12/1/07 DRIFTING, EXPECTATIONS, MARRIAGE, TIDBITS, TIPS, SURGERY
Posted by: jhbreneman <jhbreneman@...>
ENCOURAGEMENT TO WOMEN
Compiled especially for you with love by Lois Breneman
A MOM'S CHRISTMAS LETTER
| Date: | 3/21/2007 12:00:00 AM |
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| Author: | Jim Burns, Ph.D. |
http://www.homeword.com - Used by permission
I walk our golden retriever most days early in the morning at the Dana Point Harbor near our home. Recently, Hobie and I were strolling along the water and an older couple was walking toward me holding hands. They looked so very happy.
Since my book Creating an Intimate Marriage had just been released, I am always intrigued by couples who look like they have it together. I greeted them, and they greeted me and started talking about my dog.
I then said, You look so happy. What is your secret to keeping an intimate marriage strong?
They looked at each other and then sheepishly looked at me and said, Oh were not married. And we wouldn't want our spouses to know about our (wink-wink) business trip.
Im not usually without words, but I was stunned. Obviously, this was a couple having an affair. I mumbled an awkward Oh, Im sorry as I wandered off.
They probably took my Im sorry to mean that I was sorry I thought they were married. Actually, I was sorry that they had to find a false sense of intimacy in an illegitimate relationship. Im sorry for their spouses. Im sorry for their kids. Im sorry for their blatant disobedience to their Creator.
If I were going to guess, I would say that these two people got married to the love of their lives; and then when kids and work and bills and all the rest came along, their marriage relationships were neglected. Because of all their other responsibilities, they neglected their relationships with their spouses and neglected their commitment to their marriage vows.
Then their relationships drifted. Sometimes people dont even know they are drifting until one day they look up and say, What on Earth happened to us?
Then who knows what happened, but they perhaps looked to other things and people to fill their deep desire for intimacy in their marriages. Finally, this couple chose to forfeit their God-given potential for intimacy in their marriage for the false intimacy of an affair.
As you may know, I care deeply about kids. There may be nothing more important to the security and future health of a child, than the relationship between his/her mom and dad. I have a great deal of respect and admiration for single parents as well. Almost all of them would say it would be easier to raise up a child as a couple, rather than single. If you are married, I want to encourage you to be intentional about creating intimacy in your marriage. A healthy marriage is one with a good deal of physical, emotional, and even spiritual intimacy. It brings security not only to the couple, but to their family as well.
If you dont think you have been focusing enough lately on the priority of your marriage, then I want to challenge you to invest in your relationship. It will be good for you and for your kids. It will keep you from going down a road you really dont want to go on like the couple I met at the Harbor.
Copyright 1995 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey - Used by permission
I love what Allan Lloyd McGinnis says in his book The Romance Factor:
Being an artist at romance does not require so much a sentimental or emotional nature as it requires a thoughtful nature. When we think of romance, we think of gestures or events that occur because someone makes a choice to love. A man brings his wife a single rose in the evening. A girl makes the love of her life a lemon pie with just the right degree of tartness. These don't always involve the goo of sweet emotion. They are the stuff that comes from resolution and determination.
I've got a challenge for you: Become a student of your spouse. Make a list of things that communicate love to your mate and write it in something permanent that can't be easily lost or forgotten.
Then do something unpredictable that demonstrates love to your mate, not to you. For example, if you normally bring your wife flowers, do something different, like writing a love letter. Or give her a real shock and actually take her on a "creative date" - remember those?
Barbara says that one of her favorite romantic times with me was when I surprised her with a trip to New England.
I made all the arrangements-airline, car rental and even baby-sitting. Then, one week before leaving, I began to send her on a scavenger hunt. She had to put together a puzzle that, after several days, eventually formed the states of New England. I swept her away for a delightful time traveling the roads of New England, walking and talking and taking pictures together. Just like we did on our honeymoon.
