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#9-3: A Future For Our Daughters (and Sons)

#1 · April 6, 2006, 4:49 pm

Quote from Forum Archives on April 6, 2006, 4:49 pm
Posted by: homenews <homenews@...>
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The Hope Chest Home School News

with Virginia Knowles

April 6, 2006

#9-3: A Future For Our Daughters (and Sons)

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Dear Hope Chest friends,

Every so often, I get an idea for a Hope Chest issue that I think is particularly important. This is one of them!   I hope you take the time to read it all the way through. I know it is long and that your reading time is limited.  I had to split it into four parts to be sent over the next few weeks.    I would suggest that you print out the 11 pages of Part 1 right now so you can grab a tall cup of lemonade and make yourself comfortable with it!   (No, despite the feminine nature of this issue, I am still not much into teacups!)

Specifically, I will focus on preparing our daughters for the future. Trust me when I say, that as a mother of seven daughters, one of whom is an adult, I think a lot about this subject! But dont stop reading if you only have a son, because there will be something here for you, too. Ive included thoughts from a wide variety along the spectrum, so please read with discernment and a bit of an open heart. I am aware that I have a very diverse readership, and I want to say rather emphatically that I dont wish to judge or criticize anyone, even while I express my opinions about things I don't appreciate in our culture. I also want to offer hope to those who feel it is too late, or whose daughters have gone astray. God can redeem the situation, and restore the years the locust has eaten. Please don't let your own sensitive situation discourage you from reading this.

You are welcome to pass this along to anyone who might be interested to read it, and I would love to hear your feedback. Send me a note at homenews@juno.com, or if you want it to be for-my-eyes-only, send it to my private address at titus2heart@juno.com. Thanks!

At the bottom of this message, I have also included links to read related Hope Chest issues from 2004. Please pay special attention to the link for Application Questions for Daughters and Moms which I am also including right here: http://welovegod.org/groups/hopechest/read/?0::332 These questions were written by Sheree Phillips, whose husband Benny is a pastor at our church (www.metrolife.org). While I was preparing this issue, she graciously agreed to give her feedback to me on it. Thank you, Sheree, for "speaking into my life" on this and many other subjects! For those who live near Orlando, Sheree will present an informative session on disciplining young children at the next Moms brunch at Metro Life Church [www.metrolife.org] in Casselberry. This fantastic time will take place on Thursday, April 20, from 9:30 to noon. Childcare - but not food - is provided for ages 3 months to 10 years old.   Reservations are not required, and there is no charge at all, so please come be our guest and enjoy the food, fellowship and great teaching.   You can find downloadable audio messages from previous brunches at: http://www.metrolife.org/html/ladies.html

Part 1: Preparing Your Daughter for a Future That Pleases God

©        My Thoughts

©        A Matter of the Heart

©        Relationships!

©        Practicalities

©        What About College and Career?

©        A Hope Chest of Ideas and Inspiration for My Daughters (and Others)

©        What About Our Sons?

©        Links to Related Hope Chest Back Issues

Part 2: Treasured Books from My Grandmas House

©        Treasured Books from My Grandmas House

©        What is Worth While?

Part 3: Resource Reviews

If you have read any of the following books or listened to the CDs, please feel free to send me your comments!   Or, if you would like to write a review of a resource related to this issues topic, send it in!

©        So Much More by Anna Sophia Botkin and Elizabeth Botkin

©        Jennie B. and the Pilot audio message by Mrs. Jennie Chancey

©        Raising Maidens of Virtue by Stacey McDonald

©        Girl Talk and Other Resources by Carolyn Mahaney and Daughters

©        Training Our Daughters to be Keepers at Home audio message by Susan Bradrick

Part 4: Our Readers Write

Several moms have already written in with their thoughts, but there is plenty of room for more! I would love to hear your comments on what I have written in this Part 1.

In His Sovereign Grace,

Virginia Knowles

www.TheHopeChest.net

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Preparing Your Daughter for a Future That Pleases God

by Virginia Knowles

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A Matter of the Heart

When our fourth daughter was born, our pediatrician jokingly advised us to, Buy a good ladder and hope they elope! When our fifth daughter (in a row!) came along, we figured wed better start a wedding business. One could be a floral designer, one a caterer, one a photographer   Well, we never got around to that, though we very nearly bought a florist shop this year! Seriously though, with seven daughters and three sons you could say that my husband Thad and I have given some serious thought to how to prepare them for the future! Id like to share with you some of our insights.

I know that this is a controversial topic! Some of you are going to think that I am a wacko old-fashioned mama who wants to move back to the 1800s. (Not so fast! I love modern technology, and I couldnt abide doing laundry in the creek!) Others of you are going to think Ive gone too liberal on you. Such is life! Ill take the risk, with this disclaimer. What I am about to write is my own opinion, based on much reading, much prayer and much School of Hard Knocks living. Ive hit a lot of potholes along the way, and Id love to spare you.

Most of all, I would encourage you to look to the Scriptures to see what God says to all of us, and pray to him to see what he says to you personally. As a Christian, I know that Im not here to live life on my own terms. I have been bought with a price the precious blood of the Savior and I am not my own! I want to live to please him, and I want my daughters to do the same. Im certainly no expert at this. Im learning along with the rest of you all, and getting tripped up by my own shortcomings as I go. Its easy to get discouraged or to want to just blend in with the landscape and not try to do anything extraordinary with our lives. However, we must not be afraid to be really different from the rest of the world or at least try to be! If you have any fear of what the neighbors or the relatives will think, you might best lose it quick. It really only matters what God thinks! On the other hand, we must not get stuck in legalism or self-righteousness, which are not attractive to our children or anyone else. We have much to learn, and we will certainly change many of our opinions along the way. At least I know I have! And what I see in myself truly humbles me. I need the mercy of God in the cross of Jesus; apart from that I cant be the wife and mother and daughter of God -- that I should be. May he shepherd my children past my many mistakes.

But back to a Biblical basis --here are a few basic passages (with links to the English Standard Version) for your consideration:

Titus 2:3-6 http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/search/?q=Proverbs+31%3A10-31

1 Peter 3:1-6 http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/search/?q=1+peter+3

Proverbs 31:10-31 http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/search/?q=Proverbs+31%3A10-31

1 Timothy 2:8-15 http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/search/?q=1+timothy+2%3A8-15

Psalm 144:12-15 http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/search/?q=Psalm+144%3A12-15

Galatians 3:27-28 http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/search/?q=Galatians+3%3A27-28

With these Scriptures in mind, what are my goals for my daughters in the 21^st century? First, I have to say that I cant live their lives for them. So in that sense, I can only have goals for my training efforts and relationship to them, which will naturally reflect my own desires of what I think would be right. What they do with that is up to them! But what do I want? No matter what their futures hold, my ultimate desire for them is to have hearts that pursue the Lord, hearts that please the Lord, hearts with a passion for the Lord. With that, they cant go wrong! Yes, I do have other things in mind. I would love to see my daughters cultivate a deeper affection and skills for home and family life, which will give them strong marriages and make them effective mothers, should God choose to bless them that way. I would also be delighted to see them home schooling their own children.

