6/9/05 OUTDOOR ROOMS, BACKYARD, BEDTIME RESISTANCE, MARRIAGE
Posted by: jhbreneman <jhbreneman@...>
ENCOURAGEMENT TO WOMEN
Compiled especially for YOU with LOVE by Lois Breneman
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6/9/05 OUTDOOR ROOMS, BACKYARD, BEDTIME RESISTANCE, MARRIAGE
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IN THIS ISSUE:
A MESSAGE TO ALL THE "HEART TO HEART" LADIES
CREATING OUTDOOR ROOMS FROM SCRATCH, ON A BUDGET!
BACKYARD PLAY AREA
BEDTIME RESISTANCE REMEDY
PARENTING POWER IN THE EARLY YEARS: RAISING YOUR CHILD BIRTH TO AGE FIVE - BOOK BY BRENDA NIXON
SUMMER SNACKS
MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE AFFAIR-PROOF
CORRECTIONS
A YOUNG WIDOW WITH THREE SMALL CHILDREN
PROVIDE SCRIPTURES AND TRAINING WORLDWIDE
THROUGH PARTNERSHIP WITH BIBLE LEAGUE
KIDS' QUOTES
CELEBRATE WITH US AS WE WELCOME NEW "HEART TO HEART" BABIES!
A MESSAGE TO ALL THE "HEART TO HEART" LADIES
Thank you so much for your patience after we lost our hard drive shortly after the May 5th newsletter was sent. Getting back online took longer than normal, because of my husband's mandatory overtime work and my being in Pennsylvania for ten days with my daughter and grandson, then going to two wonderful family reunions there. It was great to have our three children, son-in-law and grandson together for both reunions, as we all traveled from three states to be together in another.
I commend my husband, John, for successfully retrieving all of our Juno files from seven years of work, and transporting them to our new computer, after being told it couldn't be done. He worked very hard so "Heart to Heart" could continue and I appreciate that so much. It would have been difficult without having all of my original files. I know many of you prayed about this and we thank you so much! We are thankful that the Lord answered with a "Yes!"
Hearing from quite a few of you in response to my brief message sent from the library was very special to me, especially hearing from some who wrote for the first time ever! I will try to reply to each one soon.
Because of the month-long silence from "Heart to Heart," look for an extra issue this summer. Fathers will be the main theme of the next newsletter. Father's Day is June 19!
CREATING OUTDOOR ROOMS FROM SCRATCH, ON A BUDGET!
By Kathleen Wilson ~ Used by permission
Creating an outdoor living space is no longer just about increasing property values or impressing the occasional guest. It is about creating a warm, welcoming, nurturing place to come home to a place that soothes the stress of out daily life, and brings us closer to nature and spirit. And we have to remember that decorating our home should not stop inside our front door!
It doesnt have to be complicated to create your own outdoor haven, and it doesnt have to cost a lot of money! Follow my step by step instructions to create a personal outdoor space from even the smallest nook, the tightest budget, and with beginning skills.
Step One: Find a spot in your yard that could provide privacy, a view, warm bathing sun whatever most appeals to you for your special place. This could be as little as your overhang near your front door, a slice of ground in your side yard, to a corner on top of your apartment roof! If space is at a premium, look for areas where a shrub could be removed, or a bar b que stored, or even a privacy screen erected to provide your room. A small space is actually easier to decorate, and more intimate!
Step Two: In order to give the sense and security of a room, you need to provide some structure in the form of walls. No, this isn't the construction phase! In fact, no construction is needed for this room, just some creative ideas! Walls can be created out of a row of planters, existing wood fences or walls, living plants in the garden, or a lattice panel supported by two posts. These walls need not be solid structures, just the mere illusion of a wall to stop the eye is enough. Use the patio or porch structure as your walls, and add potted plants as needed to create intimacy. Plant a trellis in a rectangular planter with some morning glories or other fast growing vine, and you have portable walls that can easily be moved to expand, or enclose the space, depending on the occasion or use. If your special place is away from the walls of porch or house, cement two four by four posts into the ground with quick setting cement (no mixing required, you do it right in the hole!), and attach a simple lattice panel found at your home improvement center.
