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#7-8: A Passion for Purity

#1 · May 21, 2004, 4:46 pm

Quote from Forum Archives on May 21, 2004, 4:46 pm
Posted by: homenews <homenews@...>
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THE HOPE CHEST

with Virginia Knowles

#7-8 on May 21, 2004

A Passion for Purity

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The Hope Chest is a free email newsletter with encouragement and practical teaching tips. The writer is Virginia Knowles, wife of Thad, mother of nine children, and author of Common Sense Excellence: Faith-Filled Home Education for Preschool to 5th Grade, and The Real Life Home School Mom.

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Dear Hope Chest friends,

I originally told you that I would be doing a mega-issue on the topics of purity, modesty, and preparation for marriage. I decided to do a series instead, starting with purity, because I dont think any of us is ready to take in everything at once. I feel like even approaching the subject of purity is like standing under Niagara Falls. In fact, this issue so long (about 11 pages), that I recommend you print it out and take your copy to your favorite easy chair. Then forward it to a friend!

This issue of the Hope Chest would not be possible without a lot of help and prayers from others. I asked the Hope Chest readers, What are you doing to guard the motional and physical purity of your children? Within a few days, I had received dozens of responses. I couldnt include everything that was sent to me, so I compiled and condensed, with a few verbatim quotes, and then placed them into what seem to be logical categories.   I really appreciate the readers who sent in their ideas and encouragements. Your perspective has been so helpful!  I'd especially like to thank my husband Thad and oldest daughter Mary for their valuable feedback.

The sections in this issue of the Hope Chest are:

A WORD OF GRACE BEFORE WE START

A PASSION FOR PURITY

GUARDING THE PURITY OF YOUR CHILDREN

Scriptures

Prayer

Relationship and Discussion

Media

Books and Videos about Purity

Companions

Safety from Predators

A PASSION FOR JESUS

A WORD OF GRACE BEFORE WE START

I know that many of you who are reading this have already been wounded by impurity. Please let me offer a word of grace to you. As I write this words, I want you to be aware that they have been bathed in prayer. This is not an academic exercise or just another article for me. Please know that I am writing this from my heart. My fervent prayer is that the Holy Spirit would sweep into our lives as a flowing river, to soften our hard hearts, to cleanse away all impurity, and to heal our wounds.

One day when Jesus was eating dinner, reclined at the table with a bunch of religious folks, a woman who had lived a very impure life came in and stood behind him weeping. Then she wet his feet with her tears, wiped them with her hair, kissed them, and poured expensive perfume on them. The Pharisees were shocked, but Jesus rebuked these "holy men" for their lack of mercy, commended the woman for her repentant devotion, and proclaimed that her sins were forgiven. This is the gracious God we serve! This Savior of ours died on the cross to set us free from guilt and shame. He can and will forgive whatever you have done as you confess and repent of your sins (see 1 John 1:9). Whatever others have done to you or your children, Christ can give you the courage and mercy to forgive, and then be released from bitterness. I speak this from experience. If you need help grasping hold of this truth, please e-mail me at [email protected] and Ill try to guide you into Gods grace. (You can find the story in Luke 7:36-50.)

A PASSION FOR PURITY

I believe that the Lord wants us parents to raise up a holy generation. Thats why so many of us are home schooling our children. We want them to be different. We dont want them to be plagued by the sins of our society, so we keep them home. Thats good, but thats not enough. The enemy of our souls is tricky. Please dont assume that your children are safe. Sin is not what comes from outside, it starts in the heart. There is no ivory tower that you can build that will totally shelter your child, and we dont want to live in ivory towers anyway. We have a world to win! But just as sin starts in the heart, so does purity. And it makes all the difference in the world!

Why do I take purity so seriously? Because God does! He is not a Cosmic Killjoy! He is the Lover of Your Soul. The Lord himself died to purify us from our sins. He loves us so much that he wants the absolute best for us. He calls us to purity for our own protection, because he knows the destruction that comes -- for us and for others -- when we let sin of any kind take control in our lives. I cant tell you how many people I know who have had lives completely shattered by obscene magazines and web sites, a compromise with a boyfriend or girlfriend, an adulterous affair or a cheating spouse, out-of-wedlock pregnancy, abortion, child molestation, addictive activities, STDs, and even wandering eyes and innocent flirting that turned to inner turmoil or tragedy... I could go on or get more detailed, but I wont. This is not mere social commentary for me, because the stories touch my life too closely as I weep with friends and relatives who have been affected. Please dont think that young people (and their parents) in our churches or home school circles are immune. Our enemy does not give up easily when he finds so many soft targets.

I cant just point to others around me. I have to look within my own heart and deal with compromises I have made over the years. Yes, they are in the past, but they do have an accumulated effect. There are some little things in the gray areas that I have brushed off without a full sense of repentance and restoration. If I dont have a completely clear conscience in this area, how can I hope to lead my children into a life of purity? Thats enough to drive me to my knees!

I believe that we need to guard our hearts and bodies so that we are not giving anything away to someone else that rightfully belongs to our spouse. If you arent married yet, that means saving yourself for the one who will be your spouse. This is not just in the physical sense, but in the emotional sense also. You can give your heart away to someone without even touching them. The reason for purity also goes beyond courtesy to your future earthly spouse. You may never even get married. Its really all about bringing honor to the Lord as the Bride of Christ. We want to be pure for Jesus sake! In the broadest sense, it means that we keep our consciences clear of anything that can defile our walk with God. That would include greed, idolatry, pride, and many other things. However, for the purposes of this Hope Chest issue, I would like to limit the discussion to s**ual purity. (Please note that I need to use words with asterisks to avoid triggering some sensitive Internet filters.)

GUARDING THE PURITY OF YOUR CHILDREN

I'd like to present some ideas about guarding our children's purity. Please realize that these suggestions arent foolproof and they are just a start. I know these are going to seem really radical to some of you. Something as important as our childrens purity requires taking a strong stand AND taking into account where our children are in life.  I want to be prudent, not prudish. I want to be prepared, not paranoid. I know I am opening myself to criticism from those who think Im too conservative and from those who think Im too liberal.   Each family needs to work out convictions for themselves according to Scripture and the leading of the Holy Spirit. As one reader writes, As homeschoolers, we already walk what often feels like the narrow path within the narrow path. When attempting to guard our children's purity, we sometimes come under fire as overprotective, etc. Pray. Do what God tells you. I can only be faithful to the convictions of my own heart, regarding my own children.

