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#7-16: When Home Schooling Gets Tough

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#1 · September 18, 2004, 8:49 am

Posted by: homenews <homenews@...>

 

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THE HOPE CHEST HOME SCHOOL NEWS

with Virginia Knowles

#7-16 on September 18, 2004

When Home Schooling Gets Tough

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The Hope Chest is a free email newsletter with encouragement and practical teaching tips. The writer is Virginia Knowles, wife of Thad, mother of nine children, and author of Common Sense Excellence: Faith-Filled Home Education for Preschool to 5th Grade, and The Real Life Home School Mom.

 

 Contact information:

 

Table of Contents: 

  • A Few Words from My Heart
  • Review of When Homeschooling Gets Tough by Diana Johnson
  • "Ditching Out or Getting Out of the Ditch" -- An excerpt from Common Sense Excellence by Virginia Knowles
  • "The Distracted Child" -- An excerpt from The Real Life Home School Mom by Virginia Knowles
  • The Poet’s Pen: Edgar Guest’s “Results or Roses” and “True Nobility”

 

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A Few Words from My Heart

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Dear Hope Chest friends,

 

        I don’t know about you, but in my life, home schooling sometimes gets pretty tough.  That could be because of too much going on, family members getting sick or having bad attitudes, or circumstances beyond my control. These past several weeks have not exactly been a smooth start to our new school year as we have dealt with home renovations, a beach trip, two major hurricanes that sent us away from home for a week each, etc.  My head is still in a spin, and my house needs some setting in order!  However, the boards are off the windows and the suitcases are staying unpacked!  Yippee!  This week I finally got the rest of the school books out of boxes in the garage – where they have been since our floors were replaced last month – and onto the correct shelves!  Yeah!

 

        Thankfully, through all the chaos. my five older daughters (ages 9-17) have managed to keep up with their assignments on their own.  It helps me greatly that they have assorted classes outside the home -- including dual enrollment college courses, on-line high school classes, co-op classes, paid tutorial sessions, and enrichment classes.   At this season of life, I need all the help I can get!  I'm still trying to get Andrew (7) and Micah (5) settled into a daily routine for their schoolwork.  I'm concentrating on Bible, math and language arts, with a smattering of history, geography, science and the arts as we have time.  I'm hoping we can develop some good study habits along the way.  I bought a grammar workbook for Andrew:  Daily Guided Teaching and Review for 2nd and 3rd Grades by Wanda Phillips.  It is part of the Daily Grams series that Joanna and Lydia have already been using.  I like it because it covers the essentials, but it's very quick and simple to use. 

 

        A few days ago, I lay sick in bed for a good part of the day, getting up mainly to mediate assorted conflicts between children.  I decided to use this down time to listen to a couple of tapes.  First I listened to “Nurturing Naomi: How To Help Yourself or Someone Else Overcome Discouragement” because I needed to make a copy for a Hope Chest reader.  This tape was of a presentation I did three and half years ago for our home school group.  Based on the life of Naomi, it’s about getting life back in order after a major upheaval or discouraging season of life.  It was a good reminder for me to: 

  • See God’s providence and sovereignty in all situations
  • Hold things and people loosely
  • Connect with kindred minds who share a common faith
  • Develop a quiet routine of homemaking
  • Invest in future generations

        The next tape I listened to was “Peace for the Stressed Out Home School Mom” by Reb Bradley.  That was a balm to the soul.  Reb speaks very humorously, yet profoundly, about the causes of aggravation in a home school mom’s life.  He offers many practical and spiritual remedies.  I felt quite equipped for some of the challenges that filled the rest of my day!   You can order this tape and lots of other great child training resources, as well as read some insightful articles on-line at the Family Ministries web site:  http://www.familyministries.com/   Be sure to read his article: “Beyond Obedience: Raising Children Who Love God and Others” at http://www.familyministries.com/beyond_obedience.htm

 

        This is a slightly longer issue of the Hope Chest, which I’m able to accomplish only because most of it is pasted in from other files already on my computer!  It’s about 10 pages long, so I recommend that you print it out and take it to your favorite easy chair!  Whatever your causes of frustration are, I pray that God will equip you in some small way through it.   Please let me know what has been most helpful to you from this issue.

