Many of the pulpiteers of the past fifty years acted as though the first and last object of their calling was the salvation of souls, everything being made to bend to that aim. In consequence, the feeding of the sheep, the maintaining of a Scriptural discipline in the church, and the inculcation of practical piety, was crowded out; and only too often all sorts of worldly devices and fleshly methods were employed under the plea that the end justified the means; and thus the churches were filled with unregenerate members. In reality, such men defeated their own aim. The hard heart must be ploughed and harrowed before it can be receptive to the gospel seed. Doctrinal instruction must be given on the character of God, the requirements of his Law, the nature and heinousness of sin, if a foundation is to be laid for true evangelism. It is useless to preach Christ unto souls until they see and feel their desperate need of him.
A.W. Pink

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"THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR DURING SURGERY" Thursday

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#1 · January 26, 2006, 10:54 am

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"THINGS YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR DURING SURGERY"
 
 
Better save that. We’ll need it for the autopsy.
 
Wait a minute, if this is his spleen then what’s that?
 
Hand me that .. uh … that uh .. thingle.
 
Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
 
Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500 ml of this stuff before?
 
There go the lights again.
 
Ya know, there’s big money in kidneys … and this guy’s got two of ‘em.
 
Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
 
Could you stop that thing from beating; it’s throwing my concentration off!
 
What’s this doing here?
 
I hate it when they’re missing stuff in here.
 
That’s cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?
 
Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.
 
Sterile, shmerile. The floor’s clean, right?
 
What do you mean he wasn’t in for a sex change …
 
OK, no take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.
 
This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?
 
Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?
 
Don’t worry. I think it is sharp enough.
 
Oh, oh. Page 47 of the manual is missing!
 

"You're Not Old Unless You Can Remember"
 
* Being sent to the drugstore to test vacuum tubes for the TV.
 
* When Kool-Aid was the only other drink for kids, other than milk and sodas.
 
* When there were two types of sneakers for boys.
 
* When boys couldn't wear anything but leather shoes to school.
 
* When it took five minutes for the TV to warm up.
 
* When nearly everyone's parents smoked.
 
* When all your friends got their hair cut at the kitchen table.
 
* When nearly everyone's mom was at home when the kids got there.
 
* When nobody owned a pure-bred dog.
 
* When a dime was a decent allowance, and a quarter a huge bonus.
 
* When you'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny.
 
* When girls neither dated nor kissed until late high school, if then.
 
* When your mom wore nylons that came in two pieces.
 
* When all your teachers wore either neckties or had their hair done, every day.
 
* When you got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking, for free, every time.
 
* When any parent could discipline any kid, or feed him, or use him to carry groceries, and nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing of it.
 
* When it was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents.
 
* When they threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed-- and did.
 
 
"Looking Heavenward"
 
 
The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to open a
combination lock on the supply cabinet. She had been told the combination,
 
but couldn't quite remember it.
 
She went to the pastor's study and asked for help. The pastor came into
the room and began to turn the dial.
 
After the first two numbers he paused and stared blankly for a moment.
Finally he looked serenely heavenward and his lips moved  silently.
 
Then he looked back at the lock, and quickly turned to the final
number, and opened the lock.
 
The teacher was amazed. "I'm in awe at your faith, pastor," she said.
 
"It's really nothing," he answered. "The number is on a piece of tape
on the ceiling."
 
 
Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
 
 
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