Having nailed our old nature to the cross, we keep wistfully returning to the scene of its execution. We begin to fondle it, to caress it, to long for its release, even to take it down again from the cross. We need to learn to leave it there. When some jealous, or proud, or malicious, or impure thought invades our mind we must kick it out at once. It is fatal to begin to examine it and consider whether we are going to give in to it or not. We have declared war on it; we are not going to resume negotiations. We have settled the issue for good; we are not going to re-open it. We have crucified the flesh; we are never going to draw the nails.
John Stott

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What Advertisements Really Mean Wednesday

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#1 · October 19, 2005, 3:03 pm

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"What Advertisements Really Mean"
 
 
NEW - Different color from previous design.
 
ALL NEW - Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.
 
EXCLUSIVE - Imported product.
 
UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition.
 
FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments.
 
ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it.
 
IT'S HERE AT LAST - Rush job. Nobody knew it was coming.
 
FIELD TESTED - Manufacturer lacks test equipment.
 
HIGH ACCURACY - Unit on which all parts fit.
 
FUTURISTIC - No other reason why it looks the way it does.
 
REDESIGNED - Previous flaws fixed - we hope.
 
DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had a big argument with distributor.
 
YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one to work.
 
BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a use for it.
 
MAINTENANCE FREE - Impossible to fix.
 
MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours.
 
SOLID-STATE - Heavy as hell.
 
LESS FATTENING - Now doesn't have the same fat content as pig stomach lining.
 
HIGH RELIABILITY - We made it work long enough to ship it.
 
NON-REFUNDABLE - We couldn't make it work long enough to ship it.
 
FAT FREE - You pay for the food, but the fat is free.
 
 
"Building Supplies"
 
 
A man with a nagging secret couldn't keep it any longer.
In the confessional he admitted that for years he had been stealing
building supplies from the lumberyard where he worked.
 
"What did you take?" his priest asked.
 
"Enough to build my own house and enough for my son's house. And houses
for our two daughters and our cottage at the lake."
 
"This is very serious," the priest said. "I shall have to think of a
far-reaching penance. Have you ever done a retreat?"
 
"No, Father, I haven't," the man replied. "But if you can get the
plans, I
can get the lumber."
 
 
"A Christian Deed"
 
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods.
 
"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.
 
He turned to look and saw a 7 foot grizzly bear charge towards him.
 
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him.
 
He looked over his shoulder again and the bear was even closer.
 
He triped and fell on the ground.
He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.
 
At that instant the Atheist cried out to the Lord.
 
Time stopped, the bear froze, the forest was silent. A bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
 
The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps could you make the BEAR a Christian?"
 
"Very well," said the voice.
 
The light went out.
 
The sounds of the forest resumed. And then the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together and bowed his head and spoke:
 
"Lord, bless this food, which I am about to receive through Christ our Lord, Amen."
 
 

Have a Blessed day
Dave and Barbara
 
 
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