HEART TO HEART NEWSLETTER
ENCOURAGEMENT TO WOMEN
A categorized storehouse of information for you from past newsletters,
plus a second blog just for recipes!
Compiled especially for you with love by Lois Breneman
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Apr. 2012 Adjust Parenting Style for Teens, Opa Bears, Tips and Tidbits, Fresh Ginger, Recipes
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IN THIS ISSUE:
FROM INFANTS TO TEENS
HOW TO ADJUST YOUR PARENTING STYLE FOR THE TEEN YEARS
OPA BEARS
TO REALIZE THE VALUE
TIPS AND TIDBITS
FRESH GINGER
COOKING DRIED BEANS FOR EASY DIGESTION
ALMOND BUTTER CAROB CRUNCHIES
LIME TAHINI SAUCE
CROCKPOT BREAKFAST CASSEROLE
PRECIOUS GEMS
FROM INFANTS TO TEENS
This is the 14th year for the Heart to Heart Newsletter. I suddenly realized that infants of early subscribers of Heart to Heart, who began receiving the newsletter in February of 1999, would NOW be teenagers! How time flies! I learned of a wonderful resource for parents of teens, and was delighted when Mark Gregston promptly returned my phone call asking for permission to include his articles from time to time. You can sign up for his newsletter as well.See information below.
HOW TO ADJUST YOUR PARENTING STYLE FOR THE TEEN YEARS
Most of us tend to parent the same way we were parented. Even those of us who vowed, “I’ll never do that to my kids,” often fall back to imitating what we saw from our parents. The problem is that the world has changed. Our parents would have been horrified by what our kids casually experience and discuss amongst themselves today. Things are different, and your kids are changing every day as well. Are you keeping up?
I went to Chicago recently—and I’m here to tell you that it’s a bad idea for a thin-blooded Texan to make a trip up north in the middle of winter! It was COLD. Fortunately before I left, I got a big warm coat (though it wasn’t big and warm enough) and a hat and gloves to wear. I could have said, “I shouldn’t have to wear something different,” but I likely would have ended up in the Chicago morgue. Making that adjustment didn’t change who I was, it was simply a wise response to changing circumstances.
In the same way, parents need to adjust. But they sometimes dig in their heels and refuse to change their parenting style to respond to the changes in the maturity of their children as they get older. But teens need their parents to recognize their growing maturity. To adjust from controlling to coaching them doesn’t mean you are surrendering your core values or throwing up your hands in futility and giving up; it means you are meeting your kids at their level and respecting their individuality.
Parents who are unwilling to adjust tend to push away their teenagers or cause them to rebel. I’m not saying that your child should be allowed to walk all over you; rules and boundaries must be set and maintained. But adjusting can help your kids think you’re keeping up with their age and are in touch with their world—so they’ll be more likely to lean on you when they need help or to discuss the issues in their life.
Back in the Dark Ages when I grew up, information turned over every eleven years. Today, it happens every nine months. The pace of change has quickened, and if we are inflexible and refuse to acknowledge those changes, our kids see us as “dinosaurs,” out of touch with their world. It’s more vital than ever that we stay engaged with our kids. That means we need to know what’s going on in their lives and in their culture (which probably means we’re going to have to learn a new language or two) and to fit in with the way they relate to others in their world.
Unfortunately, another important authority in our kids’ life isn’t adjusting. Lifeway Resources recently did a study that showed 85% of kids never attend church again after they graduate from high school. It shows that there’s a huge disconnect between kids and the Church. After talking to and working with thousands of young people, I’ve discovered that many of them feel like what they’re being taught there simply doesn’t apply to the world in which they live. The Church isn’t answering the questions many of them are asking, and we can fail to so in our homes as well.
A New Way to Talk
The commanding communication style used when your kids were younger won’t work well when they are adolescents. So stop lecturing; start discussing. Stop talking; start listening. Please understand that I’m not saying the old way is wrong. It’s fine and it is needed for the care and nurturing of younger kids. But the changes in the thinking process of your teen will require a new way to talk to them if you want to really get through to them. Modifying the presentation doesn’t change the content of the message or the values of the messenger. It just makes it easier for you to get through to your teenager.
Many well-meaning parents think they can protect their kids by sheltering them. They spend very little time preparing them for the real world because they aren’t in danger at the moment. But they can only keep their kids isolated for so long. At some point they’re going out into that world—to a job, to college, to marriage—and it is vital that they be prepared for that day. When you taught your kids to swim, you probably didn’t pick them up and throw them in the deep end of the pool. You started them out splashing around in the shallow water, and gradually increased their exposure until they were ready and able to swim on their own.
