Doc's Daily Chuckle 4/26/19
Posted by: pkaine <pkaine@...>
DOC'S DAILY CHUCKLE
Always Clean Chuckles
Laughter is the Best Medicine!
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Looking forward to a mini-retreat this week-end.
Doc
Today's Chuckles
1. Collection
2. Paraprosdokians
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Collection
A minister in a little church announced: "Before we
pass the collection plate, I would like to request
that the person who stole the chickens from Brother
Martin's hen house please refrain from giving any
money to the Lord. The Lord doesn't want money from
a thief!"
The collection plate was passed around, and for the
first time in months everybody gave.
- From Mikey’s Funnies
———————————————
Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.
- Carl Sagan
———————————————
Paraprosdokians
(Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech
in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is
surprising or unexpected, frequently humorous.
1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's
still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people
appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act
in public.
6. War does not determine who is right -- only who
is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom
is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To
steal from many is research.
9. I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was
blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says,
'In case of emergency, Notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can
walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
gut and still think they are sexy.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only
need a parachute to skydive twice.
13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and
call whatever you hit the target.
15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any
more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting
harder and harder for me to find one now.
- From Clean Laffs
————
Please pray for: Aurelia, Finn, Colin, Jack, Bess, Michael.
=================
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