Quote from Forum Archives on May 23, 2005, 11:42 pm

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"What Time Is It" 

 

 

On some air bases, the military is on one side of
the field and civilian aircraft use the other side
of the field, with the control tower in the middle.
One day, on just such a field, the tower received
a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"

 

The tower responded, "Who is calling?"

 

The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"

 

The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference.
If you are a commercial airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock.
If you are an Air Force aircraft, it is 1500 hours.
If you are a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.
If you are an Army aircraft,  the big hand is on the
12 and the little hand is on the 3.
If you are a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon.
If you are in the National Guard, it's still a couple of
hours until quitting time."

 

 

"Confused"

 

 

This is a story about a little girl who, on the way home from

church, turned to her mother and said, "Mommy, the Preacher's

sermon this morning confused me."

 

The mother said, "Oh! Why is that?

 

The girl replied, "Well, he said that God is bigger than we are.  

Is that true?"

 

"Yes, that's true," the mother replied.

 

"He also said that God lives within us.  Is that true too?"

 

Again the mother replied, "Yes."

 

"Well," said the girl. "If God is bigger than us and He lives in us,

wouldn't He show through?"

 

 

"Eleven Step Guide to Being Handy Around the House"

 

 

1. If you can't find a screwdriver, use a knife.
   If you break off the tip, it's an improved screwdriver.

 

2. Try to work alone. An audience is rarely any help.

 

3. Despite what you may have been told by your mother,
   praying and cursing are both helpful in home repair ...
   but only if you are working alone.

 

4. Work in the kitchen whenever you can ...
   many fine tools are there, its warm and dry, and you
   are close to the refrigerator.

 

5. If it's electronic, get a new one ...
   or consult a twelve-year-old.

 

6. Stay simple minded: Get a new battery; replace the bulb
   or fuse; see if the tank is empty; try turning it to the
  "on" switch; or just paint over it.

 

7. Always take credit for miracles. If you dropped the
   alarm clock while taking it apart and it suddenly
   starts working, you have healed it.

 

8. Regardless of what people say, kicking, pounding, and
   throwing sometimes DOES help.

 

9. If something looks level, it is level.

 

10. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

 

11. Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works,
    then it isn't stupid.

 

 

 

You are never fully dressed until you wear a smile.

 

 

Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara

 

 

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