Of Offering Plates Friday
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
The church I serve has a summer ministry at a chapel. At our first
service last summer, the chairman of the board of deasons met me at the
door with the information that there were no offering plates to be
found. None of the men wore hats, and he thought it undignified to
pass a shoe. He had tried to borrow something suitable from a
house nearby, but no one was home. When I went to the chancel
to begin the service, the problem was still unsolved.
Time came for the offering, and two ushers walked down the aisle
wearing broad grins and carrying shiny receptacles. The deacon had
resourcefully borrowed two hubcaps from a parishioner's car.
"Golf Hole"
A young minister and Mr. Sims, an elderly parishioner, were playing golf. The minister's game was off and the old man was beating him quite badly.
At the end of the game, the Mr. Sims tried to console his minister by saying, "don't worry, Reverend. One of these days you'll be burying me."
"Yes," sighed the minister, "but even then, it will be your hole!"
but he bought one anyway.
"I'll tell you what," he told her. "In the spirit of compromise, why
don't you name the boat?" Being a good sport, she accepted.
When her husband went to the dock for the maiden voyage, this is the
name he saw painted on the side: "For Sale."
"Anniversary"
The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for Saturday.
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