The Slump of Slumps
“If I was a quitter, this is when I would QUIT!!!!” This once came from me during a deep month-long slump when I had five children under the age of nine. I was struggling with how to walk in joy and peace in the midst of chaos. Our whole family was plagued with lingering illness. Fever and congestion tormented me on and off for weeks on end, so fellowship with others was non-existent. Daddy worked long hours on frustrating projects. I was on edge about ovarian cancer tests and freaky hormones. While I was out of commission, the children squabbled, misbehaved, and balked at helping out. Housework fell by the wayside. The toddler learned to climb out of her crib and needed to move out of our bedroom into her own room. As a result, we suddenly had to move school into our dining room and rearrange the rest of the house. Tension mounted high. I was tempted to yell all day -- that is, when I wasn't wiped out in bed!
I was fed up with trying to run the whole thing on my own efforts and energy. How ridiculous! If these kids were going to be part of my school, well, they'd better shape up their act! I threatened to quit and send them to school, which shook them up. I would never have the heart to do that because we have strong convictions and a commitment to home schooling which have always outlasted the temporary tough times. Quitting sure seems attractive at times, though! The next best thing seemed to be a manifesto. If teacher unions can make demands about working conditions, I reckon that I’m entitled to a few of my own. I set to work on a list of “the way things are just going to have to be if this whole project is going to fly.” I resolved that my children have to pitch in and help get the job done with regular chores. No more whining or gross chatter! No more fussing about school assignments! No more cereal still stuck to the floor at dinnertime! No more raiding the refrigerator during school hours! No more coming to the school table in pajamas and uncombed hair!
This was a pivotal time for me as the Biblical phrase, “Let everything be done decently and in order” (1 Corinthians 14:40), suddenly gained new relevance in the home school arena. I asked myself, “If I paid another mom to teach my children in her home, what reasonable expectations would I have for the learning environment and academic progress?” and “Why should it be any different here?”
Like any effective organization, my family needs basic policies and procedures for the way we do things in our home, school, and relationships with one another. Thanks to a little adversity and fresh resolve, we set out on the road to making this happen -- though more than a decade later we are still quite a hike from our final destination!
My cheerfulness and health returned eventually, yet looking back, I thank God for that “dark night of the soul.” Yes, it was terribly unpleasant at the time. Worst of all, I often neglected prayer, Scripture, and edifying language. Yet I was humbled to learn how small I am compared to a Sovereign God. I gained a whole new sensitivity to other struggling moms, and at the same time found myself surrounded by dear Christian sisters who prayed for me and offered practical help. Later, I wrote an article on surviving burnout for our support group newsletter, and many ladies told me that this particular article ministered encouragement to them at just the right time. Since that time, I have seen much progress in our school, homemaking, and family life. Don't give up, sisters! In the grace of God, there are things you can do to improve your situation.
Ditching Out or Climbing Out of the Ditch
When you are battling a slump, it is tempting to either lie there in the ditch or to bail out and give up your dreams. You might think, “What's the use? I'm failing at this home schooling stuff. I'm tired, frustrated, and burned out. The house is a mess. The kids are driving me nuts and we're behind in our school work!”
Are your convictions being tested? How firm is your commitment to home schooling? Maybe you started just because it looked interesting or your friends were doing it. If your motivation, methods or standards are based merely on someone else's precedent, you need to seek the Lord to see what he wants you to do and how he wants you to do it. You are accountable to him, so he will give you the wisdom you need.
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6
“If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” James 1:5
Undeniably, there are down times in home schooling when we feel we have no strength or resources to sustain us. It sometimes takes a while before we come to our senses, lean harder on the Lord, and find him to be truly sufficient after all. However, it is not at all unspiritual to feel low once in a while. Think about the book of Lamentations or all the Psalms which start with a “woe is me” mood. As Ecclesiastes 3:4 reminds us, there is: “a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.” In Matthew 5:3-4, Jesus teaches that: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”
Home school moms often mourn at the lack of progress in their children. We want so much to disciple them into whole-hearted, hardworking, godly, intelligent adults, but the set backs are discouraging. The same Apostle Paul who penned, “Rejoice in the Lord always,” was also grieved, frustrated, and distressed as he viewed the behavior of those he was trying to reach for God or as he struggled with his own inadequacies (see Romans 9:2; 2 Corinthians 1:8-11; 4:7-10; 11:28,29 and Philippians 3:18). On occasion, he even brought sorrow to other people!
