Forum Navigation
You need to log in to create posts and topics.
The Shape I'm In Monday
#1 · July 31, 2005, 9:49 am
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
"The Shape I'm In"
There's nothing the matter with me,
I'm just as healthy as can be,
I have arthritis in both knees,
And when I talk, I talk with a wheeze.
My pulse is weak, my blood is thin,
But I'm awfully well for the shape I'm in.
My pulse is weak, my blood is thin,
But I'm awfully well for the shape I'm in.
All my teeth have had to come out,
And my diet I hate to think about.
And my diet I hate to think about.
I'm overweight and I can't get thin,
But I'm awfully well for the shape I'm in.
But I'm awfully well for the shape I'm in.
And arch supports I need for my feet.
Or I wouldn't be able to go out in the street.
Sleep is denied me night after night,
Or I wouldn't be able to go out in the street.
Sleep is denied me night after night,
But every morning I find I'm all right.
My memory's failing, my head's in a spin.
But I'm awfully well for the shape I'm in.
My memory's failing, my head's in a spin.
But I'm awfully well for the shape I'm in.
Old age is golden - I've heard it said,
But sometimes I wonder, as I go to bed.
With my ears in a drawer, my teeth in a cup,
But sometimes I wonder, as I go to bed.
With my ears in a drawer, my teeth in a cup,
And my glasses on a shelf, until I get up.
And when sleep dims my eyes, I say to myself,
Is there anything else I should lay on the shelf?
And when sleep dims my eyes, I say to myself,
Is there anything else I should lay on the shelf?
The reason I know my youth has been spent,
Is my get-up-and-go has got-up-and-went!
Is my get-up-and-go has got-up-and-went!
But really I don't mind, when I think with a grin,
Of all the places my get-up has been.
Of all the places my get-up has been.
I get up each morning and dust off my wits,
Pick up the paper and read the obits.
Pick up the paper and read the obits.
If my name is missing, I'm therefore not dead,
So I eat a good breakfast and jump back into bed.
So I eat a good breakfast and jump back into bed.
The moral of this tale unfolds,
Telling you and me, who are growing old.
Telling you and me, who are growing old.
It is better to say "I'm fine" with a grin,
Than to let people know the shape we are in.
Than to let people know the shape we are in.
"THINGS OVERHEARD ON NOAH'S ARK"
10. "Did anyone think about bringing a couple of umbrellas?"
9. "Hey, there are more than two flies in here!"
8. "Wasn't someone supposed to put two shovels on board?"
7. "OK, who's the wise-guy who brought the mosquitoes on board?"
6. "Help! I need some Pepto for the elephants, QUICK!"
5. "Don't Make Me Pull This Ark Over And Come Back There!"
4. "No Ham, you cannot eat the Pig!"
3. "And whatever you do, DO NOT pull this plug out."
2. "Nice Doggie!"
1. "Are We There Yet?"
"Clothes Line News"
A clothes line was a news broadcast to neighbors passing by.
There were no secrets you could keep when clothes were hung to dry.
There were no secrets you could keep when clothes were hung to dry.
It also was a friendly link for neighbors always knew
If company had stopped on by to spend a night or two.
If company had stopped on by to spend a night or two.
For then you'd see the fancy sheets and towels on the line;
You'd see the company tablecloths with intricate design.
You'd see the company tablecloths with intricate design.
The line announced a baby's birth to folks who lived inside
As brand new infant clothes were hung so carefully with pride.
As brand new infant clothes were hung so carefully with pride.
The age of children could so readily be known
By watching how the sizes changed, you'd know how much they'd grown.
By watching how the sizes changed, you'd know how much they'd grown.
It also told when illness struck, as extra sheets were hung;
Then nightclothes, and a bathrobe, too, haphazardly were strung.
Then nightclothes, and a bathrobe, too, haphazardly were strung.
It said, "Gone on vacation now" when lines hung limp and bare.
It told, "We're back!" when full lines sagged with not an inch to spare.
It told, "We're back!" when full lines sagged with not an inch to spare.
New folks in town were scorned upon if wash was dingy gray,
As neighbors raised their brows, and looked disgustedly away.
As neighbors raised their brows, and looked disgustedly away.
But clotheslines now are of the past for dryers make work less.
Now what goes on inside a home is anybody's guess.
Now what goes on inside a home is anybody's guess.
I really miss that way of life. It was a friendly sign
When neighbors knew each other best by what hung on the line!
When neighbors knew each other best by what hung on the line!
Author Unknown
Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
Necessary Legal Information
We do not mail clean-hewmor unsolicited. If you are receiving this newsletter from us it's because you have subscribed to this mailing list. If you receive this newsletter and are not a subscriber then someone, other than us, has forwarded it to you.
Normal Subscribe: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org
Normal Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org
Web Subscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-subscribe@welovegod.org
Web Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-unsubscribe@welovegod.org
Email Group Owner: clean-hewmor-owner@welovegod.org
Normal Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org
Web Subscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-subscribe@welovegod.org
Web Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-unsubscribe@welovegod.org
Email Group Owner: clean-hewmor-owner@welovegod.org
Clean-Hewmor is only as good as the humor YOU contribute. Please take a few moments to send something funny so we can all get a good laugh! -- To unsubscribe, send ANY message to: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org To subscribe, send ANY message to: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org>