Step Three: Add a floor and ceiling! Floors in your outdoor room can consist of anything from gravel to decking to concrete! If your outdoor room just has dirt floors and money is tight, add a bag of pea gravel or mulch to dress it up. Nylon throw rugs hold up pretty well to the outdoors if they are out of direct sun, but no fabric will last forever outdoors, so go for the cheap ones you dont mind throwing away at the end of the season. If you have concrete floors, paint an area rug right on the concrete! Use foam brushes, mask out your shape with tape, and try to choose natural colors that go with the surrounding or your homes colors. Use stencils on top of the
base coat for a custom look. Use the chisel edge of the foam brush to tap fringe at the end of each rug. Seal with polyurethane formulated for outdoors, and it should last years!
As far as ceilings go, the sky works for me! If you have an overhead structure, consider growing a fast covering vine for shade and ambience. Morning glories are a great annual that fits the bill! You can also hang light fixtures from beams or hooks look for old chandeliers at garage sales you can strip and transform to hold candles instead of electricity!
Step Four: Now, we need to furnish the space. Consider what you will be doing in your space will you need a table for dining, will it just be a private retreat for one, or will you be entertaining guests here? If the area is covered such as a porch or patio, feel free to bring out some interior items, provided they are not too precious. This would be a great place for thrift store finds. If all you can afford is the cheap plastic stuff, never fear! Krylon makes a new spray paint called Fusion that adheres to plastic without priming use that to customize your colors, then add accessories to dress it up!
Step Five: The best fun there is accessorizing! There is no reason to treat your outdoor room much different from the indoor ones except you have to make allowances for weather. Benches and seats cry out for fluffy pillows and cozy throws for those cool nights out star watching. Outdoor fabric is available, but I just use cheap twin sheets on sale, and stitch up accessories I dont have to stress about! (Hint: Use ties for your pillows if you live in an area with wind!) Candles are ideal, or you can make your own firepit by simply lining a debris free area with sand or gravel, then edging it with stone or bricks. Remember to NEVER leave a fire unattended, and always have a water source nearby. Make paper mache sculptures and coat with linseed oil to waterproof them, and use them on tabletops or hung from ceiling beams. Containers of plants gathered in corners, windchimes from the dollar shop hung off a branch, and my favorite birdhouses are affordable and ideal for outdoors. I pick up wooden birdhouses from the craft shop and decorate them myself in different themes, then cluster them on tables, or hang them in groups on garden walls.
The key here is to remember that creating a space to enjoy nature is not only easy, it can be inexpensive and fun! We all need that time to absorb what the outdoors has to offer us, and no one should, or needs to be deprived of that based on their income.
Kathy Wilson is an author, national columnist, and editor of The Budget Decorator. For hundreds of free budget decorating ideas and to sign up for her free online newsletter, visit her at http://www.TheBudgetDecorator.com Author of "Quick Decorating Ideas Under $20"
BACKYARD PLAY AREA
Dollar Stretcher - http://www.stretcher.com/stories/05/05apr25a.cfm ~ Used by permission
Question:
I am a single mom of a 10-year-old girl. She is very athletic and wants a fort type, climbing structure. I can't afford what I've seen out there. Are there any suggestions about using/finding items to make a recycled play area? I would be doing it myself. I know it's a big job, but she needs an area for herself. My yard is not that big, but I do have two large orange trees. Ideas or suggestions would be really appreciated. ~ Betty C.
