"Life" Monday

#1 · September 11, 2005, 6:01 pm

Quote from Forum Archives on September 11, 2005, 6:01 pm
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
O God, we ask that you comfort those suffering from the effects of Hurricane Katrina.

We pray for the people who return to homes destroyed or damaged by the storm. Calm their fears, give them hope in their loss, and the strength to begin again.

We pray for those whose lives were lost and for those who are grieving the loss of loved ones.

We pray for the reuniting of families seperated during the storm.

We also pray for those who are offering help and relief to the victims. May the relief efforts continue even after the media attention has waned.
Amen

"Life"

God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and
bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of
twenty years."

The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll
give you back the other ten." So God agreed.

God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make
them laugh. I'll give you a twenty-year life span."

The monkey said, "How boring. Monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think
so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?" And God
agreed.

God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer
all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support
the farmer I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty
years. Let me have twenty and I'll give back the other forty." And God
agreed again.

God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life.
I'll give you twenty years."

Man said, "What? Only twenty years?! Tell you what, I'll take my twenty,
and the forty the cow gave back and the ten the monkey gave back and the
ten the dog gave back...that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay", said God, "You've got a deal."

So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy
ourselves; for the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our
family; for the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the
grandchildren; and for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and
bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

"Fertilizer"

A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer.
Little Johnny, playing in front of his house, saw him and
called, "What've you got in your truck?"

"Fertilizer," the farmer replied.

"What are you going to do with it?" asked Johnny

"Put it on strawberries," answered the farmer.

"You ought to live here," Johnny advised him. "We put sugar
and cream on ours."

"Ancient Headlines"

Ancient Headlines in Today's News--If Biblical headlines
were written today:

Red Sea crossing:
WETLANDS TRAMPLED IN LABOR STRIKE
Pursuing Environmentalists Killed

David vs. Goliath:
HATE CRIME KILLS BELOVED CHAMPION
Psychologist Questions Influence of Rock

Eliyah on Mt. Carmel:
FIRE SENDS RELIGIOUS RIGHT EXTREMIST INTO FRENZY
400 Killed

Birth of Christ:
HOTELS FULL, ANIMALS LEFT HOMELESS
Animal Rights Activists Enraged by Insensitive Couple

Feeding the 5,000:
PREACHER STEALS CHILD'S LUNCH
Disciples Mystified Over Behavior

Healing the 10 lepers:
LOCAL DOCTOR'S PRACTICE RUINED
"Faith Healer" Causes Bankruptcy

Healing of the Gadarene demoniac:
MADMAN'S FRIEND CAUSES STAMPEDE
Local Farmer's Investment Lost

Raising Lazarus from the dead:
FUNDAMENTALIST PREACHER RAISES A STINK
Will Reading to be Delayed

Have a Blessed Day

Dave and Barbara

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Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

O God, we ask that you comfort those suffering from the effects of Hurricane Katrina.

We pray for the people who return to homes destroyed or damaged by the storm. Calm their fears, give them hope in their loss, and the strength to begin again.

We pray for those whose lives were lost and for those who are grieving the loss of loved ones.

We pray for the reuniting of families seperated during the storm.

We also pray for those who are offering help and relief to the victims. May the relief efforts continue even after the media attention has waned.
Amen

"Life"

God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and
bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of
twenty years."

The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll
give you back the other ten." So God agreed.

God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make
them laugh. I'll give you a twenty-year life span."

The monkey said, "How boring. Monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think
so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?" And God
agreed.

God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer
all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support
the farmer I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty
years. Let me have twenty and I'll give back the other forty." And God
agreed again.

God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life.
I'll give you twenty years."

Man said, "What? Only twenty years?! Tell you what, I'll take my twenty,
and the forty the cow gave back and the ten the monkey gave back and the
ten the dog gave back...that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay", said God, "You've got a deal."

So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy
ourselves; for the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our
family; for the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the
grandchildren; and for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and
bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

"Fertilizer"

A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer.
Little Johnny, playing in front of his house, saw him and
called, "What've you got in your truck?"

"Fertilizer," the farmer replied.

"What are you going to do with it?" asked Johnny

"Put it on strawberries," answered the farmer.

"You ought to live here," Johnny advised him. "We put sugar
and cream on ours."

"Ancient Headlines"

Ancient Headlines in Today's News--If Biblical headlines
were written today:

Red Sea crossing:
WETLANDS TRAMPLED IN LABOR STRIKE
Pursuing Environmentalists Killed

David vs. Goliath:
HATE CRIME KILLS BELOVED CHAMPION
Psychologist Questions Influence of Rock

Eliyah on Mt. Carmel:
FIRE SENDS RELIGIOUS RIGHT EXTREMIST INTO FRENZY
400 Killed

Birth of Christ:
HOTELS FULL, ANIMALS LEFT HOMELESS
Animal Rights Activists Enraged by Insensitive Couple

Feeding the 5,000:
PREACHER STEALS CHILD'S LUNCH
Disciples Mystified Over Behavior

Healing the 10 lepers:
LOCAL DOCTOR'S PRACTICE RUINED
"Faith Healer" Causes Bankruptcy

Healing of the Gadarene demoniac:
MADMAN'S FRIEND CAUSES STAMPEDE
Local Farmer's Investment Lost

Raising Lazarus from the dead:
FUNDAMENTALIST PREACHER RAISES A STINK
Will Reading to be Delayed

Have a Blessed Day

Dave and Barbara

Necessary Legal Information

We do not mail clean-hewmor unsolicited. If you are receiving this newsletter from us it's because you have subscribed to this mailing list. If you receive this newsletter and are not a subscriber then someone, other than us, has forwarded it to you.

Normal Subscribe: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org
Normal Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org

Web Subscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-subscribe@welovegod.org
Web Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-unsubscribe@welovegod.org

Email Group Owner: clean-hewmor-owner@welovegod.org

  Clean-Hewmor is only as good as the humor YOU contribute.  Please take  a few moments to send something funny so we can all get a good laugh!  --  To unsubscribe, send ANY message to: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org  To subscribe, send ANY message to: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org>