SCRIPTURES

I start with the Scriptures because the foundation for purity is what God has commanded in his Word. That is our authority. Books can be helpful, but there is nothing like the Book of Books, the Bible. Please read these verses carefully and let them speak to your heart and mind. One mom gives her children Scripture memory cards pertaining to the subject of purity. You can use many of these verses! (Scriptures are NIV.)

It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid s**ual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate l**t like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit. 1Thessalonians 4:3-7

Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity. 1Timothy 5:1b-2

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. 1 Timothy 4:12

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the s**ually immoral. Hebrews 13:4

Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. 2 Timothy 2:22

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Matthew 5:8

How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word. Psalm 199:9

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalm 51:10

May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it. 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24

Flee from s**ual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins s**ually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. Proverbs 4:23-25

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ. Philippians 1:9-10

So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. 1 Corinthians 10:12-13

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. James 4:7-10

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:1-2

Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God. 2 Corinthians 7:1

See also Philippians 4:4-8, Titus 2:3-5, James 1:13-15, and Luke 7:36-50, as well as the sad stories of Samson & Delilah and David & Bathsheba.

A Hope Chest reader writes, I don't know that there's any single way to teach purity to our children or to guarantee their protection in this area, since there are so many variables in each child's life such as their own propensity toward obedience or sin, the outside influences in their lives that we can't control, etc. But beyond those things we can't control, we have strived to instill a love for God and His Word from early on in our children's lives, which is the number one way to protect their purity (Ps. 119:9-11.."how can a young man keep his way pure? By keeping it according to Thy Word. Thy Word I have treasured in my heart that I might not sin against Thee.")

PRAYER

This year, through circumstances outside our family, my eyes have been opened wide to the temptations and snares that face young people in the area of purity. I have literally been on my face crying out to God for my own children, not because they have given me any reason to distrust them, but because I know that they are human like me. I am also interceding regularly, by name, for over a dozen young people who are in the home group Bible study that we attend on Wednesday nights. My prayer for them is that they will have a passion for the Lord and the local church, that they will pursue purity, and that they will discover the purpose that God has for their lives.

A Hope Chest reader in New Zealand writes, The disciples were comforted to witness the close relationship between Father & Son when Jesus prayed, as it is also a great comfort (even to the very young) to know their parents love & care for them so much that they would pray to our Heavenly Father for them. Here are some prayer thoughts for now and the future:

Lord Jesus, I pray that my children will have a fearful respect for their own weakness to temptation. (Ps 97:10; Matt 26:41)
Dear Lord God, I pray they will be called to account when necessary, but that they will continue to hope in you Lord, and lovingly and prayerfully, not accusingly, be restored.
I pray, Lord Jesus, that our children will be shielded from the evil one in each area of their lives, spiritual, emotional and physical. (John 17:15, Luke 22:31)
Lord God, I pray our children will make space for you, so they will grow into willing lifetime servants, like you would have them be. (Ps 90:12,17; Luke 2:52; Romans 8:29)
Lord God, I pray our children will turn to you for help in choosing a mate, or else be worthy, fulfilled single people. (2 Cor 6:14-17; Ps 37:4-5)
Lord, I pray our children will be kept pure until the time of marriage, as well as the one they are to marry. (1 Cor 6:18-20).
Lord, I pray they will submit to you and resist Satan actively in all circumstances. (James 4:7; Ps 119:1; Ps 143:10)
Lord Jesus, we pray our children will have your attitudes in morals and responsibility in all their relationships and friendships. (Romans 14:21; 1 Corinthians 13:4-5; 1 Tim 4:12; Romans 13:1)
Lord God, protect our children from wrong people, wrong places, and wrong information, give them wisdom to find the right friends and places. (Prov.1:10-11; Ps 91:9-11; Hosea 2:6).
Lord, thank you that your peace transcends all understanding and will guard our hearts and minds. Thank you Lord (John 17:1-15) Amen.

Another mother writes, Of course, prayer is the most important way I can guard against impurity in their hearts and lives. I pray for them to stay pure. I pray that if it's the Lord's will for them to marry, they will do so with the "right one" and that they will remain pure until their wedding day. I also pray for that one to remain pure, as well.

RELATIONSHIP AND DISCUSSION

With a strong foundation of Scripture and prayer, it is also important to proactively communicate with your children. Dont wait until there is a problem!

