Answering God’s Call Answering God’s Call
By DebbieLynne Simmons
God seemed to be leading me into ex-gay ministry. But how couldI-a woman who had never struggled with homosexuality-help peoplecoming out of the gay lifestyle?
Soon after my college graduation in 1977, the most fascinating manI’d ever met joined my church. As Trevor (not his real name) produceda play that I had written for our church, we cultivated a friendshipthat one lady in church described as “charged with electricity.”Trevor didn’t even seem turned off by my cerebral palsy. So his wordsto me one afternoon the following June shattered everything. “Deb, Istruggle with homosexual tendencies.”
I assured myself that once Trevor discovered that I loved him,he’d forget all about this homosexuality stuff. After all, I’d been aChristian for nearly nine years, and knew that people only had sexualstruggles if they weren’t trusting Jesus! Later, I wrote him a letterto affirm his masculinity, quoting Proverbs 23:7, “For as [a man]thinketh in his heart, so is he.”
But later Trevor wrote me a farewell letter. “It’s not because ofyour disability; it’s because of mine,” he explained. Suddenly,homosexuality became a formidable wall that I could never hope topenetrate. I felt hopeless. How could the Lord have let me fall inlove with one of “them,” anyway?
During that initial grieving period, a friend of mine used 2Corinthians 1:3-5 to lead a Bible study discussion on suffering. As Ilistened to his teaching, I prayed that my heartache over “losing”Trevor could someday be used to comfort other women.
An overwhelming sense of shame kept me from asking for help fromLove In Action, even though the ministry was associated with mychurch. Because my body had been so mangled by cerebral palsy, I wasalready ashamed of having romantic and sexual desires (handicappedpeople are supposed to be asexual, I’d always learned). If peopleknew that Trevor was gay, they’d really think I was a sexual deviant!I knew I couldn’t minister to anyone else without exposing my ownshame.
When Lori Thorkelson came to our church in 1979 to work as LIA’sjournalist, I managed to build a friendship with her based on ourcommon interest in writing. But I shied away from saying anything toher about Trevor-until I accidentally overheard her conversation withsomeone at a women’s luncheon one Saturday.
When Lori mentioned that she had been engaged to a man whostruggled with homosexuality, I nearly fell out of my wheelchair. Afew nights later, I called her to request a counseling appointment.She was at my house within a week, cutting through my nervoussmall-talk with her question, “What is this appointment about?”
After I fumbled through my story, Lori said that it was difficultnot to be attracted to men like Trevor. “They’re all so cute!” shesaid, grinning. As she spoke, Satan’s lie that I was a new type ofpervert evaporated in the joy that someone saw my love for Trevor asa normal, understandable emotion.
Finally Lori got up to leave. She had her hand on the doorknobwhen she turned to me. “Debbie, God didn’t allow you to suffer thisway without a reason. He’s preparing you for some sort of ministry.”Then she waved goodbye, closing the door behind her.
My first thought was, I could write letters for Love In Action.But the idea seemed much too presumptuous. So I turned my attentionto other ministries that seemed more in line with my disability-andwondered why they never worked out.
Some time later, a girlfriend offered me a ride to a weekly prayermeeting, deliberately not telling me that it was sponsored by Love InAction. She hoped the meeting would help me form an attachment to theministry. Her plan succeeded so well that, within months, I wasattending both the prayer meetings and the LIA Bible studies.
For the next few years as a “special friend” of the ministry, Isaw unexpected similarities between my disability and homosexuality.When the men talked about being chosen last on softball teams, forinstance, I remembered crawling slowly across my neighbor’s frontyard in order to play with the other kids (I was about eight at thetime, and still able to move myself when I was out of my wheelchair).As soon as I reached the other children, they would run off toanother yard. It amazed me that people in the program sufferedrejection in similar ways that I had.
In 1984, I divided my attention between Love In Action activitiesand a heterosexual man in the church, unsure that God really had aplace for me in the ministry. One evening, as I was alone in a caroutside the Love In Action house, I found myself crying aloud, “Lord,I’d rather have Love In Action than this man!” I thought it was abizarre thing to pray, but I knew it was the cry of my heart.
A month later, the relationship ended. Confused and hurt, I headedfor Living Waters Bible College in North Wales to heal and seek God’swill for my life. Before I left, I talked about my second failedrelationship with Lori. Her response startled me: “You ought toconsider doing corres-pondence counseling for Love In Action.”
“But that’s your job!” I protested.
She smiled. “There’s so much to do that we wouldn’t be competing.”
Lori’s encouragement gave me permission, after five years ofsuppressing such ideas, to think about correspondence counseling forLove In Action.