That may not seem like anything unusual, until we realize that many of us home school families live in the holy huddle and hang out with only those whose lifestyles are similar to us. I think if is safe to say that most of the American culture is not heading in this direction, and that there is growing hostility against the traditional nuclear Christian family.   A look at the evening news or a quick web search will reveal that we live in an increasingly gender-bending culture which has gone so far astray from Gods design. It is sad to say that even the church has gotten sucked into a feminist mindset, which has lured us so subtly, inch by inch, until we dont realize how drastically we have veered as Gods people from Gods ways. We want to be relevant to culture, but instead, weve often been so assimilated into it that we have nothing redemptive left to say.

I can see so many ways that I lost the vision of Biblical womanhood that I had as a young wife and mom. I have failed to convey to my own daughters the purity and power of Gods grace in this matter. But as much as I would like my daughters to spend more time and energy preparing for future family life than for a potential career, I dont think it is wise to try to pressure them or unduly limit their options. However, I do believe we all can boldly challenge and encourage our daughters in Biblical ways, and equip them practically to follow that path. We can work with them on the attitudes and skills required for success. Much of this depends on our own examples. Do they see us pursuing our marriages, motherhood and homemaking with joy and purpose? What are our own priorities?   Its a matter of the heart! Our daughters must also learn to hear from God themselves. We cant spoon feed them forever. Has your daughter made the faith her own? How is her spiritual walk? Where is her heart? Is she growing in grace and service? Does she love the local church? Is she accountable to anyone?

If a daughter has been graced with a heart-spark, a conviction and confidence about godly womanhood, this will carry her through the many disappointments and trials which will surely come along the way. Otherwise there may be regret and confusion, wondering why she ever did it this way, and whether it wouldnt have been easier or more fulfilling if she had gone the way the rest of the world says to go. Its hard enough as it is to buck the culture, but without an inner assurance of ones own, its nearly impossible and certainly maddening. Part of this heart attitude is a matter of maturity and timing. So many girls dont learn to treasure home and family life until they are on the brink of it, or even over the threshold of marriage and motherhood. Then their eyes are illumined hopefully to the beauty and sacredness of what lies before them. They look back over their shoulders and begin to appreciate the sacrifices we have made for them.

Relationships!

One of the key ways to prepare for the future is to build strong relationships at home right now. I know what a challenge this is! It goes against our selfish natures to serve one another, to cooperate with one another, to consider one another as more important than ourselves. Its much easier to get irritated, demand my own way, or be a control freak. We need to work hard at understanding and nurturing your kids. Teenagers can be pretty mysterious and baffling creatures to figure out, but that makes life interesting, doesnt it?

Do your children respect you? Do they respond properly to authority? Do they confide in you?   Consider the ramifications. How a young man treats his mother is often how he will treat his future wife. How a young woman treats her father is often how she will treat her future husband. They get their cues from us how we as parents treat one another! Additionally, a young adult who has a healthy relationship with mom and dad will be more likely to welcome them into the decision making process when it comes to choosing a mate or making other life plans.   If they have been micromanaged or smothered by parents throughout the teen years, they will not be equipped to think things through, and they will be resentful of any of your attempts to offer advice. Thats not to say we should just let them do whatever they want in their teen years. They still need to hear No and Do this! Even older teens (and college students still living at home) need to be accountable for how they spend their time and money, how well they do their chores, how tidy their room is, who their friends are, when they come home at night, what entertainment and web sites they enjoy, and how they drive the car. They need to show that they are responsible and respectful, even while they are making many of their own decisions.

A while back, some of our pastors alerted the parents to problems they saw with the web site called MySpace, where many of the young people had their own pages. The pastors warned us that the site is dangerous for many reasons, and this was certainly echoed by news reports in the mainstream media. One of the other parents mentioned to me that my daughter Julia had a page there. It would have been easy for me to go home and demand that she remove her page immediately. Instead, I went home and asked to see her page, which she showed me. Her page was sweet and honoring to God. Unfortunately, some of her friends pages, which were linked to it, were very questionable.   I told her what the pastors said, recommended that she remove her page, and left it at that for the time being. She did so very willingly. Im sure part of this has to do with the respect she has for our pastors and our church. I am so grateful for these men and their wives for providing such Biblical and reasonable support for parents and their teen/adult children.

I also know firsthand the balancing act it takes when a young adult lives at home when to step forward and when to back off, when to make a comment and when to keep the mouth shut.   Im not the first mom to face this, and certainly not the last! Yet when I think about the alternative having Mary far from home and not having any face-to-face interaction with her I am so abundantly happy to get this privilege to continue nurturing her in her young adult years. Yes, it is a privilege! Im in no hurry to boot my kids out of the house. My girls have often heard me say that the STUPIDEST thing I ever did was to go 900 miles away to college at the age of 17. Though I was a devout Christian and I thought I knew that I was doing, I stepped out from under the divine umbrella of parental protection and accountability, and made many foolish decisions that dishonored the Lord. God spared me from much that I could have done, and I DID meet my beloved husband there a few years later, but thats because of Gods mercy and not my wisdom.   Please dont be in a hurry to send your daughter far away to school! If you are thinking, Well, I went away to school and it wasnt that bad remember that times have changed in the past twenty years!   Yes, kids who live at home get into trouble, too, but its easier to spot problems and make a course correction if they are seeing Mom and Dad regularly!

What about relationships with siblings? Our senior pastor, Danny Jones, was recently asked how young men and women of courting age can learn to treat one another with biblical purity, like brothers and sisters. I was stunned by his reply, which is so true! He said that if they havent learned to treat their own blood brothers and sisters with respect and build lasting friendships with them, they wont be able to do this very easily in a romantic relationship! Sadly, young people who havent worked hard at cherishing their own siblings are often tempted, once they meet a girl or guy they like, to skip the foundation of friendship and move quickly on to the touchy-feely fireworks stuff. Once they do that, their prospects for a healthy lifelong marriage commitment plummet way down.

We do need to counsel our children to guard their hearts and not jump into infatuation, even in the beginning stages of a courtship. They will need to trust God to bring what is best in his own good time, and they need to trust us as their God-given guides and guardians in matters of the heart. It may be helpful to role play with your daughter what she will do if some young hunk asks her out for a date.   When I was about 15, a classmate asked me to go to a movie with him. I hadnt discussed dating privileges with my parents yet, so I got flustered and blurted out a hasty, No, I cant do that! I think I offended the guy, who never really spoke to me after that! In our family now, we follow the courtship model and our daughters do not date at all, and have turned down guys from their college classes who have asked them out. Its not like they are sequestered though, because they regularly hang out in groups of girls and guys from church.