In order to effectively communicate, you first need to build a strong relationship with your children so they feel they can talk to you without a condemning lecture or inquisition. They need to know you are committed to them no matter what, and that your love is unconditional. They also need to sense that you are launching them toward independence and not trying to over control them. Remember that Rules with Relationships Reap Rebellion! One mom writes, "The biggest thing is keep the lines of communication open. Let your kids know that nothing will shock you, the parent, and they can tell us anything or ask anything, and that all answers come from Scripture."
When your children are in the younger grades of science, they will probably be learning about animal reproduction and maybe even a little about human reproduction. You can discretely answer any questions as they come up, but dont feel it is necessary to give them a full-blown explanation of how babies are made until much later. Let their interest be your guide, and dont over answer when they may be asking for just a sentence or two. One mom says about waiting to share details, It is like trying to discuss a drivers manual with a little child with all the rules of the road and techniques for handling a car, even though they would be no where near ready to drive until they were close to 16 years old. It would be irrelevant to them early on, and serve no purpose.
As your children reach their teen years, make sure you approach the subject of human s**uality in an upbeat, healthy manner. One Hope Chest reader cautions: I was raised in an ultra conservative Christian home and was raised in Christian school and church. NO ONE EVER talked about s**, childbirth, nursing babies, or ANYTHING, except that it was WRONG. I learned about s** by hearing it from my friends, and about pregnancy while I was pregnant with my first! We actually skipped the s** education chapter in the Christian high school textbook! I don't want to do that to my children -- I want a healthy view of the miracle God created.
Talk about purity before it becomes a problem. Another mom shares, The other thing we have stressed is that the time to make a commitment to purity is NOT when they are old enough to take part in s**ual activity. Since hormones and emotions are so powerful, the temptation can easily be given in to. So the moment of temptation is not the time to be making a decision about purity. The decision needs to be made long before a relationship is started. It needs to be made when emotions are not involved and a clear picture of consequences can be seen. We have stressed that commitment to purity is not only a safeguard to their own body and spirit. It is also a safeguard to their relationship with God. God forgives, but the consequences of our actions live on. There is also the responsibility of knowing that they have affected someone else's purity as well. The bottom line: "The best things come to those who wait."
Set your standards and make them clear from the start, including answers to the why and the what if questions. Role play with your daughter about how to respond if some cute stranger says, Hey babe, ya wanna go out with me? ("No thanks!") Role play with your son what to do if a girl starts flirting with him or a friend tries to expose him to obscenity. One mom says, I give them words to defend their stand, including the reason why we do it, and have taught them that most of all, they are worth waiting for.
Many Hope Chest readers said that they discuss with their children examples around them of people who havent done things Gods way. (As one Hope Chest reader shares, We have a situation in our family that gives us plenty of the "what not to do and see what happens when you do what's wrong" content. The effect this situation has had on our extended family, especially the children involved, has brought home the seriousness of selfish actions which do not involve seeking God's will in marriage. We keep the situation on our prayer list, as well as our family topics list, so my children definitely understand the wisdom in seeking God's will concerning a mate, as well as the consequences of premarital decisions and actions that are based on desire, as opposed to waiting.) I do have one strong caution for talking about others. Please be very very very discrete when discussing the failures of others, even if the sin is common knowledge. (If you need to point out bad examples, the celebrity world and the newspapers are rife with them, and they are pretty much fair game.) Part of restoration from sin is to be able to move on and start fresh. Thats abysmally hard to do if tongues have been wagging in gossip. Please try to guard other peoples reputations as you would your own. Speak often of the mercy of God to redeem and renew.
Talk about things "as you walk along the way." When things come up, you can talk about it right then. For example, if you see something on TV, say what is wrong and turn it off. If you see something in public, talk about it as soon as you can do so with some measure of privacy.
Be creative in your discussion, using analogies. One mom says, My daughters have non-Christian friends & relatives who think kissing & boyfriends are OK at this age (ugh). I have use the licked apple story to them about kissing. Would you buy a piece of fruit/apple if you know it was licked by several people before you can buy it? The same goes for kissing!
Talk about the consequences of sin as you study history and literature. Nations rise and fall on the character of the people. How has history been changed by their choices for or against purity?
Be sure to choose your medical caregivers wisely, so that your children will not be given undermining information during checkups. We have chosen a wonderful female Christian gynecologist for our daughters. (She is Dr. Grace Sarvotham, for those who live in the Orlando area.)
Many readers suggested giving children purity rings around age 12 or 13. They take the child out for a fancy dinner (or a night at a nice hotel), talk about puberty and purity, and present the child with a special ring to seal a commitment to purity. One mom says, When she put it on she made a promise to me and God that she would keep herself only for her husband. I made it very clear that the promise still stands even if the ring is not currently on her finger.
Keep your children busy with a purpose in life so that boredom and idle time won't create a vacuum that sucks in sin. Look for service opportunities you can do together as a family. Motivate them to work hard on their schoolwork, and thus prepare for the future. Let them start a great hobby. Get them involved in caring for your home as part of the family team. These productive activities will give them a healthy sense of accomplishment, and will help immunize them from temptations that come from trying to prove self-worth by attracting members of the opposite gender.

MEDIA

Be extremely careful with what media your child sees and hears. TV, movies, music, Internet, magazines and books are potent gateways into the soul. Even some Christian ones can cause a young person to stumble. Fill your home with worthwhile media choices that are still attractive to your kids.
Be aware of what books your child checks out of the library, even for school. So much childrens fiction (yes, even historical fiction) is really icky, and its not always apparent from the cover. If you cant read the whole book, at least flip through it carefully and see how it portrays male/female relationships, as well as the authority of parents. Are the characters too independent and saucy?
Consider going TV free at least for a while to see what a difference it makes in your family life. We dont have an antenna hooked to our TV set, which we use only for videos. I do not miss it at all, and it has been several months. (Think how much time we save this way, too!)
Check out details about objectionable content in movies and videos on http://www.screenit.com or http://www.pluggedinonline.com/
If there is any question in your mind about the suitability, watch the whole movie first by yourself. Recommendations of friends and even pastors are not even always reliable, and unfortunately, you may seem to be the prudish parent when everyone else is watching something that yours aren't. If you do decide to watch the movie, you can at least be prepared. One mom says, "One thing I do is screen movies before my boys view them. We recently watched a movie set in WW2 that had one objectionable scene in it. I had previewed the movie, found the scene and when we were watching it I was able to fast forward and skip the scene so my boys were not exposed to it. I usually have the remote in my hand so if something appears on the TV screen, whether movie scene, conversation or commercials that I find anti-biblical I change the channel or fast forward."
Dont judge the video by its cover. I bought my kids a cheap classic Mother Goose cartoon video, and was shocked at the provocative attire in it when *I* finally watched it, which was unfortunately after they had seen it several times!
Beware of romantic movies, books and music -- even ones that arent that bad with language and immodesty. Anything that gets you dreaming about someone else is not healthy. (That would include many PG and PG-13 movies.) Set the example by what you watch and read and listen to. Let me take a sharp poke at the movie A Walk to Remember. It is about a troublemaking teen who falls in love with a chaste Christian girl. She is a good influence on him and he reforms his ways, so the movie makes it seem OK for her to marry him, especially since she is dying of leukemia. He never turns to Christ. This kind of movie can make a girl stumble into thinking she can date or marry a non-Christian and "be a good example" to him.
You can get software filters for the Internet to prevent anyone in your home from accessing inappropriate web sites. Here are some links:

American Family Filter http://www.afafilter.com/
Integrity On Line http://www.integrityonline.com/
Christian-Net http://christian-net.com/default.asp
Covenant Eyes http://www.covenanteyes.com/
Net Nanny http://www.netnanny.com

IM (Instant Messaging) can be a very destructive force, too. I personally see no compelling reason to allow it on your computer, and plenty to take it off!
Keep your computer in a visible place in the house so there is no opportunity for secrecy. Watch out for headphones, too. I let my kids use headphones at our computer just because of the noise level in our home, but when I see them on, I usually go over to investigate what music from the Internet they have on.
Teach your children to immediately avert their eyes (LOOK AWAY!!!) if anything inappropriate pops up on a TV or computer screen. One mom reports, One day I had gone to msn.com to check out the news. My 13 year old son came in to ask me a question but he wouldn't look at me--he came in, turned around & faced the door, and then spoke to me. I am real big on eye contact so I asked him what he was doing. He asked me to look at the computer. On the homepage was an ad for The Southbeach Diet with the obligatory woman in a skimpy bikini. I told him I was so proud of him for immediately turning from the offensive picture. We spoke about how there really is no way to avoid being offended like that because the way girls dress now. BUT, that his response was perfect. Temptation/sin steps into the picture when you take that second glance.