Here’s a practical application of this principle: most parents wait too long to give their teens privileges and responsibilities. Typically they drag their feet for about six months past the point where they should have. I tell parents, “If you’re thinking about letting your teen do something, you probably should already have done it.” If they have to fight for their independence, they are actually in self-preservation mode; they innately know they need to test out freedom to adjust to the world in which they will have to survive.
Having said that, I remain absolutely committed to protecting kids from danger. For instance, I strongly urge parents not to let their 10-13 year old kids attend sleepovers or to be in the homes of their friends unattended. That may sound old-fashioned, but it is at that early age that much harmful experimentation goes on. If you look at the statistics of the first use of drugs, alcohol and sexual experimentation, it falls into that age range and anecdotal evidence points to kids picking up these habits when alone with their friends. Give your kids freedoms, but as we say in the horse world “let out the reins” slowly. Don’t do it in areas that will threaten their safety and their future, especially at the very impressionable “tween” years.
Breaking the Mold
One way to adjust your style is that instead of just telling your teenagers what to do (the way most of us were raised) have discussions with them; spend time working out the practical applications of the truths you have taught them. Rather than lecturing, ask questions. When you start asking questions, you convey a powerful positive message to them that they need to begin thinking on their own. Asking questions makes them feel valued—at the most devaluing stage of their lives. It empowers them to begin asking their own questions of you and about the negative things their peers may ask them to be involved in.
The answers you get to your questions will help you identify areas in which you may need to adjust or strengthen your teaching. Do not be judgmental or reactionary. If they are a teenager, you have already taught them all you’re going to teach them about your values; now affirm and guide them toward what is right. If I’m counseling with a young person and they give a negative answer, I say something like, “That’s interesting.” I don’t say “That’s wrong.” I then keep the conversation going (with more questions) and try to guide them rather than smother them. They’ll often come around to the right decision — based on the values they’ve been taught — if it is discussed openly and without condemnation.
Adjusting to your teen’s age and maturity is like hitting a moving target. It’s not something you can do just once. As they grow and mature and face new challenges, you need to keep changing right along with them. The relationship is far more important than minor issues. Don’t violate your principles, but do focus on what matters most and set aside the rest. They say “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks,” but don’t wait until your teen spins out of control to make the needed changes. Engage your child now, on their level, and make any changes or adjustments in order to improve your relationship with them and to prepare them for the all too soon day in which they will be out on their own.
OPA BEARS
by Mary Fenzel Abramski - http://things2dob4dying.wordpress.com/ - Used by permission
When you have someone special in your life to die, it's hard to know what to do with their clothes. Do you just throw them out? Donate them? What do you do with them?
After my daddy died, I had a friend ask for one of his shirts. Daddy always wore flannel shirts with Khaki's. I was not sure what she was going to do with the shirt but I knew it was in good hands and that she would return it back in good condition. What I did not know is that she would turn the shirt into what is now called in our family an "Opa Bear.”
When I got my Opa Bear back I was so happy. It was nice to have something from my father that I could give to my daughter that was usable. Her Opa Bear has been in her bed since the day she was born! When I see the Bear it reminds me of a lot of good memories and I'm able to share those stories with my daughter about her Opa.
Because I thought that this was such a fantastic idea, I wanted all of Daddy's grand-kids to have an Opa Bear. I asked my mom if I could have Daddy's shirts. Christmas of 2007 I made all the grand-kids their Opa Bears. They LOVED them!
Since then, I have updated the pattern and have made several Opa Bears for friends/family who want to have something special to pass down from a loved one.
TO REALIZE THE VALUE
Source unknown
To realize the value of a sister/brother: ask someone who doesn't have one.
To realize the value of ten years: ask a newly divorced couple.
To realize the value of four years: ask a graduate.
To realize the value of one year: ask a student who has failed a final exam.
To realize the value of one month: ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.
To realize the value of one minute: ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane.
To realize the value of one-second: ask a person who has survived an accident.
Time waits for no one. Treasure every moment you have.
To realize the value of a friend or family member: Lose one.
Remember....Hold on tight to the ones you love!
TIPS AND TIDBITS
A Very Special Wedding Gift ~ When our daughter got married years ago, my sister-in-law orchestrated a treasured gift for the new couple! She brought a large artist's canvas, glass, a frame, lots of colored pens, rubber stamps, and ink pads along, as her family flew clear across the country to attend the wedding. At the reception, she asked each guest to come and write a message to the bride and groom and sign their names. Afterward the canvas was almost filled up, but she found tiny spaces to use her smaller rubber stamps to add heart, flowers, and all kinds of sweet additions in all colors to compliment the messages of the wedding guests. In the end Aunt June framed the canvas, enclosing it in glass. Our daughter said many times that this was her favorite gift!