Answers:
Search Online - Go to http://www.craigslist.org and select your city and search under things for sale. Craigslist is a non-profit website where people can post things they want to sell and buy. Since you search in your city or one nearby, there are no shipping costs and you arrange with the
seller privately for payment, pickup/delivery, etc. I've found it to be cheaper than eBay and full of things for kids! ~ Mary in Colorado
A Climber's Delight - I saw a wonderful idea in a book about children garden designs from my local library. They installed two 6x6 posts that were buried below the frost line and went straight up about eight feet. They were about six to eight feet apart. Three or four holes were drilled at parallel distances up the pole starting about two feet up from the ground. A heavy nylon rope was then strung to form horizontal lines between the poles. Another rope was spiraled around the front of the parallel ropes and tied wherever two ropes met forming a spider web climbing area. Another post was secured across the top of the two poles, overhanging on one side far enough for a swing. Perfect jungle gym and swing for the price of three posts and some rope. Ensure that the posts are secure and all knots are tight for safety sake. ~ Jennifer
Make Known Your Need - I suggest that you make flyers stating your need and place them on grocery store or church bulletin boards. Many parents would rather have their expensive play set used by someone who really wants it rather than have it unused or thrown away. You could also place an ad in the penny saver/local shopper. I have seen similar ads for items wanted by people in need. ~ Tiffany
Recycle an Old Deck - My family built one by recycling an old deck that my uncle was tearing out. We only had to purchase the 4x4 posts (5) to support the structure. It is a two-story structure with the deck railing around each story and it has two swings. We bought a reject can of stain to stain it when it was finished. It was a weekend project that was fun for all. ~ Gayla V.
Talk to Realtors - Check with local realtors to ask if when they sell a house with a play structure that the new owners don't want, they would give them your number. Also, check to see if your local paper has a "free" section, as I have seen these advertised for free as long as you do the hauling. Until you are able to find the type of structure she wants, consider getting a few big appliance boxes that she can cut, decorate and otherwise form into a fort. If that doesn't last for long, consider getting a few 2x2s and a spare sheet and make a teepee. These ideas will give her at least part of what she wants, a fort, and are very cheap and easy to change as whim dictates. ~ Eric
Join a Freecycle Group in Your Area - I belong to a Yahoo freecycle group in my area. People often request and offer these kinds of items. The items must be free. You will probably need to arrange to transport and rebuild the swing set yourself. The giver of the items just supplies the unwanted stuff. I have given away a handful of items and received several for my home just by signing up and reading the offers. ~ Deborah, RI
Used Tires as Building Material - When I was a kid, my favorite playground was the one at my elementary school, which had been built by volunteers out of used tires. They formed all kinds of interesting structures for climbing on, including a central castle with four "drawbridges" and, in the primary school section, a crouching dragon. There were also tire swings hung up
horizontally by three chains so you could recline in them. Obviously you won't have room for anything this elaborate, but do look into used tires as a building material. It's amazing what you can do with them. ~ Amy
From Pallet Topper to Play House - We have built a couple of great play houses using "pallet toppers" from a local bindery. Pallet toppers are solid pallets that are used on top of pallets of books or paper to keep them from being damaged. They are very sturdy and can come in large sizes. ~ Elisa
BEDTIME RESISTANCE REMEDY
by Brenda Nixon, M.A. - © 2002/2005 Brenda Nixon (http://www.brendanixon.com).
Reprinted with permission from the author - All rights reserved
If you haven't been frazzled by a preschooler who resists going to bed, you're probably not a parent. My younger daughter, Laura, was the Queen of Stall. I defined bedtime as being in bed - with both legs - and lights out. Laura defined it as time to begin getting ready for going to bed. And while getting ready she'd suddenly get an attack of janitoritis and clean her room, neatly fold clothes that had lain under the bed for days, or organize her stuffed animals. Once in bed, she'd jump up with, "I want a drink," or "I forgot to brush my teeth," or the most famous, "I got a
kingernail," (fingernail) which one of us would have to clip before she could relax into slumber. My husband or I would holler, "Go to bed!" a dozen times every night.
Kids Need their Sleep!
With all my education in child development, the mother in me still fell prey to my daughter's manipulation. I knew in my head that this age dawdles. And I knew preschoolers are great at charming their parents. And I knew they love being in the center of the action. If an older sibling
is watching TV, Dad is working in the garage, or you have company, the three to five-year-old will find endless reasons to resist separating for bed. But preschoolers need 11-12 hours total sleep in a 24-hour cycle. That can include a nap. Half of all preschoolers still need a daily nap. When they are rested they have more energy to grow and learn. So even if my heart said, "Let her stay up," my head said, "Get her in bed and keep her there." Parenting power is knowing something and putting it into practice.
Finding a Key Motivator.
