Quote from Forum Archives on November 16, 2005, 3:20 pm

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"Exercise"

 

Physical exercise is good for you. We know that
we should do it daily, but our bodies don't want
us to do too much, so here's a program of
strenuous activities that do not require physical
exercise. You may use this program without charge.

 

01) Beating around the bush

 

02) Jumping to conclusions

 

03) Climbing the walls

 

04) Swallowing your pride

 

05) Passing the buck

 

06) Throwing your weight around

 

07) Dragging your heels

 

08) Pushing your luck

 

09) Making mountains out of molehills

 

10) Hitting the nail on the head

 

11) Wading through paperwork

 

12) Bending over backwards

 

13) Jumping on the bandwagon

 

14) Balancing the books

 

15) Running around in circles

 

16) Eating crow

 

17) Tooting your own horn

 

18) Climbing the ladder of success

 

19) Pulling out all the stops

 

20) Adding fuel to the fire

 

21) Opening a can of worms

 

22) Putting your foot in your mouth

 

23) Starting the ball rolling

 

24) Going over the edge

 

25) Picking up the pieces

 

Whew! That's a workout! Now sit down and

 

26) Exercise caution.

 

 

"LAWS OF THE NATURAL UNIVERSE"

 

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

 

Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

 

Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time)

Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Theatre Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.

Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

"MURPHY'S CHURCH LAWS"

 

 

Film projectors always work before the class meeting begins.

 

The probability of the preacher tripping over the mike cord is
greater on "Bring A Friend" Sunday than any other week.

 

The largest Bible Class will show up when the teacher feels
his/her worst.

 

No matter how many bulletins you print, you'll always need
one more.

 

A member living 15 miles away will be 15 minutes early;
Members living two blocks will be 15 minutes late.

 

Saying "Let us Pray" or singing "Just as I Am" causes babies
to cry.

 

The shorter the agenda, the longer the business meeting.

 

Business meetings ALWAYS last at least 15 minutes longer
than they should. (So do some sermons)

 

Church committees should be made up of three members,
two of whom should be absent at every meeting.

 

When you answer the Bible teacher's question right, nobody
remembers; when you are wrong, nobody forgets.

 

The longest Scripture readings always come with the longest
sermons.

 

The furnace only fails when the outside temperature is more
than 20 degrees below zero. The air conditioner only fails
when the outside temperature is 90 degrees or above.

 

When the preacher misspeaks in a sermon, at least half of those
taking notes will write the remark down as an important thought
from the sermon.

 

 

Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara

 

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