6/6/07 FATHERS, TEENS, JESUS LOVES ME, LEARNING TO HELP AT HOME
Posted by: jhbreneman <jhbreneman@...>
ENCOURAGEMENT TO WOMEN
Compiled especially for you with love by Lois Breneman
Be sure to make your father J by . him a + or giving him a (call. Send him a message by : too, listing as many good memories you can think of about growing up, especially where he was involved. He will be so J to hear from you! B
| Date: | 5/23/2007 12:00:00 AM |
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| Author: | Wayne Rice |
“It was weird. Dad and I drove over to Aunt Betty’s to help her move. On the way home in the car, we just started talking. About all kinds of stuff. I don’t think I’ve ever talked with Dad like that in my whole life. I mean, I actually saw him as a regular person. It was kind of neat, but it was also kind of weird.”
To communicate successfully with a teenager is to be patient. Sometimes you will have surprisingly positive conversations with your kids, but they can’t be forced. They happen when they happen. Planning to have a conversation is fine, but you also have to accept that it may not turn out the way you planned.
For six years, I took my son Nathan out to breakfast once a week so that we could have marvelous conversations over our bacon and eggs. But I quickly learned that it takes two to tango. More often than not, we had short snippets of talk–not quite conversation, not very deep or interesting–but usually civil. Sometimes we just didn’t have much to say at all.
But just because good conversation doesn’t take place every time doesn’t mean you stop trying. I learned to be grateful for those few-and-far-between chances my kids gave me to share my heart with them or to listen intently to what was on theirs.
Stealth communication is trusting that even though communication with your teenager is often difficult, it does in fact happen. You can increase the odds of it happening by spending more time with your kids, talking in pleasant rather than preachy tones, accentuating the positive, avoiding cutting remarks, and using humor. Your efforts will pay eventual dividends.
The art of stealth communication is also the art of learning to communicate in the language your teenager understands best. That doesn’t mean you have to use the latest teen slang or become a stand-up comic. In fact you may not have to speak at all.
Some parents communicate best with their kids by writing letters or notes to them. Most kids hear better with their eyes than with their ears. Some parents like to sneak notes into their teen’s school lunch, hide them in their sock drawer, or plant one under their pillow. You can mail them or deliver them in person. If you prefer, use e-mail, although I prefer good old paper and ink. If writing is difficult for you, try putting messages on audio or video.
Perhaps you enjoy writing poems or songs. I know several parents who communicate best with their kids by composing poetry. You can communicate with drawings, photographs, cartoons, jokes, and stories. And they don’t have to be original with you. If you hear a song on the radio that expresses how you feel, a story that touches your heart, or a joke that makes you laugh, just share it with your kids. It’s not surprising that kids often treasure these kinds of communications and keep them for years.
Every young person has his or her own unique way of responding to what they hear, see, and experience. Some are visual learners, others are auditory. Some are feelers; others are thinkers. As parents, we need to understand and appreciate the language our kids speak best and then find a voice to match it. Too often, we tend to communicate primarily in our own language–what is most comfortable to us–rather than theirs. Use a variety of communication styles with your kids. Trial and error, experimentation, and persistence will lead you to some truly inspired moments when you will connect and come through loud and clear.
(Excerpted from Wayne Rice’s book, Cleared for Takeoff. For more information about the book click here.) http://www.homeword.com/Articles/ArticleDetail.aspx?iArticleId=603
Used by permission
| Date: | 3/23/2007 12:00:00 AM |
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| Author: | Jim Burns, Ph.D. |
Excerpted from the book, Confident Parenting by Jim Burns, Ph.D - Used by permission
When my wife, Cathy, and I found out we were going to be parents for the first time, I was brimming with confidence. After all, I had college degrees in psychology and ministry, and had been working with parents and teens for nearly a decade. Cathy had a studied early childhood education in college, and had a wonderful way with kids. So – “How hard could it be?” we thought.
Well, from the moment we brought our precious daughter, Christy, home with us, we knew that parenting was a lot tougher when you were actually responsible for your own kids!
Fortunately, God is gracious and merciful to parents and children alike. And now that Christy and her two sisters have moved through adolescence into young adulthood, I want to share with you five tips Cathy and I have discovered to be essential for keeping a level head in the parenting department. These foundational principles will really boost your confidence also.
- Bless Your Children.
Kids love praise – in fact, I’m convinced that they crave it. During their growing up years, they have a tendency to gravitate toward the adult (or the “senior member” of their circle of influence) in hopes of finding approval from that person. Why not make it you?! There is absolutely no substitute for receiving a blessing from Mom and Dad during a child’s formative years. It will literally propel them to new heights spiritually, emotionally and relationally by providing a foundation of a healthy self-image. Try it and see!