Gardening the Easy Way ~ You could call this a "Bagged Garden!" Purchase a bag of potting soil or top soil, and lay the bag out flat. Cut some draining slits in the underside of the bag. Flip it over and make holes for whatever you want to grow. Plant flowers or vegetables in the holes. Several bags with plants growing inside could be grouped together with mulched leaves hiding the plastic.
Growing Potatoes in a Bucket ~ Cut out the bottom of five gallon buckets, place the buckets in good soil, place seed potatoes in the bottom with the sprouts pointing upward, and cover with soil. Then keep adding soil as the potato plants grow! You will yield "layers" of fresh potatoes by planting buckets full! At harvest time, simply lift up the buckets, letting the soil and potatoes fall to the ground. Firehouse Subs has five gallon pickle buckets for about $2 each, so get a few for this fun project that your children and grandchildren would enjoy! I buy them for homemade laundry soap. Check the website for the recipe.
Natural Lawn Fertilizer ~ Create a thick, luxurious and beautiful lawn, free of harmful chemicals by mixing the following in a large bucket (1 cup seaweed extract, 1 cup fish emulsion, and 1 gallon of cool tap water). The first two ingredients can be purchased from a plant nursery, and possibly at a hardware store. Using a hose end sprayer, spray the lawn with this natural fertilizer in the spring and autumn. It should also take care of unwanted weeds.
The G. W. Boutique ~ This is one of my favorite places to find good bargains! I have even found new or like-new specialty fabrics in ready-made clothing, which I've bought to cut up for various sewing projects. I've found silk, leather, wool, and unusual designs to turn into other creations. You no doubt have a "Boutique" like this in your neighborhood, also known as Goodwill.
You Can Make Your Own Tinted Moisturizer by purchasing a number 30 SPF moisturizer and mixing it yourself with about one-third the amount of liquid foundation. You might want to mix enough for one application in your hand to be sure it works for you.
Protect Your Family's Integrity with an Internet Filter ~
www.besecure.com and
www.covenanteyes.com are two good filters.
Children's Bible Ideas Unlimited ~ Betty Robertson provides ideas for your Sunday school class, VBS class or mid-week programming. Are you a homeschool parent or grandparent? Children's Bible Ideas Unlimited is now on Facebook for your convenience! New ideas are added regularly.
Freezing Eggs ~ When eggs are on sale, it's a good time to stock up, as long as you have freezer space. Crack an egg into each square of an ice cube tray. After they freeze solid, they can be stored in a freezer bag, so they are easy to retrieve when cooking or baking.
Expanding a Recipe File ~ Other than recipe cards for everyday food, I like to write out fun specialty recipes for children, such as play dough, and various ways to serve food to resemble animals, a palm tree, or other objects. A recipe file could also be expanded to include homemade cleaning recipes, homemade beauty treatments, science experiments, object lessons, as well as lawn and garden treatments.
For Sweet Smelling Dishcloths and Sponges, wet a dishcloth or sponge with water and rub it with a Fels Naptha bar of soap, then microwave on High for about 2 minutes to kill germs and get rid of that terrible dishcloth odor.
Squeezing Lemon and Lime Juice is much easier with a hand squeezer. Walmart has a green one for limes and a yellow one for lemons. After squeezing out as much juice as possible, I squeeze the fruit in my left hand while running a sharp paring knife inside the citrus, releasing even more juice and citrus goodness.
Great Sandwiches from Cold to Hot ~ When making large quantities of pulled chicken, barbecue, pork barbecue, or sloppy Joes, you can plan ahead for easy meals later in this way. Line muffin pans with paper cupcake liners (not foil), and fill each one with a meat mixture. After they are frozen solid, remove cake liners with meat from muffin pans and store in a labeled freezer bag. Then when you need a quick meal, simply microwave the contents of one cake liner and serve it on a hamburger bun or slice of whole grain bread.
FRESH GINGER Ginger helps aid digestion and adds great flavor to many soups and other dishes! Pureed ginger is available to purchase in small jars, but here's how you can save money by making your own pureed ginger that will be even more fresh than jarred ginger. Buy a large hunk of ginger root in the produce department of the grocery store. Cut it apart into easy-to-peel sections, and peel with a vegetable peeler. Slice the ginger and put it into a Vita Mix or other blender with a little water and olive oil. You want it to be the consistency of paste, so just add a tiny bit at first. Blend until pureed, and spoon the ginger paste into Tupperware Midget cups or very small containers, and freeze. I keep one small container handy in the refrigerator door to add to recipes.
