The 10 Valentine Commandments Tuesday
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
That He gA ve
His onL y
BegottE n
SoN
T hat whosoever
Believeth I n Him
Should N ot perish,
But have E verlasting life."
John 3:16
I. I am thy Main Squeeze; thou shalt squeeze no others before me.
II. Thou shalt not take the name of thy Squeeze in vain, nor badmouth me behind my back.
III. Remember our Anniversary, and keep it holy. Or else.
IV. Honor MY mother and father. THINE are too darn weird.
V. Thou shalt not kill my love by behaving tackily and making me embarrassed to be seen with thee.
VI. Thou shalt not commit adultery, nor shalt thou even THINK about it if thou knowest what's good for thee.
VII. Thou shalt not steal from my wallet/purse while I am in thy bathroom, nor use my credit cards, nor make long-distance calls from my telephone.
VIII. Thou shalt not talk about our personal problems to our friends.
IX. Thou shalt not covet the higher market price of thy neighbor's house.
X. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's Squeeze, nor son or daughter, nor stereo, nor BMW.
"Valentine's Day Humor"
Q. What did the valentine card say to the stamp?
A. Stick with me and we'll go places!
Q. What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?
A. Hog and kisses!
Q. Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day?
A. Sure, they're very scent-imental!
Q. What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream?
A. "I'm sweet on you!"
Q. What did the paper clip say to the magnet?
A. "I find you very attractive."
Q. What did one pickle say to the other?
A. "You mean a great dill to me."
Q. What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?
A. "I love you a ton!"
Q. What did the bat say to his girlfriend?
A. "You're fun to hang around with."
Q. Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine?
A. He fell in love with a pin cushion!
Q. What did the pencil say to the paper?
A. "I dot my i's on you!"
Q. What did one light bulb say to the other?
A. "I love you a whole watt!"
Q. What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine's Day?
A. Ughs and kisses!
Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you! [I love you]
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Howard.
Howard who?
Howard you like a great big kiss?
"Lawyer's Valentine"
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. The balding man then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying them all.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer."
"Valentine Food For Thought"
Cabbage always has a heart; Green beans string along.
You're such a cute tomato, Will you peas to me belong?
You've been the apple of my eye, You know how much I care;
So lettuce get together, We'd make a perfect pear.
Now, something's sure to turnip to prove you can't be beet;
So, if you carrot all for me let's let our tulips meet.
Don't squash my hopes and dreams now, Bee my honey, dear;
Or tears will fill potato's eyes, While sweet corn lends an ear.
I'll cauliflower shop and say, Your dreams are parsley mine.
I'll work and share my celery, So be my valentine.
Have a Blesed Day
Dave and Barbara
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