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Sam's Fishing Friday
#1 · August 12, 2005, 10:50 am
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
"Sam's Fishing"
A game warden noticed how a particular fellow named Sam consistently caught more fish than anyone else. Whereas the other guys would only catch three or four fish a day, Sam would come in from the lake with a boat full of fish. Stringer after stringer was packed with freshly caught trout. The
warden, curious, asked Sam his secret. The successful fisherman invited
the game warden to accompany him and observe.
warden, curious, asked Sam his secret. The successful fisherman invited
the game warden to accompany him and observe.
So the next morning, the two met at the dock and took off in Sam's boat. When they got to the middle of the lake, Sam stopped the boat, and the warden sat back to see how it was done.
Sam's approach was simple: He took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it into the air. The explosion rocked the lake with such a force that dead fish immediately began to surface. Sam took out a net and started scooping them up.
Well, you can imagine the reaction of the game warden. When he recovered from the shock of it all, he began yelling at Sam, "You can't do this! I'll put you in jail, buddy! You will be paying every fine there is in the book!"
Sam, meanwhile, set his net down and took out another stick of
dynamite. He lit it and tossed it in the lap of the game warden with these words: "Are you going to sit there all day complaining, or are you going to fish?"
dynamite. He lit it and tossed it in the lap of the game warden with these words: "Are you going to sit there all day complaining, or are you going to fish?"
Making Marriage Last
My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last:
1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine,
some good food and companionship. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in Sydney and mine is in Melbourne.
Hers is in Sydney and mine is in Melbourne.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker
Then she said, "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!".
So I bought her an electric chair.
Then she said, "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!".
So I bought her an electric chair.
7. Remember.... Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage.
Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage.
8. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
9. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
10. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"....
I said, "Dust!"
I said, "Dust!"
"Questions"
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they
are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have
branches?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat
round?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's
only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra
penny going to?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the
clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we
figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on
luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby"
when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still
called a hearing?
If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will
they fire you?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then
put money in binoculars to look at things on the
ground?
How come we choose from just two people for President
and fifty for Miss America?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway.
If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does
he/she call?
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet
soup?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I
think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink
whatever comes out!". Or watch a white thing come out
a chicken rear and think ,"that ought to taste good"
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the
toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being
would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the
freezer?
When your photo is taken for your driver's license,
why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by
the police and asked for your license, are you going
to be smiling?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a
stupid song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool
lane?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a
radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a
boat?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for
the time, but don't point to their crotch when they
ask where the bathroom is?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all
fours? They're both dogs!
What do you call male ballerinas?
Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?
If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that
ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is
made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality
come from morons?
Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a
mouse?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star
have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's
face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a
car ride; he sticks his head out the window?
How important does a person have to be before they
are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have
branches?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat
round?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's
only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra
penny going to?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the
clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we
figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on
luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby"
when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still
called a hearing?
If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will
they fire you?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then
put money in binoculars to look at things on the
ground?
How come we choose from just two people for President
and fifty for Miss America?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway.
If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does
he/she call?
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet
soup?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I
think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink
whatever comes out!". Or watch a white thing come out
a chicken rear and think ,"that ought to taste good"
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the
toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being
would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the
freezer?
When your photo is taken for your driver's license,
why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by
the police and asked for your license, are you going
to be smiling?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a
stupid song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool
lane?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a
radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a
boat?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for
the time, but don't point to their crotch when they
ask where the bathroom is?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all
fours? They're both dogs!
What do you call male ballerinas?
Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?
If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that
ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is
made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality
come from morons?
Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a
mouse?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star
have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's
face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a
car ride; he sticks his head out the window?
Have a Blessed Weekend
Dave and Barbara
Dave and Barbara
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