Quote from Forum Archives on November 21, 2005, 2:35 pm

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"The Old Preacher"

 

 

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent and the attorney were touched and flattered that the old preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moment. They were also puzzled because the preacher had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them.

 

Finally, the lawyer asked, "Preacher, why did you ask the two of us to come?"

 

The old preacher mustered up some strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go, too."

 

 

"Christian Pick-up Lines"

 

 

1) Nice bible

 

2) I would like to pray with you

 

3) You know Jesus, Me too

 

4) God told me to come talk to you

 

5) I know a church where we could go and talk

 

6) How about a hug, sister?

 

7) Do you need help carrying your bible? It looks heavy.

 

8) Christians don't shake hands, Christians gotta hug

 

9) Oh you are cold, Ecclesiastes 4:11

 

10) Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?

 

11) What are your plans for tonight? Feel like a bible study?

 

12) I am here for you.

 

13) The word says "Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the
hungry", how about dinner?

 

14) You don't have an accountability partner? Me neither.

 

15) You want to come over and watch the 10 commandments tonight?

 

16) Is it a sin that you stole my heart?

 

17) Would you happen to know a Christian woman that I could love with all my
heart and wait on hand and foot?

 

18) Nice bracelet. Who would Jesus date? I, I, mean "What Would Jesus Do"

 

19) Do you believe in Divine appointment?

 

20) Have you ever tried praying at a drive in movie before?

 

21) Excuse me, I believe one of your ribs belongs to me.

 

22) My friend told me to come and meet you, he said that you are a
really nice person. I think you know him. Jesus yeah that's his name.

 

23) You know they say that you have never really dated, until you
have dated a Christian.

 

24) Yeah I predicted David over Goliath.

 

25) What? Friends listen to Amazing Grace in the dark.

 

26) We have to hold hands when we pray so the circle won't be broken.

 

27) God has used you to teach me what true love really is.

 

28) Christians kiss before parting -- it's an old Jewish tradition.

 

29) I didn't believe in predestination till I met you.

 

30) I'll turn the other cheek for you, if you'll turn yours to me.

 

31) When they designed those Precious Moment figurines, I'll bet you were the model.

 

32) I have an extra dove pin. Want me to pin it on you?

 

33) Love is patient and kind, you know. If you'll be patient, I'll be kind.

 

34) Let's read the Bible together tonight. How about the (pant-pant) Song of Solomon?

 

 

"A Minister Was Completing a Temperance Sermon"

 

 

With great emphasis, he said "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd pour it in the river!"

 

With even greater emphasis, he said "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd pour it in the river!"

 

And then, shaking his fist in the air, he said "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd pour it in the river!"

 

With the sermon complete, he sat down.

 

The song leader stood up and very cautiously announced with a smile:

 

"For our closing hymn, let us sing Hymn #365 - 'Shall we gather at the river'."

 

Todays jokes were sent to us  by Dolores 

Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara

 

 

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