Quote from Forum Archives on November 6, 2005, 3:48 pm

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"Plumber"

 

Because I couldn't unplug the toilet with a plunger, I had  
to dismantle the entire fixture, no small feat for a non-  
plumber.  

 

Jammed inside the drain was a purple rubber dinosaur, which  
belonged to my five-year-old son.  

 

I painstakingly got all the toilet parts together again,  
the tank filled, and I flushed it. However, it didn't work  
much better than before!  As I pondered what to do next, my  
son walked into the bathroom.  

 

I pointed to the purple dinosaur I had just dislodged and  
told him that the toilet still wasn't working.  

 

"Did you get the green one, too?" he asked.

 

 

"Making Horses"

 

"Mother," said a little boy after coming from a walk.
"I've seen a man who makes horses."

 

"Are you sure?" asked his mother.

 

"Yes," he replied. "He had a horse nearly finished. When I
saw him, he was just nailing on his feet."

 

 

"Living Will"

 

 

A man and his wife are sitting in the living room and he says to her: 
"Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state dependent
on some machine.  If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

 

His wife gets up and unplugs the TV.

 

"IF MY BODY WERE A CAR"

 

 

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about
trading it in for a newer model.

 

I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is
getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it. My fenders are
too wide to be considered stylish. They were once as sleek as a little
MG; now they look more like an old Buick. My seat cushions have split
open at the seams. My seats are sagging. Seat belts? I gave up all
belts when Krispy Cremes opened a shop in my neighborhood! Air bag's?
Forget it. The only bags I have these days are under my eyes. Not
counting the saddlebags, of course. I have soooooo many miles on my
odometer. Sure, I've been many places and seen many things, but when's
the last time an appraiser factored life experiences against
depreciation? My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard
to see things up close. My traction is not as graceful as it once was.
I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of
weather. My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me
hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

 

But here's the worst of it -almost every time I sneeze, cough or
sputter..... either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires.

 

 

Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara

 

 

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