Church Funnies
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the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in
church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are
sleeping."
***
The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he
preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord
as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and
nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and
jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered,
"If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"
***
Six-year old Angie and her four-year old brother Joel were sitting
together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud.
Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk
out loud in church." Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie
pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the
door? They're hushers."
***
My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you
know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I
asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied.
***
A ten-year old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was
becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then one day she floored
her grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus? The
virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"
***
A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down
the aisle, he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd. While
facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it
went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle. As you
can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the
time he reached the pulpit. The little boy, however, was getting more
and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by
the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child
sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear."
***
One Sunday in a midwest city, a young child was "acting up" during
the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some
sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally, the
father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on
his way out. Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one
called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"
***
And one particular four-year old prayed, "And forgive us our trash
baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."
***
A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a
better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I
am."