Gen 24:1-6

#1 · May 2, 2002, 3:51 pm

Quote from Forum Archives on May 2, 2002, 3:51 pm
Posted by: balderman <balderman@...>

“The Date”

Practical help for dating in today’s world

Gen 24:1-6 {Isaac Marries Rebekah--} “Abraham was now a very old man, and the LORD had blessed him in every way. One day Abraham said to the man in charge of his household, who was his oldest servant, "Swear by the LORD, the God of heaven and earth, that you will not let my son marry one of these local Canaanite women. Go instead to my homeland, to my relatives, and find a wife there for my son Isaac." The servant asked, "But suppose I can't find a young woman who will travel so far from home? May I then take Isaac there to live among your relatives?" "No!" Abraham warned. "Be careful never to take my son there.”   (NLT)

Many marriages were accomplished without the benefit of dating in Biblical Times. The custom was that the parents picked the bride; and she had no input.

Rarely did the bride and groom know each other well at all – if they had even met.

Youth – you think your parents interfere in your life today? Try living in these times when you had little to o choice about the person you would be married to! You were simply expected to agree with your parent’s decision and move off together and start a family.

In the case of our scripture this morning the “little details” such as who the bride to be is was left up to a servant. Picture this guys – some guy who works for your dad gets to travel out of town and pick your wife. You don’t trust your parents to buy your clothes or your music – how about them picking the person you will have kids with?

Do you see a few problems here?

1.      Why do we do this?

Dating has become a custom in our culture for a very long time. It serves a very important part in our courtship rituals.

In your Grandparents day dating (or courting) was done in the girl’s house under close supervision. Maybe, if the parents approved, they may have been permitted to be together at a church social or community event – but parents were always somewhere close by.

I remember the sit-com “The Beverly Hillbillies”. Whenever a suitor came to visit Ellie May or Jethro they were led to the parlor (sittin’ room) to visit. They were never really alone – Uncle Jed or Granny were either looking in on or listening in outside the curtain all the time.

Teen pregnancy and STD spread were way down simply because the parents were more interested and involved in their kids dating habits.

Today it seems like most parents work hard to NOT be involved or to know what they are doing or where they are going. Then are shocked when the Doctor says they are pregnant or have a sexually transmitted disease.

This phenomenon is very noticeable in kids as they graduate from Elementary School and move up to Middle School. The kids are maturing and seeking more privacy and the parents simply give it to them.

Many parents who were very active in PTA through their kids fifth grade may never step into a Middle School classroom. All of this at a time when class work is getting harder, peer pressure is intense and hormones begin to rage!

Parents MUST be involved in their children’s education from Kindergarten through college. Find out where your kids are, ask who their friends are and monitor their activities.

Dating is a strange phenomenon with some very difficult and contrasting elements.

·        A boy and girl are often drawn together by physical attraction yet this is not the time for a physical relationship.

·        Sometimes they are drawn together by similar hobbies or interests, but really do not want to do them together

The purpose of dating is to provide a period of time for a male and female to get to know each other on a deeper level. This is a time for discovering their likes, dislike and “quirks” as well as find out what they are like on a spiritual and mental level.

2.      How long till I know this jerk?

How long is a very good question indeed. The answer will be different for every couple.

a.       3 months is way to little time while 4 years may be way too long.

b.      There is a problem when intimacy comes too quickly – it is often fueled by lust and heat instead of real love.

c.       Too long probably means one of 2 things – there is no desire to go forward or there is great fear in going forward

Most counselors and pastors recommend a 2 year period of courtship before marriage. This is sufficient time to get to really know them without stretching the patience of the couple too far.

3.      Abstinence is bliss

This is a key question…and one frequently asked:

Why should I wait? What is the big deal about sex?

Sex was given by God to a man and a woman in the confines of marriage
Before there was a legal ceremony of wedlock, the act of sex was considered to be the eternal union of a couple.
Virginity is a precious once in a lifetime gift – once it is gone it is gone forever. You cannot buy a new one so make the best if what God has given you.
In today’s world extramarital sex has become similar to walking in a active minefield. Maybe you will contract something – maybe you will not. Studies show that 1 out of 4 (25%) of extramarital sex results in the contraction of a STD. The 2 year waiting time also provides a buffer to give time for any STD’s to become evident in a prospective mate.