What did my husband and I do? Laura loved going to sleep with the hallway light shining in her room. So we bought a dimmer switch and installed it in her room. Then we explained that instead of the hallway light she could dim the bedroom light to go to sleep. We wanted Laura to sense her ability to sleep alone. So we told her that she could control the level of darkness in her room only if she went to bed on time and stayed there. Then we added, "If you get out of bed we turn off the light."
Of course the first night she had to challenge our word -- and the light was turned off. The second night the dimmer switch was lowered once. The third night, Laura went to bed quickly and stayed there. For a long time all we had to remind was, "Stay in bed or I'm turning off the light." We used something important to our daughter so she'd be more committed to changing her behavior.
Dr. Richard Ferber, author of Solve You Child's Sleep Problems (Simon & Schuster), advises closing the bedroom door for a minute. He says that parents can talk through the door to reassure their child. This method works successfully for many families. Personally, I felt that would have isolated Laura, deepening her resistance to being separated.
Sleep Challenges with Older Kids.
Now you might think we ended that very common problem. We did until a couple years later when Laura again jumped up several times at bedtime. It was like she had springs in her legs. Returning to our same strategy, we determined what mattered to her. This time it was money. We explained that when she stayed in bed, she kept her allowance; that was her source of independence. If she got out of bed, she lost a quarter -- big money in those days. It was tough to walk in her bedroom early one evening and restate, "Laura, I told you if you got out of bed you'd lose a quarter," then go over to her panda bank and shake out the coin. My heart said I was a thief stealing a little girl's money! My head said, "Stick to your word and you'll prevent similar challenges to your authority." My head was right.
You Don't have to get Angry to be Effective.
Preschool parents have shared with me similar stories to get their kids to bed. I've heard everything from using the security blanket to a flashlight, from installing a fish aquarium to lying about lobsters crawling around the floor. When tired parents feel at the end of their rope they try almost anything. You don't have to be angry to be effective. Instead, remember this remedy for bedtime resistance:
*Determine what Works with Your Child.
*Help your child gain independence and ability to sleep alone.
*Stick with your rule.
Today Laura is 16 years old and quite able to express herself. I asked if she remembered those nights and why she resisted bedtime so much. She replied, "I hated being alone in my room, especially when I could hear you guys out in the living room having fun without me."
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Reprinted with permission from Parenting Power in the Early Years: Raising Your Child Birth to Age Five by Brenda Nixon (2001, WinePress Publishing). This book gives insight and encouragement to moms on raising an infant, toddler, or preschooler. It's research-based information written in a warm, conversational style and very affirming. You may have heard it promoted on Focus on the Family's "Weekend Magazine" or "Focus on Your Child" radio ministries.
Brenda Nixon (http://www.brendanixon.com) is a speaker/writer dedicated to building strong families through parent empowerment. She is a popular conference, retreat, and special events speaker to parents and childcare professionals. Brenda is available for interviews, speaking, freelance writing and booksignings.
Brenda's book, Parenting Power in the Early Years retails for $12.95, although Amazon.com sells it for a bit less. Churches, schools, moms groups can order the book from her at a discount:
Up to 10 books = $7/each
Over 10 books = $5/each (http://www.brendanixon.com)
SUMMER SNACKS
Healthy Homebodies - By Leanne Ely - [email protected] - © 2005 - Used by permission
It's almost summer, and the kids will be home all day. They're whining and most of all, they're constantly hungry. So what's a mom to do? Feed 'em!
Kids need snacks, but not constant grazing. You need to make sure the snacks are healthy and are going to do them some good, nutritionally. Just giving them the junk that they clamor for from watching too much TV is going to keep them eating continually. It makes sense, if you think about it. When your children (or you for that matter) don't get the nutrition necessary, their bodies are still craving those nutrients and will keep signaling that it's time to eat - even after downing a bag of Doritos and drinking a whole liter of Pepsi. They might be temporarily full - but never satisfied because the body was never fed. See why good nutrition is so important?
So let's get a grip on this summertime food issue. Not having a plan (as we well know!) is a recipe for disaster. You know how to make a grocery list - how about adding some of these items on your list this week?