Practicalities

Thats plenty of abstract relational stuff to chew on for a while. Lets think about some more hands-on practicalities. How will our daughters be prepared to effectively, efficiently, and enthusiastically care for their own homes and families?

Again, it starts right at home. Your house is the best training ground for your daughters. They can learn to do what you do, as you do it together. They can practice considering the needs of others in little things. They can work on organizing their time, space and other resources. They can stretch their dollars and cents. They can gain proficiency in laundry, mending, cleaning, and household maintenance.   They can be creative with cooking, moving beyond the basic spaghetti to more complicated recipes. They can study health, wellness, hygiene, nutrition, first aid, and home remedies.   If you are still having babies, they can observe what pregnancy and baby care are all about. (My oldest daughter has witnessed three of our babies births, and some of the other girls have been to one or two.) They can show hospitality not only to their own friends, but also as a ministry to those whom you invite to your home. My friend Jeanette is teaching a home school enrichment class series about hospitality at our church. Joanna and Lydia are having a blast learning how to set an attractive table, plan party food, send out invitations, and myriad other hostess skills.

Sewing is another very useful skill to learn! They at least need to know how to mend, how to put a button back on, and how to make basic items. My own sewing skills are limited, especially when it comes to following patterns. I made aprons, tote bags, and doll slings when my daughters, and I helped my mom make jumpers for them, but thats about the extent of it. However, I was able to teach my girls a little bit about using the sewing machine, and my mother helped them even more. When my oldest daughter Mary was a sophomore in high school, she did a credit in Clothing Construction and took several four-week class series at the local sewing store. Later on, she made matching skirts for two of her sisters, and she made some shirts, too. Shes also been able to alter her own clothes to fit her petite size, which comes in handy when she finds a great deal at a consignment store. The key to sewing (without getting too disgusted with yourself) is to start simple and work your way up to more complicated designs. Teri Maxwell has written an article on teaching girls to sew. You can read it on-line at: http://www.titus2.com/corners/4-06-m.htm.

What about some of the more old-fashioned or creative home arts, like quilting, knitting, needlework, dipping candles, making soap, flower arranging and other niceties? Well, if you or your daughter likes to do it, go right ahead! These are nice, but not totally necessary. Dabble around to see what you like, and then pursue hobbies selectively. There is plenty of time to move on to other ones throughout the years. I sure appreciate the colorful afghan blankets that my grandmother, Dorothy Hess, has made for our children, as well as the beautiful stained-glass pieces and comfy quillow blankets made by my own mother, Mary Quarrier. I also love to sleep on the lace-edged muslin pillowcases that my husbands grandmother, Madeline Scerra, made decades ago. She was such an example of creativity! She crafted world-renowned collectible dolls from her home in upstate New York when Thads mom was growing up. It is fun and fulfilling to do arts and crafts to beautify the home and even to sell to others, as long as this doesnt take precedence over more foundational skills. If you need help, you can always check out library books or ask a talented friend to help you! In part 3 of this issue (which I will send out within a few weeks), Ill share a little about my friend Vickie, who taught me to quilt when I was a newlywed twenty years ago.

Beyond the home, our daughters can learn to serve in the local church, whether it is teaching Sunday school, rocking babies in the nursery, greeting at the door, serving food at church events, cleaning up the kitchen, tending the petunias, answering phones, typing up song sheets, or any number of little things that need to be done. Im amazed at how many of the young ladies in our church are eager to hold baby Melody for me during or after the worship service. Of course, they have to compete with her big sisters, who also love to cuddle her!

What About College and Career?

Heres where Im sure to step on toes on both sides of the line. Some folks think its a no-brainer that a bright young woman should go to college.   In fact, the majority of college students are female! On the other hand, many in the home school movement would contend that our daughters do not belong on the college campus, and that they should be concentrating on home skills. I have a certain measure of sympathy for both opinions.

You probably know that I have two daughters in college! Mary started dual enrolling at the local community college when she was 16. Now almost 19, she is a sophomore on full scholarship in the Honors College at our nearby state university. Julia, who turns 17 this month, is finishing her first year at the community college, though she only takes two classes per semester. With a hands-on learning style, she is not particularly interested in pursuing a four year degree.   Both of them have done quite well in college. One thing that has made this work is that they have a good bunch of Christian friends that they spend time with on campus. In fact, Julia is in an English class with five other kids from church, and the guys have pledged to watch over the girls to make sure no one bothers them. They often all eat lunch in the cafeteria together. One of them also changed a flat tire for the girls car pool. When Mary was at Valencia, many of the college kids gathered at one girls nearby home for lunch each week. Its nice to know they arent lone rangerettes on campus.

I am pleased with my girls college accomplishments; however, I would be just as thrilled if they wanted to stay home and make a full-time pursuit of preparing for future family life, while helping me home school their younger siblings. (I can dream, cant I?)   I once hinted to Mary that she could work on a degree from home with distance learning, and offered to pay for any books she wanted to buy, or educational conferences she wished to attend. That wasnt what she had in mind, and I can respect that.   Im excited that her chosen major, journalism, can be put to use in many seasons of life. She can do what I do, and write from home when she has children. She will also be equipped to tutor home school students in writing. She has already done with her journalism club and with her job at Smith Prep, both when she was a senior in high school.

By the way, for those who were praying for Marys intern interview at the Orlando Sentinel yesterday, it went very well, and I wouldnt be surprised to see her working at the Seminole County bureau newsroom this summer. The editor, knowing she had attended World Magazines journalism institute, asked her if she was trying to be an evangelical influence at the newspaper, which is notoriously liberal. She replied that as an evangelical Christian, she would be a minority there, and would bring diversity to the news room! Ha! Thats a girl who has a quick wit! Obviously impressed, he also said if she ended up in the downtown newsroom, she wouldnt get ignored because she is so professional and outgoing. I had to laugh again, because shes gone from shy to shine in the past four years. If she doesnt get the Sentinel internship, shes been offered an internship at the Sanford Herald. She has also applied for a paid position as team leader in the Honors College at UCF. The five applicants in the group interview were asked to introduce themselves and share a little of their background. It went something like this (though I dont have the names right, except for Marys): Hi, Im Bryan and I was home schooled Hi, Im Pam and I was home schooled. Hi, Im Mary and I was home schooled.   Hi, Im Jill, and I was NOT home schooled!