You may need to start courting again. If romance is missing in your marriage, perhaps you need to begin looking at your mate's needs and think creatively about how to affirm him or her.
Discuss: What communicates love to your mate? Set a date to quiz him or her and complete an inventory of love.
Pray: Ask God to give you ideas that would communicate love to your spouse.
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Excerpted from "Moments Together for Couples" by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.
Used with permission. Copyright 1995 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. All rights reserved.
As Easy As Pie
This was in the last newsletter, but for some mysterious reason, the website changed. Hoepfully it will come through correctly this time. This is such fun to watch and don't we wish baking a pie would be this effortless? The dishes don't even need washed!
http://www.jacquielawson.com/viewcard.asp?code=HY27482779
Sock Snowmen - http://familycrafts.about.com/cs/snowpeople/l/blsnwman1.htm
How Long Until Christmas? - If your children constantly ask, "How much longer until Christmas, Mommy?" -- Click Here
| An Easy Way to Tell Kids the Gospel This Christmas Three stories of how parents used What God Wants for Christmas to explain the true meaning of the holiday to their children. |
http://www.andiesisle.com/thefirstchristmasgift.hs.html
I KNOW WHO I AM
I am God's child ( John 1:12)
I am Christ's friend (John 15:15)
I am united with the Lord (1 Cor. 6:17)
I am bought with a price (1 Cor. 6:19-20)
I am a saint (set apart for God). (Eph. 1:1)
I am a personal witness of Christ (Acts 1:8)
I am the salt & light of the earth (Matt. 5:13-14)
I am a member of the body of Christ (1 Cor 12:27)
I am free forever from condemnation (Rom.8: 1-2)
I am a citizen of Heaven. I am significant (Phil.3:20)
I am free from any charge against me (Rom. 8:31-34)
I am a minister of reconciliation for God (2 Cor.5:17-21)
I have access to God through the Holy Spirit (Eph 2:18)
I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realms (Eph. 2:6)
I cannot be separated from the love of God (Rom.8:35-39)
I am established, anointed, sealed by God (2 Cor. 1:21-22)
I am assured all things work together for good ( Rom. 8: 28)
I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit ( John 15:16)
I may approach God with freedom and confidence (Eph. 3: 12)
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13)
I am the branch of the true vine, a channel of His life (John 15: 1-5)
I am God's temple (1 Cor. 3: 16). I am complete in Christ (Col. 2: 10)
I am hidden with Christ in God (Col. 3:3). I have been justified (Romans 5:1)
I am God's coworker (1 Cor. 3:9; 2 Cor 6:1). I am God's workmanship (Eph. 2:10)
I have been redeemed and forgiven (Col. 1:14). I have been adopted as God's child (Eph 1:5)
I belong to God
Do you know
who you are!?
Keep this bell ringing...
Working for God on earth does not pay much, but His Retirement plan is out of this world!!
By Tawra Kellam - http://www.LivingOnADime.com - Used by permission
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Take a platter of your usual raw veggies and arrange them into the shape of a Christmas tree with the broccoli forming the tree, round slices of carrots and cherry tomatoes as the ornaments and cauliflower snow around the base.
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Keep things as simple as possible. If you find that you are unable to manage the twenty-five different cookie recipes you want to make, pick two or three of your specialties and just make large batches of those. Don't serve fifteen different dishes for Christmas dinner. Just do the five or six favorites.
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Take scraps of fabric or felt and cut into Christmas shapes. You can do this by using cookie cutters or templates. Then attach them to twine, wire or ribbon and use for garland all over the house or on your tree.
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When stringing popcorn for garland, let it sit for a couple of days to get stale. Stale popcorn is easier to string. (I sure wish I'd known that last year! We made popcorn and cranberry garland. It was very pretty!)
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Put some vegetable oil on a rag and polish red and green apples. Place in a bowl and fill in the spaces with greenery. (Lemons look nice, too! ...Or is that a different time of year? 😉
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Wrap some of the pictures you have hanging on the wall to look like packages. This can be a really cute and inexpensive addition to your decorations!
