ACURA: All Customers Undergo Repair Anxiety
ALFA-ROMEO: All Loosely Fitted Accessories Remain On Motorway Enraging Others
AUDI: Automated Unwanted Debt Invitation
BMW: Big Money Wasted
CADILLAC: Can American Designers Invent Lovely Lines? Apparently, Can’t.
CHEVROLET: Cheap Heaps: Expect Very Routine Owner Letdowns, Excessive Trouble
CHRYSLER: Can Hear Revs, Yet Sense Little Engine Reaction
DODGE: Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
EDSEL: Every Day Something Else Leaks
FERRARI: Fragile, Expensive Rides Repel All Reasonable Individuals
FIAT: Failed Italian Automotive Technology
FORD: Failing Old Rusty Dump
GMC: Greatest Made Chevy
HOLDEN: Holes, Oil Leaks, Dents, Engine Noises
HONDA: Happy Owners Never Drive Anything (else)
HYUNDAI: Hope You Understand Nothing Driveable And Inexpensive
JAGUAR: Just Another Gearbox Under Annual Repair
JEEP: Just Expect Excessive Problems
KIA: Kick It Again
LAND ROVER: Lame Americans Need Dumb, Really Oversized Vehicles, England Realized
LOTUS: Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.
MAZDA: Made After Zero Design Analysis
MERCEDES: Many Expensive Repairs Can Eventually Discourage Extra Sales
MG: Merciless Garbage
MINI: Moron Inside Notably Insane
MITSUBISHI: Mechanics Investigate Trouble, Some Understand, But It’s Sure Had It
NISSAN: Needs Imminent Salvage So Abandon Now
OLDSMOBILE: Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everyday
OPEL: Old People Enjoying Life
PONTIAC: People On Narcotics Think It’s A Cadillac
PORSCHE: Proof Of Rich Spoilt Children Having Everything
SAAB: Sadly Absent, Always Broken
SATURN: Simpletons Attracted To Unconventional Retail Network
SCION: Sad Cars Inspire Only Nausea
SUBARU: Shift Up, Because Always Revs Unnecessarily
SUZUKI: Sadly Uninspired Zip Ultimately Kills It
TESLA: Technology Excesses Seem Lame, Actually
TOYOTA: They Overcharge You On Their Accessories
TRIUMPH: This Really Is Unreliable Man, Please Help
VOLKSWAGEN: Vehicle Owners – Losers Knowingly Suffering With All German Engineered Nonsense
VOLVO: Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object