- Overcome Negative Family Patterns.
Now, I realize that this one isn’t always easy to do – especially if you grew up in a home with a physically abusive father or a verbally demeaning mom. But the fact is that you can be part of the Transitional Generation who stops blaming bad behavior from the past as an excuse for bad parenting today. Get the help you need to heal the hurts of your own childhood . . . and then start setting healthy, loving and supportive examples for your own kids. (Start using the power of sacrificial love to your advantage!)
- Create a Grace-Filled Home.
Every cluster of teen or pre-teen friends has a certain place they like to hang out . . . and 99 times out of 100, that place is the home where grace abounds. You don’t have to be “parent of the year” to create the kind of atmosphere that makes kids feel welcome. But if you can create that special spot, you will be on your way to being that special Mom or Dad that all of your kids’ friends want to adopt.
- Communicate with A.W.E. (Affection, Warmth and Encouragement).
This one is a no-brainer. Affection, Warmth and Encouragement can work to your advantage to melt the heart of even the most stubborn teen or pre-teen. You don’t have to be a pushover in this department; in fact, remember that leniency does not equal love. But if you are fair, firm and consistent with the “house rules” in your home . . . and you enforce them with affection, warmth and encouragement, you’ll build a stronger bond with your kids. And that will be a tremendous confidence-booster for you as a parent.
- Raise Kids Who Love God and Themselves.
This is where the “r” word comes in . . . respect. When kids are taught the value of obeying their parents, honoring and respecting God is easy. That obedience makes it easier to establish a loving relationship with Him once they receive the free gift of salvation. But don’t stop there. Give your kids the gift of learning self-respect as well. This could be one of the most precious commodities an adolescent will ever get. Self-respecting kids do a better job of making right and wise decisions in life . . . and they’ll learn self-respect from you, Mom and Dad!
Trust God to give you the confidence you need to train up His children in the way they should go . . . and when they are older, you will all rejoice a lot more!
God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them. Hebrews 12:7,10
Our nation's families face a desperate situation. Sixty percent of all the children born in your community today will spend at least part of the first 18 years of life without a father in their lives. And too many men who remain with their families are passive, disengaged, uninvolved.
As a result, many young men do not know what it means to be a man. They experience neither a father's discipline nor his tender care and nurture. They have no role model of what a real man does, how he acts and how he relates to the opposite sex.
Frankly, those of us in the Christian community are partly to blame. We have the truth, but we've been far too quiet. We haven't equipped men or women to understand how God designed the sexes to function and complete one another. We've not countered the feminists who have completely redefined the role of women, and emasculated men in the process.
Without being simplistic, let me recommend three things you can do. First, pray. As a father, pray for yourself, that you will be a real man in the biblical sense-a man who humbly and sacrificially leads and loves your family.
Second, shape your own definition and conviction of what a real man is. And third, provide your sons and daughters with a clear understanding of sexual identity. This is more than sex education. We need to train our children about the responsibilities of men and women and how they are to relate to one another.
Talk to your sons and daughters about what being a man means. Help your sons become men who honor their commitments, persevere and serve their families. Help your daughters understand what a real man is and what they should expect from him. Our youth need someone to tell them what a real man is and what he does.
Pray: That God will help you as husband and wife to understand manhood as God would have it, and communicate this to your children.
Excerpted from "Moments Together for Couples" by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.
Copyright 1995 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. All rights reserved. Used with permission.
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Contributed by Albin Crutchfield of Virginia
Source unknown - Thanks to Jean Breneman, a great-grandmother in PA, for sending this!
Many years ago a church in Atlanta was honoring one of its senior pastors who had been retired many years. He was 92 at that time and I wondered why the church even bothered to ask the old gentleman to preach at that age. After a warm welcome and introduction of this speaker, as the applause quieted down, he rose from his high back chair and walked slowly, with great effort and a sliding gate to the podium. Without a note or written paper of any kind, he placed both hands on the pulpit to steady himself and then quietly and slowly he began to speak.
"When I was asked to come here today and talk to you, your pastor asked me to tell you what was the greatest lesson ever learned in my 50 odd years of preaching. I thought about it for a few days and boiled it down to just one thing that made the most difference in my life and sustained me through all my trials. The one thing that I could always rely on when tears, hear break, pain, fear and sorrow paralyzed me. The only thing that would comfort was this verse.
