Preoccupied with ourselves, we have lost the grace of being thankful. It is sad to live in a world where there is no one to thank because we have ourselves become the cause and source of all good things.
John Hannah

Finding Fault

Finding Fault

Finding Fault

by the Rev. Kurt H. Asplundh

“And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not perceive the beam in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, `Brother, let me remove the speck that is in your eye, ‘ when you yourself do not see the beam that is in your own eye?” (Lu. 6: 41f)

The second of the two great commandments requires us to love our neighbor as ourself. This is the essence of charity.

What does this mean in practice? The Heavenly Doctrine teaches that to love the neighbor means “not to hold him in light esteem in comparison with oneself, [but] to deal justly with him, and not to pass evil judgments upon him” (TCR 411). Again, we are taught, “The life of charity consists in thinking kindly of another…in wishing him well; and in perceiving joy in one’s self from the fact that others also are saved” (AC 2234: 5).

Think of that! Here is a measure of our charity to the neighbor. Are we happy in the thought that certain others will be saved? Take a person that you have not liked; perhaps someone you have fought with. Think of someone you have suspected of acting dishonestly, or who seems conceited or pompous, even downright mean. How would we feel if we were told that this person was going to be saved? Would it make us angry to think that our worst enemy could be in heaven? Would we rejoice to find that people we always thought were evil and whom we disliked were to be saved after all?

The Lord told the Pharisees and scribes that “there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine just persons who need no repentance” (Lu. 15: 7). Can we share this heavenly joy?

One lapse of the life of charity is finding fault. Finding fault in others is a widespread evil. When it is linked with a desire to tell these faults to others it is most destructive to charity and especially to the life of the church.

The evil of finding fault is pictured in the account of Noah’s drunkenness. When his son Ham saw him drunk and naked in his tent, he criticized him before his brothers Shem and Japheth.

In contrast, there is a beautiful account of the reaction of Shem and Japheth who literally “bent over backwards” to cover their father’s nakedness without taking note of it. They were blessed by Noah; the sons of Ham were cursed.

The difference was a matter of charity. Those lacking charity see evil in others, we are told, “They desire to examine everyone, and even to judge him; nor do they desire anything more than to find out what is evil, constantly cherishing the disposition to condemn, punish, and torment.” Those who have charity will do otherwise. They “observe what is good and if they see anything evil and false, they excuse it, and if they can, try to amend it…as is here said of Shem and Japheth” (AC 1079).

We all have faults. How do we react to the faults we see in others?

Do we seize on them to show ourselves and others how much better we are?

Do we enjoy criticizing the mistakes others make? If so, we are not in charity, for the spirit of charity is to will well to others–all others.

Often, we can excuse the faults of our friends or those in our family that we love. Can we hold the same attitude toward others? The Lord said, “Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you, and persecute you…. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? (Matt. 5: 44, 46f).

Does having charity mean ignoring evils and falsities in others? Does it mean we should love people no matter what they think or do? The Heavenly Doctrine is clear that charity must be tempered with judgment. Even the angels who “scarcely see the evil of another…and put a good interpretation on what is evil and false” (AC 1079) exercise prudence in loving the neighbor.

True charity is not to be confused with clemency or a lenient attitude in judging wrongdoings. Charity, we are taught, “is an internal affection which consists in a heartfelt desire to do the neighbor good…” (AC 8033). Charity’s goal is to promote good ends, good uses, and the welfare of society.

We cannot promote this goal by condoning or approving our neighbor’s faults and evils.

Often, when people say we need more charity in the church, they are talking about an external charity or “charitableness” that differs from true charity as an act differs from an intention. Let this be explained.

If our charitableness springs from an inner spirit of wishing well to the neighbor, we will treat the neighbor from a love for his welfare and a love of good ends. We will serve that neighbor in any way we can that looks to a useful end. In so doing, we benefit everyone, thus the common good.