 

 

 

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Review of

When Homeschooling Gets Tough

By Diana Johnson

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Diana Johnson is a veteran home school mom of five, pastor’s wife and manager of a homeschool department at a Christian bookstore.  She has so much sage wisdom to offer all of us!  I appreciated her humble straight from the heart approach, which challenges and comforts at the same time.  When Homeschooling Gets Tough is written in a warm style, with a good balance of personal anecdotes, Scriptural counsel and practical advice.   I particularly appreciated her advice to not let flexibility and spontaneity get out of control, and to guard against excessive outside commitments. (Those tend to be my stumbling blocks!)   

 

I also admired her compelling chapter on how to respond when a child goes astray.  She warns all of us to not get self-righteous when that child is someone else’s rather than our own!  A friend who is currently in this situation -- and never expected to be! -- said this book really ministered to her in her trying times.

 

Chapters include:

 

  1. Our Homeschool Odyssey
  2. Trusting God for Who We Are
  3. Planning a Realistic Program
  4. Defining the Basics
  5. Controlling our Commitments
  6. Scheduling
  7. Dealing with Difficult Children
  8. Looking Towards Eternity
  9. Epilogue

 

Here’s an excerpt from the chapter “Planning a Realistic Program.”

 

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The Place of Creativity

 

            All of us admire the moms of boundless energy who make each day a learning adventure.  That has never been me.  The myriad responsibilities of my life and the wide span of my children’s ages have tended to keep any all-encompassing creativity at low ebb.  However, I can be, and often am, selectively creative.  I love history.  My reading material at bed time is often the latest children’s historical fiction (under the guise of reviewing it for the store, you understand).  My girls are working on unique accordion fold timelines that display several civilizations at once, folding up when not in use.  We have spent many pleasurable hours, mom reading aloud while the girls draw little pictures for their timelines.  We work on it most Friday afternoons and it is definitely the highlight of our school week.

 

            So what am I encouraging?  Everyone should make accordion fold timelines?  No, although we have had a great time with it.  What I am encouraging is that you learn to be selectively creative.

 

            We all have areas in which we excel.  We all have areas where we feel creative.  Whether it involves creating academic bonuses in a beloved subject or planning enticing extracurricular activities, there is something we can do in a special way.  However, we don’t all have boundless energy.

 

            Therefore, I would encourage you not to think you must reinvent the wheel in every subject.  Don’t feel you must plan every school subject from scratch.  Publishers have spent years developing their scopes and sequences.  They put careful thought into their products.  Don’t be ashamed to tap into their expertise.  Don’t hang your head if you have chosen to teach history from a textbook instead of through a labor intensive unit study.  Don’t let creativity run rampant through your home if you don’t want time intensive activities to be your constant companions.

 

            Learn to welcome creativity on your terms.  Put your energy and ideas where they will bear the most  fruit.  It may be in planning historical unit studies.  It may be in producing dramatic plays with costuming.  It may be in teaching your girls to quilt or bake.  It may be in gardening.  It may not lie in making colonial samplers to teach the multiplication facts! If you feel your skills are truly non-existent, your creativity may lie in arranging your schedule and budget so you can get your children to the enriching lessons you desire them to have.

 

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Virginia's note: I have to agree!  I used to try to do just about everything from scratch, all by myself.  With nine children, I've had to adjust my style.  While I am depending more on outside classes, texts and workbooks, I do use my creativity in other areas. For example, I've spent a good chunk of time and imagination planning lessons and designing handouts for the high school and middle school EXCEL classes that three of my girls are in.  They also have history and literature text books that they read out of classtime, so I like to focus on making the principles relevant to their lives in our modern culture.  I don’t mind investing this time, not only since the kids are totally terrific, but also because I know the moms who teach the other units this year are going to give it their best, too.   Besides, I think the stuff is totally fascinating!  But I digress!

 

In the next issue, I will review Diana’s excellent book Home-Designed High School -- and I will tell you more about our co-op classes.