BOOKS AND VIDEOS THAT TALK ABOUT PURITY

If you get any books about purity, even if they have been recommended to you, READ THEM FIRST before you give them to your teens. A Dad should screen any books given to his son, and a mother should screen books for daughters. One book might be good for a teen who is already dealing with peer pressure of the s**ual nature, but be totally inappropriate for someone who is only minimally aware of the birds and the bees. Dont leave such books laying around for younger siblings to pick up.   Within a few days, in a separate e-mail message, I will review and excerpt several of these books that tackle the topic of purity in a very frank way, but for now I will just list a few resources that are presented in story format suitable for just about anyone.

Randy Alcorn, a noted Christian author on many subjects, also has a book called The Purity Principle, which I have not read yet. I have seen excerpts on the web. Click here to see his articles: http://www.epm.org/articles.html#purity I highly recommend this to parents.

If you are looking for something extremely chaste to encourage your children, I heartily recommend the video Pamelas Prayer. It is based on a true story of a young girl whose father wanted her to wait until her wedding day for her first kiss, and who would not allow her to date. It follows her life through her early childhood, her questioning teen years when everyone else was dating except for her (which led to heartbreak for her best friend), a discrete yet romantic courtship with a godly young man, and finally her wedding day. The topic of s** is handled very discretely. The acting is a bit hokey, but the absolute sincerity and innocence of the story is totally refreshing. I was curious if my girls would even want to watch this old-fashioned video, but they all did quite willingly, and played it at least a few times after that. You can buy the video here, as well as view the trailer: http://www.christiananswers.net/catalog/pamela-vs.html

For teens, one similar book that I liked is actually a novel: I Will Follow by Clare Cook and Bethany Patchin (now Bethany Torode). You can get it from the publisher at: http://www.philokaliabooks.com/iwf.html It follows a 16 year old girl as she goes off on a mission trip, and wins the heart of a young Mexican man with her absolute stand on purity, which includes no kissing until marriage. What will happen next? Read an excerpt from chapter 1 here: http://www.philokaliabooks.com/iwfexcerpt.pdf

For younger children, Hope Chest readers recommend a picture book called The Princess and the Kiss by Jennie Bishop. It can be purchased for $6.99 at www.christianbook.com. It's the story of a daughter who is presented with a kiss by her parents who are a king and queen. This precious gift is one that eventually will be given away. But she waits to find a man worthy of this gift. Many suitors come calling but she waits for the right one.

COMPANIONS

Watch your childs friendships for signs of poor influence. Things that girls talk about with each other, or boys talk about with each other, can get really out of hand. A sleepover with a gaggle of giddy gabby gossipy girls is not always the best choice.
Do not allow your child to visit a home where standards are not compatible with your own and you cannot adequately supervise.
Especially avoid situations where your child is all alone with someone else who may in any way be indiscrete. This can include dating, spending time with a foolish friend (even of the same gender), allowing a teen boy to babysit for girls, letting another father pick up or drop off your daughter from a babysitting job, working in a very small office setting, etc. We have this standard for adults also. I dont ever ride in a car with just another man.
Make sure that all youth activities are well-supervised, preferably by you. Sad to say, but church youth groups and camps have a horrible reputation for preserving purity! I am delighted to be part of church (www.MetroLife.org) where the parents are strongly exhorted to attend youth events with their teens!
Avoid sending a girl into a situation with mostly guys, or visa versa. This can really cause undue attention and temptation. If it is necessary to attend, send Dad with the child!
Be very careful about allowing any private phone or e-mail conversations between boys and girls. These can quickly get out of hand because feelings can take over even the most platonic friendship.

SAFETY FROM PREDATORS

I wish I didnt have to include this section, but I do. Our children are at risk, not only from their own desires, but from the perversions of others. Please do not assume that your children are safe from this. I know Hope Chest readers whose children have been molested or exposed to indecency by parents, siblings, other relatives, neighbors, trusted family friends, pastors (and their kids), youth leaders, and strangers off the street. Ad nauseum!

Talk with your children, even from the toddler age, about the fact that NO ONE is to touch or see their private parts except for parents and medical caregivers -- and there are limits even on that! Private parts could safely include anything on the torso, with the exception of the upper back. Be sure to show them physically where you mean, but try to not to make them uncomfortable about receiving friendly hugs or other appropriate affection from family members. You may be able to find a childrens book that talks about preventing inappropriate situations.
Please make it clear that your child should tell you immediately if someone has touched them, spoken to them, or done anything else that makes them feel uncomfortable. Tell them ahead of time that they will not be blamed for sharing this information. It is NOT TATTLING to do so. Also, tell them that they have your permission to YELL LOUDLY AND CONTINUALLY for help if anyone tries to molest or expose them. If they are unsure yet uncomfortable about a persons intentions (such as being tickled by a favoriate uncle), let them know that they can firmly and politely tell a person to stop!
The best thing you can do to keep your children safe from predators is to keep them with you as much as possible, and to always have them let you know where they are going when they leave the house without you. This is common courtesy anyway!

A PASSION FOR JESUS

A week or so ago, as I stood in line at Sams Club, I started smelling a very unpleasant odor. I looked around quickly for a toddler with a messy diaper, but that wasnt it. The closer I got to the door, the stronger the foul smell became. As I exited to the parking lot, I noticed what I could only describe as a bilge truck parked outside, pumping something from the bathroom area. By now, the stench was overwhelming -- absolutely putrid. The only things I could do were to wretch violently and push my cart across the lot as fast as I could. I am not exaggerating to say that I was still overcome with nausea 100 feet away. Dear ones, this is what impurity does to the nose of a Holy God. Do you see why it is so important to keep our consciences fresh and clean through confession and repentance?

For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope--the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good. Titus 2:11-14

Jesus died to purify you as his own Beloved Bride. That is such good news! If you havent yet found your mercy and salvation in Jesus Christ, please dont wait a minute longer! And if you have already trusted in Christ to redeem you from sin, dont stop there. He wants all of you -- spirit, soul and body. He made you (beautifully!), he ransomed you with his blood, and you belong to him. Have you devoted your life to the honor of knowing him and making him known?

May your passion for life be found in Jesus Christ!