On the other hand, if a charitable disposition has no inner basis, the danger is that it will not discriminate good from evil and will be vulnerable to error. Acting from sentiment or a natural desire to please others by indulging them, it will be soft-headed as well as soft-hearted; it will not consider good ends but only the other’s instant gratification no matter what the cost. It will favor person over order, individual good over the common good. It will yield to the demands of others no matter what their quality or ambition. This is not true charity because helping one hurts another; wishing well to one amounts to neglecting others.

“The fundamental of charity is to act rightly and justly in everything which belongs to one’s duty and employment, ” we are taught. This example is given: “If one who is a judge punishes an evil doer according to the laws, and does so from zeal, he is then in charity toward the neighbor; for he desire his amendment, thus his good, and also wills well to society and his country, that it receive no further injury from the evildoer; thus he can love him if he amends, as a father the son whom he chastises…”

The Heavenly Doctrine speaks particularly of our responsiblity to exercise true charity in the raising of children. “With those who are in charity…” we read, “children are loved according to their morals, virtues, good will, and qualifications for serving the public.” Not so with others who are simply in a natural parental love. These, we are told, “love even wicked, immoral, and crafty children more than the good, moral, and discreet…” (TCR 431).

How then, are we to deal with what appear to be faults in our neighbor?

We are never allowed to judge another’s spiritual quality. The Lord alone can know this. However, we may judge of others as to the quality of their moral and civil life, for this, we are told, “concerns society” (AC 2234: 3. We can, and must take a stand on moral and civil matters in life from a love of the common good. Charity demands it. Yet, we can do this out of love for the neighbor. We can act with justice, without malice, and with the desire for a good end. As far as possible, we must observe what is good in the neighbor, excuse faults or put a good interpretation on them. If we see faults, we can act in charity.

Ask yourself, “What good end results in finding fault with another and in criticizing his evils and shortcomings? Finding fault is simply a way of feeding our self-love if we do so from lack of charity.

It is legitimate to notice the faults of others which have relation to our office and employment or involve our life in society. We can seek their amendment with prudence and from the love of use. No teacher, for example, acts charitably by ignoring the mistakes and bad manners of his or her students. Nor is a parent acting from charity by being permissive and indulgent of the disorders of children.

The principle which guides us in dealing with the neighbor is that we do so from a heartfelt desire to promote what is useful. We are warned not to find fault when the desire to do so is from self love. Such a practice accomplishes nothing but the destruction of an already crippled neighbor. More deeply, it is to our own destruction. With every careless and malicious criticism of another we open the door for our own condemnation. As the Lord taught, “With the same measure you use, it will be measured back to you” (Matt. 7: 1).

Love does not condemn. Parents do not, or certainly should not, reject their children for exhibiting faults as they grow up. They may punish them in apparent anger; yet it is a zeal for their future welfare and happiness that motivates a true parent. Nor do we abandon those we love when they become sick. Instead, we long for their return to health, administering to their needs in sickness with patience and tender sympathy. Should it not be the same with faults. We do not love faults in others any more than we love diseases that may strike them, yet charity calls for a patient and sympathetic attitude. Charity is a spirit of wishing well to our neighbor. It takes the form of promoting good ends, doing what we can that is helpful to the common good.

Here is a practical suggestion: When we see another’s fault, or what we think is a fault, let us ask ourselves: “Why am I critical of this? Do I see this interfering with this person’s life and happiness or is it simply interfering with my own? Why would I want to correct this fault? Do I want to call the attention of others to it so my proprium can enjoy a feeling of superiority or do I sincerely wish to promote a good end both for this person and for society in general?” Such questions may reveal our true intent.

The companion of fault-finding is gossip. Whenever we are critical of others there is a tendency to want to find confirmation of the criticism with others. Therefore, it is a further responsibility of the life of charity to guard against the evil of reporting the faults of others. In the Psalms we read this prayer: “Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips” (Ps. 141: 3). We all should ask this of the Lord.

We are more frequently guilty of injuring the neighbor by word than by deed. How often harsh, damaging words rush through the gateway of our lips.

