I felt as if I was right in the middle of God

“I felt as if I was right in the middle of God”

I was raised in a secure, peaceful home mainly in San Diego, CA. My fatherwas not a believer but my Mom was and she made sure my brother and I wentto church (Lutheran) no matter where we lived. I used to read my Bible andgo to the Youth Groups at church and was socially active until I was 15.Then I rebelled and quit going. I did not have any experience that God waspersonal or that He knew me or cared about me. I didn’t believe in anythingin particular. I was just drifting along. I had no goals or sense of anypurpose. In my 20’s I got into drugs and became a heroin addict and heroindrug dealer and didn’t want anything to do with Jesus. My Doctor told mymother that I would be dead within a year the way I was going. At my worstaddiction time my parents ended up taking care of my children because I wasno longer able to. I was also facing a two-year prison sentence for crimesI had committed so I moved to Oregon to try to change my identity to “hidethe guilty”. Just prior to moving to Oregon I kicked my drug habit in a hospitalin San Diego, California. After my move to Oregon things started happening.

I arrived in Oregon in June 1976 and got saved four months later in October.When I got to Oregon I started noticing creation. I had come up from a bigcity and was plopped down in a rural part of Oregon. I was staying with afriend who lived on a river out in the middle of the country and it is oneof the most beautiful places on earth. My senses were starting to come backto me in a big way. My mind was racing and everywhere I went I was noticinghow beautiful nature was (at the time I didn’t think of it as creation).I was desperate to change my life. I did not want to be a drug addict anymorebut I didn’t know anything else. I couldn’t see the purpose of living. Ihad no goals and didn’t see any reason to have goals anyway. I thought ifI could figure out how the universe got here in the first place that thatwould be a clue to my life. I started to ask myself “how did it all happen”?The day I got saved I was driving alone in my car and asking myself thatvery question. I was thinking “how did it happen that the seed falls to theground, the rain waters it and a huge tree grows from there and another seedfalls, etc. How can it work out so perfectly without the help of any person?”Right at that moment I heard (in my spirit) a voice say, very clearly, “Idid it” and I knew it was God and I remember thinking “of course, how elsecould it all work together so perfectly”? At the same time I got a visionof giant puzzle pieces coming from the ends of the universe and fitting togetherperfectly all at once. I felt His omnipresence and omniscience and power.I felt as if I was right in the middle of God. I also felt a warmth comeover and into me and I had a very definite knowledge that I was supposedto go home and read the Bible.

I believe that the seeds that had been planted into my heart when I was growingup and my Mom insisted I go to church had finally come to fruition in God’stiming while I was driving my car that day. When I got saved in my car Iknew it was all about Jesus. I went to the house where I had been livingand picked up a little New Testament that had been laying around and beganreading in Matthew. All the words were popping up at me from off the pageas I was reading and I knew that Jesus was speaking to me personally throughHis Word. When I got to Matthew 5:4 I burst out crying because of the incrediblehealing the Lord was doing in me at that moment.

That was 21 ¸ years ago. My life now has purpose and I know why I wascreated and Who I am to live for and why. He is always with me to guide meand love me and hold me up and pick me up when I stumble, which is often.I praise His Holy name. Jesus is Lord. Barrel Vision I was Born Again inOctober, 1976. I was a heroin addict and a heroin drug dealer for severalyears before being saved. The Lord saved me in a moment while I was drivingmy car in Ashland, Oregon and the experience was so intense that I cannotremember driving for those few moments, which seemed like a long time, butmust have been only seconds. I am astounded that God loves a person likeme and took the time to portion out such a revelation of Himself to mepersonally.

Until that moment I did not know that God was a personal God that you couldknow and relate to One on one. I am amazed at His mercy towards me. A fewmonths after I was saved I was thinking of how the Lord had saved me andHe gave me the following vision: There was a huge barrel in the sky, justhanging in the universe. It was one of those oval wooden slate barrels thatwas held together by metal bands going around the circumference. The barrelwas the world. It was filled with miserable people and very dark and fullof grimy, slimy stuff. I was at the very bottom of the barrel stuck hardin the slime with no idea how to get out or even aware that there was anyway out. Then the arm of God appeared above the barrel; a perfect, huge,strong, pure, brilliantly white arm. The arm reached down into the barreland went right to the bottom where I was stuck and He scraped me off thebottom and brought me up out of the barrel in His hand. As He lifted Hisarm out of the barrel it was as pure and white and glorious as it was beforeHe reached in to get me and I was as pure and white and glorious as He was,once I was lifted out!