Another big consideration is an unplanned pregnancy. There is no way to be 100 percent protected from STD’s or pregnancy except ABSTINANCE.

The baby had no choice in this – YOU DO.
Many people kill the baby as punishment for something they did.
Do not be surprised if you are sexually active and create a new life – that is how it works.

There is another huge moral issue to consider. If you are not married then there is no contractual commitment (marriage) between the couple, you could easily split up tomorrow and both of you move on to another partner. That means that you have committed adultery with another persons spouse. If you are not married to them – keep your pants on!
Some think that the more they “do it” the more “adult” they are. After all you have to be mature to have sex – right? Baloney! Real mature adults are able to contain these passions and exercise self control in order to full develop the relationship. Adults have control – dogs do not.
There are many sexual harvesters out there who only want one thing – to use your body for a little while to get some sort of short-term satisfaction for themselves and then THEY ARE GONE. They will leave you feeling used and dirty. Abstinence keeps you clean and safe.
One final point on this issue of abstinence. There are sexual predators out there who look for opportunities to take advantage of someone. Maybe they will slip a drug into your soda at a party, wait till you have had too much to drink or are pretty stoned or maybe just severely hurt by a relationship that went bad. Whatever the case they lie in wait and strike when you are most vulnerable.
To protect yourself:

Stay in large mixed sex groups
Let your friends know what your feelings are about abstinence
Tell them if you suddenly begin to feel strange.
Ask a couple of your friends, of the same sex, to drive you home immediately or if necessary to the hospital.
Contact your parents
Do not allow yourself to be in bad situations
Find a group of close friends who will listen to you and honestly care for you to hang with

How far is too far? Any sexual activity is too far – regardless of the location or type of activity. Seek the counsel of your parents, grandparents, counselor, pastor or other trusted friend for help in this area.

Dating is a very exciting and important time. The key to successful dating is to focus on communication and sharing and not on physical lust.

Get to know them. Find out if they are “The One”. Talk about real life issues: Marriage, kids, family, character, spiritual issues, goals, expectation and the hundreds of other issues you need to know BEFORE the relation ship goes on to the next step.

MARRIAGE – Which we will discuss next week

Posted by: balderman <balderman@...>

“The Date”

Practical help for dating in today’s world

Gen 24:1-6 {Isaac Marries Rebekah--} “Abraham was now a very old man, and the LORD had blessed him in every way. One day Abraham said to the man in charge of his household, who was his oldest servant, "Swear by the LORD, the God of heaven and earth, that you will not let my son marry one of these local Canaanite women. Go instead to my homeland, to my relatives, and find a wife there for my son Isaac." The servant asked, "But suppose I can't find a young woman who will travel so far from home? May I then take Isaac there to live among your relatives?" "No!" Abraham warned. "Be careful never to take my son there.” (NLT)

Many marriages were accomplished without the benefit of dating in Biblical Times. The custom was that the parents picked the bride; and she had no input.

Rarely did the bride and groom know each other well at all – if they had even met.

Youth – you think your parents interfere in your life today? Try living in these times when you had little to o choice about the person you would be married to! You were simply expected to agree with your parent’s decision and move off together and start a family.

In the case of our scripture this morning the “little details” such as who the bride to be is was left up to a servant. Picture this guys – some guy who works for your dad gets to travel out of town and pick your wife. You don’t trust your parents to buy your clothes or your music – how about them picking the person you will have kids with?

Do you see a few problems here?

1. Why do we do this?

Dating has become a custom in our culture for a very long time. It serves a very important part in our courtship rituals.

In your Grandparents day dating (or courting) was done in the girl’s house under close supervision. Maybe, if the parents approved, they may have been permitted to be together at a church social or community event – but parents were always somewhere close by.

I remember the sit-com “The Beverly Hillbillies”. Whenever a suitor came to visit Ellie May or Jethro they were led to the parlor (sittin’ room) to visit. They were never really alone – Uncle Jed or Granny were either looking in on or listening in outside the curtain all the time.

Teen pregnancy and STD spread were way down simply because the parents were more interested and involved in their kids dating habits.

Today it seems like most parents work hard to NOT be involved or to know what they are doing or where they are going. Then are shocked when the Doctor says they are pregnant or have a sexually transmitted disease.

