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Exhibits that should have been in the Tech Museum

Posted by: tz8cy5 <tz8cy5@...>

As most of you know, the new Tech Museum has just opened up and it's a
pretty cool place, but I think that if they really wanted to capture life
in the Silicon Valley, they could've done a lot worse than including any
of the following:

1. The Silicon Valley Virtual Commute Race Course: You have 2 hours to
go 15 miles! Think you can do it? Well buckle yourself into our simulator
and give it a try! The Tech museum offers several race courses to choose
from: Try the "880 Endurance Course"! Hey! You finally made it past the
Winchester Mystery Puddle at The Alameda on-ramp, and you're finally up
to 25 mph! You'll make Brokaw road in no time. But look out! 101 merges
into 880 AND the freeway goes down to two lanes AT THE SAME TIME! Who
designed this nutty course? Or try the "17 Face Off of Doom"! You're
behind one truck in the right lane going 21 mph. The truck in the left
lane is going 20.5 mph! Calculate how many hours it will be before you
can pass both trucks! Or try the 680 "Trail of Tears"! You've got to make
it from Pleasanton to Fremont with only one full tank of gas! Sound easy?
Don't forget the inept Caltrans contractors who block off lanes for no
reason at all!

2. The Unreasonable Expectation Work Week Simulator: Ever wonder what
it's like to work eighty hours a week? You can now experience blurry
vision, diminished reaction time, the health effects of eating nothing
but Doritos, and the heart-racing excitement of Jolt Cola addiction with
the Unreasonable Expectation Work Week Simulator! Hey, who are those
strangers claiming to be your family? They're just part of the mysteries
you'll experience at the Tech Museum!

3. The "Find Help At Fry's" Cyber-Challenge: Don your Virtual Reality
goggles and take a tour in the Valley's favorite electronics chain! Your
challenge: find someone who can help you. It's not as easy as it sounds,
though. If you do find someone, you still have to somehow get them to
make eye contact! And once you get help, the challenge isn't over! You
still have to avoid the "Let me get my manager" monster, endure the
perpetual "Humans as Cattle" cash register corral, and make it past the
paranoid door Nazi without getting a body cavity search! Youch!

4. The Valley Fair Parking Space Scavenger Hunt: Your mission: get in
our car simulator and find parking at the Valley's most congested mall!
Extra points for finding a space within a one mile radius of the mall
itself. Next year we hope to make this scavenger hunt even more
challenging when we violate the laws of conservation of mass with the
addition of the Town and Country Monument to Bad City Management!

5. Sell or Die: Kids will learn valuable lessons playing this
interactive game designing and marketing superior, technically-advanced
products that fill a niche and meet a need. But wait! The fun is just
starting! It's time to play "Sell or Die"! Kids get to choose whether
they will let themselves be bought out by the "innovative" Microsoft, or
whether they will resist the urge and have their products undersold by
Microsoft's inferior competing products! The fun is in seeing how long
*you* can last in the face of unfair marketing practices. The last player
to go bankrupt paying their legal bills wins! Extra points for kids who
survive long enough to testify in front of the Justice Department!

6. Mr. Jobs' Wild Ride: Get in your Apple Stock Rocket and experience
the wildest roller coaster ride of your life! Just when you think the
Rocket is about to hit a wall, swerve wildly and unexpectedly to one side
and avoid certain death (for now)! And the best part is, your fate is
completely in the hands of one all-powerful and unpredictable
hippy-turned-power player-turned-exile-turned-interim CEO for life! And
look out! The Larry Ellison Hot Wind Machine will try to blow you off
course! You'll lose your lunch on abrupt policy changes, and scream your
lungs out as you freefall on the final Mac Clone Maker Betrayal Drop of
Death! Riders can then regain their composure looking at the:

7. San Jose Mercury News Wall of Premature Apple Obituaries: Get up
close and personal with Valley history by reading over fifteen years of
stories lamenting the imminent death of everyone's favorite fruit
company! With all that circling, don't buzzards ever get dizzy?