I do think it is prudent for a young college woman to choose a major which is compatible with future family life.   You cant call me a male chauvinist pig, but I guess I could be a chauvinist sow! (Oink!) I may be hopelessly old-fashioned, but I personally cant see the wisdom in an electrical engineering degree if she has any thought of getting married and having children. Ive known many girls who felt they had to keep working in their careers after they had children because they spent four years and a whole lot of their parents money on getting the degree, or because they were still paying off steep college debts, or because their husbands were so used to getting all that extra money from the wifes paycheck each month.

On the other hand, I do know a wonderful pro-life Christian OB/GYN, Dr. Grace Sarvotham, who decided that taking care of pregnant mommies and their unborn babies would be her life work. She never married because she knew she couldnt focus on such a challenging career and family at once. I so respect her. She works in Maitland, Florida, and I would highly recommend her!   Many of the women in our church go to her, and she has also treated one of my daughters.

I also so appreciate the women who have used their educational backgrounds to tutor my high school age children in many school subjects (especially math and science, which I dont have the time or inclination to teach.) My children have thrived in these classes, thanks to the expertise and the personal warmth of these wonderful ladies.

Do you want to hear a little of my story?   When I graduated from college with a business degree in 1985 at age 21, I had already worked part-time as a technical writer and computer programmer for a few years. (Thats a skill my dad had taught me when I was a teenager.) When Thad and I got married later that year, we decided to save my income for a down payment on a house, and live on his. (Mind you, I was making more per hour than he was!) When we moved to Maryland several months later, I downsized my career to a part-time programming job and started honing my homemaking skills on my days off. Mary was born just a year after that, so its a good thing! After she arrived, I continued to work as a part-time programmer from home (first for my previous employer and eventually for our church) using a modem and making occasional trips to the office. I continued this until we moved back to Florida in 1993.   My programming skills are now totally obsolete, but I am still very computer literate and often help my husband Thad with techno-tasks like spreadsheets and databases. Im also a freelance writer and self-published author.

Well, I could go on and on about the topic of college and careers for daughters, but Ill sum the rest up with a brief bulleted list. I would counsel young women:

©        Pray about what God wants you to do in life. As you make decisions, ask yourself why you are planning this way, and what is your ultimate goal? Are you responding more to cultural expectations and peer pressure, or to Gods wisdom and leading? Count the cost of whatever you do not just financially, but spiritually and relationally.

©        Dont be in a hurry to leave home. Learn to appreciate the protection and provision your parents offer you. Stay in constant interaction with them. Dont hide things from them!

©        Keep the priority of home and family, even while you are in college. Dont get so wrapped up in your campus activities that you forget you are a daughter, sister, and member of the homemaking team.

©        Make sure you are well-grounded in a biblical worldview.   It will be sorely challenged! Even if you are going to a Christian college, that is not guarantee that they are teaching the pure truth. Be discerning! Dont get sucked into a feminist or humanist mindset, which can be so subtle at times.

©        Cultivate an ambassador mentality.   You are there to be a witness for the Lord, so pursue modesty, purity, integrity, and graciousness. Look for opportunities to share your faith in a relevant and winsome way.

A Hope Chest of Ideas and Inspiration for My Daughters (and Others)

I know some of you are wondering why this e-magazine is called The Hope Chest, since its not too often that I even broach any topic related to a real one!   A hope chest is a large wooden box (which could also serve as a bench at the foot of a bed) that was traditionally used by a young woman, hopeful of getting married, to stow away the many household articles that she personally made or that were passed down as heirlooms. I dont even have one, and neither do my daughters, so why did I name my e-magazine after one? Truth be told, I was thinking more philosophically. I wanted it to be a place where we (you and I) could store up treasures, in the shape of ideas and inspiration, for our future success in home schooling and family life. I HOPE I have succeeded in this over the past eight years!

Well, I wrote that paragraph a few days ago, but something else came to mind today as I was reading an excellent article about the joy of homemaking in Above Rubies Magazine (www.aboverubies.org). It was written by Laine Amvizca, who is known for her Laines Letters e-mail list (www.lainesletters.com). I thought, I wish my daughters could read this when they get married. Why not? Hmm.   How about a notebook filled with great articles, recipes, thoughts, etc.?   So I bought my version of a hope chest -- a funky looking blue box (about 2 x 9 x 12) to collect master copies of anything interesting I want to save for them. (Rather than ripping out magazine articles, Ill make a copy on our home copy machine.) When they get married, I will copy everything from the file, and put it in a nicely decorated three-ring binder. Ill give it to them as a way of passing on a heritage of wholesome ideas and information that will be helpful to them as they establish their own homes. Its not stuff they would be even interested in reading now, because they arent there yet in their minds.

Then I got to thinking I could give this as a bridal shower present or even a baby present to friends. Ive actually done something a little like this in the past. When my mother-in-law was dying of cancer in 2003, I made her Anns Book of Sunshine filled with uplifting poems, hymns and Scriptures.   Newly alive in her faith (even as her body was fading away) she treasured the notebook, and marked which ones she liked best. When she went to be with the Lord, I reclaimed it as a memory of her.   Later, I adapted the contents, and sent copies to my grandmothers and a few other older relatives and friends.

What would you like to pass on to your children? Consider storing up treasures in a hope chest for the heart!

What About Our Sons?

As you read through this Hope Chest issue on preparing daughters for the future, Im sure you can find many corollaries about preparing sons. For example, if I train my daughter how to be a wholehearted full-time wife, mommy and homemaker, I am hoping that someone else is training their son to be a godly husband and father who still protect and provide for his family. I would like to know that somewhere there is a young man who is learning to treat his mom and his sisters with affection and respect, and to guard his heart, mind and body in purity.

I often ask my sons, What kind of man do you want to be? Why not start to be that person right now?   If I care about my sons, Ill start by training them how to treat other people right now, and how to do their chores well and on time. We have many discussions about what a gentleman does, and why they should want to be one.

In a household with seven sisters, it would be so easy to feminize my sons. I try to remember that they are BOYS who will be MEN -- and thats its a good thing! Daddy has a huge role to play in their development! I am learning to step out of the way and let him do his stuff with them. They dont need to be sissies. They need to step up to the plate, and strengthen their resolve and their self-discipline. Reading biographies of great men (such as the Childhood of Famous Americans series which starts the story near the age our boys are now), gives our sons models of men who didnt sit on their duffs but made a difference in the world.

May our sons in their youth be like plants full grown, our daughters like corner pillars cut for the structure of a palace. Psalm 144:12

Links to Related Hope Chest Back Issues

These issues are pertinent to both daughters and sons.

#7-13: A Firm Foundation for a Future Family Part 1 (July 2004)

http://welovegod.org/groups/hopechest/read/?0::331

#7-13: A Firm Foundation for a Future Family Part 2 (July 2004)

This includes Application Questions for Daughters and Moms by Sheree Phillips

http://welovegod.org/groups/hopechest/read/?0::332

#7-8: A Passion for Purity (May 2004)

http://welovegod.org/groups/hopechest/read/?0::314

#7-12: Resource Reviews on the Guy/Girl Thing (June 2004)

http://welovegod.org/groups/hopechest/read/?0::321

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I guess this is long enough for now! Please do let me know what you think, and send in your stuff for the Resource Review and Our Readers Write parts of this issue!