VEGGIE RANCH. I think my son will eat anything with ranch dressing on it. It's not my very favorite thing in the world nutritionally, but if you blend it up with some non-fat cottage, you've got a fairly decent dip. Add baby carrots, celery sticks, broccoli flowerettes and even some cherry tomatoes and you have a veggie platter they'll love. Keep your ready-to-go veggies (separated in big plastic zip-top bags) and dip (in a container) within easy reach and let that be your first answer when they ask. Remind your children to pour their dip into their own bowls - you just KNOW they're going to double dip!
FAVOR FRUIT. Summer is fruit season. Snip some grapes from the bunch and they have a great snack to go. A banana is a seasonless fruit and easy to grab, too. Watermelon is perfect this time of year with the heat and everything - why not have it sliced up and cold in the fridge, ready to go? Ditto that idea with any melon. You might even make up a fruit salad of honeydew and cantaloupe. My troops love this treat and grab the plastic bowl and help themselves when it's in the fridge. And don't forget the perennial favorite: apple slices dipped in peanut butter.
POP UP. I am a huge fan of popcorn. Lots of roughage (like your grandma used to say) and a fun snack that won't take major bites out of your budget, too. Use an air popper (way cheaper than the microwave kind and none of those nasty hydrogenated fats either) and add a teeny bit of butter. We also add a little grated Romano cheese. My kids love this!
NUTS TO YOU. I keep raw almonds in the fridge and will mix some almonds with dried
apricots. Talk about your fiber count--yee haw! Plus the added bonus of all those nutrients.
Great snack for kids and adults alike!
CHEESE WHIZ. Not that icky stuff you squirt out on a cracker. But string cheese and cheddar cubes, for starters. Skip American cheese - it's not cheese but cheese "product." That should be enough to scare you away!
There's five easy ones - give them a try and see what works with your tribe. Above all, don't lose your cool this summer when they start asking for snacks - give them one of these and you're covered.
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Leanne Ely provides the answer to, What's for dinner? at http://www.savingdinner.com and find the solution! Check out her best-selling books, Saving Dinner and Saving Dinner the Low Carb Way (Ballantine). Both books available everywhere.
Note from Lois: For cooling off, how about making fresh fruit smoothies into popsicles? Remember that a banana makes them creamier. Use strawberries, yogurt, frozen concentrated juices, etc. Also make a "walking apple" for walks or outdoor play with no garbage to toss. Core an apple, then plug the end with a dried apricot, fill with peanut butter and raisins, and plug up the top with another apricot or prune. Great camping or picnic snacks too!
MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE AFFAIR-PROOF
(Excerpt from Women Alive!, Jan/Feb, 2005, "Before You Have an Affair," by Gracie Malone)
Obtained from http://www.iwanttomakemymarriagework.com ~ Used by permission
1) Decide ahead of time how you will handle temptation. You will never be wise enough, spiritual enough, or careful enough to escape temptation. Be prepared. Establish personal boundaries that you will not cross. Make a contract with God.
2) Control your thoughts. Memorize Phil.4:8-9. Make lists of things mentioned, then "think on those things." Think about your children. Look at the family portrait and imagine how an affair would affect each of them.
3) Avoid compromising situations such as being alone together in a car, meeting for business lunches, or taking walks together. The Bible teaches us to "flee" (2 Tim.2:22).
4) Be accountable to a trusted friend. Have one person with whom you can be totally honest: "I was tempted today to flirt," for example (cf. Eccl.4:9-12).
5) Spend daily time alone with God in prayer and in the Word. Nurture your relationship with your Heavenly Father. Meditate on Psalms such as 37, 42, 63, 91.
6) Be honest with God. Your High Priest understands temptation. Confess every temptation, weakness, and sin - calling it what it really is - and let Him meet your needs (Heb.4:14-16).
7) Study Proverbs so you will understand the consequences of sexual sin. Pray for purity. Feelings must be faced, but not followed.
8) Honor your commitment. Marriage is a covenant between God, your spouse, and you. God hates divorce (Mal.2:16).
9) Talk with your spouse. Marriages fail because partners fail to communicate. Work on being a good spouse with the same fervor that you use to be a good parent. Take time out, daily and
weekly, for just the two of you.
