HEART TO HEART NEWSLETTER
ENCOURAGEMENT TO WOMEN
Compiled especially for you with love by Lois Breneman
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9/7/05 STORIES, GRIEF, TAKE HEART, ADOPT, SMILES, GRANDPARENTS
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IN THIS ISSUE:
HEARTWARMING STORIES COMING OUT OF HURRICANE KATRINA
HELP FOR HURRICANE KATRINA VICTIMS
GUIDING KIDS THROUGH GRIEF
SPECIAL ENCOURAGEMENT FOR MOMS - "TAKE HEART"
MISCELLANEOUS TIDBITS OF INFORMATION
10 WAYS TO GET YOUR KIDS TO TALK TO YOU
A MOTHER'S YEARNING TO ADOPT - AND GOD'S PERFECT PLAN FOR EMMA!
SMILES FROM KIDS
BABY CONGRATULATIONS!
GRANDPARENT'S DAY IS SEPTEMBER 11 -- A QUESTION FOR YOU
"HEART TO HEART" UPDATE
HEARTWARMING STORIES COMING OUT OF HURRICANE KATRINA
By Barb Campbell, near Jackson, Mississippi, who wrote these stories on Sunday, 9/4
I had to share some things that happened at the shelter for Katrina evacuees here. My mother's church is the site for this shelter. The evacuees have been taken care of, visited with, prayed with ... many attended the Wednesday night services and many attended this morning. The pastor told of a family that he spoke with ... the parents were reared Christian, but for whatever reason they strayed away. They have rededicated their lives to the Lord. This morning 5 individuals from among the evacuees gave their lives to Christ. The Lord is bringing good from the tragedy!
We are watching a great event ... a young couple from New Orleans was to be wed last weekend, but Katrina changed that. They evacuated here and a few days ago decided to go to a justice of the peace and get married, but that didn't happen. Folks here found out and threw them a big 'ole wedding! They are in the Coliseum where the evacuees are. A bridal shop donated clothing for the wedding party! Flowers, music, food were all donated, as well as decorations, a limo and a place for a short honeymoon! They have 3 pastors there and Whew! There has been some awesome scripture read! One pastor got all fired up and said, "Let's stand up and praise the Lord for He is a good God! The enemy meant it for bad, but the Lord is good!" They also had a prayer thanking God for protection and praying for those still in need, the rescue workers, those who have lost loved ones, etc. It has been great! Wonderful to see a ray of hope in the sea of sadness!
It seems the media is focusing on criticism and the negatives - and there are lots of negatives with Katrina, but there is good stuff too. I promise! God is working! The body of Christ is reaching out.
In the sorest trials God often makes the sweetest discoveries of Himself. - Author Unknown
HELP FOR HURRICANE KATRINA VICTIMS
If you are concerned about every penny of your donations being used for relief efforts, Focus on the Family offers to help direct your funds to reputable organizations, without keeping anything for themselves.
www.family.org Listen to the encouraging 9/7/05 broadcast there.
Samaritan's Purse, Franklin Graham's organization of integrity, is at work on the Gulf Coast -
www.samaritanspurse.com to meet the physical and spiritual needs of these displaced people whom Jesus loves. Franklin urges each church across America to take in ten homeless families, saying that would make a huge difference in this devastating tragedy. Some "Heart to Heart" families have been affected, so please pray for them and all the others. Countless other churches and individuals are filling and/or driving truckloads of supplies to the Gulf Coast. Others are organizing "missions teams" to go and lend a hand. Churches, Christian schools and homeschooling families are reaching out to take in students or entire families! It's wonderful to see the body of Christ living out their faith! In donating supplies, don't forget to include new or used Bibles and devotionals!
My heart goes out to those who can't find their family members, as well as those who are still trapped, displaced or grieving - all people whom Jesus loves. Pray for the many individuals, churches and organizations reaching out with help in this great time of need.
At least four Heart to Heart ladies' families, that I know of, have been profoundly affected by the devastating Hurricane Katrina. Two "Heart to Heart" ladies, Cindy Rushton and Lori Seaborg have these blog spots where you can read how others are reaching out and helping people in the Gulf Coast. Suggested relief supplies needed are listed, as well as other ways to help. And don't forget to PRAY!