When we ask the Lord to set a guard before our mouth we are really asking for help to reject evil and harmful thoughts before they are formed in speech. Because of the direct connection between our intentions and words the Lord says that He will take account of “every idle word” that man shall speak (Matt. 12: 36). This, too, is why the Lord has taught, “Keep your tongue from evil, and your lips from speaking guile” (Ps. 34: 13), and why it was a law in Israel: “You shall not go about as a talebearer among your people…” (Lev. 19: 16).

This is a most destructive form of uncharitableness. The law of Israel was specifically against slander:–spreading false statements to harm another’s name and reputation. Gossip includes reports of others, perhaps true, which are passed to reflect unfavorably on them. While slander is criminal, malicious gossip springs from the same spirit of enmity and can be equally damaging, both to the offender and the offended.

We do not condemn the ordinary passing of news about people and their activities. Interest in these things and conversation about them are referred to in the Writings as a legitimate diversion of charity (see Char. 189). We should remember, however, when we descend to a discussion of personality we easily slip into criticism and fault-finding. Often we enjoy such gossip at the expense of those who are subject of it.

What the Lord clearly condemns is talebearing with sinister intent.

What is our intent when we make eager report of the faults, failings, and disorders of others? Do we enjoy repeating what is scandalous because it gives us a chance to condemn someone we don’t like? Do we listen avidly to gossip about others because we hope to hear of some weakness for which we can despise or ridicule them? Does it make us feel that we are better than others when we hear that they are worse?

When we catch ourselves bearing tales, let us ask, “Have we investigated what we are reporting to be sure that it is accurate before we repeat it?”

“Is there a use in spreading what we have heard?” “Are we hoping to weaken the reputation of him of whom we speak, or tear down respect for him in the eyes of others?” Are we willing to say something about someone which we are not willing to say to them? If we cannot answer these questions honestly it may be that our love of gossip comes from a hidden appetite for finding fault, from a lack of charity. We should remember, then, what the Heavenly Doctrine teaches: that “to inflict harm” upon the name of the neighbor is identified as a sin against the commandment, “You shall not kill.” (TCR 297).

We must learn to examine our delight in “idle words” and be ever ready with a “watch” before our lips. It may be from envy or hatred of another that we speak ill of them. We may wish to discredit or belittle our enemies.

Perhaps, in the ambition to become popular with others or a center of attraction, we are willing to make offhand or irresponsible remarks about others.

We should refrain from the evil of gossip by determined self-compulsion. We can shun the temptation to repeat damaging information about others, to divulge confidences, or to make cruel jokes at the expense of an absent victim.

We can keep our tongue from speaking evil. Even if we feel unable to say anything good of another we can, at least, keep silent and turn away from conversations that belittle them.

The greatest harm in fault-finding and the malicious gossip that is its handmaiden is, in reality, to the fault-finder and talebearer. Its inner life is the will and desire to believe only evil of the neighbor and to rejoice in his shortcomings and discomforts. Unless this love is shunned as a sin it will grow. As it grows, the inevitable result is tht we become suspicious and contemptuous of all others, no longer able to see or believe any good of anyone, thus cut off from the blessings of human society.

With the Lord’s help, if we ask it of Him, we can keep our tongue from speaking evil and our lips from spreading false tales. Instead, we can become perfected in the charity and communication of the angels. We read concerning some who correspond to the mouth and are continually desiring to speak that as they are perfected they do not speak anything but “what is of service to their companions, to the common good, to heaven, and to the Lord” (AC 4803).

Let this be our goal: When we speak, let our words be of service, not a dis-service. Let us have a spirit of charity, of wishing well to our neighbor, and a pledge to speak no evil of another. In this spirit and with this pledge, the harmony and development of the church can flourish. This should be our prayer: “Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord…” (Ps. 19: 14).

Truly, then, “the Lord will give strength to His people; the Lord will bless His people with peace” (Ps. 29: 11). Amen.

Lessons: Gen. 9: 8-10, 18-29; Lu. 6: 27-42; CL 523