For delicious lemon-ginger tea, drop a few slices of fresh ginger root into a large teacup with a lemon zinger teabag. Fill with boiling water and steep (covered) for about 5 minutes. Add stevia and enjoy!
COOKING DRIED BEANS FOR EASY DIGESTIONSatisfying, versatile, and very inexpensive -about $1 per pound - at a time when budgets need to be stretched to put gas in our vehicles! I just cooked another 4 pounds today! They freeze well!
A few months ago I shared how to cook beans to be easily digestible. A nutritionist told me to soak grain overnight by adding 1/4 cup apple cider vinegar for every cup of grain. However, I adapted this recipe and found it works just as well without the beans soaking up so much vinegar.
Soak the following overnight in a large Dutch oven or cooking pot:
4 pounds of dried beans, washed thoroughly in a colander (Great Northern or pinto beans are very good)
1 gallon of distilled water
1/2 cup apple cider vinegar
Note: Do NOT add any salt at this point! Salt will prevent the beans from getting tender. Salt and season later.
After soaking overnight or at least 8 hours, drain and rinse the beans several times. Cover with more pure water and bring to a boil. A foam may cover the top after they come to a boil. Skim off the foam with a large spoon. I hold the lid in my left hand and spoon the foam into the lid, then pour it down the drain. This needs to be done until the foam is about gone (5 minutes or so). Simmer beans for about an hour or more until the beans are tender. I drain the beans unless I plan to make bean soup. You can season at this point or wait until serving. Spoon some of the beans into containers to freeze. Save some with the liquid for bean soup, and make hummus with the remaining beans for dipping carrots, celery or crackers into this high protein snack.
Complete protein: By eating a grain with beans, you will have a complete protein (a meat substitute). Whole grain bread or crackers, rice cakes or crackers, or a bean and rice dish will suffice.
ALMOND BUTTER CAROB CRUNCHIESwww.hacres.com - Used by permission
A recipe I definitely want to make for my grandchildren! This would be great for our summer vacation when our family will all be together!
3/4 cup almond butter
1/2 cup carob powder
3 Medjool dates, pitted, soaked 2 hours, and drained
1/2 cup rolled oats
1 cup almonds, walnuts or pecans, chopped
1/2 cup unsweetened grated coconut
Reserve 1/4 cup coconut. Combine remaining ingredients in a food processor, and with an S blade, mix well. Shape mixture into bite-size balls. Roll in reserved coconut. Store in refrigerator in plastic container with wax paper between layers.
Note: Natural peanut butter and cocoa powder could be substituted for the almond butter and carob powder if you wish.
LIME TAHINI SAUCE
Thanks to Rachael Breneman in Ohio for this recipe!
This is good on many things, especially on salads or vegetables.
1/2 cup water
1/2 cup tahini
1/4 cup lime juice
1/4 cup soy sauce
1 tsp. minced garlic
Sweetener (agave, organic sugar or stevia) to taste
Combine all ingredients in blender until combined. Adjust sweetener to taste. It it thickens, thin with water.
Notes from Lois: Lemon juice can be used in place of lime juice, and almond butter could replace tahini.
If you live near a Trader Joe's store, or will be near one in your travels, keep in mind that they sell delicious almond butter in 1 pound jars for only $4.99. It's double that price many other places, so I always stock up when I get the chance.
CROCKPOT BREAKFAST CASSEROLE
Thanks to Linda Crosby in Virginia for this recipe!
How about a delicious breakfast all ready when you get up? Try this:
Ingredients: (Adjust to your family size)
30 oz. package of plain frozen hash brown (shredded) potatoes
Cooked sausage, or leftover diced ham (I used turkey sausage)
1 1/2 cups shredded cheese
12 eggs
1 cup skim or fat free milk
1 tsp. kosher salt
1 tsp. black pepper
Optional:
1/2 onion, diced
1 green bell pepper, diced thin
Directions:
(I used a 6 quart Smart-Pot for this recipe.)
Spritz the inside of your crockpot with oil. Dump in the whole package of hash browns. Spread them out, and break up any clumps.
In a mixing bowl, mix the eggs with the milk, salt and pepper, cheese, diced meat, and diced vegetables. Pour everything on top of the hash browns.
Cover and cook on low for 6-8 hours, or on high for 3-4. This is done when the eggs are fully cooked and the edges start to brown a bit. If you want the cheese to brown and get a bit crispy on the sides, cook it longer.