10) Don't expect anyone else to meet all your needs. Develop your talents and use your spiritual gifts. Take care of yourself, physically, mentally, and spiritually. Appreciate the happiness in your life.
CORRECTIONS
(1) Last month in Heart to Heart, I included a list of Consequences of a Moral Tumble. I made an assumption that our pastor compiled that list, however, Randy Alcorn is the author. My mistake. If you are new to "Heart to Heart" and would like to have that list, please ask me for it. You can also go to http://www.shenandoahbaptist.org/ to hear Pastor Greg Huffman's April 3, 2005 morning message on this topic, as well as other messages. An audio tape of this message may also be ordered for $3 by e-mailing [email protected] and asking. Send your name and mailing address. An invoice will be sent with the audio.Or e-mail [email protected] and ask for this excellent message. It could save your marriage or someone else's.
Here's a great quote to reinforce that list of consequences:
"Never convince yourself that your fall wouldn't hurt others deeply." -- Chuck Swindoll
(2) E-mail address correction: If you have lost a baby through miscarriage, JoAnn Taylor, a precious "Heart to Heart" friend can minister to you in a very caring way. Operation Angel's web sites are http://fly.to/OperationAngel & http://opangel.angelcities.com/index.html Or e-mail JoAnn at [email protected].
A YOUNG WIDOW WITH THREE SMALL CHILDREN
Please pray for Diana in Colorado, who became a young widow over the weekend, just two days before her 38th birthday. She saw her precious husband tragically being crushed to death in a farming accident. Diana is the best friend of my niece, Diane, who flew across the country to be with her friend for a week. Please uphold Diana in prayer as she is left to raise her 12, 10 and 3 year old children without her husband.
If you, as a "Heart to Heart" friend, have experienced being a young widow with young children to raise alone, you may want to share your story to encourage others. If that is the case, please let me know. Thanks for praying for Diana and for Diane while encouraging her.
PROVIDE SCRIPTURES AND TRAINING WORLDWIDE
THROUGH PARTNERSHIP WITH BIBLE LEAGUE
This could be a wonderful summer project for your family, as you provide the Truth to those who are seeking to fill the void in their lives. Jesus is the only answer and your help will be an eternal gift!
Bible League, one of the world's largest evangelical, non-denominational Scripture placement agencies, partners with churches worldwide to train local Christians in evangelism and discipleship to provide God's Word through Bible studies.
For more than 65 years, the Bible League has provided Scriptures and Bible study materials to bring people into fellowship with Christ and His Church. The organization equips local churches around the world to facilitate the spiritual growth of those seeking a relationship with Christ, and to help believers grow in faith. The Bible League also provides training to people in local churches worldwide who have a vision to reach their nations for Christ. Christians learn to lead Bible studies, to grow existing churches, and to establish new churches in areas where none exist.
To learn more about how you can partner with the ministry of the Bible League visit http://www.BibleLeague.org or call toll free (1-866-825-4636).
KIDS' QUOTES
By Phyllis Brokaw in Virginia
My son, a teenager at the time, was riding in the car with me one day. He noticed I had been more irritable and touchy lately and he asked me with great concern if anything was wrong. Speaking of hormones, I explained, "Well, I'm going out of what you are going into!" He thought for quite a while and then said, "Well, Mom, I sure hope you get over this metamorphous soon!" I agreed, saying, "Me too!"
My five year old grandson and I were riding home from a Good News Club we just had. He said to me, "Grandma, I have a question for you! I know all about what Jesus did, but tell me - what does God do?" I explained to him, "Well, God is Jesus' Father and He's the One that tells Jesus what to do!"
When I was disciplining my six year old daughter, I said, "Young lady, you just sit here for a little while!" She was not very happy about it at all, though she did sit down. Then she looked up at me and said, "But Mom, I'm still standing up on the inside!"
CELEBRATE WITH US AS WE WELCOME NEW "HEART TO HEART" BABIES!
Dominika Bassara, daughter of Bogdan and Agnieszka Bassara arrived on May 25, 2005 in Poland, where her parents and grandparents, Czezlaw and Helena Bassara, serve with Child Evangelism Fellowship. Dominika is the first child and grandchild. Congratulations to all!
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