GUIDING KIDS THROUGH GRIEFBy Brenda Nixon - © 2003 -
http://www.brendanixon.com - Used by permission
Hurricanes, terrorist attacks, accidents, old age, war, and terminal illnesses are a part of life today. Death is never an if: its a when event. And with loss of people, pets, and the familiar comes a stinging sadness. Educating children about death and guiding them through grief is something we prefer to avoid. But its one of our teachable moments. With our help, children can appreciate the feelings that are unique to this occasion, learn new coping skills, and how to embrace life.
If you or someone else asks you, "How do I help my child grieve?" remember these two general rules: Children grieve differently than adults, and theyll struggle with grief both now and in the future. Other ways to help depend upon your childs age.
With a preschooler, here are some things to remember. Three to five year olds:
will sense a loss. They pick up nonverbal grieving from you, family
members, and friends, or even through the media.
dont understand death. They think dead people continue to eat, drink, and
go to the bathroom in Heaven.
have magical thinking, for example, if you walk on a grave, the person
feels it, if you had bad thoughts about the person then you caused the
death or if you wish it, you can make them alive.
And because of their immaturity, they may have:
increased dependency on or clinging to you.
more tantrums
bed wetting or constipation
nightmares
So what can you do to help?
Use the word "death" or "dead" never say, "went to sleep" or "passed
away. Get used to saying the word so it becomes less upsetting.
Answer questions in short sentences using simple, honest words.
Give comfort, hugging, touching as needed.
Stick to day and nighttime schedules including the same bed hour every night.
Dolls or pictures can help you answer questions or explain what happened.
If you have elementary age children from six to twelve years, remember they:
struggle with death as being permanent. They may expect the dead person to return.
believe death wont happen to them.
may show a delayed response. It could be a week or a month later when they mourn.
ask more questions about what happened or show interest in causes of death.
may confuse words like soul and sole or recount the death using incorrect words.
And because of their development, they may have:
loss of concentration resulting in poorer school performance or daydreaming
resistance to going to school.
abdominal pain or nausea
So what can you do to help?
Be prepared for resistance to bedtime or going to school.
Limit TV viewing of world tragedies that can feed more fears.
Read books about death and dying.
As much as possible, keep the household routines, bedtimes, and
mealtimes. Children feel safer when their life is comfortably predictable.
If you are parenting teenagers, they may see death as:
a natural enemy but it wont happen to me
unavoidable, so whats the purpose of life? or why is life unfair?
getting old is the process leading to death
And because of normal teenage development, they may:
feel guilty, angry, confused, or even responsible for the death
stay up watching TV to avoid going to bed alone
try to relieve grief through jokes, laughing, or acting silly
struggle with not knowing how to feel, how to show emotions, or when to
act a certain way withdraw or feel panic about the future
You can help teenagers by:
being available anytime with a listening shoulder. Teens are
unpredictable and can talk about death when you least expect it.
answering all concerns. If you dont know, be honest and say so.
reminding them its the persons life, not the death, thats important
asking others such as ministers, youth leaders, or friends to check on your
teen if you dont know how to handle certain situations
Grieving is unique and personal. Reach out for help in guiding your children through it. Your community, church, family and friends can equip you in being the teacher each child needs. The Mourning Handbook: The Most Complete Resource Offering Practical and Compassionate Advice on Coping with All Aspects of Death and Dying, by Helen Fitzgerald (Simon & Schuster, 1995) is one resource. When you give love, understanding, and support, you may be surprised at how well your children grow through grief.
Brenda Nixon (www.brendanixon.com/) is a popular speaker on parenting and family issues. Her book on raising kids from birth to age five, Parenting Power in the Early Years can be ordered at bookstores nationwide, www.christianbook.com/, http://www.amazon.com/ or by calling toll free: 877-421-7323. Many pastors give autographed copies to parents at Baby Dedications. Brenda is currently writing a discipline book for parents.
SPECIAL ENCOURAGEMENT FOR MOMS - "TAKE HEART"
By Donna Kauffman, Treasures >From My Heart to Yours Newsletter - Used by permission As a mother, I must faithfully, patiently, lovingly and happily do my part - then wait quietly for God to do His. ~Ruth Bell Graham~
Ive found my two mother daughters quite entertaining this month. I think the race is on to determine which home is the most chaotic. Rachel, my second born, has four children, four and under. Sierra is four, Aleya twenty-three months, Jaydon is three months and Jackson, two months. Christa, my youngest daughter also has four children. Her oldest, Kyle, recently turned five. Kassie was four two days after Kyles birthday. Alyssa is two and Dylan, six months.