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Send your Christmas packages early. This may seem like an obvious tip, but many people don't do it. You can save a huge amount of money by doing this. Not only will you save money, but the more things you can get done and out of the way early, the fewer things you will have to do all at once at the last minute when too many tasks are already stressing you out!
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When you have to send things through the mail, think about what you'll buy. Is it fragile, heavy or very large? None of these are good candidates for shipping. (Some of our family spend $150 in shipping to mail $100 worth of gifts.) Instead send smaller items like videos, CDs, or books, which can be sent inexpensively by Media Mail. If you're OK with gift certificates, you can usually send them for the price of one stamp.
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Do you like to have fresh greenery in your home for Christmas? Go to any place that sells Christmas trees (tree lots, Lowe's, Wal-Mart, etc.) and ask for the branches and cuttings that have fallen off. They are usually glad to get them off of their hands since they're just going to throw them away. Besides using them for decorations, try tucking them in and around your artificial tree to give it that fresh tree smell. (We sometimes go to a local park after a windy day and collect freshly fallen evergreen boughs.)
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For the kids' table at Christmas or just to use as a cute decoration, put a candle in a glass jar or bowl. Fill the rest of the bowl around the bottom of the candle with cinnamon candies, peppermints, nuts or colored gum balls or jaw breakers.
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I like decorating my house in a Candyland theme each year. If you have the same type of theme, at each place setting for dinner, decorate a small glass jar with a ribbon around it and fill it with multi-colored candy. This not only adds to the table decorations, but you can write the person's name on the jar and make it a small gift for him or her to take home.
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One of our traditions at Christmas is to always dress up. After all, we are celebrating Jesus' birthday, and in the same way that we would dress our very best if we were invited to the birthday party of the Queen of England or the President, why do any less for Christ's birthday? Besides, dressing up adds to the fun!
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Buy your Christmas tree after December 15th when they are much less expensive.
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Instead of a fancy tree skirt, use a white sheet. The colored gifts look great against the white. (Then your seven year old can decide she wants to wear the tree skirt herself!)
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Don't worry about the extra expense of a "tree extender". They don't really work. Your tree just needs lots and lots of water. Make sure the cut end is always under water or it'll seal itself shut and stop drinking. Check often! Your tree may drink gallons of water in the first few days.
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Go to your carpet store and ask for the cardboard cores that carpet comes on. I wrap them in white plastic trash bags and twist red ribbon around them. That way I have instant giant peppermint sticks for my outside decorations (and they don't cost $50 each like the ones in the stores).
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Are some of your Christmas decorations and ornaments looking a little battle-scarred and worn? Maybe you want to change from the country look to a more sophisticated look? Try spray-painting your older things with gold, silver or copper paint.
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Recycle that artificial tree that you don't want any more. Bend the branches and connect them to make either one very large wreath or several small ones. If you're not ready to part with an artificial tree, you can still watch at garage sales for inexpensive trees to use for wreaths in the coming year.
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If you send a lot of cards each year, consider sending postcards instead of Christmas cards. They are less expensive to buy and cost less to send. You can even recycle some of the fronts of old Christmas cards to use as postcards.
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Got more eggnog than you can drink? Use leftover eggnog for French toast. Just add a little cinnamon to it and it works wonderfully.
I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find any more free time in the next 18 years.
Here are my Christmas wishes:
I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache after a day of chasing kids (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't flap in the breeze, but are strong enough to carry a screaming toddler out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.
I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.
If you're hauling big ticket items this year, I'd like a car with fingerprint-resistant windows and a radio that plays only big-people music; a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.
On the practical side, I could use a talking daughter doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with one potty-trained toddler, two kids who don't fight, and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools. I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting, "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can be heard only by the dog.
And please don't forget the Playdoh Travel Pack, the hottest stocking stuffer this year for mothers of preschoolers. It comes in three fluorescent colors and is guaranteed to crumble on any carpet, making the in-laws' house seem just like mine.