“Even if I caused your sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it - I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while - yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter.” 2 Corinthians 7:8-11
Worldly sorrow manifests itself in pity parties, false guilt, spiraling despair, bitterness, endless introspection, etc. It leads us toward death, robs us of spiritual joy, and ruins our relationships. On the other hand, godly sorrow brings us to repentance, reconciliation, and ultimately joy. In Luke 18:9-14, it wasn't the “thankful” Pharisee who was commended, but the contrite tax collector who beat his chest and wailed, “God have mercy on me, a sinner.” Likewise, godly sorrow makes us throw ourselves on God's mercy. It prompts us to take a hard and sober look at our circumstances to see how we have fallen short and what action we can take for serious and lasting improvement. In these situations, James 4:7-10 commands us: “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.”
When the Lord sends low points into our lives, he doesn't intend for us to stay there forever. It's just for a period of time, though it seems long to us. After we humbly acknowledge his holiness and our weakness, his purpose is to lift us up and restore us!
“Sing to the LORD, you saints of his; praise his holy name. For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning... You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.” Psalm 30:4-5, 11-12
To those of you who struggle with your emotions, may I offer a heartfelt confession? I have shed many tears of doubt and confusion. Can the Heavenly Father really transform my life and shepherd my children past my mistakes? I often wonder what secret key will make it all come together in a neat package, but I suspect it's a matter of patient endurance and trust. Progress doesn't come all at once. I need to live by faith in the Almighty, not by the sorry sight of my own shortcomings (see 2 Corinthians 5:1-7). I also need constant encouragement! My sisters in Christ have often poured out a healing balm of mercy, consolation, and prayer. The loving intercession of a church prayer team has comforted me. Going to church every week has also been a boost. A few times I have had to drag myself to a service, not feeling like worshipping, yet God has met me there with a special sermon or song to renew me.
If you wrestle with yourself like I do, please don't go through this trial-by-fire alone. If you don't find any relief from depression, anger, or other destructive patterns, do not be afraid to get help. Don't be so concerned about your “home school mom” image that you allow your hurts to fester. Carefully work through these issues with your husband, an experienced home school mom, an older “Titus 2” mentor, or a godly pastor who is supportive of home schooling and your other convictions about family life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doing the Wash: Grandmother’s “Receet”
(Author Unknown)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Laundering instructions from a time when the only “appliance” was a scrub board!
- Bild fire in back yard to heet kettle of rain water.
- Set tubs so smoke won’t blow in eyes if wind is pert.
- Shave one hole cake lie soap in billin water.
- Sort things, make three piles. 1 pile white, 1 pile cullord, 1 pile work britches and rags.
- Stur flour in cold water to smooth then thin down with billin water.
- Rub dirty spots on board, scrub hard, then bile. Rub cullord but don’t bile -- just rench and starch.
- Take white things out of kettle with broom stick handle then rench, blew and starch.
- Spred tee towles on grass.
- Hang old rags on fence.
- Pore rench water in flower bed.
- Scrub porch with hot soapy water.
- Turn tubs upside down.
- Got put on cleen dress, smooth hair with side combs, brew cup of tee. Set and rest a spell and count your blessins.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
G.K. Chesterton on Mothers
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“To be Queen Elizabeth within a definite area, deciding sales, banquets, labours and holidays; to be Whiteley within a certain area, providing toys, boots, sheets, cakes and books; to be Aristotle within a certain area, teaching morals, manners, theology, and hygiene; I can understand how this might exhaust the mind, but I cannot imagine how it could narrow it. How can it be a large career to tell other people’s children about the Rule of Three, and a small career to tell one’s own children about the universe? How can it be broad to be the same thing to everyone, and narrow to be everything to someone? No; a woman’s function is laborious, but because it is gigantic, not because it is minute. I will pity Mrs. Jones for the hugeness of her task; I will never pity her for its smallness.” ~~ G.K. Chesterton
~*~*~
That's all for this month, friends! Let me know what has been helpful to you, so I can plan for future issues!
Blessings,
Virginia Knowles
