desires of the heart; waiting on God's timing (VERY LONG but miraculous!)
Posted by: marli <marli@...>
Pat, I love what you wrote in your post about the addition of two sons to
your family. I won't go into our experiences leading up to our adoptions as
that would require a book, but I would like to encourage everyone to wait on
God's timing, to not strive to make something happen. Whether it's moving to
the country or any other desire, it's easy to start trying to MAKE it
happen, especially when we are sure God is the author of the desire.
When we realized God wanted us to adopt, we prayed that He would bring to us
the children He had....there was no way we could "find" them in this big ol'
world! We stepped out and began doing the things WE had to do like
completing paperwork and getting our fingerprints checked and stuff like
that. I told the Lord that I would wait a year for a baby, but if it took
longer than a year, I would believe we had not heard Him correctly, and that
we were going after something He didn't have for us. I knew I would not be
able to go along for several years waiting and wondering. I had heard the
horror stories about people waiting years and years and knew I couldn't do
it.
About four months after we started the homestudy process, we brought home
our newborn daughter!
Twenty-one months later, we brought home another daughter. We were SOOO
blessed, but I knew in my heart we weren't through adopting yet. So, when
daughter number two was a few months old, I started looking for our next
child. I mailed out letters and profiles of our family, answered requests
for families from agencies all over the place. Time and again, God showed me
that it wasn't the time yet, that each of the babies I pursued wasn't for
us, but I kept on and on for an entire year. I was STRIVING to make another
adoption happen. I exhausted myself in just about every way because I was so
convinced inside that we were going to bring home another baby.
About the end of 1998, we scheduled an appointment for a homestudy update on
January 22, 1999 because ours would be expired, not because we "had" a baby.
By that time, we were good friends with our social worker, and she planned
to visit us in the evening on the 22nd.
In the early part of January, an agency director in Tulsa called and told us
that a couple had chosen us as the adoptive parents for their baby due the
first part of February. We were thrilled, but had lots of details to work
out such as the trip to Tulsa, arranging a person to care for our four
children, time off from dh's job, etc. With an adoption in another state,
you don't know how long it will be until you are able to come home again so
both of us were stressed trying to figure everything out. We also didn't
have extra money, and we needed it for travelling and for the adoption. Dh
really didn't want to go all the way to Tulsa, we're not travelling people,
and we would be driving there and back, but we would do whatever we had to
do, like it or not.
On January 19, we were scheduled to have a phone conference with the couple.
They were to call from the agency to our home.
Well, the time came and the director called instead and said the couple had
transportation problems and didn't make it, we would have to re-schedule.
We were disappointed and antsy because the baby was due within a couple
weeks. The next day, dh told me he didn't think it was going to happen with
this couple. I didn't feel that very strongly, and didn't want to think that
this wasn't our baby. Dh also told me that he would love to adopt a Hispanic
baby. Since I networked with numerous agencies and families all over, I knew
Hispanic babies were not considered "hard to place" and that waiting lists
were long, expenses high. Dh also wanted another son, and I felt pretty sure
the next baby would be a boy.
Well, the morning of the 22nd arrived and I got up to start cleaning house
for the visit from the social worker. I was running around in my flannel
gown doing lots of stuff and had the phone turned off, the answering machine
on. I noticed a message on it around 9:30 or so when I took a break. The
message was a from a lawyer I had spoken to in 1996. He was adopted as a
baby and has a real heart for adoption. He is also a very kind Christian
man. Anyway, he told me that he had a birthmom due in February and was
looking for families for her baby. He had called me because he remembered
hearing of our adoption ministry. I told him that we were updating our
homestudy that very night, would the birthmom be interested in us even
though we already had four children? He assured me that the family only
wanted someone that would love and accept the baby because the history was
pretty "negative".
(I will share that the birthmom was very young and the baby was not
conceived by her choice.) The lawyer said nothing was known about the
birthfather, no concern to us, and that the birthmom had no prenatal care
for the most part. He also said the birthmom was Hispanic! Well, I was
getting excited so I told him I would put together our paperwork and send to
him so he could show it to the birthmom the following week. I would also
notify other families to send their paperwork so he could present several
options to her.
I started printing out our info and kept up with the cleaning. About an hour
after the first call, the lawyer called again and said, "Forget sending me
anything in the mail, have your social worker fax me your homestudy NOW! The
birthmom is at the hospital in labor! Do you and your husband want to do
this, do you need time to pray and talk about it?" Well, dh was at work
about 45 minutes from home so I hadn't even told him about the first call. I
knew right then that the baby would be a boy for sure and that God was doing
something really miraculous. I told the lawyer I was sure we wanted to go
with this baby if the birthmom wanted us. He said he was off to the hospital
and would call me back once he arrived and saw if the baby had been born.