In His Sovereign Grace,

Virginia Knowles

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THE HOPE CHEST

with Virginia Knowles

#7-8 on May 21, 2004

A Passion for Purity

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The Hope Chest is a free email newsletter with encouragement and practical teaching tips. The writer is Virginia Knowles, wife of Thad, mother of nine children, and author of Common Sense Excellence: Faith-Filled Home Education for Preschool to 5th Grade, and The Real Life Home School Mom.

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Dear Hope Chest friends,

I originally told you that I would be doing a mega-issue on the topics of purity, modesty, and preparation for marriage. I decided to do a series instead, starting with purity, because I dont think any of us is ready to take in everything at once. I feel like even approaching the subject of purity is like standing under Niagara Falls. In fact, this issue so long (about 11 pages), that I recommend you print it out and take your copy to your favorite easy chair. Then forward it to a friend!

This issue of the Hope Chest would not be possible without a lot of help and prayers from others. I asked the Hope Chest readers, What are you doing to guard the motional and physical purity of your children? Within a few days, I had received dozens of responses. I couldnt include everything that was sent to me, so I compiled and condensed, with a few verbatim quotes, and then placed them into what seem to be logical categories. I really appreciate the readers who sent in their ideas and encouragements. Your perspective has been so helpful! I'd especially like to thank my husband Thad and oldest daughter Mary for their valuable feedback.

The sections in this issue of the Hope Chest are:

A WORD OF GRACE BEFORE WE START
A PASSION FOR PURITY
GUARDING THE PURITY OF YOUR CHILDREN
- Scriptures
- Prayer
- Relationship and Discussion
- Media
- Books and Videos about Purity
- Companions
- Safety from Predators
A PASSION FOR JESUS

A WORD OF GRACE BEFORE WE START

I know that many of you who are reading this have already been wounded by impurity. Please let me offer a word of grace to you. As I write this words, I want you to be aware that they have been bathed in prayer. This is not an academic exercise or just another article for me. Please know that I am writing this from my heart. My fervent prayer is that the Holy Spirit would sweep into our lives as a flowing river, to soften our hard hearts, to cleanse away all impurity, and to heal our wounds.

One day when Jesus was eating dinner, reclined at the table with a bunch of religious folks, a woman who had lived a very impure life came in and stood behind him weeping. Then she wet his feet with her tears, wiped them with her hair, kissed them, and poured expensive perfume on them. The Pharisees were shocked, but Jesus rebuked these "holy men" for their lack of mercy, commended the woman for her repentant devotion, and proclaimed that her sins were forgiven. This is the gracious God we serve! This Savior of ours died on the cross to set us free from guilt and shame. He can and will forgive whatever you have done as you confess and repent of your sins (see 1 John 1:9). Whatever others have done to you or your children, Christ can give you the courage and mercy to forgive, and then be released from bitterness. I speak this from experience. If you need help grasping hold of this truth, please e-mail me at [email protected] and Ill try to guide you into Gods grace. (You can find the story in Luke 7:36-50.)

A PASSION FOR PURITY

I believe that the Lord wants us parents to raise up a holy generation. Thats why so many of us are home schooling our children. We want them to be different. We dont want them to be plagued by the sins of our society, so we keep them home. Thats good, but thats not enough. The enemy of our souls is tricky. Please dont assume that your children are safe. Sin is not what comes from outside, it starts in the heart. There is no ivory tower that you can build that will totally shelter your child, and we dont want to live in ivory towers anyway. We have a world to win! But just as sin starts in the heart, so does purity. And it makes all the difference in the world!

Why do I take purity so seriously? Because God does! He is not a Cosmic Killjoy! He is the Lover of Your Soul. The Lord himself died to purify us from our sins. He loves us so much that he wants the absolute best for us. He calls us to purity for our own protection, because he knows the destruction that comes -- for us and for others -- when we let sin of any kind take control in our lives. I cant tell you how many people I know who have had lives completely shattered by obscene magazines and web sites, a compromise with a boyfriend or girlfriend, an adulterous affair or a cheating spouse, out-of-wedlock pregnancy, abortion, child molestation, addictive activities, STDs, and even wandering eyes and innocent flirting that turned to inner turmoil or tragedy... I could go on or get more detailed, but I wont. This is not mere social commentary for me, because the stories touch my life too closely as I weep with friends and relatives who have been affected. Please dont think that young people (and their parents) in our churches or home school circles are immune. Our enemy does not give up easily when he finds so many soft targets.

I cant just point to others around me. I have to look within my own heart and deal with compromises I have made over the years. Yes, they are in the past, but they do have an accumulated effect. There are some little things in the gray areas that I have brushed off without a full sense of repentance and restoration. If I dont have a completely clear conscience in this area, how can I hope to lead my children into a life of purity? Thats enough to drive me to my knees!

I believe that we need to guard our hearts and bodies so that we are not giving anything away to someone else that rightfully belongs to our spouse. If you arent married yet, that means saving yourself for the one who will be your spouse. This is not just in the physical sense, but in the emotional sense also. You can give your heart away to someone without even touching them. The reason for purity also goes beyond courtesy to your future earthly spouse. You may never even get married. Its really all about bringing honor to the Lord as the Bride of Christ. We want to be pure for Jesus sake! In the broadest sense, it means that we keep our consciences clear of anything that can defile our walk with God. That would include greed, idolatry, pride, and many other things. However, for the purposes of this Hope Chest issue, I would like to limit the discussion to s**ual purity. (Please note that I need to use words with asterisks to avoid triggering some sensitive Internet filters.)

GUARDING THE PURITY OF YOUR CHILDREN

I'd like to present some ideas about guarding our children's purity. Please realize that these suggestions arent foolproof and they are just a start. I know these are going to seem really radical to some of you. Something as important as our childrens purity requires taking a strong stand AND taking into account where our children are in life. I want to be prudent, not prudish. I want to be prepared, not paranoid. I know I am opening myself to criticism from those who think Im too conservative and from those who think Im too liberal. Each family needs to work out convictions for themselves according to Scripture and the leading of the Holy Spirit. As one reader writes, As homeschoolers, we already walk what often feels like the narrow path within the narrow path. When attempting to guard our children's purity, we sometimes come under fire as overprotective, etc. Pray. Do what God tells you. I can only be faithful to the convictions of my own heart, regarding my own children.