 

 

When Homeschooling Gets Tough costs $11.95 plus shipping.  You can contact Diana or order books by:

 

 

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Excerpt from

Common Sense Excellence:

Faith-Filled Home Education for Preschool to 5th Grade

By Virginia Knowles

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Common Sense Excellence contains well over 200 pages of information and inspiration for teaching in the preschool and elementary years, including practical educational approaches, subject by subject teaching guides, and lots of resource recommendations.  You can read the introduction and see the table of contents at http://www.TheHopeChest.net/CSE.html

 

This excerpt is from the chapter on Problem Solving, which covers seven common challenges that face home school moms: 

 

  1. Academic Struggles
  2. Distracted Child
  3. Poor Relationship with Parent
  4. Resistant or Lazy Attitudes
  5. Lack of Confidence
  6. Bickering Children
  7. Overwhelmed Mom 

Here is one of the challenges!

 

CHALLENGE #2: DISTRACTED CHILD

 

“Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business

and to work with your hands, just as we told you,

so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders

and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.” 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12

 

“My son, pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words.

Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart...

 Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you.” 

Proverbs 4:20-21, 25

 

Is your child easily distracted from his work?  Does he react to sensory overload by letting his  mind flit aimlessly like a butterfly from one thing to another?  Does he often get headaches or  feel like he is going to explode with frustration?  Is he a wiggle worm or a fidget?  If so, you might be tempted to yell, “FOCUS!  FOCUS!  FOCUS!”  Here are some ideas for helping your distractible child concentrate: 

  • Keep the lessons short with a change of pace every 15 minutes or so. No marathon study sessions for this child!
  • Let your child work with his hands to engage the brain more fully.  Sometimes a child who seems distractible is actually a tactile/kinesthetic learner!
  • Allow a “hyper” child to go out and run around for a few minutes to get the wiggles out. 
  • Check for foods or other allergens which might cause your child to act up.
  • Minimize the noise of TV, radios, computer games, and chattering siblings.
  • Prepare ahead of time for recurring problems.
  • Declare war on the household clutter that throws brain cells into a frenzy of disorder. 
  • Choose a quiet well-organized study area where your child can easily find and put away his supplies and assignments. 
  • Provide a portable book bin and lap desk for a child who needs to roam the house to find a quiet spot.
  • Use a large three panel display board to set up a “private” study cubby for your child at your dining room table. 
  • Consider that your child might need an occasional nap to get his brain back! 

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“Ditching Out of Climbing Out of the Ditch”

Excerpt from

The Real Life Home School Mom

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I published The Real Life Home School Mom in 2000 as a way to encourage and equip moms through the realities of home schooling.   Sometimes we feel like we are the only ones who are struggling!  You can read more about this book at http://www.TheHopeChest.net/RealLife.html

 

This excerpt is a small section from the chapter called “In Search of Sanity.”

             

 

Ditching Out or Climbing Out of the Ditch

 

            When you are battling a slump, it is tempting to either lie there in the ditch or to bail out and give up your dreams.  You might think, “What's the use?  I'm failing at this home schooling stuff.  I'm tired, frustrated, and burned out.  The house is a mess.  The kids are driving me nuts and we're behind in our school work!”

 

            Are your convictions being tested?  How firm is your commitment to home schooling?  Maybe you started just because it looked interesting or your friends were doing it.  If your motivation, methods or standards are based merely on someone else's precedent, you need to seek the Lord to see what he wants you to do and how he wants you to do it.  You are accountable to him, so he will give you the wisdom you need. 

 

            “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”  Proverbs 3:5,6

 

            “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.”  James 1:5

 

            Undeniably, there are down times in home schooling when we feel we have no strength or resources to sustain us.  It sometimes takes a while before we come to our senses, lean harder on the Lord, and find him to be truly sufficient after all.  However, it is not at all unspiritual to feel low once in a while.  Think about the book of Lamentations or all the Psalms which start with a “woe is me” mood.  As Ecclesiastes 3:4 reminds us, there is: “a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.”  In Matthew 5:3,4, Jesus teaches that:


“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”

 

            Home school moms often mourn at the lack of progress in their children.  We want so much to disciple them into whole-hearted, hardworking, godly, intelligent adults, but the set backs are discouraging.  The same Apostle Paul who penned, “Rejoice in the Lord always,” was also grieved, frustrated, and distressed as he viewed the behavior of those he was trying to reach for God or as he struggled with his own inadequacies (see Romans 9:2; 2 Corinthians 1:8-11; 4:7-10; 11:28,29 and Philippians 3:18).  On occasion, he even brought sorrow to other people! 