Well, now I was in a tizzy! I had already been on the phone earlier
explaining to another Christian adoptive mom what went on in Tulsa and then
about the first call from the lawyer. I had to call her again and tell her
what was happening now. She was so excited and was in prayer for us to know
what to do.
I was overwhelmed, running around still in my flannel gown, trying to
comprehend what all was happening.
About an hour after the second call, the lawyer called from the hospital and
said we had a new son!
He told me to get in touch with dh and get to the hospital as fast as
possible! You should have heard hubby when I called and told him he had a
new son who was at least part Hispanic. His heart desires were being
fulfilled before my very eyes! Oh, I must interject here that all of this
was taking place just 70 MILES from our house!! No out-of-state travel, no
dealing with two states in the adoption process, no travelling expenses,
nothing! The baby was born in my birthplace, where I still have lots of
relatives AND, the social worker responsible for our adoptions was coming
from another town about 75 miles east of where the baby was born. I called
her and she agreed to meet us at the hospital and conduct the update there.
Everything was such a blur! I didn't have a stitch of baby clothing or
supplies in the house, so had to bring in the stored stuff and start going
through it trying to put together a baby bag, the whole time my insides were
going crazy! I also had to call my parents to come babysit our four
children. Thankfully, they live just 30 minutes away, but they were in total
shock because they didn't know we were "trying" to adopt again. I asked my
mom, "Can you come watch the kids while Mark and I go to Roswell to pick up
a new baby?" She just kept saying "What? What?" I think my dad quit
breathing when he heard what we were doing 🙂
Anyway, dh got home, we flew to the hospital talking about names all the way
and how wild the whole experience was becoming. We had talked about Caleb as
a name for a long time, but I knew he was not to be named Caleb. I felt a
strong impression that he was to be named Jacob so that's what we settled on
before we arrived.
When we got to the hospital, we met the baby's grandma, talked to her for a
long time, the lawyer showed up and we went in to the birthmom's room to
meet her and start the paperwork process. At this point, the baby wasn't
ours at all so she could have changed her mind or not wanted us or whatever.
Our social worker showed up too and was able to provide the mandated birth
parent counselling. She's a wonderful person, so we were thrilled that she
would be spending time with the birth family and helping them through the
process.
By Friday afternoon, the papers were signed and the lawyer appeared before
the judge to get a placement order signed so the baby could leave the
hospital with us. We didn't actually get to hold Jacob until that evening
after the papers were signed. We stayed with him all night of course, in awe
and exhaustion. By the way, he was born on the anniversary of Roe vs. Wade,
such a perfect birth date for a baby that could have been legally aborted in
any state up to the last minute because of the circumstances surrounding his
conception! The Lord actually hid him really well in the womb and the
pregnancy wasn't discovered until the birthmom was more than 30 weeks'
pregnant!
Anyway, on Monday, Jacob was released to us and the birthmom appeared in
court to relinquish her parental rights. In our state, this relinquishment
is final and binding as soon as it is signed. Our law requires a 90 day
period before an adoption can be finalized, but the parental rights
terminate when the paper is signed. We went home and 100 days later appeared
before the same judge and finalized Jacob's adoption.
There's so much more to his story, amazing, awesome things that happened,
but my whole year of striving to "find" a baby, of striving to work out the
details to go out-of-state to adopt, of operating in my own strength were
such a waste and so silly when I saw God practically place a baby in our
laps, a baby that was the exact desire of my hubby's heart. Dh had never
stated any preferences when we began adoption so it was even more amazing to
me that God gave us just what dh wanted and so easily, so miraculously. I
had never thought to ask the Lord for something so simple, so close to home,
so perfect...I NEVER prayed for a situation like the Lord gave us, but He
knew it was coming in His timing. Afterward, I felt that God must have been
watching me and shaking His head at my efforts, at my exhausting myself when
all along He had something so much better in mind.
Oh, one more example of God's intervention: The director in Tulsa called the
day before we brought Jacob home to see when we could have the telephone
conference. I had to tell him all that had happened and that we had a new
son. He said that the couple claimed that they had shown up at his office
the night we were to meet by phone and no one was around. The director said
he and his wife were sitting in the car in the parking lot and that no one
showed up. So, God must have kept them apart for that evening! And, the
director turned out to be a Baptist minister, something I didn't know when
we first started with him. He could see God's hand in everything and was
able to find another family for the couple. Turns out they had a girl which
was also not God's plan for us.
I believe there are things we are required to do, like filling out papers
for a homestudy, but if we let God do what only He can do, in His way and in
His timing, we will blessed beyond belief, and we won't experience the
exhaustion that comes from doing things in our own strength. He has SO MUCH
more planned for us than we can even think to ask and walking His path will
bring us blessed peace.
I'm sorry this is so long, but hope you are encouraged in Him,
Lisa