FRIENDSHIP
Posted by: henkf <henkf@...>
LESSON IN FRIENDSHIP (David and Jonathan)
INTRODUCTION:
i. LOOSE IDEA OF FRIENDSHIP
a. The word *friend* is used very loosely in our society. It is often used out of politeness in referring to an acquaintance or common associate or someone we have known for a while. Our expression of this word has become very common, yet is a very uncommon thing in the true sense.
b. When you begin to talk about friendship in the true sense, most will be quick to say that it does not exist, and even if it does it is rare. In a way, I would have to agree with them, but not totally. It is a sad affair for those who are cynical about true friendship; because true friendship has every possibility of existing. As a matter of fact friendship is God-given and its potentials cannot be exaggerated.
c. But because we misuse the expression of friendship, it is necessary that we detangle it from its frivolous uses and affix it to a worthy place... for we need to comprehend the blessings of true friendship.
ii. HOW FRIENDSHIPS EXIST
a. Ordinary friendships are based on the existence of similarities. We are drawn to those who have common tastes or qualities. But we are also drawn to people who have qualities we want that are lacking in ourselves. We seek sometimes to supplement the deficiencies of our own life by taking into ourselves the excellent qualities of another. And friendship is the means (or way) by which we do this. I have heard it said, "Friends are like vitamins, they supplement our daily minimum requirement." (Unknown).
b. Thus it is important that we find friends who have strong similarities, yet who can also strengthen our weaker qualities. This truism is brought forth by the writer of Proverbs in Proverbs 27:17, "As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend." This proverb informs us that the relations between man and man (in friendship) operate in the way of sharpening iron. Our actions operate in the way of sharpening the manner of forming habits and character. A friendship operates in a way to help one another culture and polish their character; to rub off the rough areas, to round the corners--as a man would that of iron when he seeks to make it sharp and bright.
iii. AN EXAMPLE OF THAT TYPE OF FRIENDSHIP
a. This type of friendship may seem ideal, but it is the type of friendship that we should seek. We have such a friendship recorded in Scriptures that reveal to us the ideal portrait of friendship and how it exists. It is the friendship that existed between Jonathan and David as recorded in I Samuel 18-23. In these few chapters we have one of the noblest stories of friendship every told.
I. IT WAS FRIENDSHIP THAT BEGAN IN ADMIRATION
A. THE "IRON" CHARACTER OF JONATHAN - I Sam. 13-14
1. In chapter 18:1 we see the admiration with which this friendship evolved. But as was mentioned earlier, friendships are based on similarities--those qualities and interests that are in common. So it is necessary to now the qualities of both Jonathan and David.
2. Jonathan was indeed a man of "iron" character, which was a result of his "iron" faith in God. Back in chapter 13 & 14 we immediately pick up on the type of man Jonathan was. We learn that Jonathan was a warrior in his father, Saul's, army. In a time of despair when Israel was defeated and scattered by the Philistines, Jonathan took it upon himself to be a tool of victory. He informed his armorbearer of his plan and headed toward the Philistine garrison--only he and his armorbearer. He said, "Come, let us go over to the garrison of these uncircumcised ; it may be that the Lord will work for us. For nothing restrains the Lord from saving by many or by few" (14:6).
3. So it was that Jonathan and his armorbearer went up to between the cleft and slaughtered twenty men within about half an acre of land. As the Philistines came before Jonathan they fell and his armorbearer killed them. The Philistines trembled at the sight of their loss to Jonathan and flew. And the armies of Saul revived and pursued the Philistines.
4. Jonathan had the character of "iron" indeed. He was a man of valor but attributed his victory to the glory of God who "saves by many or few". For it was Jonathan's "iron" faith in God that gave him such and "iron" character.
B. THE "IRON" CHARACTER OF DAVID - I Sam. 16
1. Moving on to chapter 16 we read of the character of David. Early on in the chapter we can read that God had chosen David to be anointed the next king of Israel. For it was David's heart that God saw that told of him being fit to fulfill such a role.
2. Saul, because of his sin against the Lord had a distressing spirit. So he asked for a man that could play well to refresh him. And Saul had heard of David that he was a "skilled player, a mighty man of valor, a man of war, prudent in speech, and handsome in person; and the Lord was with him." (16:18). So Saul sent for David; and David stood before him. Saul grew to love David greatly and David also became his armorbearer.