The school in Wales started on January 6, 1985. By January 8, myterrible case of jet-lag and homesickness made it seem as if thethree- month course would last 30 years. At the end of the firstweek, I told a fellow student from my church in San Rafael that I’ddecided my heart definitely belonged to Love In Action. “Well, I’veknown that for years,” he laughed, “but you’ve got three months inWales to get through first!”
Frank and Anita Worthen were scheduled to teach at my school inmid- March, so I mailed them a letter in February to make my feelingsknown. During this time, the Lord showed me Jeremiah 32:17: “Ah,sovereign LORD, You have made the heavens and the earth by Your greatpower and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for You.”
Lord, what do You want me to see from that verse? I wondered.Everyone on the school’s prayer team believed the Lord would open thedoors for me at LIA, but I totally missed the probability thatJeremiah 32:17 might be speaking about that.
After the Worthens arrived, I met with Anita, who simply launchedinto an explanation of what I’d be doing for LIA-as if it was alreadyestablished that they wanted me. Somehow, after years of waiting, theconversation seemed anticlimactic! Later, I told a friend, “Well, Iguess I have something to go home to.” I couldn’t wait to begin.
By May of that year, I was back home. Since the Love In Actionoffice is an upstairs suite, we decided that I’d work out of mybedroom at home. I already had an electric typewriter, which Ioperated with a mouthstick clenched between my teeth.
As I stared at the blank page in my typewriter that first day, ithit me: I had to actually offer these people some kind of guidance! Iprayed for wisdom. Hebrews 4:12 says that Scripture can address everyhuman problem at its root level, and the Lord verified that promiseby showing me ways of applying His Word. I knew that my adequacy tominister came from Jesus (2 Cor. 3:4-6).
In the following months, I felt isolated by my disability onseveral occasions, and struggled with the attitude, “Nobody suffersthe way I do!” During one bout of depression, my pastor told me, “Youknow, God’s not going to let you get away with sin just becauseyou’re in a wheelchair.” He was right. My root problem wasn’t so muchbeing dis- abled as expecting special treatment from the Lord becauseof my handicap.
1 Corinthians 10:13 begins by saying, “No temptation has seizedyou except what is common to man.” As I wrote letters to confront theisolation felt by people who struggle with homosexuality, I could seeways of applying the same Scriptural principles to my own life.
Several months later, Bob Davies called to let me know about someunpleasant developments in an ex-gay ministry elsewhere in thecountry. “Sorry to burden you with this news,” he said, “but now thatyou’re staff, I thought you should be told things like this.”
“Now that I’m staff…” I repeated to myself after hanging up thephone. It sounded strange, but that conversation affirmed my place inthe ministry
In August of 1987, I was reading the latest Love In Actionnewsletter. I often joked that I never knew what was happening at theoffice, so Frank’s article on ministry goals interested me. Among hisshort-range goals, he mentioned starting a fund to buy a computer forme.
I started shaking with a combination of joy and amaze-ment. Myattendant gasped when I told her. “Do you realize what kind ofinvestment they’re making in you?” she asked.
“Why do you think I’m shaking?” I retorted.
Six months later, I had a computer that was linked to the officeby a modem. The independence from my atten-dants amazed me (I nolonger needed assistance to change pages in my typewriter). And Inoticed an immediate improvement in the quality of my letters becausenow I could edit them without retyping entire pages. My first projectwas to create a memory file of the Scriptures I used most frequently,so that I could plop them into letters instead of typing them eachtime I needed to quote them.
About that time, my pastor, Mike Riley, expressed concern aboutthe amount of energy I should invest in Love In Action. My desire tokeep LIA as my focus remained compelling, but I also knew that Heb.13:17 counseled me to submit to Mike’s direction. The Lord honored myobedience by softening my pastor’s heart; he blessed my determinationto follow God’s leading. I believe God blessed my attitude ofsubmission. The experience not only confirmed God’s call on my life,but it built a deeper sense of honesty between me and Mike.
In January 1991, the mom of a dear friend who had died of AIDSsent me a Bible program for my computer. Now I had a vast array ofScriptures at my disposal, all cross-referenced and available bysubject listings. It became even easier to incorporate Scripture intomy letters, and my interest skyrocketed in accurately presenting theWord. I began to understand the importance of 2 Tim. 2:15: “Do yourbest to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who …correctly handles the word of truth.”
As I celebrate my seventh anniversary on staff, I have moreassurance than ever that I’m walking in the works that God preparedfor me from the foundation of the world (Eph. 2:10). That assurancemotivates me to keep walking.
DebbieLynne Simmons has worked as a correspondence counselorwith Love In Action since 1985. She is a member of Central Church inMemphis, TN. Copyright © 1992 DebbieLynne Simmons. Distributedby Love In Action, PO Box 753307 Memphis, TN 38175-3307; 901/542-0250