Christa staggered into my house one morning, plopped down on a chair and declared she can hardly do it. I wondered, What can you hardly do? She responded wearily, Take care of four preschoolers. I dont how people do it, but I dont think I can.
A day or so later, over the phone, I was reading an email from Rachel to Christa. It was describing a dreadfully out-of-control day that Rachel was experiencing. When I finished there was silence on the other end of the phone line. At last, Christa spoke, Hummm, I didnt know Rachels days go like this. I felt like I was the only one that faced chaos. I explained to Christa once again the value of sharing together as young mothers. We need each other no matter what our age and stage in life, I offered. It reminds us that were not alone.
During this same week Rachel had been in the process of teaching Sierra to take more responsibility. She and Sierra had carefully crafted a motivational chart. With each little job Sierra did cheerfully she would get a penny. This delighted her and the next days Sierra worked feverishly with proper attitudes.
About three days into this new plan I received the following email early one morning from Rachel. Well, we have had quite the morning. Oh my dear, Aleya was awake crying at 6:30 a.m. Sometime in the night she had crawled into bed with Sierra and at 6:30 she fell out. Glen took care of that, but the girls never went back to sleep. By 7:00 they were up wandering into our bedroom. Aleya was fussing and crying and struggling with little fits.
Sierra was bouncing and wanting to do jobs so she could get marks on her chart. Jackson let out a tiny fuss from his crib and Sierra bounded in to get him out of bed, so she could get a mark. By the time Glen arrived to rescue Jacksons, Sierra had his pjs clean off of him for another mark.
Rachel continued to lament: Soon we heard Jayden squeaking and went to check on him, only to find Sierra in the crib taking off his pjs as well. I dont think he was even waking up. So since the boys were stripped to their diapers, I needed to get them both dressed before they had hardly opened their eyes. Aleya was still crying as we juggled her from place to place and hip to hip. No amount of entertaining pacified the tired little girl.
Glen needed to go to work and both babies were dressed, but wailing, since they hadnt even yet been fed. Glen heated the bottles and left for the barn. I sat down to feed Jayden and Sierra tried to feed Jackson for yet another mark. Poor Jacksons bottle went in and out and sideways from all of Sierras bouncing that he whimpered for one hour after the feeding with a tummy ache. Meanwhile Aleya continued her distress in her exhausted state.
Whew, at the present moment the boys are fed and dressed, Aleya is fed and rediapered, and Sierra is making beds for more marks.
End of email.
Well, I sat here giggling out loud at Rachels morning and called to read the email to Christa. Before I got the reading started, Christa said, I have babies crying in every room of the house. Dylan is trying to go back to sleep. Alyssa is in a terrific period of defiance. Kassie is having a thunderous cry time in her room and Kyles not pleased about something.
She went on to tell me that when she was on the phone with Rachel the night before, she had heard babies crying. Christa said, I asked Rachel, Whats the trouble there? Rachel explained that two or three were bothered at the moment and she asked me, Whats the trouble there? since a couple of mine were crying also. We hung up in two minutes, Christa finished with a snicker.
Both of my daughter moms have times when things are blissful and pleasant, but that particular week wasnt one of those. You know ladies, I chuckle with my girls about times like these. I just know its all about mothering toddlers. Someday these children will be best friends and these chaotic days will have blurred from their memory.
I encourage you to take heart, laugh at the hard times, delight in the pleasant times and train as you go.
Proverbs 31:26 - She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
Donna Kauffman is a pastor's wife, mother, grandmother and author of two books Treasures From a Mother's Heart and The Treasure of Careful Planning. She is editor of Treasures From My Heart to Yours Newsletter which offers encouragement to mothers and grandmothers. Besides her mothering duties Donna enjoys writing, speaking and counseling. You may sign up for her free monthly newsletter at [email protected].
MISCELLANEOUS TIDBITS OF INFORMATION
More than 22,000 Kids Are Praying for Our President! ~ That's right! The Presidential Prayer Team for Kids is a terrific group of young people who pray for the President, our country and our troops. Many more thousands of adults are also praying for him every day. You can sign up at
www.presidentialprayerteam.org This man has the weight of the world on his shoulders, and most certainly needs our prayers. Are you praying for him and other leaders, as we are commanded to do? Please do.
www.sexoffenders.com - Type in your address at this web site to see if there are sex offenders living in your area. Names and locations will be listed.