SCRIPTURES

I start with the Scriptures because the foundation for purity is what God has commanded in his Word. That is our authority. Books can be helpful, but there is nothing like the Book of Books, the Bible. Please read these verses carefully and let them speak to your heart and mind. One mom gives her children Scripture memory cards pertaining to the subject of purity. You can use many of these verses! (Scriptures are NIV.)

It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid s**ual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate l**t like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit. 1Thessalonians 4:3-7

Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity. 1Timothy 5:1b-2

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. 1 Timothy 4:12

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the s**ually immoral. Hebrews 13:4

Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. 2 Timothy 2:22

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Matthew 5:8

How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word. Psalm 199:9

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalm 51:10

May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it. 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24

Flee from s**ual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins s**ually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. Proverbs 4:23-25

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ. Philippians 1:9-10

So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. 1 Corinthians 10:12-13

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. James 4:7-10

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:1-2

Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God. 2 Corinthians 7:1

See also Philippians 4:4-8, Titus 2:3-5, James 1:13-15, and Luke 7:36-50, as well as the sad stories of Samson & Delilah and David & Bathsheba.

A Hope Chest reader writes, I don't know that there's any single way to teach purity to our children or to guarantee their protection in this area, since there are so many variables in each child's life such as their own propensity toward obedience or sin, the outside influences in their lives that we can't control, etc. But beyond those things we can't control, we have strived to instill a love for God and His Word from early on in our children's lives, which is the number one way to protect their purity (Ps. 119:9-11.."how can a young man keep his way pure? By keeping it according to Thy Word. Thy Word I have treasured in my heart that I might not sin against Thee.")

PRAYER

This year, through circumstances outside our family, my eyes have been opened wide to the temptations and snares that face young people in the area of purity. I have literally been on my face crying out to God for my own children, not because they have given me any reason to distrust them, but because I know that they are human like me. I am also interceding regularly, by name, for over a dozen young people who are in the home group Bible study that we attend on Wednesday nights. My prayer for them is that they will have a passion for the Lord and the local church, that they will pursue purity, and that they will discover the purpose that God has for their lives.

A Hope Chest reader in New Zealand writes, The disciples were comforted to witness the close relationship between Father & Son when Jesus prayed, as it is also a great comfort (even to the very young) to know their parents love & care for them so much that they would pray to our Heavenly Father for them. Here are some prayer thoughts for now and the future:

Lord Jesus, I pray that my children will have a fearful respect for their own weakness to temptation. (Ps 97:10; Matt 26:41)
Dear Lord God, I pray they will be called to account when necessary, but that they will continue to hope in you Lord, and lovingly and prayerfully, not accusingly, be restored.
I pray, Lord Jesus, that our children will be shielded from the evil one in each area of their lives, spiritual, emotional and physical. (John 17:15, Luke 22:31)
Lord God, I pray our children will make space for you, so they will grow into willing lifetime servants, like you would have them be. (Ps 90:12,17; Luke 2:52; Romans 8:29)
Lord God, I pray our children will turn to you for help in choosing a mate, or else be worthy, fulfilled single people. (2 Cor 6:14-17; Ps 37:4-5)
Lord, I pray our children will be kept pure until the time of marriage, as well as the one they are to marry. (1 Cor 6:18-20).
Lord, I pray they will submit to you and resist Satan actively in all circumstances. (James 4:7; Ps 119:1; Ps 143:10)
Lord Jesus, we pray our children will have your attitudes in morals and responsibility in all their relationships and friendships. (Romans 14:21; 1 Corinthians 13:4-5; 1 Tim 4:12; Romans 13:1)
Lord God, protect our children from wrong people, wrong places, and wrong information, give them wisdom to find the right friends and places. (Prov.1:10-11; Ps 91:9-11; Hosea 2:6).
Lord, thank you that your peace transcends all understanding and will guard our hearts and minds. Thank you Lord (John 17:1-15) Amen.

Another mother writes, Of course, prayer is the most important way I can guard against impurity in their hearts and lives. I pray for them to stay pure. I pray that if it's the Lord's will for them to marry, they will do so with the "right one" and that they will remain pure until their wedding day. I also pray for that one to remain pure, as well.

RELATIONSHIP AND DISCUSSION

With a strong foundation of Scripture and prayer, it is also important to proactively communicate with your children. Dont wait until there is a problem!

