Deadly Correspondence
Posted by: clean-hewmor <clean-hewmor@...>
My father died on Jan 02, 1995. He left no forwarding address.
Therefore, it fell to me to collect his mail. I didn't expect much really,
since my sisters and I had been careful to notify his bank, insurance agent
and a host of other businesses that one of their customers was no more. You
would think a death notice would cut down on the amount of correspondence
from those firms. Quite the contrary. Instead -- for months, mind you -- my
deceased father continued to receive mail from companies that had been told
of his passing but pressed on, determined to contact him anyway. The first to
hope for a reply from beyond the grave was my father's bank.
Dear Mr. Hanson,
Our records indicate payment is due for overdraft protection on your checking
account. Efforts to contact you have proven unsuccessful. Therefore, we are
automatically withdrawing your monthly $28.00 service charge from you account.
Please adjust your records accordingly.
Sincerely,
The Phoenix Branch
Dear Phoenix Branch,
This is to notify you once again that Mr. Hanson died Jan 02, 1995. It is
therefore unlikely he will be overdrawing his account. Please close his account,
and adjust your books accordingly.
Sincerely,
Scott Hanson
Later that same week, I receive this note from Dad's insurance company. Again,
this is a firm that had been told in no uncertain terms of his death.
Dear Mr. Hanson,
It's time to renew your auto insurance policy! To continue your coverage, you
must send $54.17 to this office immediately. Failure to do so will result in
the cancellation of your policy, and interruption of your coverage.
Sincerely,
Your Insurance Agent
Dear Insurance Agent,
This is to remind you that Mr. Hanson has been dead since January. As such, the
odds he'll be involved in a collision are quite minimal. Please cancel the
policy, and adjust your books accordingly.
Sincerely,
Scott Hanson.
A few months of calm passed, and then these arrived:
Dear Mr. Hanson,
Our records indicate a balance of $112 has accrued for overdraft protection on
your checking account. Efforts to contact you have proven unsuccessful. Please
pay the minimum amount due, or contact this office to make other arrangements.
We appreciate your business and look forward to serving all of your future
borrowing needs.
Sincerely,
Your Bank's San Diego District Office
Dear San Diego District Office,
I am writing to you for the third time now to tell you my father died in
January. Since then, the number of checks he's written has dropped dramatically.
Being dead, he has no plans to use his overdraft protection or pay even the
minimum amount due for a service he no longer needs. As for future borrowing
needs, well, don't hold your breath.
Sincerely,
Scott Hanson
Dear Mr. Hanson,
Records show you owe a balance of $54.17 to your insurance agent. Efforts to
contact you have proven unsuccessful. Therefore, the matter has been turned over
to us for collection. Please remit the amount of $54.17 to our office or we will
be forced to take legal action to collect the debt.
Sincerely,
Your Insurance Agent's Collection Agency
Dear Collection Agency,
I told your client. Now I'm telling you. Dad's dead. He doesn't need insurance.
He's dead. Dead, dead, dead. I doubt even your lawyers can change that. Please
adjust your books accordingly.
Sincerely,
Scott Hanson
A few more months, and:
Dear Mr. Hanson,
Our records show an unpaid balance of $224 has accrued for overdraft protection
on your checking account. Our efforts to contact you have proven unsuccessful.
Please remit the amount in full to this office, or the matter will be turned
over to a collection agency. Such action will adversely affect your credit
history.
Sincerely,
Your Bank's Los Angeles Regional Office
Dear Los Angeles Regional Office,
I am writing for the fourth time to the fourth person at the fourth address to
tell your bank that my father passed away in January. Since that time, I've
watched with a mixture of amazement and amusement as your bank continues to
transact business with him. Now, you are even threatening his credit history.
It should come as no surprise that you have received little response from my
deceased father. It should also be small news that his credit history is of
minor importance to him now. For the fourth and final time, please adjust your
books accordingly.
Sincerely,
Scott Hanson
Dear Mr. Hanson,
This is your final notice of payment due to your insurance agent. If our firm
does not receive payment of $54.17, we will commence legal action on the matter.
Please contact us at once.
Sincerely,
Your Insurance Agent's Collection Agency
Dear Insurance Agent's Collection Agency,
You may contact my father via the enclosed 900 number.
Sincerely,
Scott Hanson
It has now been a couple of months since I've heard from these firms. Either the
people writing these letters finally believe my father is dead, or they
themselves have died and are now receiving similar correspondence. Actually,
there has been a lesson in these letters. Any one of them would be cause for
great worry, if sent to a living person. The dead are immune from corporate
bullying. There's nothing like dying to put business correspondence in its
proper perspective. Perhaps that's the best reason not to fear death. There's
no post office there.