This phenomenon is very noticeable in kids as they graduate from Elementary School and move up to Middle School. The kids are maturing and seeking more privacy and the parents simply give it to them.

Many parents who were very active in PTA through their kids fifth grade may never step into a Middle School classroom. All of this at a time when class work is getting harder, peer pressure is intense and hormones begin to rage!

Parents MUST be involved in their children’s education from Kindergarten through college. Find out where your kids are, ask who their friends are and monitor their activities.

Dating is a strange phenomenon with some very difficult and contrasting elements.

· A boy and girl are often drawn together by physical attraction yet this is not the time for a physical relationship.

· Sometimes they are drawn together by similar hobbies or interests, but really do not want to do them together

The purpose of dating is to provide a period of time for a male and female to get to know each other on a deeper level. This is a time for discovering their likes, dislike and “quirks” as well as find out what they are like on a spiritual and mental level.

2. How long till I know this jerk?

How long is a very good question indeed. The answer will be different for every couple.

a. 3 months is way to little time while 4 years may be way too long.

b. There is a problem when intimacy comes too quickly – it is often fueled by lust and heat instead of real love.

c. Too long probably means one of 2 things – there is no desire to go forward or there is great fear in going forward

Most counselors and pastors recommend a 2 year period of courtship before marriage. This is sufficient time to get to really know them without stretching the patience of the couple too far.

3. Abstinence is bliss

This is a key question…and one frequently asked:

Why should I wait? What is the big deal about sex?

Sex was given by God to a man and a woman in the confines of marriage
Before there was a legal ceremony of wedlock, the act of sex was considered to be the eternal union of a couple.
Virginity is a precious once in a lifetime gift – once it is gone it is gone forever. You cannot buy a new one so make the best if what God has given you.
In today’s world extramarital sex has become similar to walking in a active minefield. Maybe you will contract something – maybe you will not. Studies show that 1 out of 4 (25%) of extramarital sex results in the contraction of a STD. The 2 year waiting time also provides a buffer to give time for any STD’s to become evident in a prospective mate.

Another big consideration is an unplanned pregnancy. There is no way to be 100 percent protected from STD’s or pregnancy except ABSTINANCE.
- The baby had no choice in this – YOU DO.
- Many people kill the baby as punishment for something they did.
- Do not be surprised if you are sexually active and create a new life – that is how it works.
There is another huge moral issue to consider. If you are not married then there is no contractual commitment (marriage) between the couple, you could easily split up tomorrow and both of you move on to another partner. That means that you have committed adultery with another persons spouse. If you are not married to them – keep your pants on!
Some think that the more they “do it” the more “adult” they are. After all you have to be mature to have sex – right? Baloney! Real mature adults are able to contain these passions and exercise self control in order to full develop the relationship. Adults have control – dogs do not.
There are many sexual harvesters out there who only want one thing – to use your body for a little while to get some sort of short-term satisfaction for themselves and then THEY ARE GONE. They will leave you feeling used and dirty. Abstinence keeps you clean and safe.
One final point on this issue of abstinence. There are sexual predators out there who look for opportunities to take advantage of someone. Maybe they will slip a drug into your soda at a party, wait till you have had too much to drink or are pretty stoned or maybe just severely hurt by a relationship that went bad. Whatever the case they lie in wait and strike when you are most vulnerable.
To protect yourself:
- Stay in large mixed sex groups
- Let your friends know what your feelings are about abstinence
- Tell them if you suddenly begin to feel strange.
- Ask a couple of your friends, of the same sex, to drive you home immediately or if necessary to the hospital.
- Contact your parents
- Do not allow yourself to be in bad situations
- Find a group of close friends who will listen to you and honestly care for you to hang with

How far is too far? Any sexual activity is too far – regardless of the location or type of activity. Seek the counsel of your parents, grandparents, counselor, pastor or other trusted friend for help in this area.

Dating is a very exciting and important time. The key to successful dating is to focus on communication and sharing and not on physical lust.

Get to know them. Find out if they are “The One”. Talk about real life issues: Marriage, kids, family, character, spiritual issues, goals, expectation and the hundreds of other issues you need to know BEFORE the relation ship goes on to the next step.

MARRIAGE – Which we will discuss next week