In order to effectively communicate, you first need to build a strong relationship with your children so they feel they can talk to you without a condemning lecture or inquisition. They need to know you are committed to them no matter what, and that your love is unconditional. They also need to sense that you are launching them toward independence and not trying to over control them. Remember that Rules with Relationships Reap Rebellion! One mom writes, "The biggest thing is keep the lines of communication open. Let your kids know that nothing will shock you, the parent, and they can tell us anything or ask anything, and that all answers come from Scripture."
When your children are in the younger grades of science, they will probably be learning about animal reproduction and maybe even a little about human reproduction. You can discretely answer any questions as they come up, but dont feel it is necessary to give them a full-blown explanation of how babies are made until much later. Let their interest be your guide, and dont over answer when they may be asking for just a sentence or two. One mom says about waiting to share details, It is like trying to discuss a drivers manual with a little child with all the rules of the road and techniques for handling a car, even though they would be no where near ready to drive until they were close to 16 years old. It would be irrelevant to them early on, and serve no purpose.
As your children reach their teen years, make sure you approach the subject of human s**uality in an upbeat, healthy manner. One Hope Chest reader cautions: I was raised in an ultra conservative Christian home and was raised in Christian school and church. NO ONE EVER talked about s**, childbirth, nursing babies, or ANYTHING, except that it was WRONG. I learned about s** by hearing it from my friends, and about pregnancy while I was pregnant with my first! We actually skipped the s** education chapter in the Christian high school textbook! I don't want to do that to my children -- I want a healthy view of the miracle God created.
Talk about purity before it becomes a problem. Another mom shares, The other thing we have stressed is that the time to make a commitment to purity is NOT when they are old enough to take part in s**ual activity. Since hormones and emotions are so powerful, the temptation can easily be given in to. So the moment of temptation is not the time to be making a decision about purity. The decision needs to be made long before a relationship is started. It needs to be made when emotions are not involved and a clear picture of consequences can be seen. We have stressed that commitment to purity is not only a safeguard to their own body and spirit. It is also a safeguard to their relationship with God. God forgives, but the consequences of our actions live on. There is also the responsibility of knowing that they have affected someone else's purity as well. The bottom line: "The best things come to those who wait."
Set your standards and make them clear from the start, including answers to the why and the what if questions. Role play with your daughter about how to respond if some cute stranger says, Hey babe, ya wanna go out with me? ("No thanks!") Role play with your son what to do if a girl starts flirting with him or a friend tries to expose him to obscenity. One mom says, I give them words to defend their stand, including the reason why we do it, and have taught them that most of all, they are worth waiting for.
Many Hope Chest readers said that they discuss with their children examples around them of people who havent done things Gods way. (As one Hope Chest reader shares, We have a situation in our family that gives us plenty of the "what not to do and see what happens when you do what's wrong" content. The effect this situation has had on our extended family, especially the children involved, has brought home the seriousness of selfish actions which do not involve seeking God's will in marriage. We keep the situation on our prayer list, as well as our family topics list, so my children definitely understand the wisdom in seeking God's will concerning a mate, as well as the consequences of premarital decisions and actions that are based on desire, as opposed to waiting.) I do have one strong caution for talking about others. Please be very very very discrete when discussing the failures of others, even if the sin is common knowledge. (If you need to point out bad examples, the celebrity world and the newspapers are rife with them, and they are pretty much fair game.) Part of restoration from sin is to be able to move on and start fresh. Thats abysmally hard to do if tongues have been wagging in gossip. Please try to guard other peoples reputations as you would your own. Speak often of the mercy of God to redeem and renew.
Talk about things "as you walk along the way." When things come up, you can talk about it right then. For example, if you see something on TV, say what is wrong and turn it off. If you see something in public, talk about it as soon as you can do so with some measure of privacy.
Be creative in your discussion, using analogies. One mom says, My daughters have non-Christian friends & relatives who think kissing & boyfriends are OK at this age (ugh). I have use the licked apple story to them about kissing. Would you buy a piece of fruit/apple if you know it was licked by several people before you can buy it? The same goes for kissing!
Talk about the consequences of sin as you study history and literature. Nations rise and fall on the character of the people. How has history been changed by their choices for or against purity?
Be sure to choose your medical caregivers wisely, so that your children will not be given undermining information during checkups. We have chosen a wonderful female Christian gynecologist for our daughters. (She is Dr. Grace Sarvotham, for those who live in the Orlando area.)
Many readers suggested giving children purity rings around age 12 or 13. They take the child out for a fancy dinner (or a night at a nice hotel), talk about puberty and purity, and present the child with a special ring to seal a commitment to purity. One mom says, When she put it on she made a promise to me and God that she would keep herself only for her husband. I made it very clear that the promise still stands even if the ring is not currently on her finger.
Keep your children busy with a purpose in life so that boredom and idle time won't create a vacuum that sucks in sin. Look for service opportunities you can do together as a family. Motivate them to work hard on their schoolwork, and thus prepare for the future. Let them start a great hobby. Get them involved in caring for your home as part of the family team. These productive activities will give them a healthy sense of accomplishment, and will help immunize them from temptations that come from trying to prove self-worth by attracting members of the opposite gender.

MEDIA

Be extremely careful with what media your child sees and hears. TV, movies, music, Internet, magazines and books are potent gateways into the soul. Even some Christian ones can cause a young person to stumble. Fill your home with worthwhile media choices that are still attractive to your kids.

Be aware of what books your child checks out of the library, even for school. So much childrens fiction (yes, even historical fiction) is really icky, and its not always apparent from the cover. If you cant read the whole book, at least flip through it carefully and see how it portrays male/female relationships, as well as the authority of parents. Are the characters too independent and saucy?

Consider going TV free at least for a while to see what a difference it makes in your family life. We dont have an antenna hooked to our TV set, which we use only for videos. I do not miss it at all, and it has been several months. (Think how much time we save this way, too!)

Check out details about objectionable content in movies and videos on http://www.screenit.com or http://www.pluggedinonline.com/
If there is any question in your mind about the suitability, watch the whole movie first by yourself. Recommendations of friends and even pastors are not even always reliable, and unfortunately, you may seem to be the prudish parent when everyone else is watching something that yours aren't. If you do decide to watch the movie, you can at least be prepared. One mom says, "One thing I do is screen movies before my boys view them. We recently watched a movie set in WW2 that had one objectionable scene in it. I had previewed the movie, found the scene and when we were watching it I was able to fast forward and skip the scene so my boys were not exposed to it. I usually have the remote in my hand so if something appears on the TV screen, whether movie scene, conversation or commercials that I find anti-biblical I change the channel or fast forward."
Dont judge the video by its cover. I bought my kids a cheap classic Mother Goose cartoon video, and was shocked at the provocative attire in it when *I* finally watched it, which was unfortunately after they had seen it several times!
Beware of romantic movies, books and music -- even ones that arent that bad with language and immodesty. Anything that gets you dreaming about someone else is not healthy. (That would include many PG and PG-13 movies.) Set the example by what you watch and read and listen to. Let me take a sharp poke at the movie A Walk to Remember. It is about a troublemaking teen who falls in love with a chaste Christian girl. She is a good influence on him and he reforms his ways, so the movie makes it seem OK for her to marry him, especially since she is dying of leukemia. He never turns to Christ. This kind of movie can make a girl stumble into thinking she can date or marry a non-Christian and "be a good example" to him.
You can get software filters for the Internet to prevent anyone in your home from accessing inappropriate web sites. Here are some links:
- American Family Filter http://www.afafilter.com/
- Integrity On Line http://www.integrityonline.com/
- Christian-Net http://christian-net.com/default.asp
- Covenant Eyes http://www.covenanteyes.com/
- Net Nanny http://www.netnanny.com
IM (Instant Messaging) can be a very destructive force, too. I personally see no compelling reason to allow it on your computer, and plenty to take it off!
Keep your computer in a visible place in the house so there is no opportunity for secrecy. Watch out for headphones, too. I let my kids use headphones at our computer just because of the noise level in our home, but when I see them on, I usually go over to investigate what music from the Internet they have on.
Teach your children to immediately avert their eyes (LOOK AWAY!!!) if anything inappropriate pops up on a TV or computer screen. One mom reports, One day I had gone to msn.com to check out the news. My 13 year old son came in to ask me a question but he wouldn't look at me--he came in, turned around & faced the door, and then spoke to me. I am real big on eye contact so I asked him what he was doing. He asked me to look at the computer. On the homepage was an ad for The Southbeach Diet with the obligatory woman in a skimpy bikini. I told him I was so proud of him for immediately turning from the offensive picture. We spoke about how there really is no way to avoid being offended like that because the way girls dress now. BUT, that his response was perfect. Temptation/sin steps into the picture when you take that second glance.

