Quote from Forum Archives on February 16, 2006, 11:52 am

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"Ole and Lena"

 

 

Lena called the airlines information desk and inquired, "How long does
it take to fly from Minneapolis to Fargo?"  "Just a minute," said the
busy clerk.  "Vell, said Lena, "if it has to go dat fast, I tink I'll
just take da bus."

The judge had just awarded a divorce to Lena, who had charged
non-support.  He said to Ole, "I have decided to give your wife $400 a
month for support."  "Vell, dat's fine, Judge," said Ole.  "And vunce
in
a while I'll try to chip in a few bucks, myself."

Lars asked Ole, "Do ya know da difference between a Norvegian and a
canoe?"  "No, I don't," said Ole.  "A canoe will sometimes tip,"
explained Lars.

Ole is so cheap that after his airplane landed safely he grumbled,
"Vell, dere gose five dollars down da drain for dat flight insurance!"

Lars: "Ole, stant in front of my car and tell me if da turn signals are
working".  Ole: "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No...."

Ole and Lena got married.  On their honeymoon trip they were nearing
Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena's knee.  Giggling, Lena said,
"Ole, you can go a little farther now if ya vant to."  So Ole drove to
Duluth.

Ole died.  So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the
obituaries.  The gentleman at the counter, after offering his
condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole.  Lena
replied, "You yust put 'Ole died.'"   The gentleman, somewhat
perplexed, said, "That's it?  Just 'Ole died?' Surely, there must be
something more you'd like to say about Ole.  If it's money you're
concerned about, the first five words are free.  We must say something
more."  So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, "O.K. You
put 'Ole died.  Boat for sale.' "

"Hey, Sven," said Ole, "how many Swedes does it take to grease a
combine?"  After Sven replied, "I don't know," Ole said, "Only two, if
you run them through real slow."

Ole and Lars were on their very first train ride.  They had brought
along bananas for lunch.  Just as they began to peel them, the train
entered a long, dark tunnel.  "Have you eaten your banana yet," Ole
asked excitedly?  "No," replied Lars.  "Vell, don't touch it den," Ole
exclaimed.  "I yust took vun bite and vent blind!"

Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday.  A few weeks later, Lars
inquired how she was doing with it.  "Oh," said Ole, "I persuaded her
to
svitch to a clarinet."  "How come," asked Lars? "Vell," Ole answered,
"because vith a clarinet she can't sing."

Ole and Lena went to the Olympics.  While sitting on a bench a lady
turned to Ole and said, "Are you a pole vaulter?"  Ole said, "No, I'm
Norvegian...and my name isn't Valter."

 

 

Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara

 

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