Carl's Grave
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
Carl and Susan had grown up as children of a divorced mother in the Detroit area, at a time when such families were looked down upon. "We moved around a lot, and spent time in childrens' homes when she couldn't care for us," Susan recalls. The two children were very close; in fact, Susan probably provided most of her younger brother's security. Carl had attended eleven schools before he finally graduated and entered the Air Force. "He attained the rank of Sergeant there, came home, went to college on th
e GI bill, and worked for thirty years at Chryslers,'" Susan says. A normal life in many ways....and yet Carl never married, and often battled depression. "I used to wish he had a wife and a bunch of kids," Susan says. "I think he would have been happier."
Instead, Carl grew increasingly isolated. Long ago he had purchased a cornfield, and as the years passed, he worked on the land in his spare time. He planted trees, had three ponds dug and most important, made a habitat for wildlife all over the property. "As land came up for sale, he bought more, and eventually he owned sixty acres, most next to the cemetery," Susan says. "He had lived in an old mobile home until recently, but finally built a new house to retire in." An occasional friend would visit t
o fish or stroll the premises, always made welcome, and it seemed an acceptable life. But Susan still worried. More outgoing, and busy at her nursing career, she wondered if her beloved brother was, in his own way, at peace. The happiest she ever saw him was when he fed the wildlife each day, especially the doe and her twin fawns who came to eat on his driveway. Carl would sit on his porch and watch them, in hushed communication. But was it enough? Susan wondered.
Now, she would never know. And she would not be able to honor his last-and only---request. In the midst of her shock and grief, she prayed once more for an answer.
That afternoon, her phone rang. The township officials had inexplicably changed their minds. Carl could be buried in their cemetery.
"Of course all the funeral plans were changed," Susan said. Quickly, she and the others visited the cemetery to choose a proper gravesite. Someone found a black granite boulder just over the fence on Carl's property. It would be the perfect monument.
Apparently it is. For the day after the funeral, Carl's grave was covered with deer tracks, as if his friends were coming to pay their last respects, as if--in that small gesture-they were assuring Susan that her brother had indeed found comfort in their presence.
"This week I am meeting with the person who will be selling the property, and I'm hoping that whoever buys it will take care of the land as Carl would have wanted," Susan says. "And then I'll go to the cemetery, and see if the deer have been visiting with him again." Or perhaps they are angels in disguise.
*** Taking No Chances Is Not Really Living *** 
Some of us have been deeply hurt by a divorce. In some cases, many of us have had the sad experience of watching even our closest friends let us down when we need them the most. Some have experienced horrible devastation by the gossiping, the clicks, and the outright meanness of a congregation or minister. When these deeply personal things happen, our natural instinct is to build a wall of defense around ourselves and try our best to make sure we don't get hurt again.
Yes, there will be times when ending an association with a church, or breaking off a friendship, and even when ending a marriage is the proper thing to do. But far too often, we are just sick of going through tough times, and we walk away, vowing that we will never again chance experiencing the pleasure of friendship, fellowship, and love, because we know these relationships comes with the risk of pain.
Any close relationship naturally brings with it a risk of being hurt. It is tragic, personal crippling, and spiritually debilitating when we shield ourselves from a new Christian fellowship, or the love of a new person after a divorce, or the beginning of a new friendship. Yes, in shielding ourselves from people and the influence they will have in our lives, we escape possible heartbreak, but we miss out on all the beauty that love brings into our lives.
I know a man whose wife left him. Maybe she had just cause, I don't know. But the point I want to make is that this man has now associated love with heartbreak. He will die a lonely man because he will never again risk being hurt by loving another woman. How sad!
To love and to be loved, we have to risk it all. There is no true "half way love." I am afraid that's what's happening to our society today. Couple's get married with their "escape plan" already thought out. When the going gets tough the weak go with it, and you can quote me on that!
Love requires sacrifices. Whoever said that marriage is a 50 /50 relationship has obviously never been married. Those who say true friends will never hurt you must be from a far distant galaxy. If we are waiting to find the perfect church and pastor, we should avoid it once we do, because we are sinners and they obviously are not. We wouldn't want to ruin something perfect my inserting our fault filled lives into it.
In my neighborhood now sets an empty house; it is no longer a home. The husband became disabled, the household income shrunk to desperate levels, and the couple took their frustrations out on each other. The man is still disabled, his wife is still the woman she was before, but the house hasn't bugged an inch. Neither of the former spouses have a dime more than they did before the tough times came. But the love and the marriage have taken flight.
There are times when life will be tough. We pray for the hard times to go away, not realizing God builds our character and increases our faith through tough times. If we are going to pray for God to do something when the tough times come, let's ask Him to increase our faith, that we will learn the lessons these events have to teach, and that we have the wisdom and grace to move on with our lives without erecting a fortress around our hearts.
When the going gets tough, let's pray we are strong enough not to go with it.
Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
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