Quote from Forum Archives on February 9, 2006, 12:13 pm

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"Subjects for a Date"

 

 

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice.

 

The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."

 

The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds.

 

He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic.

 

He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns.

 

After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again.
The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"

 

 

"Bank Trouble"

 

 

The coed came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave
me some terrible financial advice!" she cried.

 

"I did? What did I tell you?" asked the dad.

 

"You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that
big bank is in trouble."

 

"What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks
in the world," he said. "Surely there must be some mistake."

 

"I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of
my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds.'"

 

 

"You Might Be a Bad Cook If"

 

 

Your microwave display reads "TILT!"

 

You know dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.

 

Your dog goes to the neighbors' to eat.

 

Leftover crumbs make a great replacement for kitty litter.

 

Your kids know what exactly peas porridge in a crock pot nine days old tastes like. /Your family automatically heads for the dinner table every time they hear a fire truck siren.

 

Your family seems really interested in going to that restaurant that always has trouble passing the health inspection.

 

If the EPA requires that all your garbage cans be marked with large bright red "biohazard" symbols.

 

When you BBQ two of your kids hold water guns and the third has the phone with 911 on speed-dial.

 

Pest control companies keep pestering you, wanting to buy and patent your recipe for candy Christmas cookies.

 

The smoke alarm beeps if you even walk near the stove.

 

Your family buys Rolaids, Pepto Bismal, and Tums in bulk.

 

Your homemade bread loaf can be used as a door stop.

 

The last time you tried to make toast the kitchen caught on fire.

 

Your apple pie bubbled over and ate the enamel off the bottom of the oven.

 

You make tuna noodle broccoli surprise for your roommate and the surprise is that it glows in the dark!

 

Your tuna noodle broccoli surprise melts plastic and silverware.

 

You used three boxes of scouring pads, a bottle of Drano and a crowbar, but that macaroni and cheese still won't let go of the pan!

 

You look in a cookbook to find out how to boil water.

 

You call your mother to ask how long to boil cabbage to make cole slaw.

 

If anyone has ever broken a tooth while eating your homemade yogurt.

 

The family pets are no where to be found during dinner.

 

Have a Blessed Day

Dave and Barbara

 

 

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