Doc's Daily Chuckle 4/12/19
Posted by: pkaine <pkaine@...>
DOC'S DAILY CHUCKLE
Always Clean Chuckles
Laughter is the Best Medicine!
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Good news!
No cancer cells were seen in the tissue from the 2nd
surgery. Thanks for all the prayers. The next step is
unclear. Due to nuances in my health history, it's
being reviewed by the tumor board for recommendations.
Pray they're open to the wisdom of the Lord.
Doc
Today's Chuckles
1. Great Gambler
2. Don't Say a Word
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Great Gambler
The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the
IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa
showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant
lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain
by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the
IRS finds that believable."
I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Grandpa.
How about a demonstration?"
The auditor thinks for a moment and says, "Okay. Go ahead."
Grandpa says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can
bite my own eye."
The auditor thinks a moment and says, "It's a bet."
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it.
The auditor's jaw drops.
Grandpa says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that
I can bite my other eye."
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes
the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost
three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He
starts to get nervous.
"Want to go double or nothing?" Grandpa asks. "I'll bet
you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side
of your desk, throw that full glass of water into the
wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop
anywhere in between."
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks
carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could
possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands on the desk and takes careful aim, but when
he throws the glass, water covers the man's desk, jacket,
briefcase, and everything around it.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just
turned a major loss into a huge win.
But Grandpa's own attorney starts crying and puts his head
in his hands.
"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.
"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when
Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me
twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here
and throw water all over your office and that you'd be
happy about it!"
- From Jerry L. (Via Mikey's Funnies)
———————————————
Take the time today to be good to you, in thoughts,
deeds and actions – but especially in your thoughts.
- Gail Lynne Goodwin
———————————————
Don't Say a Word
Tommy Bolt, winner of the 1958 US Open, tells the story
of an incident he had during one of his golf tournaments.
Bolt arrived at the golf course for the tournament and
was approached by a youngster, "Mr. Bolt, do you need a
caddy, sir?"
Bolt went to the caddy master and asked about the youngster.
The man said, "He's a real good caddy, knows the course, the
greens, and the rules of the game. But he talks a lot."
So Bolt went back to the youngster and said, "You can caddy
for me on one condition: Don't say a word." The young man
accepted and carried Bolt's bag. The first three rounds went
well, and Bolt was in contention in the fourth round, when
an errant tee shot landed in the rough. The ball was sitting
down in a bad patch of turf, with a difficult shot to the
green which was well guarded by water on the right.
Bolt asked his caddy, "You think a five iron will do the
trick?" The kid shook his head no, but never said a word.
"What, you want me to hit a six iron?" Again, the kid shook
his head no, but did not speak. Bolt grabbed a six iron and
lashed the ball out of the rough and landed on the green,
rolling to within three feet of the hole.
As they walked to the green, Bolt said, "Aren't you going
to say something now, after seeing a shot like that?"
His caddy then replied, "Mr. Bolt, that wasn't your ball."
- From Christian Voices
————
Please pray for: Stacy, Jazmine, Bobby, Elvie, Anajean, Jasmaine.
=================
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