Doc's Daily Chuckle 7/3/19
Posted by: pkaine <pkaine@...>
DOC'S DAILY CHUCKLE
Always Clean Chuckles
Laughter is the Best Medicine!
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The next DDC is anticipated for next week. I’m celebrating
the long weekend with extended family.
Doc
Today's Chuckles
1. Hospital Fun
2. Blessings
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Hospital Fun
Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment.
“I’m sorry,” said the receptionist, “we can’t fit you in for at least
two weeks.”
Peter said, “But I could be dead by then!”
Receptionist replied, “No problem. If your wife lets us know,
we’ll cancel the appointment.
- From ArcaMax Jokes
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“America, spread your golden wings
Sail on freedom’s wind, ’cross the sky.”
—“Golden Dream,” by Randy Bright & Bob Moline
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Blessings
Blessed are the Internet junkies, for their time shalt be a net loss.
Blessed are they who knit their own hosiery, for they shalt not get
a run for their money.
Blessed are the auctioneers, for they shall look forbidding.
Blessed are the nuns, for they shall have no bad habits.
Blessed are those who stop horseback riding, for they shalt be full of
woe.
Blessed are the thrifty deer hunters, for they shalt get more bang for
their buck.
Blessed are the ministers who make mistakes, for it shall only be a
clerical error.
Blessed are the unionized church workers, for they shalt bargain in
good faith.
Blessed are the religious nuclear engineers, for they shalt have critical
mass.
Blessed are students in Christian schools, for they shalt have good
Principals.
Blessed are the poor losers, for they shalt continue to diet.
Blessed are those who are multi-lingual, for they shalt be misunderstood
in many languages.
Blessed are the drama students, for they shalt be a class act.
Blessed are the bridesmaids, for they shalt be wedding belles.
Blessed are the landscapers, for they shalt be bushed.
Blessed are they who do the ironing, for they shalt not be depressed.
Blessed are the orchard growers, for their work shall not be fruitless.
Blessed are they who avoid their in-laws, for they shalt not be relatively
annoyed.
Blessed are they who process lettuce, for they shalt see the tip of the
iceberg.
Blessed are they who own horses, for they shalt have stability.
Blessed are they that wrap leftovers, for they shalt be foiled again.
Blessed are the fishermen, for they shalt have net income.
Blessed are those who are tailors, for they shalt be suited for it.
Blessed is he who attends church at more than one denomination, for he
shalt be bi-sectual.
Blessed is he who stops smoking, for he shalt be a quitter.
Blessed is he w ho has a word processor, for his words shalt be minced.
Blessed are those who watch the stars, for their work shalt be astronomical.
Blessed is he who plows in a straight furrow, for he shall be in a rut.
Blessed are they who give hugs; for they are truly appreciated (more than
they'll ever know).
Blessed are they who have cellular phones, for they shalt receive the call
wherever they are.
Blessed are those who turn off their cellular phones, for they shall have peace.
Blessed are those who refrain from alcohol, for they shall remain sober.
Blessed are those who laugh often, for they shalt have strong funnybones.
Blessed are those who speak as lawyers, for they shalt be brief.
Blessed are the piemakers, for they shall generate fellowship. They are
also the "Upper Crust." They Have a Lot of Crust!
Blessed are those who attend church regularly, for they shall be p ewed.
Blessed art those who pray in King James English, for they shall surely
speaketh in clarity.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall always have a job.
Blessed are those who resist temptation at the smorgasbord, for they
shall be buffeted.
Blessed are those who listen intently during sermons, for their
understanding is great.
Blessed are those who can give without remembering, for they shall not
be forgotten.
Blessed are those who donate organs, for they are giving the gift of life.
Blessed are those who receive donated organs, for they have restored health.
Blessed are those who shop, for they shall be spent.
Blessed are those who drill, for they shall not be bored.
Blessed are those who are magnets, for they shall find each other attractive.
Blessed are those who have allergies, for they shall be scratched.
Blessed are the dermatologists, for they shall not be rash.
Blessed are those who work in muffler shops, for they shall hear you coming.
Blessed are those who work in bowling alleys, for they shall hear a pin drop.
Blessed are those who make pizzas, for they shall have lots of dough.
Blessed are those who fail, for they shall be a good example for others
not to follow.
Blessed are those who are a little cracked, for the Redeeming Light pours
through them.
Blessed are those who swallow bitter words so they won't have to eat
them later.
Blessed are the prophets, for the blind shall see through their eyes.
Blessed are those who are open to commitment, for they shall be fulfilled.
Blessed are those who are soft hearted, for they shall be comfortable!
Blessed are they that go in circles, for they shall be called wheels.
Blessed are those who are short, for they shall stand on ladders!
Blessed are those who do things anonymously, for they shall be found out.
Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.
Blessed are those who build ladders, for they shall give others a step up.
Blessed are the leade rs who have not sought the high place, but who
have been drafted into service because of their ability and willingness
to serve.
Blessed are people who know where they are going, for they shall not
make U-turns.
Blessed are those who spend time listening to an elder's tales of long
ago, for they shall inherit pearls of wisdom.
Blessed are those who lead by example, for they shall be mocked.
Blessed are the leaders who travel on interstate highways, for they shall
follow road signs.
Blessed are those who sing, for they shall find the key.
Blessed are those who sing in the choir, for they shall be noted.
Blessed are the hard of hearing, for they shall miss all the small talk.
- From Daily Clean Jokes
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Please pray for: Megan, Jacob, Luke, Nora, Ted, Cheryl, Haven. Curt.
=================
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