In His Sovereign Grace,

Virginia Knowles

www.TheHopeChest.net
  --  To subscribe, send ANY message to: hopechest-subscribe@welovegod.org  To unsubscribe, send ANY message to: hopechest-unsubscribe@welovegod.org  Visit my web site at www://thehopechest.net  

Posted by: homenews <homenews@...>

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The Hope Chest Home School News

with Virginia Knowles

April 6, 2006

#9-3: A Future For Our Daughters (and Sons)

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Dear Hope Chest friends,

Every so often, I get an idea for a Hope Chest issue that I think is particularly important. This is one of them! I hope you take the time to read it all the way through. I know it is long and that your reading time is limited. I had to split it into four parts to be sent over the next few weeks. I would suggest that you print out the 11 pages of Part 1 right now so you can grab a tall cup of lemonade and make yourself comfortable with it! (No, despite the feminine nature of this issue, I am still not much into teacups!)

Specifically, I will focus on preparing our daughters for the future. Trust me when I say, that as a mother of seven daughters, one of whom is an adult, I think a lot about this subject! But dont stop reading if you only have a son, because there will be something here for you, too. Ive included thoughts from a wide variety along the spectrum, so please read with discernment and a bit of an open heart. I am aware that I have a very diverse readership, and I want to say rather emphatically that I dont wish to judge or criticize anyone, even while I express my opinions about things I don't appreciate in our culture. I also want to offer hope to those who feel it is too late, or whose daughters have gone astray. God can redeem the situation, and restore the years the locust has eaten. Please don't let your own sensitive situation discourage you from reading this.

You are welcome to pass this along to anyone who might be interested to read it, and I would love to hear your feedback. Send me a note at homenews@juno.com, or if you want it to be for-my-eyes-only, send it to my private address at titus2heart@juno.com. Thanks!

At the bottom of this message, I have also included links to read related Hope Chest issues from 2004. Please pay special attention to the link for Application Questions for Daughters and Moms which I am also including right here: http://welovegod.org/groups/hopechest/read/?0::332 These questions were written by Sheree Phillips, whose husband Benny is a pastor at our church (http://www.metrolife.org). While I was preparing this issue, she graciously agreed to give her feedback to me on it. Thank you, Sheree, for "speaking into my life" on this and many other subjects! For those who live near Orlando, Sheree will present an informative session on disciplining young children at the next Moms brunch at Metro Life Church [http://www.metrolife.org] in Casselberry. This fantastic time will take place on Thursday, April 20, from 9:30 to noon. Childcare - but not food - is provided for ages 3 months to 10 years old. Reservations are not required, and there is no charge at all, so please come be our guest and enjoy the food, fellowship and great teaching. You can find downloadable audio messages from previous brunches at: http://www.metrolife.org/html/ladies.html

Part 1: Preparing Your Daughter for a Future That Pleases God

Part 2: Treasured Books from My Grandmas House

Part 3: Resource Reviews

If you have read any of the following books or listened to the CDs, please feel free to send me your comments! Or, if you would like to write a review of a resource related to this issues topic, send it in!

Part 4: Our Readers Write

Several moms have already written in with their thoughts, but there is plenty of room for more! I would love to hear your comments on what I have written in this Part 1.

In His Sovereign Grace,

Virginia Knowles

http://www.TheHopeChest.net

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Preparing Your Daughter for a Future That Pleases God

by Virginia Knowles

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A Matter of the Heart

When our fourth daughter was born, our pediatrician jokingly advised us to, Buy a good ladder and hope they elope! When our fifth daughter (in a row!) came along, we figured wed better start a wedding business. One could be a floral designer, one a caterer, one a photographer Well, we never got around to that, though we very nearly bought a florist shop this year! Seriously though, with seven daughters and three sons you could say that my husband Thad and I have given some serious thought to how to prepare them for the future! Id like to share with you some of our insights.

I know that this is a controversial topic! Some of you are going to think that I am a wacko old-fashioned mama who wants to move back to the 1800s. (Not so fast! I love modern technology, and I couldnt abide doing laundry in the creek!) Others of you are going to think Ive gone too liberal on you. Such is life! Ill take the risk, with this disclaimer. What I am about to write is my own opinion, based on much reading, much prayer and much School of Hard Knocks living. Ive hit a lot of potholes along the way, and Id love to spare you.

Most of all, I would encourage you to look to the Scriptures to see what God says to all of us, and pray to him to see what he says to you personally. As a Christian, I know that Im not here to live life on my own terms. I have been bought with a price the precious blood of the Savior and I am not my own! I want to live to please him, and I want my daughters to do the same. Im certainly no expert at this. Im learning along with the rest of you all, and getting tripped up by my own shortcomings as I go. Its easy to get discouraged or to want to just blend in with the landscape and not try to do anything extraordinary with our lives. However, we must not be afraid to be really different from the rest of the world or at least try to be! If you have any fear of what the neighbors or the relatives will think, you might best lose it quick. It really only matters what God thinks! On the other hand, we must not get stuck in legalism or self-righteousness, which are not attractive to our children or anyone else. We have much to learn, and we will certainly change many of our opinions along the way. At least I know I have! And what I see in myself truly humbles me. I need the mercy of God in the cross of Jesus; apart from that I cant be the wife and mother and daughter of God -- that I should be. May he shepherd my children past my many mistakes.

But back to a Biblical basis --here are a few basic passages (with links to the English Standard Version) for your consideration:

Titus 2:3-6 http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/search/?q=Proverbs+31%3A10-31

1 Peter 3:1-6 http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/search/?q=1+peter+3

Proverbs 31:10-31 http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/search/?q=Proverbs+31%3A10-31

1 Timothy 2:8-15 http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/search/?q=1+timothy+2%3A8-15

Psalm 144:12-15 http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/search/?q=Psalm+144%3A12-15

Galatians 3:27-28 http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/search/?q=Galatians+3%3A27-28

With these Scriptures in mind, what are my goals for my daughters in the 21^st century? First, I have to say that I cant live their lives for them. So in that sense, I can only have goals for my training efforts and relationship to them, which will naturally reflect my own desires of what I think would be right. What they do with that is up to them! But what do I want? No matter what their futures hold, my ultimate desire for them is to have hearts that pursue the Lord, hearts that please the Lord, hearts with a passion for the Lord. With that, they cant go wrong! Yes, I do have other things in mind. I would love to see my daughters cultivate a deeper affection and skills for home and family life, which will give them strong marriages and make them effective mothers, should God choose to bless them that way. I would also be delighted to see them home schooling their own children.