Organize Your Children's Artwork in a file box during the school year. Later, choose special pieces to include in a thick 3 ring binder with sheet protectors for each child. You may want to frame one of each child's special creations.
Clear Shoe Pocket Organizers have many uses! Hang one inside the coat closet for gloves, scarves, hats, umbrellas, sunglasses, coupons, pens, paper, keys, or whatever you need before leaving the house. These are perfect for inside closet doors, hidden away in the computer room, office, nursery, other children's bedrooms, and laundry, as long as the doors aren't louvered.
Use Your Egg Slicer to Slice Strawberries! Makes nice even slices.
Remove Wallpaper with a mixture of 1 part liquid fabric softener to 4 parts water.
Watch for Downsizing in Products. Tubes of makeup may be the same price, but check the ounces. Some companies are packaging less. Check the sizes of toilet paper too - single, double, and triple rolls. But "Big Rolls," are less than double rolls. Don't be fooled.
Make a Video of Grandma and Grandpa reading stories to your child, and play them often for your children. This is especially nice when distance separates them from each other.
A Wonderful Free Newsletter for Fathers - "Dads Don't Fix Your Kids Newsletter" - The article below is a sample from this newsletter.
http://www.markbrandenburg.com
10 WAYS TO GET YOUR KIDS TO TALK TO YOU
By Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC - http://www.markbrandenburg.com - Used by permission
Parents can often be frustrated by their kids' unwillingness to share their lives with them. Whether your kids are toddlers or teens, there will be times when it's difficult to "break through" and find out what's really going on. Here are ten ideas on how to create opportunities for your kids to open up and share their lives with you.
1. Don't try so hard to get them to talk.
The harder you try to get them to talk, the more they'll resist you. When you relax the pressure a bit, they'll sense it and be more ready to talk to you.
2. Slow down your own life and be available.
Kids have a keen sense of how busy you are. If you're providing enough down time for you and your kids, they'll be more likely to feel comfortable talking to you.
3. Engage in a physical activity that they enjoy.
Shooting baskets, playing soccer, or a game of catch may have your child chattering away. Moving the body can serve to move the mouth as well!
4. Be as non-judgmental as possible.
If your kids feel they won't be judged when they talk to you they'll have no reason to hold back. Have a sense of curiosity and wonder about what they're saying, and limit the lectures about what's right or wrong.
5. Use open-ended questions.
Questions that begin with "why" tend to create defensiveness, and yes or no questions won't get you much of a response. Learn to use questions that will stimulate conversation. "What did you notice about that picture?" works better than, "Did you like that picture?"
6. Use the car as a place for conversation.
You've got them and they can't get out! Don't allow video games or other toys to interfere with your opportunity to talk with them.
7. Reflect back what you hear from them.
It's still the best way for your kids to feel heard and the best way to encourage them to expand on the subject.
8. Talk to them while they're coloring, painting, or drawing.
Using these activities to allow your kids to express themselves can have them expressing themselves to you as well. And joining in on the activity yourself can produce an even greater sense of connection and sharing.
9. Provide opportunities for fun and excitement.
Whatever the activity, when your kids are doing something they love to do they'll want to share it with you. Provide these for your kids and listen to them talk about it afterward!
10. Be a parent, but be a friend as well.
While you must be a parent first, being a friend to your kids will help them to want to share with you. Don't overdo the strict parental stuff.
About the Author: Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches busy parents by phone to balance their life and improve their family relationships. For a FR.EE twenty minute sample session by phone; ebooks, courses, articles, and a FR.EE newsletter, go to
http://www.markbrandenburg.com. Or email him at [email protected].
A MOTHER'S YEARNING TO ADOPT - AND GOD'S PERFECT PLAN FOR EMMA!
By Linda Bahn, Pennsylvania
From time to time you print info in your letter about adoptions. I thought you might be blessed to hear what the Lord has done in the life of a young lady who was in my discipleship class last year. She has given permission to share her story.
In October of 2004, she and her husband met some old friends who had adopted a little girl from China. When she held the baby, she had an overwhelming desire to adopt a child. She and her husband already have two children, and she was totally bewildered at the thought. But she continued to be weighed down with the desire. Her husband was all for the idea and they began to look into the possibility.
At first progress was slow, then all of a sudden they were approved by the agency they were working with. Around April they were told that a baby should be available very soon. But March turned into April, then May and still no baby. She was becoming discouraged and confused. Why would the Lord lay this burden on her heart, just to have their efforts frustrated? Several months of doubts and frustration continued.