3. David followed Saul in time of war, but he also tended his father's sheep. In the meantime the Philistines had gathered forces against Israel and Saul prepared his armies to meet them in the Valley of Elah. So David followed Saul there. It was in the valley that the Philistine champion Goliath challenged Israel. And David met that challenge. David said to the men of Israel, "Let no man's heart fail because of him; your servant will go and fight the Philistine." (17:32).
4. Of course Saul tried to dissuade David, but David, reminded of his triumph over the lion and bear in the fields said, "The Lord, who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear, He will deliver me from the hand of the Philistine" (17:37). And thus David put his trust in God and slew the giant and the children of Israel pursued, once again, the Philistine army.
C. THE ADMIRATION
1. Chapter 18. After David had killed Goliath, he came before King Saul with the head of Goliath. Saul asked him, "Whose son are you, young man?" and David answered, "I am the son of your servant Jesse...” (17:58). "And it was so, when he had finished speaking to Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul" (18:1).
2. It had to be that Jonathan knew David before this time, possibly while David had played in his father’s palace. But it was here that the qualities of David, being displayed in the conflict with Goliath, echoed in Jonathan's own soul. And Jonathan's soul became knit (or bound up – marginal note) to the soul of David. Jonathan loved him as his own soul.
3. Their friendship began, as any other would, with the ordinary elements of friendship--the similarities of both characters. For both of them were strong men of valor and strong men of faith in God. From this point on we see “as iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend."
II. IT WAS A FRIENDSHIP BASED ON ORDINARY ELEMENTS
A. LOVE, TRUST, and FIDELITY
1. From early on the evidence of love, trust, and fidelity (or loyalty) was present. In 18:3 it says, "then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul." This was a covenant of friendship. The friendship of Jonathan and David embraced all that enters into ordinary friendship. And this was just the beginning of the covenants that was to be made between Jonathan and David.
B. BUT THESE ELEMENTS WERE ENHANCED BY THE SPIRITUAL ELEMENTS
1. David and Jonathan not only had the ordinary elements, but the most important elements- spiritual. This was the key to their true friendship. It is the spiritual elements that make true friendship possible.
2. Both had a common faith in God and each delighted in God's service. They saw in each other a higher spiritual insight that intensified their friendship.
III. IT WAS A FRIENDSHIP THAT SURPASSED EVERY TEST
A. SAUL'S RESENTMENT FOR DAVID
1. Later in Chapter 18 hostility broke out between Saul and David because of David's continued military success and his growing popularity--for "all Israel and Judah loved David." Saul became very angry and afraid of David and sought to kill him. As time went on Saul saw and knew the Lord was with David and became more afraid.
2. So Saul spoke to Jonathan and said that David was to be killed. Jonathan became fearful and told David of his father's intentions. Jonathan did not let this dampen his friendship with David, but instead intervened and brought about a temporary reconciliation between David and Saul. Things seemed to go well and Jonathan brought David before Saul and "he was in his presence as in times past" (19:7).
3. Eventually, however, Saul again decided to rid himself of his rival David by direct means. He himself would kill him. Jonathan apparently unaware of Saul's intentions was approached by David and questioned the reasoning behind Saul's actions. But Jonathan rebuked David because he knew his father would have made mention of it to him. But by means of a plan devised by David, Jonathan learned of the real intent of his father and relayed the information to David.
B. JONATHAN'S LOYALTY TO DAVID
1. Knowing that David was grieved in the heart over the intentions of Saul, Jonathan did what any true friend would and reassured his friendship. "Whatever you yourself desire, I will do it with you." (20:4)
2. Thus Jonathan remained loyal to David despite the intentions of his father.
C. JONATHAN AWARE OF DAVID'S SUCCEEDING THE THRONE
1. Another test that their friendship surpassed was that of jealous. Jonathan was rightly due to succeed in the line of kingship. But Jonathan soon saw that David would succeed--for it was he who had the qualities of leadership. He even acknowledges the fact to David in 20:13-15; but even then jealousy did not spring up in the heart of Jonathan; and he was content to be second to David.
2. They did not become rivals, but remained friends. Jonathan loved David so much that it was easy for him to resign to David and recognize this position. Jonathan even made another covenant with David, and supported him in his rise to the kingship.
3. Indeed this was a friendship that was patterned after the Proverb, "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born in adversity." (Prov. 17:17). Their friendship shows that love remains no matter what the conditions. It is independent of time, it does not wear out. The greatest test of true friendship is adversity. And it is then that a friend is most valuable; for it is then that they become our brother.
And even after all the tests...