That may not seem like anything unusual, until we realize that many of us home school families live in the holy huddle and hang out with only those whose lifestyles are similar to us. I think if is safe to say that most of the American culture is not heading in this direction, and that there is growing hostility against the traditional nuclear Christian family. A look at the evening news or a quick web search will reveal that we live in an increasingly gender-bending culture which has gone so far astray from Gods design. It is sad to say that even the church has gotten sucked into a feminist mindset, which has lured us so subtly, inch by inch, until we dont realize how drastically we have veered as Gods people from Gods ways. We want to be relevant to culture, but instead, weve often been so assimilated into it that we have nothing redemptive left to say.

I can see so many ways that I lost the vision of Biblical womanhood that I had as a young wife and mom. I have failed to convey to my own daughters the purity and power of Gods grace in this matter. But as much as I would like my daughters to spend more time and energy preparing for future family life than for a potential career, I dont think it is wise to try to pressure them or unduly limit their options. However, I do believe we all can boldly challenge and encourage our daughters in Biblical ways, and equip them practically to follow that path. We can work with them on the attitudes and skills required for success. Much of this depends on our own examples. Do they see us pursuing our marriages, motherhood and homemaking with joy and purpose? What are our own priorities? Its a matter of the heart! Our daughters must also learn to hear from God themselves. We cant spoon feed them forever. Has your daughter made the faith her own? How is her spiritual walk? Where is her heart? Is she growing in grace and service? Does she love the local church? Is she accountable to anyone?

If a daughter has been graced with a heart-spark, a conviction and confidence about godly womanhood, this will carry her through the many disappointments and trials which will surely come along the way. Otherwise there may be regret and confusion, wondering why she ever did it this way, and whether it wouldnt have been easier or more fulfilling if she had gone the way the rest of the world says to go. Its hard enough as it is to buck the culture, but without an inner assurance of ones own, its nearly impossible and certainly maddening. Part of this heart attitude is a matter of maturity and timing. So many girls dont learn to treasure home and family life until they are on the brink of it, or even over the threshold of marriage and motherhood. Then their eyes are illumined hopefully to the beauty and sacredness of what lies before them. They look back over their shoulders and begin to appreciate the sacrifices we have made for them.

Relationships!

One of the key ways to prepare for the future is to build strong relationships at home right now. I know what a challenge this is! It goes against our selfish natures to serve one another, to cooperate with one another, to consider one another as more important than ourselves. Its much easier to get irritated, demand my own way, or be a control freak. We need to work hard at understanding and nurturing your kids. Teenagers can be pretty mysterious and baffling creatures to figure out, but that makes life interesting, doesnt it?

Do your children respect you? Do they respond properly to authority? Do they confide in you? Consider the ramifications. How a young man treats his mother is often how he will treat his future wife. How a young woman treats her father is often how she will treat her future husband. They get their cues from us how we as parents treat one another! Additionally, a young adult who has a healthy relationship with mom and dad will be more likely to welcome them into the decision making process when it comes to choosing a mate or making other life plans. If they have been micromanaged or smothered by parents throughout the teen years, they will not be equipped to think things through, and they will be resentful of any of your attempts to offer advice. Thats not to say we should just let them do whatever they want in their teen years. They still need to hear No and Do this! Even older teens (and college students still living at home) need to be accountable for how they spend their time and money, how well they do their chores, how tidy their room is, who their friends are, when they come home at night, what entertainment and web sites they enjoy, and how they drive the car. They need to show that they are responsible and respectful, even while they are making many of their own decisions.

A while back, some of our pastors alerted the parents to problems they saw with the web site called MySpace, where many of the young people had their own pages. The pastors warned us that the site is dangerous for many reasons, and this was certainly echoed by news reports in the mainstream media. One of the other parents mentioned to me that my daughter Julia had a page there. It would have been easy for me to go home and demand that she remove her page immediately. Instead, I went home and asked to see her page, which she showed me. Her page was sweet and honoring to God. Unfortunately, some of her friends pages, which were linked to it, were very questionable. I told her what the pastors said, recommended that she remove her page, and left it at that for the time being. She did so very willingly. Im sure part of this has to do with the respect she has for our pastors and our church. I am so grateful for these men and their wives for providing such Biblical and reasonable support for parents and their teen/adult children.

I also know firsthand the balancing act it takes when a young adult lives at home when to step forward and when to back off, when to make a comment and when to keep the mouth shut. Im not the first mom to face this, and certainly not the last! Yet when I think about the alternative having Mary far from home and not having any face-to-face interaction with her I am so abundantly happy to get this privilege to continue nurturing her in her young adult years. Yes, it is a privilege! Im in no hurry to boot my kids out of the house. My girls have often heard me say that the STUPIDEST thing I ever did was to go 900 miles away to college at the age of 17. Though I was a devout Christian and I thought I knew that I was doing, I stepped out from under the divine umbrella of parental protection and accountability, and made many foolish decisions that dishonored the Lord. God spared me from much that I could have done, and I DID meet my beloved husband there a few years later, but thats because of Gods mercy and not my wisdom. Please dont be in a hurry to send your daughter far away to school! If you are thinking, Well, I went away to school and it wasnt that bad remember that times have changed in the past twenty years! Yes, kids who live at home get into trouble, too, but its easier to spot problems and make a course correction if they are seeing Mom and Dad regularly!

What about relationships with siblings? Our senior pastor, Danny Jones, was recently asked how young men and women of courting age can learn to treat one another with biblical purity, like brothers and sisters. I was stunned by his reply, which is so true! He said that if they havent learned to treat their own blood brothers and sisters with respect and build lasting friendships with them, they wont be able to do this very easily in a romantic relationship! Sadly, young people who havent worked hard at cherishing their own siblings are often tempted, once they meet a girl or guy they like, to skip the foundation of friendship and move quickly on to the touchy-feely fireworks stuff. Once they do that, their prospects for a healthy lifelong marriage commitment plummet way down.

We do need to counsel our children to guard their hearts and not jump into infatuation, even in the beginning stages of a courtship. They will need to trust God to bring what is best in his own good time, and they need to trust us as their God-given guides and guardians in matters of the heart. It may be helpful to role play with your daughter what she will do if some young hunk asks her out for a date. When I was about 15, a classmate asked me to go to a movie with him. I hadnt discussed dating privileges with my parents yet, so I got flustered and blurted out a hasty, No, I cant do that! I think I offended the guy, who never really spoke to me after that! In our family now, we follow the courtship model and our daughters do not date at all, and have turned down guys from their college classes who have asked them out. Its not like they are sequestered though, because they regularly hang out in groups of girls and guys from church.

