. As he came down the road
with a full load, he met the preacher, who looked at
him reproachfully.
"Reverend," the farmer explained, "It's better to be
sitting on this hay thinking about God than sitting
in church thinking about hay."
- from Lisa D. (via Mikey's Funnies)
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Please pray for: Nancy, Archie, Terri, Jan, Gretchen, Brian, Larry.
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