IV. IT WAS A FRIENDSHIP THAT WAS CONSTANTLY MAINTAINED
A. BY THEIR COVENANTS
1. On three different occasions do we find Jonathan and David renewing their covenants with each other. Jonathan kept his and David showed also to be a true friend in keeping his. Jonathan caused David to vow again because "he loved him as he loved his own soul” (20:17).
2. Their friendship was permanent because they cultured and nourished it. They comprehended its sacredness. And we see as chapter 20 draws to a close that David and Jonathan expected not to see each other again so "they kissed each one another; and they wept together, but David more so." (41). Maybe it was here that David truly appreciated all his friend Jonathan had done.
3. But they were to see each other again. Chapter 23. The third and final covenant is made between David and Jonathan. David was hiding out in the wilderness of Ziph. Despite Saul's enmity toward David, Jonathan visited him. It was there that we see the keynote of Jonathan's character. 23:16, "Then Jonathan arose and went to David in the woods and strengthened his hand in God." Jonathan strengthens David with comforting words and reminded him to place confidence in the Lord. Again the two men make their final covenant before the Lord and renewed their faithful love and service.
V. IT IS A FRIENDSHIP REMEMBERED BY ITS LOVE
A. 2 SAMUEL 1:26
1. At the end of 1 Samuel 31 we come upon the final scene of Jonathan's life. For Israel had fought with the Philistines. This time it was the Philistines who were victorious and they pursued Saul and his sons and killed them. The news of their death came to David. And in 2 Samuel 1:17-27 we see David's lamentation over Saul and over Jonathan. And so David taught the children of Judah the "Song of the Bow".
2. In the last few verses of this song the depths of David's heart are laid open as he expresses the feelings for his lost friend.
"I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan; you have been very pleasant to me; you love for me was wonderful, surpassing the love of women." (26)
3. Two important elements are brought forth by his words. First of all, he referred to Jonathan as his brother, which goes to show the extent of true friendship.
Secondly, it is a friendship remembered by its love. David found consolation in that love. What a wonderful tribute of friendship--tender and sincere. Certainly the love they shared was the very love that Paul describes in 1 Cor. 13.
CONCLUSION
i. "As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend."
a. Certainly here were two men that sharpened each other.
b. Among Christians, the same ordinary elements operate in the formation of friends, but it is the spiritual element that must enhance the ordinary. It is true that we are all one in Christ, and we are to see each other as a member of the household of faith. And we all are to have an interest in each other. And that is a friendship that should be distinguished from the friendship in the men of the world.
c But, though we have a general friendship with all Christians, there is a necessity to form personal friendships in which we knit our souls to. As we see so clearly in the friendship between Jonathan and David. Even David, a man after God's own heart, needed a strong character for a friend to find peace and happiness and even to survive. And I strongly believe it was the friendship of Jonathan that kept David in times of adversity when it could have been so easy for him to give up .It would have been difficult for David to have survived alone, but with the encouragement and strength of his friend Jonathan—he didn't give up.
ii. DO WE HAVE THIS TYPE OF FRIENDSHIP?
a. If not, why not? We need to take such friendships seriously because it may be the element that saves your soul.
b. May this portrait of friendship remind us of WHAT type of friends we want to seek. And may we learn WHAT type of friend we are to be. Let us take the greatest care in choosing our friends for "the righteous should choose his friends carefully." (Prov. 12:26)
b. Indeed the example of friendship that existed between these two great men is a prime example that should be well noted by each Christian. We too need to seek after such friendship, the kind that will sharpen us. And when we find it, we need to strengthen it by cherishing its sacredness; making a point to make our feelings known; by respecting each other; and by praying that God would bless it. And most importantly by sharing in the common work for Christ.
c. And remember: David and Jonathan's friendship embraces all that enters into ordinary friendship---affection, appreciation, love, confidence, trust, tenderness and fidelity--but it also had the most important element-- spiritual.
For it is only then that true friendship can exist.
iii. INVITATION
a. I cannot help but also see in this friendship a picture of the friendship of Jesus Christ for us. For certainly it is a love that never ends. It is a friendship of pure selflessness that paid the way for our sins. It is a friendship that He cherishes and cultivates that we may grow thereby. And it is a friendship that WE must maintain. We own much to the sacrifices and services that He bestowed for us. May we love Him and never restrain our affection.
b. Will you be a friend to Jesus? (Will you allow him to have that special place in your life?) Become his friend!
c. Have you been a loyal friend to Jesus? Or have you let him down because of unfaithfulness?
