biplane – We Love God!

Every counselor knows that the way to put people together is not by taking them apart. Separation heats up desire that it shouldn’t, but cools concern that it ought not. The cooling that often occurs is due to a sense of relief from the previous problems, a false sense of peace that is interpreted (wrongly) as a solution to the problem. Nothing actually has been solved. But because of this temporary relief, it is very difficult to effect reconciliation. Often one (or both) of the parties says “I never had it so good” and is loathe to rock the boat. That peace will leave in time, but for some time can be so great a deterrent to reconciliation that it can destroy the prospects altogether. Separation is another means of running from problems instead of solving them God’s way. The first thing a Christian counselor must do, when dealing with separated persons, is to bring them back together again (at this point their great reluctance to return will be seen) so that he can help them to work on their problems in a context (marriage) where solution can be reached. Two people, under separate roofs, will find it nearly impossible to solve problems that occur when they are under the same roof. Separation, therefore, only widens gaps and deepens difficulties. Of course, very brief separations (a couple of hours, an overnight at a friend’s house) – where one doesn’t pack his/her bags and has no intention of leaving – may at times (when one is violent, confused, etc.) be desirable. But in such a case the brief separation is to avoid situations that destroy problem-solving and make communication impossible. The design (in contrast to extended separation, no matter what is said or thought to the contrary) is to make it possible to face and solve problems God’s way – not to avoid them.

Jay Adams