Practicalities

Thats plenty of abstract relational stuff to chew on for a while. Lets think about some more hands-on practicalities. How will our daughters be prepared to effectively, efficiently, and enthusiastically care for their own homes and families?

Again, it starts right at home. Your house is the best training ground for your daughters. They can learn to do what you do, as you do it together. They can practice considering the needs of others in little things. They can work on organizing their time, space and other resources. They can stretch their dollars and cents. They can gain proficiency in laundry, mending, cleaning, and household maintenance. They can be creative with cooking, moving beyond the basic spaghetti to more complicated recipes. They can study health, wellness, hygiene, nutrition, first aid, and home remedies. If you are still having babies, they can observe what pregnancy and baby care are all about. (My oldest daughter has witnessed three of our babies births, and some of the other girls have been to one or two.) They can show hospitality not only to their own friends, but also as a ministry to those whom you invite to your home. My friend Jeanette is teaching a home school enrichment class series about hospitality at our church. Joanna and Lydia are having a blast learning how to set an attractive table, plan party food, send out invitations, and myriad other hostess skills.

Sewing is another very useful skill to learn! They at least need to know how to mend, how to put a button back on, and how to make basic items. My own sewing skills are limited, especially when it comes to following patterns. I made aprons, tote bags, and doll slings when my daughters, and I helped my mom make jumpers for them, but thats about the extent of it. However, I was able to teach my girls a little bit about using the sewing machine, and my mother helped them even more. When my oldest daughter Mary was a sophomore in high school, she did a credit in Clothing Construction and took several four-week class series at the local sewing store. Later on, she made matching skirts for two of her sisters, and she made some shirts, too. Shes also been able to alter her own clothes to fit her petite size, which comes in handy when she finds a great deal at a consignment store. The key to sewing (without getting too disgusted with yourself) is to start simple and work your way up to more complicated designs. Teri Maxwell has written an article on teaching girls to sew. You can read it on-line at: http://www.titus2.com/corners/4-06-m.htm.

What about some of the more old-fashioned or creative home arts, like quilting, knitting, needlework, dipping candles, making soap, flower arranging and other niceties? Well, if you or your daughter likes to do it, go right ahead! These are nice, but not totally necessary. Dabble around to see what you like, and then pursue hobbies selectively. There is plenty of time to move on to other ones throughout the years. I sure appreciate the colorful afghan blankets that my grandmother, Dorothy Hess, has made for our children, as well as the beautiful stained-glass pieces and comfy quillow blankets made by my own mother, Mary Quarrier. I also love to sleep on the lace-edged muslin pillowcases that my husbands grandmother, Madeline Scerra, made decades ago. She was such an example of creativity! She crafted world-renowned collectible dolls from her home in upstate New York when Thads mom was growing up. It is fun and fulfilling to do arts and crafts to beautify the home and even to sell to others, as long as this doesnt take precedence over more foundational skills. If you need help, you can always check out library books or ask a talented friend to help you! In part 3 of this issue (which I will send out within a few weeks), Ill share a little about my friend Vickie, who taught me to quilt when I was a newlywed twenty years ago.

Beyond the home, our daughters can learn to serve in the local church, whether it is teaching Sunday school, rocking babies in the nursery, greeting at the door, serving food at church events, cleaning up the kitchen, tending the petunias, answering phones, typing up song sheets, or any number of little things that need to be done. Im amazed at how many of the young ladies in our church are eager to hold baby Melody for me during or after the worship service. Of course, they have to compete with her big sisters, who also love to cuddle her!

What About College and Career?

Heres where Im sure to step on toes on both sides of the line. Some folks think its a no-brainer that a bright young woman should go to college. In fact, the majority of college students are female! On the other hand, many in the home school movement would contend that our daughters do not belong on the college campus, and that they should be concentrating on home skills. I have a certain measure of sympathy for both opinions.

You probably know that I have two daughters in college! Mary started dual enrolling at the local community college when she was 16. Now almost 19, she is a sophomore on full scholarship in the Honors College at our nearby state university. Julia, who turns 17 this month, is finishing her first year at the community college, though she only takes two classes per semester. With a hands-on learning style, she is not particularly interested in pursuing a four year degree. Both of them have done quite well in college. One thing that has made this work is that they have a good bunch of Christian friends that they spend time with on campus. In fact, Julia is in an English class with five other kids from church, and the guys have pledged to watch over the girls to make sure no one bothers them. They often all eat lunch in the cafeteria together. One of them also changed a flat tire for the girls car pool. When Mary was at Valencia, many of the college kids gathered at one girls nearby home for lunch each week. Its nice to know they arent lone rangerettes on campus.

I am pleased with my girls college accomplishments; however, I would be just as thrilled if they wanted to stay home and make a full-time pursuit of preparing for future family life, while helping me home school their younger siblings. (I can dream, cant I?) I once hinted to Mary that she could work on a degree from home with distance learning, and offered to pay for any books she wanted to buy, or educational conferences she wished to attend. That wasnt what she had in mind, and I can respect that. Im excited that her chosen major, journalism, can be put to use in many seasons of life. She can do what I do, and write from home when she has children. She will also be equipped to tutor home school students in writing. She has already done with her journalism club and with her job at Smith Prep, both when she was a senior in high school.

By the way, for those who were praying for Marys intern interview at the Orlando Sentinel yesterday, it went very well, and I wouldnt be surprised to see her working at the Seminole County bureau newsroom this summer. The editor, knowing she had attended World Magazines journalism institute, asked her if she was trying to be an evangelical influence at the newspaper, which is notoriously liberal. She replied that as an evangelical Christian, she would be a minority there, and would bring diversity to the news room! Ha! Thats a girl who has a quick wit! Obviously impressed, he also said if she ended up in the downtown newsroom, she wouldnt get ignored because she is so professional and outgoing. I had to laugh again, because shes gone from shy to shine in the past four years. If she doesnt get the Sentinel internship, shes been offered an internship at the Sanford Herald. She has also applied for a paid position as team leader in the Honors College at UCF. The five applicants in the group interview were asked to introduce themselves and share a little of their background. It went something like this (though I dont have the names right, except for Marys): Hi, Im Bryan and I was home schooled Hi, Im Pam and I was home schooled. Hi, Im Mary and I was home schooled. Hi, Im Jill, and I was NOT home schooled!

I do think it is prudent for a young college woman to choose a major which is compatible with future family life. You cant call me a male chauvinist pig, but I guess I could be a chauvinist sow! (Oink!) I may be hopelessly old-fashioned, but I personally cant see the wisdom in an electrical engineering degree if she has any thought of getting married and having children. Ive known many girls who felt they had to keep working in their careers after they had children because they spent four years and a whole lot of their parents money on getting the degree, or because they were still paying off steep college debts, or because their husbands were so used to getting all that extra money from the wifes paycheck each month.