BOOKS AND VIDEOS THAT TALK ABOUT PURITY

If you get any books about purity, even if they have been recommended to you, READ THEM FIRST before you give them to your teens. A Dad should screen any books given to his son, and a mother should screen books for daughters. One book might be good for a teen who is already dealing with peer pressure of the s**ual nature, but be totally inappropriate for someone who is only minimally aware of the birds and the bees. Dont leave such books laying around for younger siblings to pick up. Within a few days, in a separate e-mail message, I will review and excerpt several of these books that tackle the topic of purity in a very frank way, but for now I will just list a few resources that are presented in story format suitable for just about anyone.

Randy Alcorn, a noted Christian author on many subjects, also has a book called The Purity Principle, which I have not read yet. I have seen excerpts on the web. Click here to see his articles: http://www.epm.org/articles.html#purity I highly recommend this to parents.

If you are looking for something extremely chaste to encourage your children, I heartily recommend the video Pamelas Prayer. It is based on a true story of a young girl whose father wanted her to wait until her wedding day for her first kiss, and who would not allow her to date. It follows her life through her early childhood, her questioning teen years when everyone else was dating except for her (which led to heartbreak for her best friend), a discrete yet romantic courtship with a godly young man, and finally her wedding day. The topic of s** is handled very discretely. The acting is a bit hokey, but the absolute sincerity and innocence of the story is totally refreshing. I was curious if my girls would even want to watch this old-fashioned video, but they all did quite willingly, and played it at least a few times after that. You can buy the video here, as well as view the trailer: http://www.christiananswers.net/catalog/pamela-vs.html

For teens, one similar book that I liked is actually a novel: I Will Follow by Clare Cook and Bethany Patchin (now Bethany Torode). You can get it from the publisher at: http://www.philokaliabooks.com/iwf.html It follows a 16 year old girl as she goes off on a mission trip, and wins the heart of a young Mexican man with her absolute stand on purity, which includes no kissing until marriage. What will happen next? Read an excerpt from chapter 1 here: http://www.philokaliabooks.com/iwfexcerpt.pdf

For younger children, Hope Chest readers recommend a picture book called The Princess and the Kiss by Jennie Bishop. It can be purchased for $6.99 at http://www.christianbook.com. It's the story of a daughter who is presented with a kiss by her parents who are a king and queen. This precious gift is one that eventually will be given away. But she waits to find a man worthy of this gift. Many suitors come calling but she waits for the right one.

COMPANIONS

Watch your childs friendships for signs of poor influence. Things that girls talk about with each other, or boys talk about with each other, can get really out of hand. A sleepover with a gaggle of giddy gabby gossipy girls is not always the best choice.
Do not allow your child to visit a home where standards are not compatible with your own and you cannot adequately supervise.
Especially avoid situations where your child is all alone with someone else who may in any way be indiscrete. This can include dating, spending time with a foolish friend (even of the same gender), allowing a teen boy to babysit for girls, letting another father pick up or drop off your daughter from a babysitting job, working in a very small office setting, etc. We have this standard for adults also. I dont ever ride in a car with just another man.
Make sure that all youth activities are well-supervised, preferably by you. Sad to say, but church youth groups and camps have a horrible reputation for preserving purity! I am delighted to be part of church (http://www.MetroLife.org) where the parents are strongly exhorted to attend youth events with their teens!
Avoid sending a girl into a situation with mostly guys, or visa versa. This can really cause undue attention and temptation. If it is necessary to attend, send Dad with the child!
Be very careful about allowing any private phone or e-mail conversations between boys and girls. These can quickly get out of hand because feelings can take over even the most platonic friendship.

SAFETY FROM PREDATORS

I wish I didnt have to include this section, but I do. Our children are at risk, not only from their own desires, but from the perversions of others. Please do not assume that your children are safe from this. I know Hope Chest readers whose children have been molested or exposed to indecency by parents, siblings, other relatives, neighbors, trusted family friends, pastors (and their kids), youth leaders, and strangers off the street. Ad nauseum!

Talk with your children, even from the toddler age, about the fact that NO ONE is to touch or see their private parts except for parents and medical caregivers -- and there are limits even on that! Private parts could safely include anything on the torso, with the exception of the upper back. Be sure to show them physically where you mean, but try to not to make them uncomfortable about receiving friendly hugs or other appropriate affection from family members. You may be able to find a childrens book that talks about preventing inappropriate situations.
Please make it clear that your child should tell you immediately if someone has touched them, spoken to them, or done anything else that makes them feel uncomfortable. Tell them ahead of time that they will not be blamed for sharing this information. It is NOT TATTLING to do so. Also, tell them that they have your permission to YELL LOUDLY AND CONTINUALLY for help if anyone tries to molest or expose them. If they are unsure yet uncomfortable about a persons intentions (such as being tickled by a favoriate uncle), let them know that they can firmly and politely tell a person to stop!
The best thing you can do to keep your children safe from predators is to keep them with you as much as possible, and to always have them let you know where they are going when they leave the house without you. This is common courtesy anyway!

A PASSION FOR JESUS

A week or so ago, as I stood in line at Sams Club, I started smelling a very unpleasant odor. I looked around quickly for a toddler with a messy diaper, but that wasnt it. The closer I got to the door, the stronger the foul smell became. As I exited to the parking lot, I noticed what I could only describe as a bilge truck parked outside, pumping something from the bathroom area. By now, the stench was overwhelming -- absolutely putrid. The only things I could do were to wretch violently and push my cart across the lot as fast as I could. I am not exaggerating to say that I was still overcome with nausea 100 feet away. Dear ones, this is what impurity does to the nose of a Holy God. Do you see why it is so important to keep our consciences fresh and clean through confession and repentance?

For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope--the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good. Titus 2:11-14

Jesus died to purify you as his own Beloved Bride. That is such good news! If you havent yet found your mercy and salvation in Jesus Christ, please dont wait a minute longer! And if you have already trusted in Christ to redeem you from sin, dont stop there. He wants all of you -- spirit, soul and body. He made you (beautifully!), he ransomed you with his blood, and you belong to him. Have you devoted your life to the honor of knowing him and making him known?

May your passion for life be found in Jesus Christ!

In His Sovereign Grace,

Virginia Knowles

http://www.thehopechest.net

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