If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.
If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It would clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family; or if my toddler didn't look so cute sneaking downstairs in his pajamas to eat contraband ice cream at midnight.
Yours Always, Mom
P.S. One more thing: You can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young.
A CHRISTMAS CRY WITH KIDS
By Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC - http://www.markbrandenburg.com - Used by permission
I was worried my kids wouldnt get to bed on time. It was close to the time theyd normally get their pajamas on, but it was a special night. Tonight was the night to decorate the Christmas tree. When I saw the excitement in their eyes, my concern with their bedtime ended. While my thoughts were fixed on late bedtimes and tired kids, their thoughts were on hope, promise, and the excitement of the holidays.
On this night, hope and promise won out. As I watched them running from the decorations to the tree, I began to feel their hope and excitement. I felt further and further from the everyday worries of moments before. And as I watched them working together to create something beautiful, something else happened. I began to be filled with love for them. I watched them for awhile longer, and said, You know, you two are great.
My 6-year-old son hesitated for a second. You are too, Dad, he said.
It was my turn to hesitate. For a moment, I felt numb, and then the feelings came. Tears of joy and gratitude streamed down my face. Thanks, buddy, I whispered back. My eight-year old daughter glanced at me and asked me if I was crying. Yes, honey, Im very happy right now, I told her. She walked over to me and gave me a hug. A second wave of feelings came, and I breathed deeply. As I sat there hugging my daughter, there was a part of me that was concerned about my kids taking emotional care of me. It felt a bit uncomfortable to be crying in front of my kids, and it felt odd for my daughter to comfort me.
But there was something else happening here. We were having a moment. It was a moment where we felt how close we could be, and it was a moment when my kids were seeing my authentic joy and gratitude. A moment we would all remember for the rest of our lives.
After the moment passed, we continued to decorate the tree with lights and ornaments. When wed finished, we got back into the daily routine of bedtime preparations. When my wife and I had gotten our kids to bed, I reflected on the moment that had passed, and my life as a parent. I thought about how easy it was for us to feel unappreciated, disrespected, and taken for granted as parents. It seems we do so much for our kids, and we dont get the recognition we deserve. When life gets hard, we often long for the past, or look to the future, but we avoid the beauty of the present.
And then a moment like this comes along. One of the moments that creates meaning in your life. The kind of moment that reminds you of why youre doing all youre doing. And when you experience this kind of moment, its easier to live each day and each moment with joy and gratitude. Its easier to face the occasional drudgery of everyday life. And its easier to remember why we were put on this earth: To love each other, and to help create a better world through that love.
As you move into this holiday season, remember to open yourself to your own moments. They can happen at any time, and theyll appear when you have the courage and awareness to open yourself to the present moment. These moments can be filled by joy or pain, but they shouldnt be judged by the happiness they create. They should be judged by whether you open yourself to that moment, and whether this moment fills your heart and your spirit.
May your heart and spirit be filled with moments this holiday season, and may you teach your children to open themselves to this spirit as well.
Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches busy fathers by phone to balance their life and improve their family relationships. Mark is an Instructor for the Academy for Coaching Parents(http://www.acpi.biz), and the author of 25 Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers. http://www.markbrandenburg.com/father.htm Visit him and the free resources at his site at http://www.markbrandenburg.com
CHRISTMAS QUOTES
bulging bundles is this beating Christmas heart. -- George Matthew Adams
Many Heart to Heart ladies and their families need our prayers, so
The purpose of the Heart to Heart Newsletter is to encourage women and build biblical values into daily living through practical creative ideas for the Christian family regarding marriage, children, homemaking, and much more. Receive this free bimonthly newsletter by sending your name, city, state, e-mail address, and name of your referral person to Lois at <a title=mailto:[email protected] href="mailto:[email protected]">[email protected]. New subscribers will receive a Welcome, a "Start-Up Kit," and several recent newsletters.
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