PRECIOUS GEMS
Thanks to all of you for your permission to include your Precious Gems in Heart to Heart and on the blog!
Landon (6): "Are we really made out of dust? But...I am allergic to dust!" ~ Danielle in Virginia
This year we have been watching birds at our bird feeder and learning to identify them. One day, my 10 year old son Joseph called me to come quickly. "Mom, the porch is full of those...those...trashbirds you like." I was confused and in looking out the window beheld about ten juncos! Suddenly, I realized he had associated the "Junk" in junco to trash! We all had a good laugh about that! ~ Doris in Pennsylvania
Someone told our 3 year old daughter, Martina, that she was adorable. Martina became quite miffed and declared, "I'n not dorable, I'n Martina." ~ Judy in Pennsylvania
Ben (4): "Mommy, I don't want the butter bread. I just want the butter." ~ Sarah in Virginia
Our van had been giving us trouble – it wouldn’t always start – so we traded it in for another one. A few days later as we started on our errands Trenton (3 at the time) decided that “this is a good van because it starts.” ~ Judy in Pennsylvania
Marcus (8): "Mom? Is it possible for a spider to crawl in your mouth and make a web?" "Uh... I guess so?" "But how is that possible when you have spit??" ~ Michelle in Virginia
Livy (21 mo.) just picked up my cereal bowl and said, "All gone." Then she asked, "Tickin?" (kitchen) and proceeded to take it to the kitchen and put it on the counter. That's my little helper! ~ Lori in Virginia
Ben's (4) version of the creation story: "Adam and Eve ate the strawberry from the tree and they were naked."
Jeremiah's (6) version of the creation story: "Adam fell asleep, not because he ate from the tree, but because he was tired. Then God took some of his guts." ~ Sarah in Virginia
Children say the cutest things. While subbing today, a kindergarten boy told me, "You really look handsome today!" ~ Rachel in Virginia
At the end of the day, a 1st grader asks me, "Mrs. Keller, when will it dry?"
Me: What will dry?
1st grader: Your hair.
I had put mousse on my hair and scrunching spray gel, so my hair had this "wet" look. ~ Rachel in Virginia
When discussing Savannah's upcoming "Star of the Day" day on Thursday, I asked her what special snack she would like to bring. She said, "Green cupcakes with a mermaid on top." I said I wasn't sure I could do that, and she replied in an exasperated tone, "Moooom, it's not like its hard. You can draw a person with a tail, right? Easy-peeesay." ~ Lauren in Virginia
Logan (3) just ran up to me saying, "I need a bang-bang! I need a bang-bang!" Having no idea what a bang-bang was, I was quite confused. He then held up his thumb to show me his boo-boo which needed a bang-bang (bandaid) 🙂 ~ Amanda in Virginia
When we visit our children and grandchildren, I usually take my sewing machine and let them know ahead of time that I'll be glad to do their mending while there, knowing they are all so busy. Three year old Daniel has already been gathering a pile of clothing for me to mend, including a few plastic toys that are broken! His mommy told him that Grammie can't fix the toys with her sewing machine, but he insists that I can! - Lois
Out of the blue my grandson, Daniel (3) told his mom, "There are 3 parts to God. The Holy Spirit, the Father & the Kid!" I suppose he associated "Son" with being a "Kid," as he is! ~ Lois
Daniel (3) was playing with a toy character, having a conversation with him: "Mater, I liked the show that you were in ... that I used to watch in the good old days." ~ Rachael in Ohio
My daughter-in-law was telling me the prayer that our grandson, Daniel (3) prayed recently: "Jesus, you're really going to be surprised about this! My birthday is next month! ... Protect us from monsters, and what is that black spot on our gate?" I love that little guy! He really knows how to carry on a good conversation with Jesus too! ~ Lois
Ladies, I would love to hear from you anytime!
Simply reply to any newsletter and share your thoughts with me.
I'm always looking for cute quotes from kids (old or new would be great)!
I pray each of you found something in this edition to bless, encourage and teach you!
Please remember to pray for each dear Heart to Heart lady and her family,
because so many ladies are going through very tough times and need our prayers!
Some have lost loved ones, others have lost jobs, homes, or their good health.
Pray each day for the protection of our troops, and for their families left at home,
as well as adjustment and employment after they return home.
God bless you and your family and keep you in His loving care!
Your Heart to Heart friend
Lois
Disclaimer: Various websites may be given as credits or to supply additional information for readers. However, all the views and advertisements represented by websites in this newsletter are not necessarily the views of the editor. Please use your own discretion and common sense regarding all information given in this newsletter.
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