Quote from Forum Archives on December 19, 2005, 9:54 am

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"Pa Did It"

 

The train of cars that Santa brought is out of kilter now;
While pa was showing how they went he broke the spring somehow.
They used to run around a track--at least they did when he
Would let me take them in my hands an' wind 'em with a key.
I could 'a' had some fun with 'em, if only they would go,
But, gee! I never had a chance, for pa enjoyed em so.

 

The automobile that I got that ran around the floor
Was lots of fun when it was new, but it won't go no more.
Pa wound it up for Uncle Jim to show him how it went,
And when those two got through with it the runnin' gear was bent,
An' now it doesn't go at all. I mustn't grumble though,
'Cause while it was in shape to run my pa enjoyed it so.
I've got my blocks as good as new, my mitts are perfect yet;
Although the snow is on the ground I haven't got em wet.
I've taken care of everything that Santa brought to me,
Except the toys that run about when wound up with a key.
But next year you can bet I won't make any such mistake;
I'm going to ask for toys an' things that my pa cannot break.

 

 

  "HUMOROUS HOLIDAY DIETING TIPS"

 

 

If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.  

 

AND..."STRESSED" is just DESSERTS spelled backward ;o)  

 

If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, they cancel each  
other out.  

 

When eating with someone else, calories don't count if  
you both eat the same amount.  

 

Foods used for medicinal purposes have no calories. This  
includes any chocolate used for energy, brandy, Sara Lee  
Cheesecake (eaten whole), and Haagen-Daz Ice Cream.  

 

Movie-related foods are much lower in calories simply  
because they are a part of the entertainment experience  
and not part of one's personal fuel. This includes Milk  
Duds, popcorn with butter, Junior Mints, Snickers, and  
Gummi Bears.  

 

Cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of  
breakage causes calorie leakage.  

 

If you eat the food off someone else's plate, it doesn't  
count.  

 

If you eat standing up the calories all go to your feet  
and get walked off.  

 

Food eaten at Christmas parties has no calories, courtesy  
of Santa.

 

 

"The Perfect Cake"

 

Have you ever told a white lie? You are going to love this -- especially all of the ladies who bake for church events.
Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church ladies' group bake sale in Tuscaloosa, but she forgot to do it until the last minute.

 

She  remembered it the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through cabinets, she found a dusty old Angel food cake mix in the back of her kitchen cabinet and quickly made it while drying her hair and dressing and helping her son Bryan pack up for Scout camp.

 

But when Alice took the cake from the oven the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly
disfigured.

 

She said, "Oh dear, there's no time to bake another cake."   This cake was so important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at her new church, and in her new community of new friends.

 

So, being inventive and not wanting anyone to think she was not the perfect woman able to handle all things at all times or that, God forbid, she had not participated in her church's bazaar, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake.

 

Alice found it in the bathroom -- a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and then covered it with icing. Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect!

 

Before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter Amanda and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the minute it opened at 9:30, and to buy that cake and bring it home.

 

When the daughter arrived at the sale, she found that the attractive perfect cake had already been sold. Amanda grabbed her cell phone and called her Mom.

 

Alice was horrified... she was beside herself. Everyone would know...what would they think?

 

"Oh,"she wailed! She pictured herself  ostracized,
talked about, ridiculed. She would have to move or kill herself! All night Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing their fingers at her and talking about her behind her back.

 

The next day, Alice promised herself that she would try not to think about the cake and she would attend a fancy luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a friend of a friend and try to have a good time.

 

Alice did not really want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at the fact that Alice was a single parent and not from the founding families of
Tuscaloosa.  But,  having already accepted the invitation, she could not think of a believable excuse to stay home.

 

The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old South -- and, to Alice's horror her fatally flawed cake in question was presented for dessert.

 

Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake; and she started to rush out of the room.  But before she could get to her feet, the Mayor's wife said, "What a beautiful cake!"

 

Alice, who was still stunned and trying to formulate
what words she would use to explain the situation,
sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, "Thank you, I baked it myself."

 

Alice smiled and thought to herself "There is a God.

 

 

Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara

 

 

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