On the other hand, I do know a wonderful pro-life Christian OB/GYN, Dr. Grace Sarvotham, who decided that taking care of pregnant mommies and their unborn babies would be her life work. She never married because she knew she couldnt focus on such a challenging career and family at once. I so respect her. She works in Maitland, Florida, and I would highly recommend her! Many of the women in our church go to her, and she has also treated one of my daughters.

I also so appreciate the women who have used their educational backgrounds to tutor my high school age children in many school subjects (especially math and science, which I dont have the time or inclination to teach.) My children have thrived in these classes, thanks to the expertise and the personal warmth of these wonderful ladies.

Do you want to hear a little of my story? When I graduated from college with a business degree in 1985 at age 21, I had already worked part-time as a technical writer and computer programmer for a few years. (Thats a skill my dad had taught me when I was a teenager.) When Thad and I got married later that year, we decided to save my income for a down payment on a house, and live on his. (Mind you, I was making more per hour than he was!) When we moved to Maryland several months later, I downsized my career to a part-time programming job and started honing my homemaking skills on my days off. Mary was born just a year after that, so its a good thing! After she arrived, I continued to work as a part-time programmer from home (first for my previous employer and eventually for our church) using a modem and making occasional trips to the office. I continued this until we moved back to Florida in 1993. My programming skills are now totally obsolete, but I am still very computer literate and often help my husband Thad with techno-tasks like spreadsheets and databases. Im also a freelance writer and self-published author.

Well, I could go on and on about the topic of college and careers for daughters, but Ill sum the rest up with a brief bulleted list. I would counsel young women:

© Pray about what God wants you to do in life. As you make decisions, ask yourself why you are planning this way, and what is your ultimate goal? Are you responding more to cultural expectations and peer pressure, or to Gods wisdom and leading? Count the cost of whatever you do not just financially, but spiritually and relationally.

© Make sure you are well-grounded in a biblical worldview. It will be sorely challenged! Even if you are going to a Christian college, that is not guarantee that they are teaching the pure truth. Be discerning! Dont get sucked into a feminist or humanist mindset, which can be so subtle at times.

© Cultivate an ambassador mentality. You are there to be a witness for the Lord, so pursue modesty, purity, integrity, and graciousness. Look for opportunities to share your faith in a relevant and winsome way.

A Hope Chest of Ideas and Inspiration for My Daughters (and Others)

I know some of you are wondering why this e-magazine is called The Hope Chest, since its not too often that I even broach any topic related to a real one! A hope chest is a large wooden box (which could also serve as a bench at the foot of a bed) that was traditionally used by a young woman, hopeful of getting married, to stow away the many household articles that she personally made or that were passed down as heirlooms. I dont even have one, and neither do my daughters, so why did I name my e-magazine after one? Truth be told, I was thinking more philosophically. I wanted it to be a place where we (you and I) could store up treasures, in the shape of ideas and inspiration, for our future success in home schooling and family life. I HOPE I have succeeded in this over the past eight years!

Well, I wrote that paragraph a few days ago, but something else came to mind today as I was reading an excellent article about the joy of homemaking in Above Rubies Magazine (http://www.aboverubies.org). It was written by Laine Amvizca, who is known for her Laines Letters e-mail list (http://www.lainesletters.com). I thought, I wish my daughters could read this when they get married. Why not? Hmm. How about a notebook filled with great articles, recipes, thoughts, etc.? So I bought my version of a hope chest -- a funky looking blue box (about 2 x 9 x 12) to collect master copies of anything interesting I want to save for them. (Rather than ripping out magazine articles, Ill make a copy on our home copy machine.) When they get married, I will copy everything from the file, and put it in a nicely decorated three-ring binder. Ill give it to them as a way of passing on a heritage of wholesome ideas and information that will be helpful to them as they establish their own homes. Its not stuff they would be even interested in reading now, because they arent there yet in their minds.

Then I got to thinking I could give this as a bridal shower present or even a baby present to friends. Ive actually done something a little like this in the past. When my mother-in-law was dying of cancer in 2003, I made her Anns Book of Sunshine filled with uplifting poems, hymns and Scriptures. Newly alive in her faith (even as her body was fading away) she treasured the notebook, and marked which ones she liked best. When she went to be with the Lord, I reclaimed it as a memory of her. Later, I adapted the contents, and sent copies to my grandmothers and a few other older relatives and friends.

What would you like to pass on to your children? Consider storing up treasures in a hope chest for the heart!

What About Our Sons?

As you read through this Hope Chest issue on preparing daughters for the future, Im sure you can find many corollaries about preparing sons. For example, if I train my daughter how to be a wholehearted full-time wife, mommy and homemaker, I am hoping that someone else is training their son to be a godly husband and father who still protect and provide for his family. I would like to know that somewhere there is a young man who is learning to treat his mom and his sisters with affection and respect, and to guard his heart, mind and body in purity.

I often ask my sons, What kind of man do you want to be? Why not start to be that person right now? If I care about my sons, Ill start by training them how to treat other people right now, and how to do their chores well and on time. We have many discussions about what a gentleman does, and why they should want to be one.

In a household with seven sisters, it would be so easy to feminize my sons. I try to remember that they are BOYS who will be MEN -- and thats its a good thing! Daddy has a huge role to play in their development! I am learning to step out of the way and let him do his stuff with them. They dont need to be sissies. They need to step up to the plate, and strengthen their resolve and their self-discipline. Reading biographies of great men (such as the Childhood of Famous Americans series which starts the story near the age our boys are now), gives our sons models of men who didnt sit on their duffs but made a difference in the world.

May our sons in their youth be like plants full grown, our daughters like corner pillars cut for the structure of a palace. Psalm 144:12

Links to Related Hope Chest Back Issues

These issues are pertinent to both daughters and sons.

#7-13: A Firm Foundation for a Future Family Part 1 (July 2004)

http://welovegod.org/groups/hopechest/read/?0::331

#7-13: A Firm Foundation for a Future Family Part 2 (July 2004)

This includes Application Questions for Daughters and Moms by Sheree Phillips

http://welovegod.org/groups/hopechest/read/?0::332

#7-8: A Passion for Purity (May 2004)

http://welovegod.org/groups/hopechest/read/?0::314

#7-12: Resource Reviews on the Guy/Girl Thing (June 2004)

http://welovegod.org/groups/hopechest/read/?0::321

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I guess this is long enough for now! Please do let me know what you think, and send in your stuff for the Resource Review and Our Readers Write parts of this issue!

In His Sovereign Grace,

Virginia Knowles

http://www.TheHopeChest.net

  --  To subscribe, send ANY message to: hopechest-subscribe@welovegod.org  To unsubscribe, send ANY message to: hopechest-unsubscribe@welovegod.org  Visit my web site at www://thehopechest.net