Then in July they received word that they are the proud parents of a baby girl! The adoption won't be final for several more months, because it is a foreign adoption and much paper work still needs to be done. But they are so excited about their new little girl.
Several days after she received the good news, when she was having her devotions, the Lord opened her eyes to a precious truth. Her heart was first burdened to adopt a child exactly nine months before the baby's birthday of July 19. God had a plan, and in His time, He unfolded the plan. What a tremendous testimony to God's faithfulness!
SMILES FROM KIDS J
Maegan, 22 months old, kept climbing out of the Pack 'N Play, where she was supposed to be sleeping for the night with her grandparents. As she kept coming out to the living room, her grandma, Elaine Breneman in Pennsylvania, told her, "I don't want to spank, but I will if I see you walking out here again!" Soon, Maegan came crawling out on her belly, saying, "I'm coming out lowly." J
One summer afternoon, a little 3 year old boy and his mom were eating watermelon slices. After he finished his, he replied, "Personally, I don't like the raisins in it!" J
A young boy went to the store with his grandmother. On the way home, he looked at the items she had purchased. He found a package of panty hose and began to sound out the words "queen size." Excited, the boy turned to his grandmother and exclaimed, "Look, Grandma! You wear the same size as your bed!" J
It was in the mid-nineties when my four year old daughter came in from playing outside one afternoon and exclaimed, "Whew! It is so hot even my shoes are sweating!" J
One hot summer day a five year old boy wiggled and squirmed through a church service in an unairconditoned building. As he left the service with his family, he wiped the sweat from his brow as he said, "Whew! I'm Presbyterian all over!" J
BABY CONGRATULATIONS!
Ezra Jonathan Crocker was born on August 13, 2005! He is the 7th child of Jonathan and Debbie Crocker of Michigan. Excited siblings include: Noah (11), Joy (9), Hope (7), Mercy (4), Malachi (2.5), and a big brother in heaven, Ian, who died of SIDS in 1993. He would be 13 this year, and is the reason our family went on to have so many other children. Through his death, we learned babies aren't to be taken for granted. They are a gracious and generous blessing from the Lord and of great value ... and each day with them is a blessing!
Noah Allen Spriggs was born August 16, 2005. He is the 2nd child of Richard and Wendy Spriggs and the 3rd grandchild of Tim and Jenny Edwards, all of North Carolina. Praise be to God for another healthy baby. We are truly blessed.
GRANDPARENT'S DAY IS SEPTEMBER 11 -- A QUESTION FOR YOU
Our grandson calls me Grammy, his paternal grandma Nana, and his great-grandma Mimi. PaPa is John's name. I'd like to know other names for Grandma and Grandpa besides these:
"Grandma" - Grama, Gamma, MeeMaw, Nena, Nonie, Meems, Mimi, Nana or Grammy,
"Grandpa" - PaPa, PopPop or PawPaw. Please reply with other names.
"HEART TO HEART" UPDATE
This Friday, 9/9, "Heart to Heart" Ashley Donnelly's husband, Sam, a Commander in the Army, is flying home from Iraq to spend two weeks with his wife and little girl, before returning to Iraq again. He should arrive in Georgia on 9/12. Pray for 24/7 protection of all the troops who are protecting our freedom, and for their families, temporarily living without them.
Last week "Heart to Heart" went over the 1,000 mark, with all 50 states in the United States being represented. It's an honor to also have precious ladies from 45 other countries and Canadian provinces. Each time you receive a new "Heart to Heart" newsletter, won't you please say a prayer for each dear lady receiving it, that the Lord will surround her and her family with His presence, help her to be a godly daughter, wife and mother, and help her to bloom where she is planted. If each "Heart to Heart" lady does that, we will each have more than 1,000 ladies praying for us at least twice a month! There is power in prayer!
Happy Grandparent's Day!
(¨`·.·´¨) God bless you and your family in a special way!
`·.¸(¨`·.·´¨) Your Heart to Heart friend,
`·.¸.·´ Lois
The purpose of the Heart to Heart Newsletter is to bring godly and practical encouragement to women through creative ideas for the Christian family regarding homemaking, marriage, children and much more. You may receive this bimonthly newsletter by sending your name, city, state, country and the name of the person who referred you to Lois Breneman at [email protected].