"Jesus loves me this I know.
For the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to him belong,
We are weak but he is strong.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
The Bible tells me so."
When he finished, the church was quiet. You actually could hear his footsteps as he shuffled back to his chair. I don't believe I will ever forget it.
A pastor once stated, "I always noticed that it was the adults who chose the children's hymn 'Jesus Loves Me' (for the children of course) during a hymn sing, and it was the adults who sang the loudest because I could see they knew it the best."
"Here is a new senior version just for us who have white hair, or ! no hair at all. For us over middle age (or even those almost there) and all you others, check out this newest version of "Jesus Loves Me." It is quite good, so read, sing and enjoy it."
Jesus Loves Me
Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me, The Bible tells me so.
Though my hair is white as snow. In my heart He puts a song.
Though my sight is growing dim, Telling me in words so clear,
Still He bids me trust in Him. "Have no fear, for I am near."
2) Though my steps are oh, so slow, 5) When my work on earth is done,
With my hand in His I'll go And life's victories have been won.
On through life, let come what may, He will take me home above,
He'll be there to lead the way. Then I'll understand His love.
3) Though I am no longer young, 6) I love Jesus, does He know?
I have much which He's begun. Have I ever told Him so?
Let me serve Christ with a smile, Jesus loves to hear me say,
Go with others the extra mile. That I love Him every day.
Here’s something I’ve been thinking about lately: There’s a quest for “perfect mommydom” and so much pressure on mothers today because we are a society obsessed with perfection. There is pressure from without and pressure from within, like one mother of three girls said, “Everything I do I’m a perfectionist—I want to be a great mom, the best teacher. But I feel overwhelmed and stressed out a lot. I feel responsible for everything.”
But it’s not just moms who feel the pressure to be perfect. There’s a crushing pressure from the media and culture for perfection, particularly physical. In only a few minutes at Barnes & Noble bookstore recently I saw these feature articles in different magazines: *Perfect Skin Tips *Perfect Flat Abs *The Perfect Jeans for Your Body *Tips for a perfect relationship with your husband! *Discover the Perfect Little Black Dress *Fake, flawless skin with the perfect foundation (I particularly thought that one was interesting: fake, perfect, flawless? Get real…)
There’s the pressure to be Super-Woman who races through her to-do list faster than a speeding bullet…and says, “Yes, I’ll run the parent-teacher organization, head up a new project at work; I can host the school trip, make cupcakes for a church event, teach Sunday school, look great and be the perfect mom! The down-side is, she’s super-exhausted, and may end up feeling guilty that she didn’t do more or that people didn’t appreciate her. This is a recipe for depletion, disconnection & discouragement.
Can we let go of the compulsive striving for perfection? The perfect parent/perfect child idea is a myth anyway. God is the only One who’s perfect and look how much trouble He had with His kids, Adam and Eve! If we have out-of-reach, unrealistic expectations for our children, they’ll fall short, and our husbands won’t be able to measure up either. I heard one husband say, “My wife is so busy trying to make me into the father of the year and husband of the year there’s no chance to just be or for her to enjoy me.”
Did you know that perfectionism affects our spiritual life and can even be a major roadblock to a vibrant connection with God? “Spirituality involves first seeing ourselves truly, as the paradoxical and imperfect beings that we are,” is a profound thought from The Spirituality of Imperfection [Check out this issue’s book review]. It’s actually the embracing of imperfection not the trying to act perfect that draws us to God. Remember the story of the Pharisee and the sinner in Luke 18:9-14? Please read this important passage and think about how it relates to our topic! Saints of old tells us that “from flawedness flows the need for help” — help for what we can’t face or accomplish alone. In seeking God’s help, we accept and admit our own powerlessness, that we are not God (first step in AA or for any human being’s recovery), and that we are not in control. That’s when true spirituality and connection with God begins.
What are some ways we can avoid the pitfalls of perfectionism? These are just a few thoughts; I admit I’m only scratching the surface, here, but I’d love to hear your insights and feedback on this subject, readers!
A good place to start is to reject the myth of perfection and embrace your imperfection and the imperfection of those around you. Rather than aiming for perfection in our children and our parenting skills and then being very disappointed when we or they don’t meet those expectations, we can depend on God’s grace to be the parent your children need, keep asking God for wisdom, and be thankful when our kids’ behavior makes us happy! (This also applies to being a grandparent, wife, sister or friend).
