My Dream

My Dream

My Dream

I have to start with some background info before it will make sense. I thinkonce you know more about me…the more you will understand why my dream is whatit is.

I don’t have any brothers or sisters. I’m an only child. I don’t have (andreally never have had) a relationship with my dad. I was raised by myGrandparents. My Grandfater died of cancer in 1991 and my Grandmother died ofcancer in 1998. I’m currently 30 years old. At the time my Grandmother died Iwas 22 years old. The year my Grandmother died I had also gotten married. It wasmy Grandmothers dying wish to see me get married, which did come true. I amthankful for that. She was old school, and basically thought that she could resteasy dying with cancer knowing that there would be someone to take care of mewhen she was gone. My marriage didn’t last. We got married in Feb of 98′, myGrandmother died later that November. By early 99′ me and my husband wereseparated. Neither of us were in love and both agreed that it was the best thingto do. He had gotten pressure to get married from his parents. I’ve know myEx-husband for a long long time, and we’re still the very best of friends.

In 2003 a close aunt of mine died. In 2004 my mom died. And in 2005 a closeuncle of mine died. It seems like my whole family died off instantly. I haveonly one remaining blood family member that I’m close too. I have an aunt stillalive in VA.

I think my mom’s death hit me the hardest. Becasue my Grandparents raised me, Inever really got to sepend as much time with her as I would have liked. I feellike there was so much left unsaid between us. I know she loved me, and I knowthat she knew I loved her, but its like I never got to say goodbye to her. Somany years I never got to spend with her. She sent me to live with myGrandparents for good around age 11. My relationship with her really didn’t pickback up with her until I was about 20 years old. So many lost years. After mymom died I was very sad for a long time. I spent most nights crying after shedied. I always thought we’d have time to get to know each other and make thingsup between us. But in 2004 I got a phone call that she went into a coma. Iimmediatly went to be with her and spend the next months at her deathbed. Ifinally got the courage to tell her all the things I wanted to tell her whileshe was dying. Life is funny like that. She never came out of that coma and diedmonths later. She died a long painful death that I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

They say at one point of your life or another you come to a crossroads. A eventthat changes your life forever. Mine was a mental and emotional breakdown thatstarted with a show on TV. My entire family was gone. My Grandparents were dead,my aunt was dead, my mom was dead, my uncle was dead, my marriage was over, myfinances were gone and my health was deteriorating. I also didn’t have very manyfriends at the time. To say I had a breakdown would be an understatement.

One day while home alone I just began crying and crying and I couldn’t stop. Iwas just in bed crying and flipping through the TV when I came across aChristian TV program. I think it was “Love Worth Finding” with Pastor AdrianRodgers. On this TV program people were telling how God had changed their lives.I kept watching. They were telling how God had picked up the pieces of theirlives and put them back together. Many of the stories sounded a lot like mine,or worse! One person said something that I’ll never forget. It has stuck with meever since. He said “its no secret what God can do, what he’s done for othershe’ll do for you”.

At that point in my life I believed in God, but God just wasn’t REAL to me. Imean I had been to Church once in a while, but I had never really given muchthought to God in general. I kept listening to the Christian programs on the TVstation and I thought I had nothing else to loose, so I got down on my knees andprayed. I asked God IF he was real to PLEASE PLEASE change my life and makehimself known to me. I confessed every bad thing I had ever done. Needless tosay that list was LOOOONG. I told Him how sad I was, how sick I was getting, howscared I was, how tried I was, and how lonely I was. I told Him that if He justchanged my life that I would serve him forever. I asked him to just change mylife like he did those people on TV.

From that moment on my life truly began to change. Not too long afterward, I gota call from a person that I hardly ever talked to…asking me if i’d like to gowith her to her Church one day. She was a friend of my friend. I went with her.I can’t even describe the love I felt that day in church. It was like God wasright there with open arms saying “I’ll comfort you”. The people their seemed sohappy. So at peace. I wanted what they had. I began studying the bible. I wantedto know what was making these people at church (and the ones I saw on TV) sohappy. Turns out it was the love of Christ.

I found my own Church and they have become a second family to me. I’ve made morenew friends in church and out of church than ever. I’ve gotten three promotionsat my job in a very short period of time. I was able to save enough money to buymy new condo. I no longer just cry and cry like I use to. The health problemthat I thought was very serious turned out to be a minor issue. I had to havesurgery but I’ve since recovered and I’m back to being in good health overall.I’m at peace now with the death of my Mom becasue I have the hope now of seeingher one day in heaven. I never had that hope before.

I got baptized and gave my life to Jesus. God has truly changed my life. I’m anew person in Christ. I’m telling you this because I KNOW for a FACT what Godhas done for me.

So my dream is to lead more people to Christ by telling them about the love ofGod. I don’t have dreams of a big career anymore. I use too. But now I just wantto tell everyone how God changed my life, just in case someone is in need ofhelp, lonely, lost, or sad like I was. That truely is my dream from the bottomof my heart. Maybe even become a missionary overseas one day.

Its no secret what God can do. What he’s done for others, he’ll do for you!

:)Ash