Quote from Forum Archives on November 28, 2005, 5:39 pm

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"Nearsighted"

 

 

A nearsighted minister glanced at the note that
Mrs. Jones had sent to him by an usher.

 

The note read: Bill Jones having gone to sea,
his wife desires the prayers of the congregation
for his safety.

 

Failing to observe the punctuation, he startled
his audience by announcing: Bill Jones, having
gone to see his wife, desires the prayers of the
congregation for his safety.

 

 

"Dead Mule In The Churchyard"

 

 

A Pastor went to his church office
on Monday morning and discovered
a dead mule in the church yard
 
He telephoned the police.
 
Since there did not appear to be
any foul play, the police referred
the Pastor to the Health Department

 

They explained,
"Since there was no health threat,
you'll need to call the Sanitation
Department."

 

When the pastor called
the Sanitation Department,
the Manager of the Sanitation
Department said,
"I can't pick up that dead mule
without authorization from the mayor."

 

The Pastor was not at all
too eager to call the mayor,
who possessed a very bad
temper and was always extremely
unpleasant and hard to deal with,
but, eventually, the Pastor
called the mayor anyway.

 

The mayor did not disappoint
the Pastor.
 
The mayor immediately began
to rant and rave.
After his continued rant at the pastor,
the mayor finally said,
 
"Why did you call me any way?
Isn't it your job to bury the dead?"

 

The pastor paused for a brief prayer,
and asked the Lord to direct his response.
 
The lord led the pastor to the words
he was seeking,
 
"WELL Yes, Mayor, it IS my job to bury
the dead, BUT I always like to notify
the next of kin first!"
 

 

"Turkey Poem"

 

 

I ate too much Turkey, I ate too much corn,
I ate too much pudding and pie.
I'm stuffed up with muffins and too much stuffin'
I'm probably going to die.

 

I piled up my plate and I ate and I ate.
But I wish I had known when to stop,
For I'm so crammed with yams, sauces, gravies, and jams
That my buttons are starting to pop!

 

I'm full of tomatoes and french fried potatoes
My stomach is swollen and sore,
But there's still some dessert so I guess it won't hurt if
I eat just a little bit more!

 

Have a Blessed Day

Dave and Barbara

 

 

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