Avoid the compulsive drive for perfection. The pursuit of excellence is great but when it becomes a drive for perfection it can become unhealthy. When perfectionist parents put pressure on their kids, they tend to become little perfectionists who are excessively driven, become prisoners of their own expectations, and even wind up underachieving. (Check out my book Raising Motivated Kids for some helpful, positive stuff on this). Help your children accept that we’re humans who will make mistakes even when we’re trying our best, and let them hear you acknowledge your failures without acting like it’s the end of the world (“Oh, I goofed on that project, but it’s okay. I can figure out a different way to make it work”). Asking forgiveness when you blow it provides a great role model of humility and honesty.
Consider praying a prayer such as, “God, have mercy on me” instead of judging or comparing yourself to others.
And finally, but not less importantly--Cultivate a sense of humor. In a stressful moment, it’s difficult to laugh about your mistakes. But humor can help overcome the drive for perfection and help us manage in our stress-filled world. It allows us to laugh in a friendly way at our mistakes and avoid become overly serious about everything that happens. Humor and laughter are good for the brain and one of the best stress-relievers God gave us.
I love quotes and have gathered them over the years. I hope you enjoy these quotes to ponder as well: "To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone. " -- Reba McEntire
"The world is full of happiness and plenty to go round, if you are only willing to take the kind that comes your way. The whole secret is in being pliable." --Daddy-Long-Legs, Jean Webster, 1912
"You can’t expect two stars to drop in the same field in one lifetime." -- Mary Poppins, P.L. Travers, 1934
APPLESAUCE STUFFING MEATLOAF
Most men seem to love meatloaf, but some women don't enjoy mixing it together with their hands, so try this method of mixing it in a Ziplock bag! Involve your children in making this meatloaf for their father. If your family enjoys the recipe, you could have your children help make about 8 times this amount again when ground chuck is on sale. Use latex gloves and mix the ingredients in a large dishpan. Serve one loaf for dinner that day and freeze the other 7 for future meals! Save time and money!
For a recipe variation, make Shepherd's Pie! Bake a meatloaf for 40 minutes, pull it out, and drain off any fat. Spread mashed potatoes with grated cheese mixed in over the top of the loaf, before baking the remaining 20 minutes. After baking, sprinkle with more grated cheese and a little dill weed or sweet basil.
2 lbs. ground chuck
1 small onion, chopped
1 egg, beaten
1 cup applesauce
1 cup herb flavored stuffing (or dried bread crusts, cubed, with herbs)
1 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. pepper
1/8 tsp. nutmeg
Mix all ingredients together in a large Ziplock bag and squish together. Kids love doing this! Even toddlers can help! Form mixture into a loaf either in a loaf pan or on a baking sheet. Bake at 350 degrees for 1 hour.
CHICKEN TACOS
Thanks to Barb Campbell in Mississippi for this great recipe!
Have you ever made chicken tacos? Cook boneless chicken breasts in the crockpot. Add a packet of taco seasoning mix (or the equivalent of homemade mix) and 2 cups chicken broth. Cook for 6 - 8 hours (all day) on low. Remove the chicken ... discard juice ... shred chicken with 2 forks. They are sooo yum!
By Lois Breneman, © 2007 - Heart to Heart Newsletter - <a title=mailto:[email protected] href="mailto:[email protected]">[email protected]
Emily Danielle Martin was born on April 20, 2007. She is the 7th child of Mitchell and Bridgette Martin of Londonderry, New Hampshire. Myles - 10, Kate - 9, Susanna - 7, John - 5, Heidi - 3, Nathan - 1 1/2, and now Emily Danielle are growing up in a Jesus-centered home, with all but Nathan and Emily able to read the Scripture. All the older 5 children do dishes, sweep the floor, wash off chairs and table, fold laundry, empty kitty litter, and all share the chores, from "Sippy cup Chore," to "Home School Clean-up." Dawson and Madeline Trotman in Virginia are the proud grandparents of 15 grandchildren, but another daughter, Mindy Noyes, along with her husband, Ian, leave for Ethiopia this month to bring Eyob Noyes, 14 months, and Dinknish Noyes, close to 3 years old, home to join their 7 year old son, Jacob, so by the end of June the Trotmans will be blessed with a grand total of 17 grandchildren! Lots of precious blessings!
The purpose of the Heart to Heart Newsletter is to encourage women and build biblical values into daily living through practical creative ideas for the Christian family regarding marriage, children, homemaking, and much more. Receive this free bimonthly newsletter by sending your name, city, state, e-mail address, and name of your referral person to Lois at <a title=mailto:[email protected] href="mailto:[email protected]">[email protected]. New subscribers will receive a "Start-Up Kit."
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