 

“Even if I caused your sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it.  Though I did regret it - I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while - yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance.  For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us.  Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.  See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done.  At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter.”  2 Corinthians 7:8-11

 

            Worldly sorrow manifests itself in pity parties, false guilt, spiraling despair, bitterness, endless introspection, etc.  It leads us toward death, robs us of spiritual joy, and ruins our relationships.  On the other hand, godly sorrow brings us to repentance, reconciliation, and ultimately joy.  In Luke 18:9-14, it wasn't the “thankful” Pharisee who was commended, but the contrite tax collector who beat his chest and wailed, “God have mercy on me, a sinner.”  Likewise, godly sorrow makes us throw ourselves on God's mercy.  It prompts us to take a hard and sober look at our circumstances to see how we have fallen short and what action we can take for serious and lasting improvement.  In these situations, James 4:7-10 commands us:

 

 “Submit yourselves, then, to God.  Resist the devil and he will flee from you.  Come near to God and he will come near to you.  Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.  Grieve, mourn and wail.  Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom.  Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.”

 

            When the Lord sends low points into our lives, he doesn't intend for us to stay there forever.  It's just for a period of time, though it seems long to us.  After we humbly acknowledge his holiness and our weakness, his purpose is to lift us up and restore us!

 

            “Sing to the LORD, you saints of his; praise his holy name.  For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning... You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.  O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.”  Psalm 30:4-5, 11-12

 

            To those of you who struggle with your emotions, may I offer a heartfelt confession?  I have shed many tears of doubt and confusion.  Can the Heavenly Father really transform my life and shepherd my children past my mistakes?  I often wonder what secret key will make it all come together in a neat package, but I suspect it's a matter of patient endurance and trust.  Progress doesn't come all at once.  I need to live by faith in the Almighty, not by the sorry sight of my own shortcomings (see 2 Corinthians 5:1-7).  I also need constant encouragement!  My sister Barbara, who knows me intimately yet still loves me deeply, has often poured out a healing balm of mercy, consolation, and prayer.  Home school friends have spurred me on.  The loving intercession of a church prayer team has comforted me.  Going to church every week has also been a boost.  A few times I have had to drag myself to a service, not feeling like worshipping, yet God has met me there with a special sermon or song to renew me.

 

            If you wrestle with yourself like I do, please don't go through this trial-by-fire alone.  If you don't find any relief from depression, anger, or other destructive patterns, do not be afraid to get help.  Don't be so concerned about your “home school mom” image that you allow your hurts to fester.  Carefully work through these issues with your husband, an experienced home school mom, an older “Titus 2” woman, or a godly pastor who is supportive of home schooling and your other convictions about family life.

 

 

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The Poet’s Pen: Edgar Guest

“Results or Roses” and “True Nobility”

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Starting in 1895, Edgar Albert Guest (1881-1959) penned a new poem for each daily column in the Detroit Free Press.  His warm and simple verses, which touched and inspired millions for decades, won him acclaim as a favorite American poet.  He is certainly one of my favorites!  Here are two that I think you’ll like as you persevere through the privilege of home schooling your children:

 

Results or Roses

by Edgar Guest

from The Book of Virtues

 

The man who wants a garden fair,

Or small or very big,

With flowers growing here and there,

Must  bend his back and dig.

 

The things are mighty few on earth

That wishes can attain

Whate’er we want of any worth

We’ve got to work to gain.

 

It matters not what goal you seek

Its secret here reposes:

You’ve got to dig from week to week

To get Results or Roses.

 

 

True Nobility

by Edgar Guest

from The Book of Virtues

 

Who does his task from day to day

And meets whatever comes his way,

Believing God has willed it so,

Has found real greatness here below.

 

Who guards his post, no matter where,

Believing God must need him there,

Although but lowly toil it be,

Has risen to nobility.

 

For great and low there’s but one test:

‘Tis that each man shall do his best.

Who works with all the strength he can

Shall never die in debt to man.

 

Well, that’s enough for this issue!  Keep your eyes on the prize!

 

In His Sovereign Grace,

 

Virginia Knowles

http://www.TheHopeChest.net

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